~*~Disclaimer=Me no own~*~Well, the end is here! It's the final chapter of
Remembering Me, just to tie up some loose ends basically, I'd still love
your reviews for the story overall though! Yes, Hannah Tarry is real; the
idea was that who do you turn to for help? Your friends of course! She's
one of his oldest friends, so naturally he'd turn to her for help-hope that
cleared it up slightly~*~
Lt Malcolm Reed: Personal Log
It's been a week since the incident with Sagfa in sickbay. I've been down on the planet a few times to give evidence, I hear Lonte's been stripped of his status but I don't know about the justice system on the planet.
Slowly but surely my memory's returning now, there's still some blanks, but apparently that's only to be expected. Most of the crew have been abnormally cheerful when around me-it's like being stuck in happyland with no exit. Everyone's trying to get me to talk to them, confide in them. I honestly don't want to, it's not that I don't trust them-I do, but some things I'd prefer to stay private.
I've remembered things I've blocked since the day they happened-but I'm not going to let that get me down, it was a long time ago.
Captain Archer called me to his ready room yesterday, I must've looked a right sight hobbling around on crutches, face bruised to buggery and hands with lovely red scabs on the knuckles. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do for me. He said the others had noticed I'd been more quiet and withdrawn than ever.
So I thought about Hannah's letter and what she said. I asked him if I could use the long range transmitters to contact someone back on earth. He agreed and then enquired as to who I intended to talk to. My parents? Not flippin' likely! My sister? Not this time. I told him I wanted to contact Lieutenant Hannah Tarry, a doctor at Starfleet academy.
"Hi Hannah" said Malcolm smiling a little.
"Malcolm!" Hannah exclaimed grinning then her face fell. "What happened?"
"Homicidal aliens trying to kill me because I witnessed a murder and then woke up with total retro-grade amnesia, so I didn't know anything or anyone and then you visited me in my unconscious mind and did your usual everything-will-be-fine-as-long-as-they-don't-kill-you routine" He replied.
There was a pause as she processed all the information.
"So basically you've had a crap few weeks or days and you just needed a chat?" she said.
Malcolm nodded sheepishly and watched as his friend got comfortable on her sofa.
"Let me guess, everyone on board Enterprise has been in ultra-chirpy mode to try and get you to talk to them?" Hannah asked "And I take it you've decided that some of your memories are best kept private and you would prefer it if not everyone on board knew about your ins and outs because you think the ship grapevine will be singin' in seconds?"
Malcolm blinked. "How do you do that?" He asked in amazement "Have you got a camera inside my brain or something?"
"Nowt like that Mal, don't be stupid. It's called years of practice at reading those seemingly blank expressions of yours" she replied grinning.
Malcolm smiled.
"It was....awful, I didn't know anyone or anything. I was injured and I felt all alone" he admitted. "I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, everytime I fell asleep I dreamt of my father and what he used to do to me. I couldn't even escape the fear in my sleep. Then the aliens on the planet found out I was alive and kicking and sent the original homicidal alien to try and kill me with a slow actin' poison. Apparently Doctor Phlox found the cure in the nick of time. You know what? I actually felt disappointed like I wanted him to kill me or something."
"Go on" said Hannah softly.
"People who said they were my friends kept coming to see me; I had guards round my bedside night and day." Malcolm continued trying to control the build up of emotion inside of him. "They kept asking the same question over and over and over again. 'Do you remember me? Am I familiar to you?' Each time I'd shake my head and see that disappointed look on their faces which they unsuccessfully tried to hide, then they'd try smiling and talking like nothing had happened. I was stuck in my own personal hell. An empty void during the day, a fearful wreck by night. Hannah I honestly thought I was going insane! No one seemed to understand, it was just another thing they had to help 'poor little Malcolm' through."
He stared at his cast bitterly.
"Then, I had this dream. It was bloody weird! For some reason you were stood there talking to me, something about memories-I don't know I can't remember. You were a figment of my imagination trying to take me where I needed to go to recover or something like that." He said ruefully "To be honest you seemed a bit spazed out if I remember rightly."
Hannah laughed.
"Trust you ta think of me when I'm clinically insane!" she exclaimed. Then her face sobered again. "That's not all of it is it? C'mon, you've told me this much you might as well tell me the rest"
"I started to remember stuff, more stuff not just from childhood. Then the alien came back to try and finish the job." He said. "I insulted him, I provoked him, and I told him to kill me! I even instructed him how to do it Hannah! I told the alien how to kill me and I told him to do it right this time!"
"Why?" Hannah asked softly.
"Because I was tired, tired of not knowing, tired of remembering my childhood, tired of being guarded day and night, tired of the stupid bloody people who kept asking STUPID BLOODY QUESTIONS! I was tired of this universe and everyone in it and I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, I wanted it all to end." Malcolm replied quietly
"What changed your mind?" Hannah asked her voice breaking slightly.
