Holding It In

Part 8 (already!)

The Matrix does NOT belong to me. Sure, I want it and all, but it's not happening. Judging by all the money they're raking in, I don't think the Wachowskis will ever be willing to give it up to a person like me.

Again, another long wait. I have seen Reloaded, but none of those events will have anything to do with this fic. A big thanks goes out to Centaur for coming up with the l33t hax0r names and for helping me with, well, everything!

The days went by, and soon Trinity was able to resume her duties. She noticed that Neo had moved into Mouse's old room to sleep, and he did the best he could to avoid passing by Trinity in the halls. He knew her routine schedule, so it was no great challenge. Sometimes, Trinity saw him, and she softly said his name, but he would walk quickly away, blocking her voice out of his head. She would sometimes knock on his door, but he would never answer. She never tried to open the door, because she knew it was locked, and she knew what she would find if it wasn't.

She remembered one night, one of the first nights after Neo stopped talking to her. She came to his door, knocked softly. "Neo, please open the door. We need to talk."

He sounded hurt, but at the same time almost irritated. "I don't want to hear what you have to say." Trinity knocked again, but there was only silence behind the door. She could feel a tear slipping down her cheek, so she ran to her room before anyone could see. She bolted her door shut and cried into her pillow like she would have done when she was a little girl.

Weighed down by the grief of losing a child, and possibly losing a love, Trinity buried herself in work, spending long hours seated in front of the green scrolling code that was the Matrix. She didn't even have to ask to take anyone's extra shifts. If anyone showed up and Trinity was already in the seat, there was no way getting her out until she was finished. She tried to keep herself busy to keep her heart from shattering into billions of pieces, impossible to put back together.

Along with scanning the Matrix, Trinity began writing a new training program, a difficult program that would require anyone's concentration to be at its highest to succeed. In the program, one had to perform a series of difficult feats, some fighting, some shooting, and it ended with an Agent. It was difficult, but it absorbed most of her time. She hardly slept anymore, and she hardly ate, except for breakfast. The pain of hunger gnawing at her stomach was a welcome distraction from the pain in her heart.

Once during a shift, she heard footsteps on the floor behind her. She turned, expecting to see Kane or Dion even, but it was none other than Neo, looking lost and dejected. She watched him - he didn't notice her - and she wanted to reach out to him, hold him close and never let him go, tell him over and over that she loved him. But he looked up and saw her sitting there, and turned to leave.

"Neo, why won't you even look at me?" He didn't look at her, he didn't answer, but he did stop walking. "So what if I screwed up before? It wasn't my fault. I wasn't condemned to you when I didn't even know who the hell you were!" She could feel her throat constricting, so she swallowed hard. "I wasn't waiting my entire fucking life just for you!"

It was harsh, yes, and she could see him flinch, but they weren't getting anywhere by him ignoring her. He took a deep breath, and through the darkness his eyes, dark pools of sadness, pierced hers, and he spoke quietly. "You could have told me." He paused. "What did you think I would have done?"

Trinity's mouth had gone dry, she could speak. She could only watch as he left, not bothering to wait for an answer. Either he didn't think she had anything to say, or he just couldn't bear to be with her anymore. Trinity put her head in her hands, held her breath for a moment and then let it out in a dry sob. In an attempt to keep from crying, she fixed her vision once more on the code.

She didn't even see anything anymore, it was all green blurs that just continued to blur the more she looked at them. Finally, she couldn't stay awake any longer, she felt like she would break if she tortured herself any more, and her eyes shut, her head dropping to the table like a stone; she was asleep.

She slept silently this time, but she was only granted an hour before the ostinato of the computer beeping caused her to jump awake. The screen flashed red, blinking words telling her someone had sent a message. She tapped the 'accept' button with her finger, the force shaking the screen slightly as an image of two young looking boys appeared. One of them had flaming red hair and a gash running across his lip. The other looked somewhat older than the first. He was tall, yet slimmer, and his entire body was shaking.

Neither of them could have been unplugged longer than a year, Trinity observed. They were both looking around for something, possibly the camera. "Is it on?" The first one asked, and as he turned his head to face the camera, Trinity saw that his hair wasn't red, but just drenched with blood. The second one nodded. "I think so." Trinity watched them as they fumbled with switches and buttons that could not be seen on the screen, the part of their ship behind them looked all but destroyed. Was it an attack, Trinity wondered, or just careless piloting?

The first one had found the camera and began speaking, his voice rushed and scared. "This is Scabbard from the Icarus, we-we're down…" It was obvious that he was trying to control himself from panicking. The older one started talking.

"This is Corto, the EMP wasn't charged enough when our location was discovered by sentinels." Even his voice was shaky. Trinity had her eyes fixed on the screen, unblinking. "Most of us were in the Matrix. Captain…let us out first, and Echo. The rest are dead. Echo…"

Scabbard picked up where Corto left off. "Echo's unconscious, hit in the head and bleeding everywhere, won't wake up. Everyone else, dead. Operator's dead, we were near the guns…that shoot the blue lights…and…" He struggled for words, and Corto took over once again.

