Angels of sleep

Angels of sleep… every night they come to give you dreams and hopes, welcoming your wandering spirit in their open arms. I love to sleep, it is mostly peaceful, much more than the real world. But I like it too, the real world, because, well, you're real, too. Much more real than in my dreams.

I love to watch you sleep. You are so beautiful, particularly when you dream. I am addicted to you, funny, though, I always assumed I was attracted by girls. Only because I haven't met you before thinking that.

I love you. I love the silver of your hair, the soft texture of it, the way it falls on your shoulders… I love the green seas that your eyes reveals to me each morning, calm and inviting, but treacherous as I find myself drowning into them each time I look at you. You deserve so much more praise than I can find, mortal comparisons are nothing to the combination of your cool composure and your powerful aura. The energy you release suffice to me to notice your presence. Ironic you cannot detect mine when I sneak up in your room to watch your quiet slumber.

Angel. The only word that can describe what I witness every night. I am the unnoticed, silent guardian of an Angel of Sleep. Never, ever have I see you in the grasp of a terrible nightmare, twisting in your sheets trying to escape, as it happens to me almost every nights, when you are not in my dreams. Your hair is sprawled around your head like a melted aureole, your cheeks are lightly tainted with pink. The heavy blankets covering you are going up and down slowly, following your quiet breathing, as your Angel of Sleep embraces you, and I can only hope it is showing you my image.

As I carefully paddle my way to your bed, to brush the soft strands away from your face, I can only wonder why… why I haven't found the courage to tell you yet.

*******

Something in you changed. I noticed the second you put a foot in our shared apartment. A terrible thing happened to you, because you went directly in the bathroom, getting out of it only an hour and a half later… To shut yourself in your bedroom. Your energy pattern has changed, too, I cannot find the quiet and the majesty anymore. You feel different to me. I am afraid. I hear nothing for hours, and as I sneak inside, I realise that you are crying.

I quietly leave. Only for now, I think you may need a moment alone to yourself. But I will come back. Seeing you brake down had hurt me so much deeper than anyone could think. I can't sleep anymore. My Angel of Sleep has left me with my doubts and cowardliness.

As the days pass, you become more and more irritable, your eyes had lost the brightness that made them shine, you look so fragile… fragile as a child. Why can't I tell you! I curse myself because I cannot find the damn courage to enter your room and tell you! I love you… so much more than everything, I want to help you… But I can only watch you sleep…

And I know now that you are suffering. I don't dare to go near your bed anymore. Your anguish moans and terrified screams are scaring me. In the morning you wake up and leave like nothing had happened, but you are /terrified/. I know, I feel everything you can feel. And what emanates from you is so intense, so wrong… That I can only bit my lower lip and hope I'm wrong. I felt it myself not so long ago.

*******

It's been two weeks, now. You are finally getting out of your bedroom a little. You are even talking to me a little, but I can only babble answers. I am so stupid! I can't even stand a conversation with you… You are uneasy, too… I have to try… As I sit down next to you, handing you a glass of water, the phone begins to ring. And you hesitate before picking it up.

When all the colours drain from your face, I know it is going to happen again. I try to ask, I try to keep you in the security of our apartment… I say that you are not forced to go… But you reluctantly wave off my offer with a sad smile. You tried to smile to me, and I am sure you tried to tell me something else than the pathetic excuse that got out. I watch, worried, as you put on your trench coat and open the door. Finally, courage find its way to me.

I will wait for you.

And you leave.

*******

You disappeared for two complete days. I had to call in sick for as much of time. I wanted to make sure you would be alright when you would come back. I promised I would be there… I haven't sleep in two days, barely ate, too. There is a nagging feeling deep down inside of me, something is not right. I am worried… oh, Angel of Sleep! Why don't you come and take me away in the Realm of Dreams? Why aren't you coming back?

…… I finally hear something in the quiet of the night. Insomnia was playing tricks on me, I was seeing things in the thick shadows, hearing whispers in the deadly silence. You

seem to have difficulties to come in! I rush to the door and open it, but the sight of your bloodied face freezes me on place. I barely have the time to catch you as you fall forward. Then, it hit me; you're bleeding, you're hurt, you need help! But how could someone hurt you?

