A/N:
Well, here's the second chapter! I actually updated! YAY! Thanks to my reviewers, Wiccan 107 and harryforeva! *sniff* YOU REALLY LIKE ME! YAY!
Well, I hope you like this chapter too! Please review!
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Harry goes upstairs and opens the door, and sees Professor Dumbledore in a straight jacket, mumbling something about re-fried beans… no, I forgot… that's later…
Harry opens the door and sees Dobby the House-Elf bouncing on his bed.
Harry: Hey, that looks like fun!
Dobby: *grins* You know what's even more fun? —I mean, Harry Potter! Such an honor it is!
Harry: Who are you?
Dobby: Dick Chaney with Skin Cancer.
Harry: *stares * Um… not to be rude or anything, but this isn't the best time to have Dick Chaney in my bedroom.
Dick Chaney: Ah… Dicky understands, sir… it's just that… Dicky wonders where to begin.
Harry: Why don't you begin at the beginning, Dicky?
Dicky: Call me Dobby, Sir. It sounds so much better then Dicky.
Harry: Ok. Why don't you sit down?
Dobby: S-Sit down? Sit down? *starts crying *
Harry: Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, Dicky- I mean Dobby.
Dobby: Offend Dobby? The only thing that could offend Dobby would be if Harry Potter set Dobby free at the end of the movie.
Harry: Er… *checks script * Sorry in advance, then.
Dobby: Dobby has heard of your kindness, Sir, but never has he been asked to sit down… like an equal!
Harry: *sounds like he's struggling on his lines or something * You can't have met many decent wizards, then.
Dobby: No, I haven't. That was an awful thing to say! *Beats head on dresser *
Harry: No, please shhh, Dobby! If you want someone to slap you, go to my aunt… she'd be happy to…
Scene cuts to Vernon downstairs.
Vernon: Oh, don't mind that… it's just the… cat… yeah, that's it!
Mrs. Mason: Have I ever told you that I'm afraid of owls, house-elves, disturbed nephews, and floating cakes?
Vernon: Er…
Scene goes back to Harry and Dobby:
Dobby: Dobby had to punish himself, sir. Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, the Malfoy's… I shouldn't have told you that…
Harry: You sound like Hagrid… Er…I mean, your family?
Dobby: The wizarding family Dobby serves, Sir. If they ever knew Dobby was here… But Dobby had to come to warn Harry Potter. Dobby had to tell Harry Potter not to go back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year!
Through the little 'speech', Harry made a 'w' shape with his mouth, realized that he was too early on his line, and closes his mouth.
Harry: What terrible things? Who's plotting them?
Dobby starts acting like he's got a horrible bowl movement that won't come out, and Harry understands that he can't say.
Harry: I understand that you can't say, judging by the fact that you look like you're constipated.
Dobby grabs the lamp and starts hitting himself on the head with it.
Harry: Stop, Dobby, stop! I'm the one who has to pay the electric bill!
Harry manages to shove Dobby into the closet, just as Vernon opens the door.
Vernon: What the devil are you doing up here?
Harry: Um…converting oxygen into CO2…… loudly?
Vernon: You ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke. One more sound and you'll wish you've never been born, boy… and fix that door!
Vernon leaves, and Harry takes Dobby out of the closet. Dobby examines a sock attached to his ear.
Harry: see why I've got to go back? I belong in your world; it's the only place I've got friends!
Dobby: Friends who don't even o-mail Harry Potter?
Harry: Well, I expect they've been… Hang on, how do you know my friends haven't been o-mailing me?
Get it? O-mail instead of e-mail? Ha ha. Ok, continue…
Dobby: Harry Potter mustn't be angry at Dobby. Dobby hoped if Harry Potter thought his friends hated him and used him to get the Sorcerer's stone, he might not want to go back to school, sir.
Dobby pulls out a bundle of o-mails that were hidden in his…er… pillow case thingy that he wears. That's got to be uncomfortable; having those rubbing against your butt (I assume that's the only thing he's wearing).
Harry: Give me those …
…
…
Now.
Dobby: NO!
Dobby runs out the door, down the stairs, and runs into the wall. After his concussion, he looks at the cake that Petunia made, and Dudley had already half eaten.
Harry: Dobby, get back here! Don't!
Dobby: *snaps his fingers and the cake floats* A-one, a-two, a one, two three four! Er… I mean, Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school!
Harry: No! Hogwarts is my home *tear *
Dobby: Well, if you put it that way… then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good.
Dobby snaps his fingers again, and the floating cake…er… glides over to Mrs. Mason.
Mrs. Mason: Have I mentioned that the only things that I'm afraid of are owls, house-elves, disturbed nephews, and floating cakes?
Vernon: *sings the Twilight Zone music * Do do do do, do do do do!
Dobby: * Snap * Snap, crackle, pop!
The cake falls on Mrs. Mason's head.
Mrs. Mason: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Vernon: Sorry, it's just my disturbed nephew…
Mrs. Mason: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Vernon: and some house elf…
Mrs. Mason: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Vernon: Oh, and did I mention that he has an owl?
Mrs. Mason: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!