Title: Atonement
Rating: This chapter - PG-13
Chapter 2/?
Feedback: Yes please! synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk
Author's Note: This is a work-in-progress. Nudges to continue are always welcome, because I have the terrible problem of never finishing anything.
The cold night air brushed away the sweaty heat and the smell of cigarettes from Snake's nose as he walked away from the club. A couple from the club were kissing and groping each other against a wall; Snake could remember when one of those men might have been him, back in the days when he could have taught a sailor a thing or two about sex. Now he didn't go out seeking pleasure - his libido had died with his depression, and he was as frigid as the ice of Alaska that he had lived in. The fire had died with Meryl's departure, and he felt that people weren't worth bothering with. He was only wanted when he was useful, as had been the case with Otacon. Nobody cared about his well-being; they just wanted him for his skills in killing.
He took out a cigarette and lit it, making his way back to the hotel. Prostitutes stood on the sidewalk, trying to tempt him but he ignored them, walking on by as though he were alone in the street. The buildings towered above him, great looming shadows over his small being. Streetlights flickered and neon lights buzzed from the many clubs that filled this area of the city.
He knew that Metal Gear called him, and that there was no escape. He had fled into the night, but no matter where he went, the future of the world was in his hands. He knew about Metal Gear; and being one of the few who held that knowledge and were still alive, he felt he held a responsibility to the world to deal with it. Otacon too, shared that same belief, that's why he was here, searching, living a life in a seedy apartment, running away from those who would see him dead.
Damn, Snake thought, how Otacon had changed. Gone was the naïve, delicate scientist he had met who didn't even know the monster he had created. He looked like he'd lived in his own personal Hell, atoning for his sins every day of his life.
He thought of Otacon's revelation that he had a boyfriend. Snake knew he shouldn't have been so surprised as he was; after all, he'd only known Otacon for a short time during Shadow Moses, but during that mission he'd given every indication he was straight... After that, Snake had disappeared to live his life with Meryl and Otacon had been flown off in a military helicopter. He'd honestly believed he would never see Otacon again, but the one thing that bound them in blood had brought them back together.
And Snake knew he couldn't keep running, because wherever he ran, Metal Gear would be there, his eternal nightmare. As he destroyed them, they would build them, bigger and better than before. He was one man against the machine, and he felt his age creeping up on him like a reaper ready to snatch him from his body at a moment's notice. Was he ready to face death? There were times he felt he would welcome it, to be free from who he was, but as he had seen with Grey Fox, even death wasn't a guarantee of eternal peace.
He found himself at the dingy hotel he'd booked himself into for the night, having not known what Otacon would prepare for him. He was glad he hadn't expected anything as he made his way up to the dingy room and fumbled with the key in the lock. The door opened, and he threw his rucksack onto the fusty floor, closing and locking the door again before he collapsed onto the bed.
Metal Gear was back. From the plans Otacon had shown him, it was a big one, and probably the first of many. Unless they could get to the prototype soon...
Snake realized he was actually considering Otacon's proposal to start an anti-Metal Gear organization. He at least felt a responsibility to deal with Metal Gear while it still existed. It seemed like it was his destiny to face these nuclear-equipped walking battle tanks until the day that he died or they stopped being created. He figured that he would die first, but still he felt that he was one of the few with the power to do something about it... Otacon was willing to risk himself and his lover for his cause... so why did Snake feel so reticent about it?
There were a lot of things to think about. Three men fighting for a cause was all well and good, but what money did they have? Snake was fairly wealthy, but he knew he was always being monitored and couldn't spend huge swathes of money without arousing suspicion. By the looks of where Otacon and Leon were living, they didn't have any disposable income, either. They could hardly get work; it would pinpoint their location. But Leon could... he wasn't known to the government...
Snake couldn't believe what he was thinking. He didn't trust Leon, yet he was contemplating making him their lifeline in the whole plan? He grunted and kicked back the sheets, pulling himself in underneath them. He curled up in a ball, not really tired, just not knowing what to think about the whole situation. He wasn't used to making decisions, just being told what to do and doing it to the best of his ability. But Roy Campbell was a thing of the past, he worked for the government, and Snake no longer did. He was a retired soldier, supposedly free to live his quiet life in Alaska as long as he told nobody his classified secrets. Unless the government counted his Huskies, his secrets had been told to nobody. Unlike Otacon, who'd told that damn Leon guy...
