After Gandalf explained he couldn't get Toast's hand out for the fifty- millionth time, they decided to walk off again. Toast's hand was still stuck in Jack's ribs, and her back was cramping, from leaning over too long.

"Are we there yet?" Toast asked, a bit annoyed.

"No." Replied Gandalf.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No we are not there yet, and if you ask that one more time, I will turn you into a toad!"

She nodded, then whispered to Jack. Legolas rolled his eyes, as he heard what she said to him.

Jack turned to Gandalf, "Are we there yet?"

Gandalf cringed. A loud scream was heard in the not too far distance.

"HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Toast begins humming the Indiana Jones theme song, as Bottle also joined in, followed by Kiwi.

"Stop that!" Parlet said.

"Finally, your speaking to me.or at all!" She then switches to the sponge bob theme song.

"Ohh god." Parlet mumbled.

Toast begins singing, "Are ya ready kids? Aye Aye Capitan! I cant hear you, Aye Aye Capitan! Ohhhhhhhh, Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! Absorbent and yellow and porous as he? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! If nothing but nonsense be something you wish? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! Then plop on the deck and flop like a fish! SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS, SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS, SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS, SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS, SPONGE BOB SQUARE PAAAAAANTS!!!!"

"Shut up!" Bottle said, hitting her over the head with a bottle.

"Hey look! Its Bottle Jr.!"

"Hardy har har." Bottle said back to her.

The screaming was heard again. "HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Toast then began humming the Indiana Jones song again, then switched to jeopardy.

The fellowship rushed over to see what it was. It was a girl, tied up next to a well, with geese sorounding her.

"That's the lass that was with me on my ship!" Jack said.

"I got out." Said the girl.

Kiwi and Bottle got down to untie her.

"I have no where to stay, can I walk with you guys?"

"Of course!" Toast said.

"Whats your name?" Kiwi asked.

"Isilwen Elensar." She replied.

"Well, alright, Isilwen.can you come over here, so I can see you?" Toast said to her, still facing Jack.

Isilwen walked over to her. "Hi! Ohh my God! I know who you are!! Your Toast!!! I was reading one of your stories, Damm Lamps!, when I was kidnapped by geese and tied up!" she said, as the geese fled away.

"Uhh, huh. Do you want a nickname?" Kiwi asked.

"Isilwen is fine.just fine." She said.

"Alright." Said bottle.

Pippin went around the well Isilwen had been tied to, and saw a skeleton sitting on it. There was something between the neck and the helmet. Pippin began twisting it, and the head fell off and down the well. Followed by the body, then the chain that was also attatched to a bucket. The noise was tremendous.

"YOU FOOL OF A TOOK!" Gandalf yelled.

"SHUT UP YOU OLD BAG!!" Toast screamed, still bending at Jack's stomach.

Pippin's guilty look turned a bit warm, with the feeling that she was sticking up for him.

The whole fellowship was watching in amaizement.

"Now, now Toast. No need to get all feisty." Parlet said.

"Shut up, he's making Pippin feel bad. Its not bad to be curious!!!" Toast barked back.

Pippin was smiling. "Thank you Toast."

Toast turned her head to the side, to see Pippin and smiled. "Any time."

There were drums sounding in the distance.

"Orcs." Kiwi said.

Everyone ignored her.

"Orcs." Legolas said as Frodo pulled his glowey sword out.

Everyone got scared.

"HOW THE F*** AM I GUNNA FIGHT LIKE THIS?!!!" Toast yelled out.

"Hide!" Pippin said, mainly to Toast.

Toast and Jack hid behind a well, and Toast took out a little paper that Bottle had given her, earlier, in private. The paper was folded into a small, palm size piece of paper, that originally had Table of Contents on it, along with four different sections with page numbers on it, and a picture of Merry and Pippin on an Ent. The section that was seen, in the palm of her hand was mainly a rectangle around the area where Pippin was. Toast then realized something.

"Hey Boromir, slide your head back!" she said casually, and as he did move his head back a bit, an arrow went straight for the door side, where his head had been.

She smirked a bit, then clutched the picture in her hand, then placing it in her pocket. Jack hadn't seen the picture, but did see the writing in red ink on her palm, which said 'Pippin', and the I's were dotted with little hearts.

