A Life of Revenge
Chapter 2: Going it alone
Re·venge; Pronunciation Key (ri-venj)
tr.v. re·venged, re·veng·ing, re·veng·es
1. To inflict punishment in return for (injury or insult).
2. To seek or take vengeance for (oneself or another person); avenge.
n.
1.The act of taking vengeance for injuries or wrongs; retaliation.
2.Something done in vengeance; a retaliatory measure.
3. A desire for revenge; spite or vindictiveness.
4.An opportunity to retaliate, as by a return sports match after a
defeat.
That's what the dictionaries in the Matrix call "revenge". They use those simple tiny sentences to try and describe the word that has more meaning to me than anything else. The truth is, no amount of adjectives can describe revenge, simply because the feeling of it is beyond rational thought. Only those who experience it can understand its virus-like control over your body; how it begins as a simple goal, but spreads and duplicates until it is an obsession; taking over every aspect of your life. For me, it is both a blessing and a curse, Revenge is the only thing keeping me from drifting away, from giving up; from dying. It is also the only thing keeping me from true living, from experiencing any joy.
* * *
I awoke in the med bay of my ship, my whole body aching. I glanced at myself and saw that a bandage had been placed over my gunshot wound; and that I had been changed into different, cleaner, clothes. My head hurt deeply, and I lay there for a moment debating whether I should get up at all, but the soldier side of me won in the end and I lifted my aching body from the med table. I groaned and staggered to the door; opening the latch and walking into the central chamber; where we jack in and out of the matrix. I surveyed the room; it was empty except for Cycle; who seemed busy repairing something or other, goddamn ship always falling apart. He looked up from welding and glanced over at me "Hey Track, you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" I looked over at him "How long was I out?"
" Since yesterday. We almost thought you weren't gonna make it" He returned to his work.
I thanked him and headed towards the bridge, my head buzzing.
Yesterday? Had it really been that long? To me the horrible moment seemed as fresh as if it were occurring right now; but I knew that's how I would always remember it. I turned away from Cycle and opened the latch to the bridge; where Sia, the ship's operator and Optic were joking around while Crane flew the ship.
I immediately fixed my gaze on Sia and Optic; Joking around? I flared with rage, how could they be anything but angry or sad? especially when she only died yesterday! Just the thought of it made me angry. Not just angry at the agent who killed her, but angry at everyone, at everything for existing when she could not. My brooding was interrupted by Sia,
"Heya Captain, feeling better?" she turned from her joking to look at me
"Yes, I'm fine" I answered coldly "Where's Zero?"
Her face looked towards the floor, and she sighed, "You don't know?"
"Know what?" I stepped forward, noticing that everyone else was avoiding my gaze
She sighed again, "He was killed in the fight as well, we buried him along with .
I glared at her, silently telling her not to finish the sentence. I did not want anyone else to speak "her" name in front of me. For I did not now what hearing the name said aloud would drive me to do.
"You all seem awfully giddy despite the recent death of two crewmates..?" I glared.
Crane piped up, twisting around in the pilot's seat "Death is a part of life Captain, especially the lives of the rebellion. If everyone let themselves sink into depression after every other death; there wouldn't be the tiniest bit of hope of winning this war.
I felt my blood boiling, "she" was not one of the "every other deaths." She was perfection, beauty, she was the single ray of light through the darkened skies of the real world. My eyes narrowed into slits
"Besides Capitan," Optic piped up "Do you really think she would want us to just give up when she died? If we endlessly mourn and grieve over her death; do you think we are fulfilling her dying wishes?"
That was probably sage advice; but I wasn't listening. I left the room in a rush; angrily pushing past Cycle and entering my private quarters on the ship. Upon locking my door; I sat down in one of the simple chairs in my room. It was obvious that nobody else shared the lust for vengeance on her death that I did. I realized that I would have to cut my ties with other humans; my "friends". For they would only try and stop me, to convince me to let it go.
I was going it alone.