He found himself angry that Otacon had let a stranger into the whole affair. Metal Gear was not a plaything - it brought anyone who even knew of its existence into real danger. If Otacon cared for Leon as much as he said he did, why did he expose him to that risk? Nothing made sense. He wanted to talk to Otacon, but it seemed as though it might be hard to get him alone now that he had a boyfriend on the scene.
Otacon... with a boyfriend... It still seemed alien to him, more so than he wanted to admit. He'd had men before - working in the military could be lonely and there weren't many women around - and he'd even had a few out of sheer curiosity, but it had never been love. When he thought about it however, it made sense somehow. Otacon was searching to be loved. Maybe he felt closer and more equal to a man, especially a geek like Leon. He could understand it when he thought about it that way, and he was glad that Otacon had found some measure of happiness. At least Shadow Moses hadn't destroyed his chances of loving again...
Snake found himself almost envious of Otacon's relationship. He had someone who understood him, someone like himself. No matter how hard Snake had searched, he never seemed to get it right. Looking back on Meryl, he should have seen it was doomed to failure. It was love that had bloomed from necessity and the desire to protect, forged in the heat of danger and the thought that they might not live to have a life together. They hadn't thought long-term, it had been a bond forged for their survival, and it had wilted and died in the face of safety and calm. He thought that a lack of stability was just part and parcel of being a soldier and facing death... but Otacon had been there and faced Shadow Moses too... and come out the other end a lot better off than himself. True, he'd been protected and not had to kill anything, but the whole ordeal had probably been more terrifying for the scientist who didn't have the power to protect himself. He'd had to place his entire life in someone else's hands... Snake couldn't imagine that, having always looked after himself.
But what if, someday, he failed to protect him? Going into an anti-Metal Gear organization was going to be risky for them all. What did Otacon expect from him?
There was a knock on the door that pulled Snake out of his reverie. He silently slid out of bed, pulling a SOCOM pistol from the pocket of his trench coat. He put it behind his back, not wanting to scare anyone if it were an innocent hotel worker, but wanting to be safe if it were someone coming to take his life.
He put the key in the lock and turned it, and opened the door, moving back with it so that if someone shot indiscriminately when he opened the door it wouldn't kill him. He looked around the door and dropped his defenses; it was Otacon.
"Can I come in?" The scientist looked somewhat nervous now that Leon wasn't standing by his side. He also seemed somewhat melancholy in his manner, his voice a sad and frightened whisper.
"Of course." Snake stepped back; Otacon came in and looked nervously at the gun Snake was holding.
"You too, huh..." He closed the door and took the key from Snake; once it was locked he seemed to relax a little. Snake put the gun carefully down on the dresser and ushered Otacon to sit down. Otacon perched on the side of the bed, looking at his feet.
"Where do I start?" he mumbled, half to himself, half to Snake.
"You can start by telling me what's going on, Otacon. All this sneaking around is my specialty; I've never seen you look so nervous every time there's someone at the door." Snake stood, arms folded, confidence and impatience in his expression, which made Otacon cower further into his shell.
"They're after me, Snake, that's why I had to tell Leon. He didn't know, and I liked it that way... But I had to be curious... I had to look; I had to find out if the net rumours were true. I created Metal Gear; it's my responsibility to destroy it..." He faltered, took a breath, and continued, "I ran away, started a life here, thinking I could be free of that duty, but I can't, Snake! We're the only ones outside the government and the military that truly know what this thing is capable of..."
"Don't you think I know that?" Snake said, sounding harsher than he had intended, and watching Otacon flinch at his words made him want to turn away, run away, disappear as he never had before. Seeing Otacon scared, alone and paranoid reflected his own fears, and stripped him of the wall that he had hidden behind for so long. He looked away, hoping Otacon would regain some composure so that they could get on with this conversation. If Otacon was relying on him, then he needed to be strong.
"I was scared, that's why I contacted you..." Otacon said, "You always knew what to do back in Shadow Moses. Part of me wanted you to say you were happy with Meryl and never wanted to go back to the battlefield, but when you told me you had broken up and would come right out here to see me, I knew you were the same as me. We're bound, Snake. Bound to Metal Gear, and it strips us of our happiness. It makes us atone for all our sins..."
