Chp 8: Still Waiting
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Disclaimer: I don't own KH
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~*Flashback*~
Riku sat on his bed crying his love for Kairi. He had several cut marks on his arm. Mya sat beside him in despair feeling so hopeless in the midst of all of this. She walked over to him.
"Riku, what are those marks on your arm?"
"Don't worry about it," he choked through his tears. Mya started to cry softly as well. She hated seeing her brother like this.
"You shouldn't worry about Kairi big brother...it's not the worst thing.."
"Yah? Then what is?" he said aggressively. Mya was silent. She wasn't used to her brother talking to her like this. They both continued to cry to themselves.
"I wish I was dead..." Riku said softly. Mya became scared and wept bitterly at his words.
"Riku why would you ever want to die?" she said through her tears. He smiled and said his answer firmly.
"Because death is the floor you can't fall below.."
~*End Flashback*~
I waited for him. I sat at a stone table on the balcony outside of my room. The sun was setting and the sky was a brilliant orange. I stared up at the sun and thought about my plea to the Lord. Had he heard me? Will things change? Will I be forgotten?
I stared at the horizon and watched the birds fly. I envy birds. All they do is fly aimlessly through the air without a care in the world..so peaceful...so happy...so free...no one is telling them what to do or where to go or how to dress. Birds live by their own rules. They don't have a care in the world..they just fly. What wouldn't I give to be a bird...
I heard footsteps come from behind me. He had come. I smiled meekly. I turned my head and then he saw me. He stopped in his tracks. It had occurred to me that this was the first time he had seen me as I am. The last time he saw me my hair was still blonde and my eyes still blue. I could tell he was at a loss for words. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then he closed his mouth and frowned. I was glad. I liked having the power to make people choke on their words. I stood up and let him see me..I showed him what I had become..what he made me. I tried to imagine looking at myself through Riku's eyes...me standing there in a long black dress and a black robe, my hair as black as ink and penetrating dark eyes, my skin so perfectly milky and pale, and lips to shame the reddest rose. Riku was wearing a black robe with black clothes to match as well but it was nothing compared to the Gothic wonder I had become. He stared at me in wide-eyes. I smiled..this was exactly what I wanted.
"Mya, dear God.." Riku said in disgust as he stared at my new form.
"What's the matter Riku?..You don't like my outfit?" We scowled at each other after my statement. I used to love you Riku, I thought. You were my one and only. And look at us now. We both sat down at the table, staring daggers at each other. There was an awkward silence for a few moments.
"So what did you want to talk to me about," he growled.
"Shut up!" I raised my hands up and made invisible hands wrap around his throat as if they were about to choke him just as that man had done to me. He stared at me unafraid. That was always his style.
"I'm going to ask the questions here..you will answer all of them correctly or I WILL kill you." He gave me a stern look and didn't say anything for a few seconds, but then he sighed and nodded his head. I let the hands go of him.
"Shoot.." he said dully.
"Who is that man with us?"
"That's Ansem..he's the ruler of all darkness in the world...he created the Heartless."
"And how am I his creation?" He was silent for a few seconds. He looked out at the horizon and watched the birds fly.
"When Kingdom Hearts was turned to light we thought Ansem's evil plans had failed but he had a very well thought back-up plan..he had created a Princess of Heartless that would bring all darkness back to the world..and he chose you..." I was furious.
"So that's what I'm doing here..That why I have been suffering all this time?" I gritted through my teeth, "So Ansem can have darkness back for his own ridiculous pleasure?" Riku stared blankly at me. I wanted to kill him right then. How can he act so calm? He's acting like this is all nothing. That no good self-centered bastard! I should kill him right here and now! I tried to make my anger flare down as I still had a lot of questions. I closed my eyes and breathed. I opened them to see Riku's perfectly calm face in front of me.
"Why did you do this to me?" I hissed in a deadly tone. "Why is Ansem's plan so important to you that you would strip away all of her pride and leave her abandoned and broken in despair?" He didn't want to look at me. He turned his head away from me. I smiled. This is exactly what I wanted. I could feel the bloody knife of guilt sink slowly into him..making sure to sink every inch of pain it can into him.
