Well. Its Thursday, and I feel up to updating…woo hoo!
I am changing the summary, as no one seems to like the chapter names…*sniff* Oh well, the new one will be quite amusing…
At the moment, the entire document is 135 pages long. In ten point print. V. V. Long. However, you, my loverly reviewers and readers, are only on page 123. You'll never be caught up until I'm finished, as I like it to age before giving it to you. I also like to run it through Sirrah, who is a beta and avid fan/ co writer. In case you haven't noticed, the characters are us, so technically, this *is* a Mary sue, or sues, but I like not to think of it that way. Could one of you people tell me if it is? I've had people tell me its not, but I WANT TRUTH!
Kudos to those of you that can spot the references to other books in here, for there are quite a few.
J I'll stop ranting now, for all of you that actually read.
Chapter fifteen: In which Kat is teased mercilessly, and Sirrah attempts a biology lesson.
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"Goddamn that orc. I hope someone killed him." Kat muttered. She was quite pissed off, as she had just realized that she would not be able to help the men in their last charge.
Gimli smiled at her frustration.
"Someone did Lady Kat…me."
Kat smirked.
"Thanks Gimli. Sometime I'll repay you, though I have no clue how."
Gimli chuckled.
"No need. So long as I pass the elf in numbers, I shall be content."
Kat chuckled.
"How many are you?"
Gimli looked off in space.
"Forty five."
Kat started, then winced. Hadn't he only killed forty two in the books? Yes, she remembered, it was an especially amusing detail to her and Sirrah because of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy books, where forty two had been the answer to life the universe and everything. Ok then…I and Sirrah have done something weird here, she thought, or something weird happened.
Kat shrugged mentally and lay back again. Gimli left her, making Kat promise that she would be ok in her cubby hole. When she had, he went with Éomer. They all stood at the door, ready, waiting only for some sign. It came, twice. First, there was an enormous boom! Then, in answer, the caves rang and trembled with the horn of Helm Hammerhand. It never seemed to stop. With a cry, Éomer raised his sword and charged forth with the rest, yelling and shouting. Kat watched them go, fear rising to a greater degree. She readied the magic she had left, fighting, loss of blood, and little sleep had rendered her nearly too tired to work any more magic. She knew that she had a bit to go before she was entirely sapped though. She felt that she would need it.
Moments passed, and all she could do was listen to the battle. It raged just outside the door, clattering and yelling and screaming. Suddenly, a pair of orcs dashed in. Kat yelled.
"Oy! You two! Dimwits!"
She had forgotten that orcs could speak common.
"So, little puppy irks us with names? Has he forgotten that he is wounded?" one asked. Kat winced, realizing her mistake.
"I seem to have." She said simply, clenching her hand and readying a spell. It was the same that she had used in Moria, and on the Nazgul.
"Well then, we must remind you of the pain of you wounds!" the other said, and they both started towards her.
Kat smiled.
"Not bloody likely." She said, and threw the spell at them. It turned out that the spell was more like the one that Sirrah had been using on the wall. Balls of flame flew from her hand and struck the orcs full in the chest. They both fell back, smoking. Kat raised her hand, folding the fingers to look like a gun. She blew on the pointer finger, laughing to herself.
"So there." She said, and curled up against the back of her cubby hole.
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Kat dozed, hoping and praying that she didn't fall asleep. Unfortunately, she did. Fortunately, Gimli was the one who woke her up.
"Lady Kat."
"Huh, what? Oh my god!" Kat twisted to face Gimli, thereby opening her wound again and putting her in pain.
Gimli grimaced, but soon brightened.
"Come, can you move at all? Your wound has done some healing whilst you slept. I would that you could see this."
Kat groaned.
"See what?" she asked.
Gimli smiled.
"You shall see if you can get up, if you cannot, then I shall describe it to you."
Kat groaned again.
"You are mean." She said, but began to push herself out. It took a great dal of time, and in that time, she noted that some things had changed. There seemed to be more orc bodies in the cave, and Gimli had a slash across the forehead.