"Don't get all religious on me," Snake grumbled, "I didn't think you were into all that stuff."
"I'm not. I'm a scientist; religion has no basis in scientific fact as far as I'm concerned. I was just saying that we seem to keep coming back to this point..." Otacon shrugged.
"I do," Snake said, "You've faced it only once. This isn't your battle, it's mine."
"I designed Metal Gear! I'm as much a part of this as you are..." Otacon replied; annoyed to have been cut out of something that he had put his life on the line for.
"You designed Metal Gear REX. That's gone now," Snake explained, a little more gently. Otacon realized he wasn't being aggressive, he was offering him a way out, if he wanted to take it...
"What would you do, Snake, if I backed out? You'd face it alone?" Otacon didn't doubt he would, but it was madness, a death wish to do so... He wouldn't let that happen.
"It wouldn't be the first time," Snake said, remembering Zanzibar in 1999, and other previous missions. If he had to go alone, he could face it. He'd rather have Otacon as his advisor, but if he couldn't take it, he'd be better off alone. Sometimes it was easier to have nobody to protect but oneself.
"You know I'll come with you. No matter what you say, I have a duty to destroy this thing as much as you do." Otacon said firmly, his decision made long ago.
"What about Leon? Do we tell him everything and let him in on it, or do you want to protect him and keep him out of it?" Snake hoped he'd choose the latter, he didn't particularly trust strangers, but he wasn't going to turn away Leon if it made Otacon more comfortable with risking his life.
"You'll find he's more qualified than you think, Snake," Otacon explained, "He's worked on military projects in the past; nothing big, but big enough to understand the gravity of this situation. He wants to help us, Snake, and well... I'm not good at stopping him..."
Snake chuckled, the closest thing to a laugh he'd had in a long time. The mental image of Metal Gear becoming the subject of domestic brawls was just too funny for him to pass up.
"Hey, hey Snake, what's funny?" Otacon said, wondering if Snake had lost his sanity.
"You, living here with Leon, shacked up like a 50 year old, being submissive and having domestic troubles over Metal Gear, that's what!" he said, before lighting up a cigarette to calm himself. He didn't know what was so funny - it was the battlefield that had torn him and Meryl apart, but yet, the entire day had been completely absurd. Metal Gear was back, Otacon was gay, and he, Otacon and Otacon's lover were going to take it on with virtually no equipment. He rolled back on his bed and laughed, while Otacon stood up with a puzzled look on his face.
There was a deep hollow booming knock on the door, and they instantly stopped laughing and looked at the door, fear in their eyes.
They knew it wasn't a social call, and their fears were confirmed when a foot smashed through the door. Weight was thrown against the door, and it began to give on the weak, rusty hinges that barely held it to the wall. Snake thought quickly, and shoved Otacon into the closet, locking the door. Otacon wondered why Snake hadn't gotten in, then he realized - he was going to stand and fight! He would have protested, but the only way to do that was noisily, and any noise now would destroy the element of surprise he had. They were expecting to search for him, not to fight him right there the minute they broke down the door.
The door gave way, and the men rushed into the room. There were shouts and the sound of gunfire, and Otacon covered his ears. He couldn't bear to think of what was going on out there - was Snake alive? He heard a familiar cry of pain and a thud, and nearly cried out to Snake. He knew he'd been shot, and he could do nothing against several men armed to the teeth. It was all his fault, everyone close to him died, it was his curse, the ultimate price for creating Metal Gear. He shouldn't have called Snake, shouldn't have brought him here, to this...
He staggered back in the closet and sat down against the back. He couldn't help Snake, but perhaps Snake's only chance at survival was him, and if he died he wouldn't be much use.
"What about that closet?" a hoarse male voice said, and Otacon's heart went into his mouth as he heard someone move closer.
"I'm looking through the keyhole," another, younger male voice said, "It's totally dark in there. I can't see a thing." He kicked at the door and Otacon knew it was all over for him. The door came away from its hinges, and a hand reached inside and ripped him out of his hiding place by the front of his shirt. He shook violently, terrified, as his attackers face came into view. It was no one he recognized. He looked around and saw Snake lying face down in a pool of blood. He turned away, unable to face the sight. A fist hurtled into the side of his head, and stunned, he was thrown back against the hard wall. He felt his bones crunch, and searing pain filled his foggy brain, which was too out of it to be scared any more... He just wanted to drift away. Nothing had any significance now, and another blow sent him spiralling into darkness.