"You look at me when I'm talking to you god damnit!" I said harshly as I made my transparent hands slap him into the position where his head was facing me and hold it there.
"You did this to me and you have to live with what comes next! Now why the hell did you do this to me?" He was silent. He tried to blink back his tears.
"Mya you don't understand..if we just do this for him he could give us anything!"
"WHAT?!" I screamed, making the ravens fly into the horizon. "We're doing this because someone bribed you into it and you actually BELIEVED them!? Am I all that worthless to you? Does all it take for you to sell my soul away is if someone bribes you into it with the promise of something to satisfy your own selfish needs?"
"Mya I'm doing for you! Don't you see? Once we do this they could give us the perfect life..the life we deserve..a life away from our enemies...Sora..Kairi..they would all vanish from us."
"Those people are not the enemy Riku, we are! They don't hurt us we hurt them!" He stared at me in venom at my statement.
"Oh wait...Sora stole your girl so I have to go down with the ship...is that it?"
"Mya why won't you understand damnit?! Sit down and take a look at all we've been through..we deserve it..we're better than everyone else..we're the Vikings...we deserve the perfect world to live in..."
"But Riku I had the perfect world! As flawed as it was I loved every second of it because I was with you! That's I wanted Riku! Can't we go back to that?"
"Mya..I just need you to wait for me..Have I ever made you wait for me before?" I lost it right then.
"I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU RIKU! It's the constant of my life. Will you remember to come back for me? Will you forget that you promised you'd only be gone for a second? Will you forget that you left me alone to go play with Sora and Kairi or told me to wait in a spot that you never came back to?.." I was about to start sobbing right there. I closed my eyes and tried to carry the wait of this on my shoulders. I opened my eyes and a single tear fell down my cheek. I could feel Riku's soul being ripped apart.
"My life has always been filled with waiting for you Riku.." A few tears fell from his own face that he quickly wiped away.
"Are you still waiting?" he asked softly.
"No!...I stopped when Sora showed me what it felt like to be truly loved!" Riku bend his head down in dismay.
"Come on Mya..we're Vikings remember? You're strong enough to handle this. All I need you to do is just hold on for a bit more..I mean, it's not all that bad is it?"
"Hah! That's a laugh..." I lifted up the sleeve to my robe and showed him the softly bleeding message I carved in my skin. Not Alone....Riku's eyes widened.
"Mya! Why the hell did you do that?" he asked in a fast-paced panicked tone. I smiled. At least now it felt like he gave a damn.
"To leave an internal message on my very skin whenever I felt like letting go..." I could see the fear in his eyes. I began to thirst for this. He grabbed hold of my mutilated arm and stared at it in shock.
"Mya! Why did you do that? How? When? Where?" He was blurting out things that didn't make sense, but I liked it, "Oh my God Mya..I don't ever wanna see you do anything like this again! Do you understand me?"
"Oh shut up Riku! Don't act like you haven't done this before! I've seen you! When you were all depressed about Kairi you pulled every suicide, self- mutilating stunt in the book! Cutting...popping pills...trying to drown yourself...you name it, you've done it! You even bought a gun for Christ's sake! Don't think I didn't know that! You know what they say Riku..The apple never falls far from the tree!" Riku was silent. His face was white. Everything was crashing down on him. We could both feel it. He put his elbows on the table and buried his hands in his face. I wondered what he was thinking as he did this. Was he sorry he'd gotten caught or was he feeling guilty and ready to take me away from here? Riku then clenched his hands into his hair in rage.
"Mya, what is wrong with you?" he yelled, "NORMAL eight year olds don't talk like that!" I could've strangled him right then, but at the same time I was smiling evilly. I was driving him insane.
"Well Riku NORMAL eight year olds haven't lived through the pain that I've lived through..they don't know what it's like to be forced under the agony of following the footsteps of your shoes." That made him even more angry.