"Gimli, where ever did you acquire that scratch?"
Gimli grinned.
"You missed much while you slumbered. The battle has turned, and Gandalf has come, with troops of Gondor! We are still fighting to get to the culvert, but it is nearly over."
Kat sighed.
"I can't believe I fell asleep, all that racket." Then she paused. "All those orcs! Were they there before you went out Gimli?"
Gimli shook his head.
"No, many were able to sneak in, but it seems that only two found you, and you took care of them."
Kat nodded, remembering.
"I did, but what happened to the others…oof." She grunted as she rose to her knees. Her wound no longer bled, but it had a crust of dried blood around it that was no pretty sight to see. Kat could still see rings of metal stuck to her open flesh. She winced, not wanting to think about what anyone would have to do to get those out. Now pushing all thought aside of her healing, she listened to Gimli, while trying to rise to her feet.
"We came in and killed them, they did not see you."
Kat shook her head.
"But why?"
"The grace and Raiment of Galadriel and the Gladhrim."
"Ooooooooh yeah…I remember."
Gimli nodded, wondering if blood loss had slowed her slightly. Kat was beginning to think the same thing. They slowly made their way to the exit to the cave, and Kat saw sunlight light the way.
"Hey…I've been asleep awhile. When I killed those orcs it was just before dawn!"
Gimli nodded.
"You have most likely asleep for an hour, I would guess, for Gandalf came half an hour after we went for the final fight."
Kat sighed.
"Oh boy, I *am* an idiot." She noticed that Gimli gave no reply.
Suddenly, they were through the doors, and sunlight streamed over them both. Kat breathed easier, though it was still a bit painful.
"Well Gimli, looks like we survived."
Gimli nodded, and they started forward again.
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They had made it ten paces from the caves when Éomer came up from behind them, having gone to open the doors to the inside of the cave, but having no success.
"Lady Kat!" Kat looked up, surprised.
"Yes?"
"Did you work some magic in the caves, before you met Gimli and me? I cannot open the door to the inner caves! The door burns like the coldest ice when I touch it."
Kat sighed, she had forgotten.
"Yes, I apologize." And closing her eyes, she made herself focus on the memory of the spell and the feel of the door. When she had remembered all of it fully, and could nearly feel the wood under her hand, she closed her hand and whispered, "Finante Incantum." She sighed as she felt the spell leak away. "All right, that should do it. If it doesn't, Sirrah has more strength than me, and should be able to undo it." She leaned more heavily on Gimli, who looked pleadingly at Éomer. He was fond of Kat, but as he had said, he could no more lift her than she could mine rock.
Éomer smiled at the dwarf and ordered men to go in one last time and see the people safely out. While they did, he took Kat into his care, taking her weight off of the dwarf and onto himself. Kat sighed, leaning against his shoulder in pure exhaustion and nearly falling asleep again. That was until a familiar voice rang out in her mind.
'Éomer and Ka-at sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-…'
Kat gasped, and her head jerked up, looking around.
'Sirrah! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.'
She could hear Sirrah giggle, but it was over shadowed by something else. Kat was sure that it was worry.
'I'm just telling it like it is.'
Kat sighed, wearily amused.
'Say what you wish, so long as you get here in due time and HEAL ME GODAMNIT.'
'How bad is it?'
'Well it stopped bleeding, but I lost a large amount of blood, and the armor is still embedded in my LIVING FLESH.'
'Touchy touchy.'
'ALMOST GETTING KILLED WILL DO THAT TO A PERSON.'
Sirrah laughed.
'Yes, and my end was just a bed of f***ing roses.'
Kat chuckled, leaning her head against Éomer again.
'I'm sure it was, compared with the orcs.'
'Too true. But none the less, I think we'll both survive.'
'whoop dee freaking doo.'
'Hey, I'm coming to heal you, do you want me to take my time?'
Kat didn't even need to answer, Sirrah got he point through the malice crackling through the line that connected them.