Jack smirked, looking at her palm. Toast looked up and saw him like so. "WHAT?!" she closed her hand tightly.

"Ohh nothing.just a bit.interesting."

"Ohh shut up you bloody pirate!"

"And your not one?" he said back, looking at her attire.

"Shut it!"

He smirked, and Toast saw, so she slapped him across the face.

"I may have deserved that."

She snickered a bit, as the fellowship now began fighting.

Toast was horrifyied at what she saw. Instead of a heard of orcs, there was a giant heard of lamps, that were throwing spoons around. She then curled her P.E. homework into a telescope like curve, and began hitting random lamps, and spoons out of her way.

Jack's stomach was hurting during all of this, but had gotten used to it.

One lamp took her homework and threw it down the well.

"MY P.E. HOMEWORK SLASH WEAPON!!" she screamed. "That's it! No more Mr. Nice Lamps!!" she took Jack's sword and began slicing the bulb's of the lamps, killing them all.

After Toast defeated all the Damn Lamps, the fellowship all looked at her astonished. The room was now silent, everyone too speechless to talk.

The silence was quickly disrupted by the booming of an abnormal Damn lamp. Giant spoons were being swong by the giant Lamp. Toast cringed.

"How did I know this was going to happen!?" Cried out Toast, hiding under Jack. To her it felt wrong being under this pirate, and of course he felt it wrong for her to be under him.

"You feed one pidgon, the whole flock comes." Bottle said as he continued to hit the evil lampie of Doom! He then took out a bread stick, and yelled at everyone, "Look at me, im a human food processor!!" and began eating the breadstick. Everyone stopped fighting to look at him, including the giant lamp. They all continued again. The lamp stabbed Frodo in the chest with the back of a spoon, causing him to fall to the floor in pain.

"Cry baby." Toast mumbled under her breath.

"Look at me! Im Jumping!!!" Bottle screamed out as he began jumping. They all stopped fighting again, to watch him, then shortly returned to fighting. "La la la la la." He sang as he joined the fight. All of the sudden Bottle ripped off his shirt revealing his masculinity and killed the giant lamp. Everyone cheered and Pippin bowed down before him.

"You deserve to have Toast."

"What the f*** is that supposed to mean?!" Amaised by Bottle's Manleyness.

"Well I can see that you love him." Pippin said.

"No! I love you Pip!"

Bottle was then taken away by five Elvin strippers. Pippin was in awe, and Toast noticed a string hanging by Bottle's side. Toast pulled the string and his manly chest flew away, and the strippers left him and ran away, as he wasn't masculine anymore. That was soon followed with laughs from everyone.

"Aww how cute!" Isilwen said as she looked over to Pippin and Toast.

"Aww how cute!" Kiwi said, looking at Bottle. It now looked as if Bottle had chesticalls.

"Squeek! Squeek!" was the sound they made as kiwi squeesed Bottle's boobies.

Bottle was now giggling at how they just popped, and was back to his normal self, without a shirt and only normal if he ever was.

Toast was now blushing at what she had just done and said, then realizing what had gone on in the past, and how she thought Pippin hated her. Bill, the man in her brain, not the pony, made her tell him otherwise.

"I didn't mean it." Toast said to Pippin.

Pippin was now angry again.

"Can I please be discluded in this?!" Jack said.

"Only when moon light hits, thankyouverymuch." Toast said, looking from his crotch, to his face, smirking a bit.

"What do you see down there?" he asked in curiosity.

"Ohh nothing.just when I first saw pirates of the Caribbean, I wated to do this, except the fact that my hand is in your stomach."

"Do what exactly?!" Isilwen and Kiwi asked.

Toast grabbed his crotch. "Nice size." She said with an evil smirk.

Jack was now a bit embarrassed, but pleased, so he also had a smirk on his face, to cover the blushing.

Pippin looked as if he wanted to rip someone's -cough- Bottle and Jack's -cough- head off.

"Ohh calm down Pippin!" Kiwi yelled at him.

"Toast molested Sparrow, Toast Molested Sparrow, Toast Molested Sparrow!!" Bottle began chanting, followed by Kiwi and Islwen.

The rest of the fellowship looked horrifyied, as if they had seen a ghost.

"What is it?!" Toast yelled, as she saw everyone run to Frodo. He was now getting up.