"God damnit Mya!" He screamed through his gritted teeth. I raised my eyebrows after that statement. He hadn't even looked at me through all of that. He still had his face buried in his hands. We both sat in silence He taking everything in amongst the midst of his insane rage and I stared at him waiting for his response. This silence was becoming aggravating. I didn't want to wait anymore. I wanted to leave now. I wanted to know my fate now. It all rested in Riku's hands.
"Riku...you look at me and you don't like what you see..I've become something foreign to you...I'm not the sister you once had..." He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I could've sworn I saw a tear fall down his cheek.
"Mya if I could take it all back I would.." he said softly.
"Then take me away from here..Tell me you don't want me like this...Tell me you would be willing to throw all of this away to have me back the way I was in a world of just you and me and that's all..that's all I want Riku..let's just go..." After I said that I knew I had made a mistake. I'd asked a question I couldn't afford to hear the answer to. I wanted to erase what I'd said but I knew it couldn't be done. I sat waiting in fear for the answer I was petrified to hear. He didn't say anything. He just continued to sit in silence. I could tell he was thinking. He had a lot to think about. I didn't know what to do. What would happen if he denied me? What happened if he continued with this futile escapade? What would I do? What would become of me? How would they use me? I truly knew now that whatever fate had in store for me rested in Riku's hands...I'd just handed him the thread of my life..What will he do with it? Will he put it in his pocket where there's no way I can get hurt? Will he put it in a safe and lock it so from then on it would be home sweet home? Or would he cut it..ending all that ever was and ever will be? Only time will tell. The bittersweet nectar of time in which Riku will decide how he wants to use me. I didn't want to stay. I didn't want to hear an answer that would kill me. If this was his decision then I didn't want to interfere, especially if the outcome could be the end of me. I got up and left, leaving Riku with his thoughts...with his decisions...with the thread of my life. Will I be denied?
I'm not alone...I'm not alone...I'm not alone...
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Will she be denied? I know...but do you? Next chapter will probably be the big finale so you'll find out soon ^_^ Plez R/R!!
Peace Out,
Kia Saphia
~*~
Disclaimer: I don't own KH
~*~
~*Flashback*~
Riku sat on his bed crying his love for Kairi. He had several cut marks on his arm. Mya sat beside him in despair feeling so hopeless in the midst of all of this. She walked over to him.
"Riku, what are those marks on your arm?"
"Don't worry about it," he choked through his tears. Mya started to cry softly as well. She hated seeing her brother like this.
"You shouldn't worry about Kairi big brother...it's not the worst thing.."
"Yah? Then what is?" he said aggressively. Mya was silent. She wasn't used to her brother talking to her like this. They both continued to cry to themselves.
"I wish I was dead..." Riku said softly. Mya became scared and wept bitterly at his words.
"Riku why would you ever want to die?" she said through her tears. He smiled and said his answer firmly.
"Because death is the floor you can't fall below.."
~*End Flashback*~
I waited for him. I sat at a stone table on the balcony outside of my room. The sun was setting and the sky was a brilliant orange. I stared up at the sun and thought about my plea to the Lord. Had he heard me? Will things change? Will I be forgotten?
I stared at the horizon and watched the birds fly. I envy birds. All they do is fly aimlessly through the air without a care in the world..so peaceful...so happy...so free...no one is telling them what to do or where to go or how to dress. Birds live by their own rules. They don't have a care in the world..they just fly. What wouldn't I give to be a bird...
I heard footsteps come from behind me. He had come. I smiled meekly. I turned my head and then he saw me. He stopped in his tracks. It had occurred to me that this was the first time he had seen me as I am. The last time he saw me my hair was still blonde and my eyes still blue. I could tell he was at a loss for words. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then he closed his mouth and frowned. I was glad. I liked having the power to make people choke on their words. I stood up and let him see me..I showed him what I had become..what he made me. I tried to imagine looking at myself through Riku's eyes...me standing there in a long black dress and a black robe, my hair as black as ink and penetrating dark eyes, my skin so perfectly milky and pale, and lips to shame the reddest rose. Riku was wearing a black robe with black clothes to match as well but it was nothing compared to the Gothic wonder I had become. He stared at me in wide-eyes. I smiled..this was exactly what I wanted.