"We've done what we were paid to do. Let's go," one of the men said, and the two friends were left for dead on the hotel room floor.
~
Otacon stood still in the cold snowy landscape, covering his ears and closing his eyes as Snake gave the last shot to a dying soldier. He had loved her, and now the man who had saved his life and become his friend was the one who was going to take her from him.
The shot resounded through the dark winter night, reverberating in Otacon's ears. Soldiers had laws of their own, and what Snake had done was considered merciful. He could have left her there to die painfully, but he'd invoked an unspoken rule of the battlefield to free her. There was no hatred, only respect for an opposing viewpoint. It was sad that people had to die, but accepted that they would each die for what they believed without question.
Otacon hadn't understood at the time. He didn't want to understand, for understanding would be accepting, and he couldn't bring himself to accept the callous battlefield justice he had just witnessed.
But now, it was all clear, and Snake had died too, because he had come here, because he believed in what Otacon had told him, because he believed in the destruction of Metal Gear...
Snake...! His mind struggled with the images it was showing him, he knew seeing Wolf's death again that it wasn't real, just a memory, just a dream... He was aware of pain in his head, and in his legs, which made him want to retreat into his cocoon of dreams again...
Snake... He forced himself to open his eyes, and snapped them shut when the pain seared through his head. No sight, only pain. He was blind... He reached his hand up to his face and felt swelling, and blood from his eyes. He wouldn't try opening them right now...
SNAKE! The vision of Snake in a pool of his own blood brought him to his senses, and he groped around on the floor. He could move, with pain, and he dragged himself around the room, feeling the bed, and then his hand rested on something warm and soft...
"Snake!" Otacon's hand ran over the features of his face, checking it was definitely Snake and not a felled attacker. His hand tried to find the pulse in Snake's neck, but in his blindness it was impossible, so he rested his head on Snake's chest, and felt a faint but steady heartbeat. Relieved, but still in pain, Otacon passed back into the world of dreams and fantasies.
Rating: This chapter - PG-13
Chapter 2/?
Feedback: Yes please! synth3sis@yahoo.co.uk
Author's Note: This is a work-in-progress. Nudges to continue are always welcome, because I have the terrible problem of never finishing anything.
The cold night air brushed away the sweaty heat and the smell of cigarettes from Snake's nose as he walked away from the club. A couple from the club were kissing and groping each other against a wall; Snake could remember when one of those men might have been him, back in the days when he could have taught a sailor a thing or two about sex. Now he didn't go out seeking pleasure - his libido had died with his depression, and he was as frigid as the ice of Alaska that he had lived in. The fire had died with Meryl's departure, and he felt that people weren't worth bothering with. He was only wanted when he was useful, as had been the case with Otacon. Nobody cared about his well-being; they just wanted him for his skills in killing.
He took out a cigarette and lit it, making his way back to the hotel. Prostitutes stood on the sidewalk, trying to tempt him but he ignored them, walking on by as though he were alone in the street. The buildings towered above him, great looming shadows over his small being. Streetlights flickered and neon lights buzzed from the many clubs that filled this area of the city.
He knew that Metal Gear called him, and that there was no escape. He had fled into the night, but no matter where he went, the future of the world was in his hands. He knew about Metal Gear; and being one of the few who held that knowledge and were still alive, he felt he held a responsibility to the world to deal with it. Otacon too, shared that same belief, that's why he was here, searching, living a life in a seedy apartment, running away from those who would see him dead.
Damn, Snake thought, how Otacon had changed. Gone was the naïve, delicate scientist he had met who didn't even know the monster he had created. He looked like he'd lived in his own personal Hell, atoning for his sins every day of his life.
He thought of Otacon's revelation that he had a boyfriend. Snake knew he shouldn't have been so surprised as he was; after all, he'd only known Otacon for a short time during Shadow Moses, but during that mission he'd given every indication he was straight... After that, Snake had disappeared to live his life with Meryl and Otacon had been flown off in a military helicopter. He'd honestly believed he would never see Otacon again, but the one thing that bound them in blood had brought them back together.