"He started kicking on of my friends-Trip Tucker-remember?" he began
Hannah nodded.
"I lost it, I completely lost all control and in spite of my injuries I leapt off the biobed and I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!" Malcolm continued his voice rising. "He fired at me, the shot narrowly missed me, going under my arm and just ripping the skin off. Then he kicked me.....in the nether regions. Then all the pain came rushing back I watched as one of the guards shot him then I passed out."
"Aww Mal, you've had a crap time." Said Hannah seemingly at a loss for words. "I wish I could be there for you right now, I'm glad you got it off your chest though. I'm proud of you Malcolm"
"Why?" he asked miserably
"Because you faced all that and even when you wanted to end it all you didn't. That takes a good man to do that. Plus even in your weakened state you still managed to deck the bastard!" she proclaimed.
They talked a while longer on what had happened to him until eventually the subject was all talked out.
"So."Malcolm paused "How are the cadets doing with the phasers now?"
"Well, one of them-as thick as two short bricks to tell the truth, accidentally shot himself" said Hannah smiling at the memory
"Where?" asked Malcolm not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"I have no idea how he did it, but. According to the cadet who brought him in he dropped the phaser, it discharged and caught him square in the nads" she told him.
Malcolm winced
"Is he ok?" he asked
"He's fine, of course if he wants it to heal properly he'll have to avoid any bedroom activities for a bit" Hannah replied "Poor sod, the rest of the time it's just been routine mostly.".......
There's nothing like talking to someone who's prepared to listen before chipping in their comments.
I do actually feel better now I've talked everything through with Hannah, I felt really guilty afterwards though for dumping all my problems on her. She's never complained, she always argues that I listen to her drone on all the time so it's only fair she listens to me drone on. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or appraised by this remark but I let it slide.
I feel almost normal, well as normal as normal gets for me. Trip and the crew still don't know the full story of why I was withdrawn for a while, I'm not sure if I'll ever tell them. It's nice to know they were there for me even if they weren't helping in the slightest.
I even took the plunge and invited Hoshi to movie night with me-she accepted straight away-now all I have to worry about is not making a prat of myself. Oh bloody hell I'm screwed!
The End?
~*~Reviews still welcome on your overall comments on the story, I might add a sequel because in my lil head there are avenues that can still be explored. The next chapter of the story will be a thanks page to al those who reviewed because I reckon they all deserve their own special mention!~*~
Lt Malcolm Reed: Personal Log
It's been a week since the incident with Sagfa in sickbay. I've been down on the planet a few times to give evidence, I hear Lonte's been stripped of his status but I don't know about the justice system on the planet.
Slowly but surely my memory's returning now, there's still some blanks, but apparently that's only to be expected. Most of the crew have been abnormally cheerful when around me-it's like being stuck in happyland with no exit. Everyone's trying to get me to talk to them, confide in them. I honestly don't want to, it's not that I don't trust them-I do, but some things I'd prefer to stay private.
I've remembered things I've blocked since the day they happened-but I'm not going to let that get me down, it was a long time ago.
Captain Archer called me to his ready room yesterday, I must've looked a right sight hobbling around on crutches, face bruised to buggery and hands with lovely red scabs on the knuckles. He wanted to know if there was anything he could do for me. He said the others had noticed I'd been more quiet and withdrawn than ever.
So I thought about Hannah's letter and what she said. I asked him if I could use the long range transmitters to contact someone back on earth. He agreed and then enquired as to who I intended to talk to. My parents? Not flippin' likely! My sister? Not this time. I told him I wanted to contact Lieutenant Hannah Tarry, a doctor at Starfleet academy.
"Hi Hannah" said Malcolm smiling a little.
"Malcolm!" Hannah exclaimed grinning then her face fell. "What happened?"
"Homicidal aliens trying to kill me because I witnessed a murder and then woke up with total retro-grade amnesia, so I didn't know anything or anyone and then you visited me in my unconscious mind and did your usual everything-will-be-fine-as-long-as-they-don't-kill-you routine" He replied.
There was a pause as she processed all the information.
"So basically you've had a crap few weeks or days and you just needed a chat?" she said.
Malcolm nodded sheepishly and watched as his friend got comfortable on her sofa.
"Let me guess, everyone on board Enterprise has been in ultra-chirpy mode to try and get you to talk to them?" Hannah asked "And I take it you've decided that some of your memories are best kept private and you would prefer it if not everyone on board knew about your ins and outs because you think the ship grapevine will be singin' in seconds?"
Malcolm blinked. "How do you do that?" He asked in amazement "Have you got a camera inside my brain or something?"