"Its Methril!" Toast yelled from afar.

She heard Aragorn mumble something about a wild bore, since no one was listening to her.

"Methril, your full of suprises master Baggins." Said Gimli.

The moon was now shining, and they all looked towards them, looking horifyied, AGAIN.

"What?!" Toast knew something was up, as even Kiwi, Bottle, and Isilwen looked as scared. Toast then felt her hand free, and she looked up to Jack, to see a skeleton.

"IM FREE IM FREE IM FREE!!" Toast yelled then noticed that now Jack was looking scared at her.

Bottle now began drooling, as he looked at her, and held something in his pocket.

"WHAT?! Methril isn't that big of a deal, I mean even I have some on." She tore off her shirt revealing a Methril bra.

They were all surprised, none looking disgusted. The guys were all smirking.

"WHAT?! Its not like you havnt seen a girl in a bra before!" she said. She then looked down, and noticed that her nails were long and black. 'Ohh my god!' she thought.

Bottle, Pippin and Jack now looked a bit still surprised, but in a lusty way.

"I didn't know they were real." Jack said.

"They look pretty big to me." Bottle said, with a smirk as big as Jack's.

"They are still fake!" said Kiwi in jelousy.

"Lets see if they are, and if this is really Toast." Bottle said.

"What do you mean if I'm really Toast!? Of course im Toast!!"

"You don't look like her." Jack said.

"Mirror! MIRROR NOW!!" Toast yelled out.

Isilwen handed her a mirror.

Toast gasped, but looked quite happy. "YAY YAY YAY!!" she screamed out.

In the mirror she saw an at least 20 times sexier female with longish black hair and red streaks with red flaming eyes. Her skin now looked quite paleish. This was Toast's True form.

"Why do you look like that then?!" Bottle asked.

"Well DUH!! Because im the Devil Mistress, and this is my true form, but I was trapped in that beeyatch's body."

"Where is she now?" Pippin asked.

"Ohh she'll be back on Earth.I know it." She said, sighing a bit.

Bottle took out a lighter. "Well I still wanna know if your boobs are real." He said as he lit the lighter. "If they are fake, they'll burn."

"Ohh god, ohh god, ohhgod!" Toast screamed out as he came closer to her, bracing herself for the burn.

He lit the bra on fire, trying to burn the boobs.

The screams coming from Toast was so high pitched, only dogs would have been able to hear it.

He turned the lighter off. "They wont burn. Lets try another test. If I smack them together will they hurt?"

"DUH!!" Toast said, but was ignored by him.

He smacked them together. "OWW!" she yelped out.

"Allright, lets see, how about if they shrink in water." He took out a water bucket. "Take off your bra."

"WHAT THE F***!?!"

"TAKE IT OFF NOW!!!!!!" He ordered her.

She shut her eyes, fiddling with the bra.

"YOUR TAKING TOO LONG!" he ran behind her and snapped it off.

Toast felt a cold chill run down her back. 'Ohh god.' She thought to herself.

"Now dunk em in the bucket."

She leaned over placing them in the bucket.

Toast, Jack, Pippin, Parlet, Aragorn, and everyone else except for Isilwen and Kiwi looked at her closely.

"PRIVACY PLEASE!" Toast yelled out.

"No can do. Must watch to see if they'll shrink." Bottle said.

After a few minutes of the water, he told her to come out. She did, and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Now to see if theyre's any plastics or rubbers or whatever they are under them." Bottle said as he stuck out his hand to touch under them.

"HELL NAH! I DRAW THE LINE THERE!!" Toast yelled.

The two other girls were playing cards in the corner.

"Jack. Help." Bottle said.

Jack came over and held her hands behind her back, as Bottle began feeling under her boobs for any type of adjustment. After a minute or two of struggling, and Bottle feeling her, she was released, and began crying a bit.

Bill told her to stop crying, and that at least it was done by sexy men.

"Ohh shut up Bill!"

Sam perked up. "Bills here?!"

"No!" Toast yelled out.

"The Janitor?" Asked Bottle.

"NO!! THE MAN WHO LIVES IN MY HEAD AND CONTROLS MY BRAIN YOU MORONS!!"

"Ohh Okay." They said.

"Ohh great, I don't have a shirt now."