And Snake knew he couldn't keep running, because wherever he ran, Metal Gear would be there, his eternal nightmare. As he destroyed them, they would build them, bigger and better than before. He was one man against the machine, and he felt his age creeping up on him like a reaper ready to snatch him from his body at a moment's notice. Was he ready to face death? There were times he felt he would welcome it, to be free from who he was, but as he had seen with Grey Fox, even death wasn't a guarantee of eternal peace.
He found himself at the dingy hotel he'd booked himself into for the night, having not known what Otacon would prepare for him. He was glad he hadn't expected anything as he made his way up to the dingy room and fumbled with the key in the lock. The door opened, and he threw his rucksack onto the fusty floor, closing and locking the door again before he collapsed onto the bed.
Metal Gear was back. From the plans Otacon had shown him, it was a big one, and probably the first of many. Unless they could get to the prototype soon...
Snake realized he was actually considering Otacon's proposal to start an anti-Metal Gear organization. He at least felt a responsibility to deal with Metal Gear while it still existed. It seemed like it was his destiny to face these nuclear-equipped walking battle tanks until the day that he died or they stopped being created. He figured that he would die first, but still he felt that he was one of the few with the power to do something about it... Otacon was willing to risk himself and his lover for his cause... so why did Snake feel so reticent about it?
There were a lot of things to think about. Three men fighting for a cause was all well and good, but what money did they have? Snake was fairly wealthy, but he knew he was always being monitored and couldn't spend huge swathes of money without arousing suspicion. By the looks of where Otacon and Leon were living, they didn't have any disposable income, either. They could hardly get work; it would pinpoint their location. But Leon could... he wasn't known to the government...
Snake couldn't believe what he was thinking. He didn't trust Leon, yet he was contemplating making him their lifeline in the whole plan? He grunted and kicked back the sheets, pulling himself in underneath them. He curled up in a ball, not really tired, just not knowing what to think about the whole situation. He wasn't used to making decisions, just being told what to do and doing it to the best of his ability. But Roy Campbell was a thing of the past, he worked for the government, and Snake no longer did. He was a retired soldier, supposedly free to live his quiet life in Alaska as long as he told nobody his classified secrets. Unless the government counted his Huskies, his secrets had been told to nobody. Unlike Otacon, who'd told that damn Leon guy...
He found himself angry that Otacon had let a stranger into the whole affair. Metal Gear was not a plaything - it brought anyone who even knew of its existence into real danger. If Otacon cared for Leon as much as he said he did, why did he expose him to that risk? Nothing made sense. He wanted to talk to Otacon, but it seemed as though it might be hard to get him alone now that he had a boyfriend on the scene.
Otacon... with a boyfriend... It still seemed alien to him, more so than he wanted to admit. He'd had men before - working in the military could be lonely and there weren't many women around - and he'd even had a few out of sheer curiosity, but it had never been love. When he thought about it however, it made sense somehow. Otacon was searching to be loved. Maybe he felt closer and more equal to a man, especially a geek like Leon. He could understand it when he thought about it that way, and he was glad that Otacon had found some measure of happiness. At least Shadow Moses hadn't destroyed his chances of loving again...
Snake found himself almost envious of Otacon's relationship. He had someone who understood him, someone like himself. No matter how hard Snake had searched, he never seemed to get it right. Looking back on Meryl, he should have seen it was doomed to failure. It was love that had bloomed from necessity and the desire to protect, forged in the heat of danger and the thought that they might not live to have a life together. They hadn't thought long-term, it had been a bond forged for their survival, and it had wilted and died in the face of safety and calm. He thought that a lack of stability was just part and parcel of being a soldier and facing death... but Otacon had been there and faced Shadow Moses too... and come out the other end a lot better off than himself. True, he'd been protected and not had to kill anything, but the whole ordeal had probably been more terrifying for the scientist who didn't have the power to protect himself. He'd had to place his entire life in someone else's hands... Snake couldn't imagine that, having always looked after himself.
But what if, someday, he failed to protect him? Going into an anti-Metal Gear organization was going to be risky for them all. What did Otacon expect from him?
There was a knock on the door that pulled Snake out of his reverie. He silently slid out of bed, pulling a SOCOM pistol from the pocket of his trench coat. He put it behind his back, not wanting to scare anyone if it were an innocent hotel worker, but wanting to be safe if it were someone coming to take his life.