* * *
Yay for chapter 2! ^_^ Please R&R, I'm going to be adding some fight scenes in chapter 3, = )
Chapter 2: Going it alone
Re·venge; Pronunciation Key (ri-venj)
tr.v. re·venged, re·veng·ing, re·veng·es
1. To inflict punishment in return for (injury or insult).
2. To seek or take vengeance for (oneself or another person); avenge.
n.
1.The act of taking vengeance for injuries or wrongs; retaliation.
2.Something done in vengeance; a retaliatory measure.
3. A desire for revenge; spite or vindictiveness.
4.An opportunity to retaliate, as by a return sports match after a
defeat.
That's what the dictionaries in the Matrix call "revenge". They use those simple tiny sentences to try and describe the word that has more meaning to me than anything else. The truth is, no amount of adjectives can describe revenge, simply because the feeling of it is beyond rational thought. Only those who experience it can understand its virus-like control over your body; how it begins as a simple goal, but spreads and duplicates until it is an obsession; taking over every aspect of your life. For me, it is both a blessing and a curse, Revenge is the only thing keeping me from drifting away, from giving up; from dying. It is also the only thing keeping me from true living, from experiencing any joy.
* * *
I awoke in the med bay of my ship, my whole body aching. I glanced at myself and saw that a bandage had been placed over my gunshot wound; and that I had been changed into different, cleaner, clothes. My head hurt deeply, and I lay there for a moment debating whether I should get up at all, but the soldier side of me won in the end and I lifted my aching body from the med table. I groaned and staggered to the door; opening the latch and walking into the central chamber; where we jack in and out of the matrix. I surveyed the room; it was empty except for Cycle; who seemed busy repairing something or other, goddamn ship always falling apart. He looked up from welding and glanced over at me "Hey Track, you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" I looked over at him "How long was I out?"
" Since yesterday. We almost thought you weren't gonna make it" He returned to his work.
I thanked him and headed towards the bridge, my head buzzing.
Yesterday? Had it really been that long? To me the horrible moment seemed as fresh as if it were occurring right now; but I knew that's how I would always remember it. I turned away from Cycle and opened the latch to the bridge; where Sia, the ship's operator and Optic were joking around while Crane flew the ship.
I immediately fixed my gaze on Sia and Optic; Joking around? I flared with rage, how could they be anything but angry or sad? especially when she only died yesterday! Just the thought of it made me angry. Not just angry at the agent who killed her, but angry at everyone, at everything for existing when she could not. My brooding was interrupted by Sia,
"Heya Captain, feeling better?" she turned from her joking to look at me
"Yes, I'm fine" I answered coldly "Where's Zero?"
Her face looked towards the floor, and she sighed, "You don't know?"
"Know what?" I stepped forward, noticing that everyone else was avoiding my gaze
She sighed again, "He was killed in the fight as well, we buried him along with .
I glared at her, silently telling her not to finish the sentence. I did not want anyone else to speak "her" name in front of me. For I did not now what hearing the name said aloud would drive me to do.
"You all seem awfully giddy despite the recent death of two crewmates..?" I glared.
Crane piped up, twisting around in the pilot's seat "Death is a part of life Captain, especially the lives of the rebellion. If everyone let themselves sink into depression after every other death; there wouldn't be the tiniest bit of hope of winning this war.
I felt my blood boiling, "she" was not one of the "every other deaths." She was perfection, beauty, she was the single ray of light through the darkened skies of the real world. My eyes narrowed into slits
"Besides Capitan," Optic piped up "Do you really think she would want us to just give up when she died? If we endlessly mourn and grieve over her death; do you think we are fulfilling her dying wishes?"
That was probably sage advice; but I wasn't listening. I left the room in a rush; angrily pushing past Cycle and entering my private quarters on the ship. Upon locking my door; I sat down in one of the simple chairs in my room. It was obvious that nobody else shared the lust for vengeance on her death that I did. I realized that I would have to cut my ties with other humans; my "friends". For they would only try and stop me, to convince me to let it go.
I was going it alone.
* * *
Yay for chapter 2! ^_^ Please R&R, I'm going to be adding some fight scenes in chapter 3, = )