'I'm coming, I'm coming.'
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Kat sighed and stopped talking mind to mind with Sirrah, glad for the contact. Éomer, who still did not know about their connection, was confused. He looked at Gimli, who shrugged, he knew what was going on, to some extent, and judged from Kat's general complacency that every one was alive, and going to stay that way for awhile at least.
The women and children from the caves began to stream out, and Éomer looked down at Kat.
"We should walk to the culvert. Must I carry you?"
Kat shook her head.
"No," she said, losing her voice to the emotion that she had been holding at bay, "I just need to wake up."
Éomer looked at her oddly, but did not comment.
And so, Kat leaning heavily on Éomer, Gimli, and the rest of those that had been trapped in the caves made their way down to the now ruined gates, and the culvert. There was a flurry of hooves, and suddenly, Sirrah with Chaos appeared and jumped off at the gates, half jogging in hurry, half walking with great dignity to the company. When she finally got there, she relieved Éomer of his burden. Kat went willingly, and hugged Sirrah as hard as she could, tears running slowly down her cheeks.
"I hope that never, ever, *ever* happens again." She said quietly. Sirrah heard, though Kat's head was buried in her shoulder. She pulled back.
"Yeah, me too. And just for the record, I won't slap you now for nearly dying."
Kat wiped her eyes and smiled.
"Gee thanks."
"Don't thank me yet. Number one, I still have to heal you, and that's going to be painful enough, but you will be slapped later."
Kat sighed.
"I suppose I expected nothing less."
Sirrah grinned, and they began to make their own way to the culvert.
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Kat and Sirrah were stopped from their trek back to the culvert when Gandalf rode up, Legolas, Aragorn and Théoden behind him.
"Fifty Two master Legolas!" Gimli Cried, seeing his friend a horse. "Alas! The last had an Iron collar, and now my axe is notched!"
"Blunt weapons still work though." Sirrah pointed out. "After all, The frying pan of doom was only a frying pan."
Only Kat knew what she was talking about, and the rest gave Sirrah strange looks. Gimli shook his head.
"None the less, what is your count Master elf?"
Legolas smiled.
"Fifty one, but I do not grudge you the one orc, So glad am I to see you on your feet!"
Gimli nodded, smiling at Kat.
"Ay, though Lady Kat had a close shave."
Kat winced.
"Please Gimli. Don't remind me."
Gimli Chuckled.
"I shan't any longer, now that I know the full extent of your powers." Kat smiled grimly.
Legolas nodded to her.
"It gladdens my heart to see the ladies together again. They were beginning to worry me."
Gandalf smiled as Théoden and Aragorn concurred silently, though they made their point well known through looks cast at Sirrah. Sirrah noticed this and promptly ignored both of them. Éomer turned to Gandalf and began to speak at length with him. Aragorn slipped away and came to Kat and Sirrah, seeing Kat's pale face.
"Come, I will lead you to the Culvert so that you may rest. That wound will take a month to heal, if that short."
Sirrah shook her head.
"No. She'll be with us in Isenguard, just give me two hours."
Aragorn started, they were going to Isen guard now, with so few men? Ignoring this, for now, he led the two into a room and found bedding. Then he left. Sirrah sighed and sat.
"Well…here goes."
Kat cast a look at her.
"Are you strong enough? Gimli mentioned you using magic on the wall."
Sirrah nodded.
"Yeah, but it wasn't as much as you. Your spells were bigger and with more contrast. I found out that when a spell is done repeatedly its easier and takes less power. Not too mention I had about an hour before the last push started."
Kat nodded.
"I know what you mean about the spells, the locking spell I did was easier and lasted longer. I had to actually finish it."
Sirrah nodded.
"Yeah…well…how did you manage this?" she said, motioning to Kat's side.
Kat glared.
"Well, I think an orc snuck up behind me and gave it the ol' heave hoe, because one moment I was about to kill an orc, and the next the tables were turned. The mail broke and lets just say that sword plus flesh equals blood."