"Engines won't work anymore, nothing works, and we don't know how to fix it. We need help, don't know how long we'll manage, please."

Trinity heard Scabbard whisper, "Now?" and with a nod from Corto, he reached up, clicked a button and the screen went blank. By the time 'End One-Way Transmission' began to flash on the screen, Trinity was already setting up a two-way connection back to the Icarus. If they were able to send out, they must be able to get something sent back. Trinity pressed 'send' and waited for Corto or Scabbard to turn on their camera, if they even knew how.

It was a good two minutes before Scabbard's bloody face appeared on Trinity's screen, and she quickly ran-through the emergency procedure in her head, the one she had been taught. "This is the Nebuchadnezzar broadcasting to the Icarus. Do you read me?" Scabbard replied with a 'yeah,' Trinity opened her mouth to speak, but Scabbard cut her off.

"Please, don't let us die here. It's so terrible, everything is blood, every room, all dead bodies, you have to come-"

The terror in his voice penetrated Trinity's walls before she could do anything, his words came so suddenly; he didn't want to die in a graveyard. Trinity had to say his name twice before he was quiet. I guess they're too new to know about procedure. "Just try to stay calm. I need you to answer a few questions for me. How many of you are alive?"

"There's me, me and Corto, and then Echo, but we don't know about her, Corto's with her and-" He talked so fast.

"Scabbard, give me a number."

"Three."

"What are your current injuries?"

Scabbard had to think for a moment. "My wrist, it's twisted real bad, and there's lots of cuts. My knee…I think it's broken, and my head, why's it bleeding so much?"

"Please, you have to try and calm down." Scabbard nodded lightly. "Head wounds tend to bleed more than most others. Can you tell me your location?" Trinity struggled to keep her voice calm to help calm Scabbard, who seemed to be on the verge of an anxiety attack..

"Um, no I don't think I - Corto!" His face disappeared from the screen just after a dull 'thud' sounded in the background.

"Scabbard! Scabbard, come back! I need to know your location!" She could easily have gotten Morpheus to run a scan of the area from the cockpit, but she would have to leave to wake him, and right now the Icarus demanded all of her time. "What just happened?" She raised her voice, hoping it would wake someone on the ship.

Scabbard's voice was distant, and it sounded like he was crying. "Corto, he just collapsed…he's so pale, he's not answering me! Corto, please, get up! I think it's blood loss, I don't know."

Trinity cursed that he was just out of the camera's range. "What are his injuries?" She waited, hearing noises in the background, but no words. She asked her question again, her voice more tense. Finally, a response came.

"So much blood…his leg, his leg's gone, and, I don't know, there's too much blood."

Trinity cursed under her breath. "Are there medical supplies nearby?" Scabbard replied affirmatively. "Scabbard, wrap his leg up, make it tight. Try your best to stop the blood. I have to leave for a little while, I need to find your location." She got up and ran down the hallway only to run into Kane, heading for the core.


"I…I heard what's happening, a-and I just uploaded medical the other day…and…" He still had no idea what to do? Trinity had very little patience for people like Kane, but she just clenched her hands into fists. As long as she had someone else to help her.

"Go to the core, talk to them." She said as she ran to the cockpit, slamming her fist against the doors of everyone's cabins on the way, hoping it would wake them. Her fingers were a blur as she tried to locate the Icarus. Luck came to her then, when she found the ship was relatively close. She flew slowly and carefully, to avoid the sentinels, since she didn't know if any of them had lasted for the duration of the attack.

By the time the Neb got to the Icarus, everyone was awake and waiting near the exit hatch. Trinity was the first one out, just as Morpheus was telling Scabbard, over the two-way, how to open the hatch, and she was the first one inside the mess that was the Icarus. She immediately recognized Scabbard, slumped in the operator's chair, and Corto, who was now sitting up against the wall, his eyes squeezed tight in an effort to block out the pain. A woman lay nearby, her long hair matted with blood.

The air was thick with the smell of it, and Trinity gagged when she took her first breath inside. The dead were left behind when Corto and Scabbard were taken to the Neb's medical facilities. Dion and Morpheus stayed back with Echo, afraid to move her before discovering what injuries she sustained. Trinity and Glitch were with Corto, leaving Neo and Kane with Scabbard.

Trinity injected Corto with sedatives before she did anything; he was still shaking and his face was pale. "Corto, Corto," She snapped her fingers to get his attention, and only his eyes turned to her. "Corto, I want you to talk to me, ok? Tell me something."

He looked confused. "What…to tell?" Already, his grip on Trinity's hand had begun to loosen, his harsh breathing slowing.

"Anything."

Corto shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "Stole my name…from Neuromancer, Gibson…" He was out, and they began to work on his leg.