He put the key in the lock and turned it, and opened the door, moving back with it so that if someone shot indiscriminately when he opened the door it wouldn't kill him. He looked around the door and dropped his defenses; it was Otacon.
"Can I come in?" The scientist looked somewhat nervous now that Leon wasn't standing by his side. He also seemed somewhat melancholy in his manner, his voice a sad and frightened whisper.
"Of course." Snake stepped back; Otacon came in and looked nervously at the gun Snake was holding.
"You too, huh..." He closed the door and took the key from Snake; once it was locked he seemed to relax a little. Snake put the gun carefully down on the dresser and ushered Otacon to sit down. Otacon perched on the side of the bed, looking at his feet.
"Where do I start?" he mumbled, half to himself, half to Snake.
"You can start by telling me what's going on, Otacon. All this sneaking around is my specialty; I've never seen you look so nervous every time there's someone at the door." Snake stood, arms folded, confidence and impatience in his expression, which made Otacon cower further into his shell.
"They're after me, Snake, that's why I had to tell Leon. He didn't know, and I liked it that way... But I had to be curious... I had to look; I had to find out if the net rumours were true. I created Metal Gear; it's my responsibility to destroy it..." He faltered, took a breath, and continued, "I ran away, started a life here, thinking I could be free of that duty, but I can't, Snake! We're the only ones outside the government and the military that truly know what this thing is capable of..."
"Don't you think I know that?" Snake said, sounding harsher than he had intended, and watching Otacon flinch at his words made him want to turn away, run away, disappear as he never had before. Seeing Otacon scared, alone and paranoid reflected his own fears, and stripped him of the wall that he had hidden behind for so long. He looked away, hoping Otacon would regain some composure so that they could get on with this conversation. If Otacon was relying on him, then he needed to be strong.
"I was scared, that's why I contacted you..." Otacon said, "You always knew what to do back in Shadow Moses. Part of me wanted you to say you were happy with Meryl and never wanted to go back to the battlefield, but when you told me you had broken up and would come right out here to see me, I knew you were the same as me. We're bound, Snake. Bound to Metal Gear, and it strips us of our happiness. It makes us atone for all our sins..."
"Don't get all religious on me," Snake grumbled, "I didn't think you were into all that stuff."
"I'm not. I'm a scientist; religion has no basis in scientific fact as far as I'm concerned. I was just saying that we seem to keep coming back to this point..." Otacon shrugged.
"I do," Snake said, "You've faced it only once. This isn't your battle, it's mine."
"I designed Metal Gear! I'm as much a part of this as you are..." Otacon replied; annoyed to have been cut out of something that he had put his life on the line for.
"You designed Metal Gear REX. That's gone now," Snake explained, a little more gently. Otacon realized he wasn't being aggressive, he was offering him a way out, if he wanted to take it...
"What would you do, Snake, if I backed out? You'd face it alone?" Otacon didn't doubt he would, but it was madness, a death wish to do so... He wouldn't let that happen.
"It wouldn't be the first time," Snake said, remembering Zanzibar in 1999, and other previous missions. If he had to go alone, he could face it. He'd rather have Otacon as his advisor, but if he couldn't take it, he'd be better off alone. Sometimes it was easier to have nobody to protect but oneself.
"You know I'll come with you. No matter what you say, I have a duty to destroy this thing as much as you do." Otacon said firmly, his decision made long ago.
"What about Leon? Do we tell him everything and let him in on it, or do you want to protect him and keep him out of it?" Snake hoped he'd choose the latter, he didn't particularly trust strangers, but he wasn't going to turn away Leon if it made Otacon more comfortable with risking his life.
"You'll find he's more qualified than you think, Snake," Otacon explained, "He's worked on military projects in the past; nothing big, but big enough to understand the gravity of this situation. He wants to help us, Snake, and well... I'm not good at stopping him..."
Snake chuckled, the closest thing to a laugh he'd had in a long time. The mental image of Metal Gear becoming the subject of domestic brawls was just too funny for him to pass up.
"Hey, hey Snake, what's funny?" Otacon said, wondering if Snake had lost his sanity.