"Mya, dear God.." Riku said in disgust as he stared at my new form.
"What's the matter Riku?..You don't like my outfit?" We scowled at each other after my statement. I used to love you Riku, I thought. You were my one and only. And look at us now. We both sat down at the table, staring daggers at each other. There was an awkward silence for a few moments.
"So what did you want to talk to me about," he growled.
"Shut up!" I raised my hands up and made invisible hands wrap around his throat as if they were about to choke him just as that man had done to me. He stared at me unafraid. That was always his style.
"I'm going to ask the questions here..you will answer all of them correctly or I WILL kill you." He gave me a stern look and didn't say anything for a few seconds, but then he sighed and nodded his head. I let the hands go of him.
"Shoot.." he said dully.
"Who is that man with us?"
"That's Ansem..he's the ruler of all darkness in the world...he created the Heartless."
"And how am I his creation?" He was silent for a few seconds. He looked out at the horizon and watched the birds fly.
"When Kingdom Hearts was turned to light we thought Ansem's evil plans had failed but he had a very well thought back-up plan..he had created a Princess of Heartless that would bring all darkness back to the world..and he chose you..." I was furious.
"So that's what I'm doing here..That why I have been suffering all this time?" I gritted through my teeth, "So Ansem can have darkness back for his own ridiculous pleasure?" Riku stared blankly at me. I wanted to kill him right then. How can he act so calm? He's acting like this is all nothing. That no good self-centered bastard! I should kill him right here and now! I tried to make my anger flare down as I still had a lot of questions. I closed my eyes and breathed. I opened them to see Riku's perfectly calm face in front of me.
"Why did you do this to me?" I hissed in a deadly tone. "Why is Ansem's plan so important to you that you would strip away all of her pride and leave her abandoned and broken in despair?" He didn't want to look at me. He turned his head away from me. I smiled. This is exactly what I wanted. I could feel the bloody knife of guilt sink slowly into him..making sure to sink every inch of pain it can into him.
"You look at me when I'm talking to you god damnit!" I said harshly as I made my transparent hands slap him into the position where his head was facing me and hold it there.
"You did this to me and you have to live with what comes next! Now why the hell did you do this to me?" He was silent. He tried to blink back his tears.
"Mya you don't understand..if we just do this for him he could give us anything!"
"WHAT?!" I screamed, making the ravens fly into the horizon. "We're doing this because someone bribed you into it and you actually BELIEVED them!? Am I all that worthless to you? Does all it take for you to sell my soul away is if someone bribes you into it with the promise of something to satisfy your own selfish needs?"
"Mya I'm doing for you! Don't you see? Once we do this they could give us the perfect life..the life we deserve..a life away from our enemies...Sora..Kairi..they would all vanish from us."
"Those people are not the enemy Riku, we are! They don't hurt us we hurt them!" He stared at me in venom at my statement.
"Oh wait...Sora stole your girl so I have to go down with the ship...is that it?"
"Mya why won't you understand damnit?! Sit down and take a look at all we've been through..we deserve it..we're better than everyone else..we're the Vikings...we deserve the perfect world to live in..."
"But Riku I had the perfect world! As flawed as it was I loved every second of it because I was with you! That's I wanted Riku! Can't we go back to that?"
"Mya..I just need you to wait for me..Have I ever made you wait for me before?" I lost it right then.
"I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU RIKU! It's the constant of my life. Will you remember to come back for me? Will you forget that you promised you'd only be gone for a second? Will you forget that you left me alone to go play with Sora and Kairi or told me to wait in a spot that you never came back to?.." I was about to start sobbing right there. I closed my eyes and tried to carry the wait of this on my shoulders. I opened my eyes and a single tear fell down my cheek. I could feel Riku's soul being ripped apart.
"My life has always been filled with waiting for you Riku.." A few tears fell from his own face that he quickly wiped away.
"Are you still waiting?" he asked softly.