Their plan was to keep Corto unconscious for as long as they could, so he should feel as less pain as possible, until they got to Zion. He would most likely withstand another operation or two to make it possible for him to walk again (with a prosthetic). Scabbard lay on the bed nearby, his breathing harsh and fast, refusing sleeping pills and sedatives. Once he had fallen asleep on his own, Trinity left the med bay to try and get sleep as well. Images of blood and torn flesh flickered in her mind like a mental slide show, and she knew they wouldn't let her get any sleep, so she took a single sleeping pill from the shelves of medical supplies to help her along. On her way, she passed by Morpheus, on his way to where she came from.

"How's Echo?" Trinity asked, leaning against the wall so her captain could pass. "She stable?"

Morpheus stopped walking, shook his head. "She's dead."

Trinity pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, leaving a trail of blood on her forehead. Ah, the casualties of war. Accidents always left at least one person dead. Sometimes, just when a crew thought they were out of the woods, something would come out of nowhere and take life away. In the case of the Icarus, only two lives were spared, and they were the two newest on the ship. Morpheus sighed when Trinity remained silent. "How are the others?"

"Scabbard's fine, he was having a panic attack or something. Corto's knocked out, I want to keep it like that until we get to Zion. The kid's gonna need a new leg." She spoke to the floor. "I want to try and keep him from hurting. All we did was stabilize him, so he won't bleed to death." She fingered the small dot on her arm, the spot where Glitch had taken her blood.

Morpheus nodded. "You did well today. Your instincts were perfect." Go figure he would make everything sound like an organized mission. This was an emergency, no plans except those made by the sentinels.

She sighed. "I was just doing my job. Those kids would have died."

"Yes, had it not been for you." He slipped past Trinity and started walking again, but she called him soon after.

"Someone needs to stay with them." Morpheus thought she meant in the med bay, and he gave her a questionable look. Did she not see that was where he was headed?

Trinity knew that if she hadn't been there, the kids would have died, but now where would they go? There weren't enough beds on the Neb for all of them, and it would be un-reasonable for anyone to sleep on the floor, not to mention that it would leave them more prone to illness. "After they fix the ship in Zion, someone has to stay with them."

"The two of them could join another ship." Morpheus paused to think for a moment. "Let the council deal with them. We'll have already helped them enough by the time we get them back to Zion. We don't need to go further out of our way."

"Like hell they will." She said, masking her anger efficiently. "It took these kids long enough to figure out how to send out a transmission. There's no way they can manage alone."

"But Kane, Dion and Glitch don't know how to pilot, and-"

Trinity cut him off, finishing his sentence. "And you're the captain and Neo's the One. Tank can't pilot either, and you need an operator. So I guess I'm the only one left." She didn't wait for Morpheus to answer, coming off the wall and walking to her room, her thumb running over the surface of the sleeping pill.

That wasn't the reason she wanted to leave. The Icarus was merely an aid. She saw the way Neo was now, and it was tearing her up inside. It hurt her to look at him, and it hurt even more when his eyes met hers for a brief second before he directed hiss to a different view. Trinity couldn't risk staying on the Neb any longer than she had to. She was scared to death that Neo might do something drastic because of her.

She loved him too much to see him hurting.

When they finally arrived in Zion, she waited outside the room where Corto was being operated on. Scabbard sat next to her when she explained their present situation, giving him the choice of staying in Zion or re-building the Icarus. It was obvious what he chose. Trinity never went back to the Neb at it's given departure time - she stayed in Corto's room, pretending to be asleep in the chair.. She never went back to the Neb again, and she never said goodbye.

Two Years Later.

I'm inside now. Look around me, the street's perfectly clear, so I start to run. I know the virus we've written is running from somewhere outside in the Real world.. My injuries from the Real fighting disappear when I'm inside, everything is fine. They didn't want me to go in at first, they were afraid of what would happen to me when I get back. But I had to stay. Can't let the agents send out more sentinels.

But still the images of the dead are haunting me, too many died to save everyone else. It wasn't fair. I didn't deserve this. Who decided that everyone's survival would depend on me? Each time someone dies, I feel guilty, like I could have done something about it, just like how I had done something to save Trinity…

Before I see her face in my head, the agents come. All of them. Already I can see the virus starting to work, the code is different, warping, encryptions I've never seen. And it scares me, because I might not get out at all, I might not get to help outside once it's finished inside. I need to get rid of the agents, and they know it. They're planning an attack, an attack on me. I know because I can see it.

I also see that I can't fly anymore. Already, the rules I once could bend and break are dissolving, the rules of a system that will soon be gone. I can't fly, and I can't stop their bullets either. I know because I can feel it, blood erupting like small volcanoes all over my body, and even though I've managed to dodge some, it still won't help.

I try to fight, but I know how it will end. I know because I can start to feel it, so I run. I try. After all, these bullets aren't real, are they? I don't know anymore, I can't think anymore. I've got the phone in my hand now, but I don't know it anymore.

Crying now, screaming, the agony is so much. Hands touching me, but I can't hear it. Angels lifting me up and away? Everything is gone, all but my name. Neo? "Neo!" I hear that, and then it's all gone. Everything is gone.

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Wow…all of that chapter took way too long than it should have. I'm terribly sorry, even though I had to revise it. This should be the second to last chapter if everything works out ok. Thanks for sticking with me!