Sirrah nodded.
"Yes, I can see that much." She sighed. "I'll have to clean that before I can do anything."
Kat sighed.
"Gee I can't wait."
Sirrah grinned maniacally.
"Yes you can. You'll be asleep." And she passed her hand over Kat's eyes, sending her to sleep with her own spell. Kat, who had already been half asleep anyway, didn't even get to mutter her usual line when Sirrah tricked her, 'I hate you, you know that right?'. Sirrah smiled and started working.
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Sirrah had been working for ten minutes already, and had finally chipped and brushed all of the excess crusted blood away from her friend's side and was now sitting back, contemplating how she could get some water so that she could soak the dried blood that was binding the mail to the flesh. Sighing, she rubbed her temples.
"Surely she cannot be dead!" someone suddenly cried from the door way. Sirrah fell out of her chair. The someone stomped up to her, apologizing and asking questions. Sirrah realized amidst the hub bub that it was Gimli.
"Gimli! She was alive for something like five hours without my help, do you really think she's died!? I've put her to sleep!" She sat up from her new spot on the floor, rubbing her head. "Though, now that you're here, is there any way that I could procure some boiled water, and a wash rag?"
Legolas, smiling, picked Gimli up off the floor, setting him on his feet.
"Give me a moment Lady Sirrah, and I will have the things you request." He disappeared and Sirrah fixed Gimli with a pointed look.
"And why aren't you resting master dwarf? Aragorn should be tending to that cut."
"He should be, but the patient disappeared before he could." Said Aragorn, coming to the doorway.
Sirrah snickered as Gimli huffed and went to him.
"I was simply checking in on my charge." He said.
"Yes Gimli, but your charge is in good hands, and you are in need of healing." Gimli 'hmph'ed and followed him out of the door, followed in turn by Sirrah's chuckles. Legolas came in a moment after they left, carrying a bowl of faintly steaming water and a clean rag. Sirrah accepted it gratefully and set it on the floor after testing it and finding it too hot to work with.
Legolas sat on the opposite side of the room, watching her work. Sirrah turned to face him, while waiting for the water to cool.
"Your sure it was boiling?"
Legolas nodded.
"Why is it so important?"
Sirrah sighed, they had a little while before the water cooled to being body temperature.
"Well, there are these small things called bacteria, and they can kill you if you aren't careful."
Legolas cocked his head.
"If they are so small, how do you know this?"
Sirrah let out an exasperated breath. She never thought that the question her biology teacher had posed once would ever be a problem. 'If you had to explain to an alien what bacteria were…'
"Its called a microscope, and it lets you see a grain of sand as if it were a boulder." She said, grasping for an analogy that would properly describe it.
"How does it do that?" The elf asked, now intrigued.
Sirrah tested the water, and finding it to be a temperature to her liking, she picked the bowl up again and soaked the cloth while talking.
"Um…I'm not really sure, but it has something to with light and magnifying glasses." She sighed. "I don't know, you'll just have to trust me on that one."
Legolas nodded.
"So what is Bacteria?"
Sirrah checked under the washcloth, seeing if the blood had broken up at all yet. It had, and the mail was slowly loosening. Sirrah was thankful that Kat was asleep, she didn't think anyone would take this gracefully awake.
"Well, they're smaller than grains of sand…smaller than…erm…most anything…and they are what causes diseases like…oh dear…I guess you don't have small pox or the black plague around here do you?" Legolas shook his head. Sirrah sighed, exasperated. "Look, I'm sure Kat will be able to explain it better, she's the biology nut, I'm chemistry."
Legolas cocked his head again, but smiled.
"Very well, but I expect to be told sometime, by whom it does not matter. I am interested in these…bacteria…" He got up and walked away to find Gimli, leaving Sirrah quite distressed.
"Elves…" she muttered. "Dumb blondes, all of them, I swear." Peeking under the washcloth again, se found that she could now remove the amour and get to work.
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