"Nowt like that Mal, don't be stupid. It's called years of practice at reading those seemingly blank expressions of yours" she replied grinning.
Malcolm smiled.
"It was....awful, I didn't know anyone or anything. I was injured and I felt all alone" he admitted. "I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, everytime I fell asleep I dreamt of my father and what he used to do to me. I couldn't even escape the fear in my sleep. Then the aliens on the planet found out I was alive and kicking and sent the original homicidal alien to try and kill me with a slow actin' poison. Apparently Doctor Phlox found the cure in the nick of time. You know what? I actually felt disappointed like I wanted him to kill me or something."
"Go on" said Hannah softly.
"People who said they were my friends kept coming to see me; I had guards round my bedside night and day." Malcolm continued trying to control the build up of emotion inside of him. "They kept asking the same question over and over and over again. 'Do you remember me? Am I familiar to you?' Each time I'd shake my head and see that disappointed look on their faces which they unsuccessfully tried to hide, then they'd try smiling and talking like nothing had happened. I was stuck in my own personal hell. An empty void during the day, a fearful wreck by night. Hannah I honestly thought I was going insane! No one seemed to understand, it was just another thing they had to help 'poor little Malcolm' through."
He stared at his cast bitterly.
"Then, I had this dream. It was bloody weird! For some reason you were stood there talking to me, something about memories-I don't know I can't remember. You were a figment of my imagination trying to take me where I needed to go to recover or something like that." He said ruefully "To be honest you seemed a bit spazed out if I remember rightly."
Hannah laughed.
"Trust you ta think of me when I'm clinically insane!" she exclaimed. Then her face sobered again. "That's not all of it is it? C'mon, you've told me this much you might as well tell me the rest"
"I started to remember stuff, more stuff not just from childhood. Then the alien came back to try and finish the job." He said. "I insulted him, I provoked him, and I told him to kill me! I even instructed him how to do it Hannah! I told the alien how to kill me and I told him to do it right this time!"
"Why?" Hannah asked softly.
"Because I was tired, tired of not knowing, tired of remembering my childhood, tired of being guarded day and night, tired of the stupid bloody people who kept asking STUPID BLOODY QUESTIONS! I was tired of this universe and everyone in it and I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, I wanted it all to end." Malcolm replied quietly
"What changed your mind?" Hannah asked her voice breaking slightly.
"He started kicking on of my friends-Trip Tucker-remember?" he began
Hannah nodded.
"I lost it, I completely lost all control and in spite of my injuries I leapt off the biobed and I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!" Malcolm continued his voice rising. "He fired at me, the shot narrowly missed me, going under my arm and just ripping the skin off. Then he kicked me.....in the nether regions. Then all the pain came rushing back I watched as one of the guards shot him then I passed out."
"Aww Mal, you've had a crap time." Said Hannah seemingly at a loss for words. "I wish I could be there for you right now, I'm glad you got it off your chest though. I'm proud of you Malcolm"
"Why?" he asked miserably
"Because you faced all that and even when you wanted to end it all you didn't. That takes a good man to do that. Plus even in your weakened state you still managed to deck the bastard!" she proclaimed.
They talked a while longer on what had happened to him until eventually the subject was all talked out.
"So."Malcolm paused "How are the cadets doing with the phasers now?"
"Well, one of them-as thick as two short bricks to tell the truth, accidentally shot himself" said Hannah smiling at the memory
"Where?" asked Malcolm not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
"I have no idea how he did it, but. According to the cadet who brought him in he dropped the phaser, it discharged and caught him square in the nads" she told him.
Malcolm winced
"Is he ok?" he asked
"He's fine, of course if he wants it to heal properly he'll have to avoid any bedroom activities for a bit" Hannah replied "Poor sod, the rest of the time it's just been routine mostly.".......
There's nothing like talking to someone who's prepared to listen before chipping in their comments.
I do actually feel better now I've talked everything through with Hannah, I felt really guilty afterwards though for dumping all my problems on her. She's never complained, she always argues that I listen to her drone on all the time so it's only fair she listens to me drone on. I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or appraised by this remark but I let it slide.
I feel almost normal, well as normal as normal gets for me. Trip and the crew still don't know the full story of why I was withdrawn for a while, I'm not sure if I'll ever tell them. It's nice to know they were there for me even if they weren't helping in the slightest.
I even took the plunge and invited Hoshi to movie night with me-she accepted straight away-now all I have to worry about is not making a prat of myself. Oh bloody hell I'm screwed!
The End?
~*~Reviews still welcome on your overall comments on the story, I might add a sequel because in my lil head there are avenues that can still be explored. The next chapter of the story will be a thanks page to al those who reviewed because I reckon they all deserve their own special mention!~*~