"No!...I stopped when Sora showed me what it felt like to be truly loved!" Riku bend his head down in dismay.
"Come on Mya..we're Vikings remember? You're strong enough to handle this. All I need you to do is just hold on for a bit more..I mean, it's not all that bad is it?"
"Hah! That's a laugh..." I lifted up the sleeve to my robe and showed him the softly bleeding message I carved in my skin. Not Alone....Riku's eyes widened.
"Mya! Why the hell did you do that?" he asked in a fast-paced panicked tone. I smiled. At least now it felt like he gave a damn.
"To leave an internal message on my very skin whenever I felt like letting go..." I could see the fear in his eyes. I began to thirst for this. He grabbed hold of my mutilated arm and stared at it in shock.
"Mya! Why did you do that? How? When? Where?" He was blurting out things that didn't make sense, but I liked it, "Oh my God Mya..I don't ever wanna see you do anything like this again! Do you understand me?"
"Oh shut up Riku! Don't act like you haven't done this before! I've seen you! When you were all depressed about Kairi you pulled every suicide, self- mutilating stunt in the book! Cutting...popping pills...trying to drown yourself...you name it, you've done it! You even bought a gun for Christ's sake! Don't think I didn't know that! You know what they say Riku..The apple never falls far from the tree!" Riku was silent. His face was white. Everything was crashing down on him. We could both feel it. He put his elbows on the table and buried his hands in his face. I wondered what he was thinking as he did this. Was he sorry he'd gotten caught or was he feeling guilty and ready to take me away from here? Riku then clenched his hands into his hair in rage.
"Mya, what is wrong with you?" he yelled, "NORMAL eight year olds don't talk like that!" I could've strangled him right then, but at the same time I was smiling evilly. I was driving him insane.
"Well Riku NORMAL eight year olds haven't lived through the pain that I've lived through..they don't know what it's like to be forced under the agony of following the footsteps of your shoes." That made him even more angry.
"God damnit Mya!" He screamed through his gritted teeth. I raised my eyebrows after that statement. He hadn't even looked at me through all of that. He still had his face buried in his hands. We both sat in silence He taking everything in amongst the midst of his insane rage and I stared at him waiting for his response. This silence was becoming aggravating. I didn't want to wait anymore. I wanted to leave now. I wanted to know my fate now. It all rested in Riku's hands.
"Riku...you look at me and you don't like what you see..I've become something foreign to you...I'm not the sister you once had..." He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I could've sworn I saw a tear fall down his cheek.
"Mya if I could take it all back I would.." he said softly.
"Then take me away from here..Tell me you don't want me like this...Tell me you would be willing to throw all of this away to have me back the way I was in a world of just you and me and that's all..that's all I want Riku..let's just go..." After I said that I knew I had made a mistake. I'd asked a question I couldn't afford to hear the answer to. I wanted to erase what I'd said but I knew it couldn't be done. I sat waiting in fear for the answer I was petrified to hear. He didn't say anything. He just continued to sit in silence. I could tell he was thinking. He had a lot to think about. I didn't know what to do. What would happen if he denied me? What happened if he continued with this futile escapade? What would I do? What would become of me? How would they use me? I truly knew now that whatever fate had in store for me rested in Riku's hands...I'd just handed him the thread of my life..What will he do with it? Will he put it in his pocket where there's no way I can get hurt? Will he put it in a safe and lock it so from then on it would be home sweet home? Or would he cut it..ending all that ever was and ever will be? Only time will tell. The bittersweet nectar of time in which Riku will decide how he wants to use me. I didn't want to stay. I didn't want to hear an answer that would kill me. If this was his decision then I didn't want to interfere, especially if the outcome could be the end of me. I got up and left, leaving Riku with his thoughts...with his decisions...with the thread of my life. Will I be denied?
I'm not alone...I'm not alone...I'm not alone...
*
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+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Will she be denied? I know...but do you? Next chapter will probably be the big finale so you'll find out soon ^_^ Plez R/R!!
Peace Out,
Kia Saphia