"You, living here with Leon, shacked up like a 50 year old, being submissive and having domestic troubles over Metal Gear, that's what!" he said, before lighting up a cigarette to calm himself. He didn't know what was so funny - it was the battlefield that had torn him and Meryl apart, but yet, the entire day had been completely absurd. Metal Gear was back, Otacon was gay, and he, Otacon and Otacon's lover were going to take it on with virtually no equipment. He rolled back on his bed and laughed, while Otacon stood up with a puzzled look on his face.
There was a deep hollow booming knock on the door, and they instantly stopped laughing and looked at the door, fear in their eyes.
They knew it wasn't a social call, and their fears were confirmed when a foot smashed through the door. Weight was thrown against the door, and it began to give on the weak, rusty hinges that barely held it to the wall. Snake thought quickly, and shoved Otacon into the closet, locking the door. Otacon wondered why Snake hadn't gotten in, then he realized - he was going to stand and fight! He would have protested, but the only way to do that was noisily, and any noise now would destroy the element of surprise he had. They were expecting to search for him, not to fight him right there the minute they broke down the door.
The door gave way, and the men rushed into the room. There were shouts and the sound of gunfire, and Otacon covered his ears. He couldn't bear to think of what was going on out there - was Snake alive? He heard a familiar cry of pain and a thud, and nearly cried out to Snake. He knew he'd been shot, and he could do nothing against several men armed to the teeth. It was all his fault, everyone close to him died, it was his curse, the ultimate price for creating Metal Gear. He shouldn't have called Snake, shouldn't have brought him here, to this...
He staggered back in the closet and sat down against the back. He couldn't help Snake, but perhaps Snake's only chance at survival was him, and if he died he wouldn't be much use.
"What about that closet?" a hoarse male voice said, and Otacon's heart went into his mouth as he heard someone move closer.
"I'm looking through the keyhole," another, younger male voice said, "It's totally dark in there. I can't see a thing." He kicked at the door and Otacon knew it was all over for him. The door came away from its hinges, and a hand reached inside and ripped him out of his hiding place by the front of his shirt. He shook violently, terrified, as his attackers face came into view. It was no one he recognized. He looked around and saw Snake lying face down in a pool of blood. He turned away, unable to face the sight. A fist hurtled into the side of his head, and stunned, he was thrown back against the hard wall. He felt his bones crunch, and searing pain filled his foggy brain, which was too out of it to be scared any more... He just wanted to drift away. Nothing had any significance now, and another blow sent him spiralling into darkness.
"We've done what we were paid to do. Let's go," one of the men said, and the two friends were left for dead on the hotel room floor.
~
Otacon stood still in the cold snowy landscape, covering his ears and closing his eyes as Snake gave the last shot to a dying soldier. He had loved her, and now the man who had saved his life and become his friend was the one who was going to take her from him.
The shot resounded through the dark winter night, reverberating in Otacon's ears. Soldiers had laws of their own, and what Snake had done was considered merciful. He could have left her there to die painfully, but he'd invoked an unspoken rule of the battlefield to free her. There was no hatred, only respect for an opposing viewpoint. It was sad that people had to die, but accepted that they would each die for what they believed without question.
Otacon hadn't understood at the time. He didn't want to understand, for understanding would be accepting, and he couldn't bring himself to accept the callous battlefield justice he had just witnessed.
But now, it was all clear, and Snake had died too, because he had come here, because he believed in what Otacon had told him, because he believed in the destruction of Metal Gear...
Snake...! His mind struggled with the images it was showing him, he knew seeing Wolf's death again that it wasn't real, just a memory, just a dream... He was aware of pain in his head, and in his legs, which made him want to retreat into his cocoon of dreams again...
Snake... He forced himself to open his eyes, and snapped them shut when the pain seared through his head. No sight, only pain. He was blind... He reached his hand up to his face and felt swelling, and blood from his eyes. He wouldn't try opening them right now...
SNAKE! The vision of Snake in a pool of his own blood brought him to his senses, and he groped around on the floor. He could move, with pain, and he dragged himself around the room, feeling the bed, and then his hand rested on something warm and soft...
"Snake!" Otacon's hand ran over the features of his face, checking it was definitely Snake and not a felled attacker. His hand tried to find the pulse in Snake's neck, but in his blindness it was impossible, so he rested his head on Snake's chest, and felt a faint but steady heartbeat. Relieved, but still in pain, Otacon passed back into the world of dreams and fantasies.