After few seconds, I brush the questions running in my head away; it won't help you or me now. I will have time later to ask them. I pull you inside, closing the door and proceed to take you on the couch; your bedroom being on the first floor, I am not strong enough to take you there. Oh Dear Lords… Please let me be wrong!

I don't think I ever did such a rampage in a bathroom before that day. I have to clean that deep cut on your forehead… And that bump at the back of your head must have caused that concussion. Something clawed your clothes, I have to remove them, and when I see /this/… You have been… What I feared, what I prayed for just exploded into my face when I see all that blood! Oh God, dearest Lord of Heaven, why did you have to put /him/ through such Hell?

Why? Why you? It happened to me, and I barely escaped with my life and sanity… Oh, it must be terrible for you. Please don't give up on me, I don't know what to do about this now, I can only clean and bandage your injuries. The physical ones. But the shock won't go away, the hurt and the shame will not fade away in the wind… If I tell you that I love you now… Who knows what you could do?

Mother… Why did you leave me?

Such a painful whisper coming out of you now. Such a hoarse voice, you must have been screaming through it all. But your unconscious whispers prove me that you crave for caring, you need comfort… That's why you are calling your mother. Like everyone in the academy, I know she died when she gave birth to you, and that your father has disappeared not long after. You must have suffered. I am so sorry. I know the blanket I lay upon you will never be warm enough, but it will help. It will, believe me…

Mother…

Your broken call shatter the last drops of restrain I still had. Hot tears of rage and helplessness slowly fall down on my cheeks as I cradle your face gently. I kiss your forehead and caress your hair, whispering soft words, humming you a lullaby. It is working fairly well, I feel you relax, this is reassuring me. I fall asleep slowly; tonight, I am your Angel of Sleep. I will take you to the Realm of Dreams. Do not fear, please. One last time I kiss your forehead. You sigh, trying to find the origin of the peace that fell upon you, you even try to wake up, but I won't let you; I take your hand and squeezes it a little, then lay my head next to yours.

*******

Something is disturbing my sleep. I was resting so peacefully… As I try to open my eyes, I realise something is pulling me up.

S-Sir?

You don't answer, but I know what to do. I slip behind you, leaning your tired body on mine. The tiredness quickly fade, though, you tense and begin to hyperventilate. Quickly I take hold of your bare shoulders.

Don't…, I whisper, You are safe here. I won't hurt you. I won't hurt you. Never…

My hands travel to your hair, caressing it gently, and you turn your face toward me; your eyes, God, your eyes alone tell that you can't believe it. I gently place my hand on the side of your face, smiling and I finally say it.

I love you Sephiroth, I whisper amorously, Do you trust me enough to let me kiss you?

Your long lashes fall over the green seas as you lean into my open palm. Have you been waiting for me to…? Did you loved me too? The sudden humidity falling down is pulling me out of my reverie. I have to hold you close to me, and suddenly your arms are around my waist too, and your head is buried into my neck.

Thank you… Come with me, now. Let's get you to bed so you can rest, and heal. You don't have to fear me.

We reach your bedroom together, then, albeit a little hesitantly, you pull me into a tight embrace. We are both inexperienced in close relationship. Suddenly, I begin to feel your very being, your strong aura is around me, it has returned. I smile to you, and you return it, even if the fear is still present in your eyes; but you decided to trust me. I reach up and gently pull on your hair as I close my eyes and join lips with yours. I have waited and dreamed of that moment for so long… And I was tasting heaven, I was /in/ heaven… Oh Sephiroth, even now I can feel your pain, although it has lessen since few hours. As we part to breath in some fresh air, you keep me buried into your arms, almost afraid I would disappear and you shatter my world with one phrase.

You are the first one… that feels right to me.

You loved me! Oh Great Heaven! This time, /I/ was crying. I think I never felt so contented in my life, as I slowly laid you on your bed, caressing freely your long silver tresses. My presence near you calms your soul, and it is the same for me. You have fallen asleep a long time ago, but I continue to watch you, not unnoticed anymore, as your Angel of Sleep takes you away in the Realm of Dreams. My eyelids are weighting tons… and I see an Angel… my Angel of Sleep is there, and soon I join him into his dream world. Sephiroth…

End

Author's notes

How did you find this? Maybe Seph is a little out of character, but I like Cloud when he's concerned. Anyway. This is it!