Answer

By Bohemian Storm


In the beginning he'd tried to do everything. He'd tried to be the one who listened to everyone, the one who fixed all the problems. He'd been fourteen and skinny for his age, but there were reasons for that. He found that there were always excuses and that they almost always believed him.
At first, when they'd cause trouble in class he'd try to make sure that they were never caught. He'd pay off other students with promises of copied homework and extra dessert from the kitchen. One could promise such a thing when one was friends with James Potter and Sirius Black.
When they got older he wondered if doing everything was the right way to go. They never returned his favours. He would keep them out of trouble and they'd just throw it back in his face by getting into more. They never even thanked him. Occasionally he'd receive a grin and a wink from Sirius. He liked that.
(He didn't want to admit it.)
He hit sixteen and he stopped. He didn't want to be the one everyone turned to anymore. He just wanted to be Remus and pretend that being 'just Remus' would be enough for his friends. He had never imagined that it would be enough for his friends. He had always thought they wanted him around only because he was the smart kid who would cover up for them. He never knew that they wanted him to be part of the fun.
He wondered if Sirius had ever really noticed him and he wanted to test it. He wanted to see what Sirius would do when he stopped pretending to be their guardian. For months he was convinced that the other boy didn't care.
By the time they were nearing graduation he had separated himself from that thought. He was part of them, but far enough away that he never seemed to get himself into trouble. He was never part of the detentions shared by Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. He had had his nose in a book, he'd say to the professors. He hadn't seen what was going on. And they'd smile. And they'd believe him.
Who wouldn't believe Remus Lupin, after all?
In the beginning he'd tried to separate himself and now … now he was face to face with a real separation and he found himself dreading it more than he had ever dreamed possible. He wondered if he'd ever see that grin, that wink, that stray lock of black hair ever again. He wondered if graduation meant their end.
Sirius's hand was upon his shoulder. They were standing in front of the lake still wearing their graduation robes. Remus was picking absentmindedly at the cuffs of his and Sirius was so still. Eventually Remus stopped and he stared out at the water, waiting for Sirius to say something.
He waited for a long time before either of them moved.
The hand on his shoulder tightened and Sirius leaned in, his face resting against the side of Remus's head. Remus closed his eyes and listened to the water on the shore of the lake. He heard Sirius sigh, felt the lips brush against his cheek, then felt the cold rush upon him as Sirius turned to walk away.
"Padfoot," he said quietly.
Sirius stopped walking.
"Do you need a place to stay?"

Sirius laughed softly. "You know me far too well."
"Do you?" he asked without turning around.
"Just for the beginning of the summer," Sirius said. "Just in the beginning."
Remus nodded and smiled a little.
The beginning had turned into months. The beginning turned out to mean 'just until they steal me from you'.
Remus wondered if he'd ever really stopped being that boy who tried to be everyone's answer.

End