Of Hearth and Home

Chapter Seven: The Dangling Conversation

Kurt approached slowly and respectfully.

Derek was sitting on the ground facing the small lake on the back lawn. He turned and Kurt could see the pain on his face. Derek tried to smile but it was wavy and forced.

"May I join you?" Kurt asked slowly while gesturing to the ground.

Derek dropped his head and scooted over just a bit as though he were making room. Kurt crouched down to sit on his ankles.

"Beast told me about vhat happened dis morning vis Xavier." He began. "And I'm sorry."

Derek nodded and struck his fist to his chest than displayed two fingers.

"You too." Kurt said softly. "I get it."

Derek turned his eyes back to the waves on the lake.

"There vas no vay to know." Kurt told him. "And if dere had been a vay – Xavier vould have been da one to know."

Derek nodded just to prove he was listening.

"Dis isn't your fault" Kurt whispered to him. "It vas an accident."

"Five to one baby, one in five." (1) Derek said softly.

Kurt could hear the grief in his tone. "Okay." He conceeded "Partially. Maybe. But you cant do anything more than just being yourself. Hanymore den Xavier could." Kurt sighed. "It vas just one of those stu-pid things vhere you make no mistakes and still fail at de task."

Derek brightened slightly and almost smiled but still didn't take his eyes off the water.

Kurt debated asking his next question but finally decided to. "Did Logan really come after you outside the infirmary?"

Kurt's words drew Derek back to the incident. He was lost in the memory of seeing those Adamantium claws leap from Wolverine's hands. The echo of the 'snickt' that filled the hall now filled his mind. He could almost smell the little man's sweat and feel the angry heat that was flowing off his skin as he had lunged at Derek.

Derek nodded absently.

"Hank said you stayed out of his reach, just a little ahead of him da whole time?"

Derek turned to Kurt and lifted his shirt. He had a six-inch scratch over his left hip – but it was only a scratch. "One jump ahead of the breadline. One swing ahead of the sword." (2)

Kurt smiled but pressed on. "I have trained vith Lo-gan. He's not an easy person to avoid ven he's on de attack."

Derek shot him an understanding look that told Kurt he agreed completely.

"And Beast broke it up?" Kurt guessed. Beast hadn't told him so but he did say that he 'had better things to do at the moment than come between the two of them'.

Derek nodded and sighed.

"Logan vill re-gret dis vhen Xavier recovers." Kurt told him. "He's a good man. But his life has alvays been about pain. He may heal fast, but da vounds still hurt. And ve have to for-give him when he's hurting or vhen he lashes out because he hurts. Just like vis anyone else."

Kurt paused. "Can you forgive him?" He asked quietly.

Derek nodded, parhaps a bit begrudgingly, before tapping himself on the chest and shaking his head 'no'.

"Just learn da lesson and let it go." Kurt said imploringly. "Now, you know - it isn't safe for a telepath to try to scan your mind. And you'll have to respect that fact in the future." Kurt steeled himself against sighing and continued. "But it's not fair to punish yourself for not knowing something you vere never taught."

Derek sighed. "I wanna be Bob Dylan." (3) He said flatly, staring in to the water.

"Don't ve all – from time to time?" Kurt smirked.

Derek jumped once with an unexpected inner laugh then he sighed. "I have to praise you." (4) He said, sticking his hand out for Kurt to shake. "You get me closer to God." (5)

Kurt took it with a smile. Derek's grip was suprisingly solid.

"Don't mention it." Kurt grinned slightly.

Derek rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I mean it." Kurt grinned on, pressing his bad joke. "Don't say a vord!"

Derek shook his head. The jokes may have been bad, but it was the first humor he had felt since Xavier collapsed this morning.

"Yakity Yak." (6) Derek looked away, shaking his head absently.

"Don't talk back!" Kurt finished for him. "I varned you about that already."

Derek glanced back towards the mansion. He really didn't want to go back in to the house.

"All is quiet on the eastern front." (7) It was a statement but a question too.

"Ja." Kurt agreed. "Hank said he'd send word when Xavier improved."

Derek liked the way Kurt said 'when' instead of 'if'. The memory hovered around his fragile good humor and threatened to engulf him again.

He could almost see Xavier, jolting backwards and upright, then sliding down the chair as the blood began to flow from his nose, his eyes open wide and focused on nothing …

Derek swallowed. "Why'd you chose such a backward time in such a strange land?" (8) He asked.

Kurt grinned wide. "I love it here. It's da best place for someone like me. It's everything I thought was beyond me because of my appearance."

Kurt dropped his head and stared at the edge of the lake where the water was lapping at the earth. "I never told anyvone dis … but dere vere … bad times. Enough to fill days on end for years – or maybe it just seems dat vay now." He swallowed and continued. "And vhen I came here – my life changed. All of it – for da better."

Derek motioned for him to continue and sat listening in rapt attention.

"I thought I vould spend my life alone - and in the shadows. It felt obvious." He smiled at how absurd a notion it was now. "And vhen I came here and made friends – I thought I vas in heaven. Den? Something wonderful happened. Not only vas I accepted and happy – but Xavier saw to it that ve had da chance to make a difference in the vorld." He seemed to beam at the memories. "I have saved people's lives here. Just like Xavier saved mine from being a vaste."

"Whew." Derek breathed.

"Ja." Kurt agreed. "And now I know – no matter vhat – dat my life is important – not only to me and da people who love me – but to the vorld. To everyone who comes after me too. It's really … a miracle. Dat a person who thought he could never even be a part of da world – can be vital and can actually help to save it."

Derek smiled softly, but with a profound look of understanding. "Home, sweet home." (9)

"Exactly." Kurt breathed the word with a grin. "And trust me – Xavier isn't done yet either."

1) The Doors – Five To One

2) Aladdin (Disney) – One Jump Ahead

3) Counting Crows - Mr. Jones

4) Fat Boy Slim - Praise You

5) Nine Inch Nails - Closer

6) The Coasters - Yakity Yak

7) Ramones – All is Quiet on the Eastern Front

8) Jesus Christ Superstar (musical) - Superstar

9) Motley Crew – Home Sweet Home