Author's Note

Okay, If you've read 'Shadows and Fog' you've heard that I'm using Chapter titles to create 'mini soundtracks'.  Here we go for 'Illusions and Half Truths'

Best You Can Get – Veruca Salt

If it isn't Her – Ani DiFranco (You knew there would be some Ani)

Walk Away – Ben Harper

Beautiful – Joydrop

Breathe In – Frou Frou

Hiding Underwater – Beth Hart

Okay guys I decided to be very very nice and get the lyrics for the songs I suggested…I don't own any of them…the artists, record companies and publishers do…

Veruca Salt – Best You Can Get

She's all crazy and shit
She shows off her tits
She's just a corn-fed white-bred chick
Born in the right zip code
She comes with a gold card
She'll never have to pay for it

What would she do without you?
What would she do without you?
What would she do?

He's not afraid of the future
He's hot off the platter
He's been handed a blank check
Phi beta date rape ya
He's brung an agenda
And he's got a place to put it

What would he do without you?
What would he do without you?
What would he do?

Is this the best that you can get?
Is this the best that you can get?
(the best that you can get, the best that you can get)
Is this the best that you can get?
(the best that you can get)

What did you expect?

I'm not afraid of the ocean, afraid of devotion
I've got the balls to prove it

What would I do without you
What would I do without you
What would I do without you

what would I do
what would I do
what would I do
what would I do without you
what would I do without you
what would I do without you
what would I do without you
what would I do-oo
what would I do-oo
what would I do-oo
what would I do

Ani DiFranco - "If It Isn't Her"

standing like john Wayne
she is full framed
she is center stage
and my imagination is
rattling in its cage
I didn't really notice
when everything else disappeared
but as far as I'm concerned
if it isn't her
it isn't here

she says do I know you
I say well, no, not biblically
but I've been waiting for you come
and talk to me
I have been playing
too many of those boy girl games
she says honey you are safe here
this is a girl girl thing

I told him I loved him
so he thought I'd roll over and play dead
he was god's gift to hypocrisy
with weak knees and a big fat head
she says honey don't tell me
that old story
you are boring me
just tell me do you like me
tell me what you're gonna do
now that you're free

standing like john wayne
she is full framed
she is center stage
and my imagination
is rattling in its cage
I didn't really notice
when everything else disappeared
but as far as I'm concerned
if it isn't her
it isn't here
as far as I'm concerned
if it isn't her
it isn't here

Ben Harper - "Walk Away"

Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And (that) means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.

We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.


Joydrop - Beautiful

If I was beautiful like you,

Oh the things I would do
those not so blessed would be crying out murder

And I'd just laugh and get away
with it too. Like you do.

If I was beautiful like you,

I would never be at fault
I'd walk in the rain between the raindrops,

Bringing traffic to a halt.

But that will never be,

That will never ever be.

Cuz I'm not beautiful like you.
I'm beautiful like me.

If I was beautiful like you,

I'd be quick to assume,

That they'd do anything to please me

Why not? I see their reaction when you walk into the room.

But that will never be,

That will never ever be.

Cuz I'm not beautiful like you.
I'm beautiful like me.


If I was beautiful like you,

I'd have so many friends

Always fighting for my time
to be next in line.

So if I hurt one, I wouldn't have to make amends.

But that will never be,

That will never ever be.

Cuz I'm not beautiful like you.
I'm beautiful like me.

Frou Frou - Breathe In

I - read you - and god I'm good at it - I'm so spot on
Chord - shapes in air - go press that dissonance - if you dare
And you - breathing in - finesse an innocent
From her partying

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love, you know...

What - part of no - don't you understand - I've told you before
To just get - off my case - this isn't happening - stop this now
And I - where was I? - I have to be somewhere
Now where did I put it?

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love you, no...

Is this it - is this it - is this it?

Yes - hello we're back - and we're taking calls
Now what was the question?

And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
Cause I love you no?
Can't help but love you, no...

Beth Hart – Hiding Underwater


Heaven don't want me
Heaven don't fool me
No one will understand
and its alright

Feeling these changes
Everybody is strangers
No one will lend a hand
And I guess that's life
(1 2 3 4)

Ya say you got a feeling
You figured out the writing on the wall
And angels on the ceiling
Don't calm you, when you call
So you found your own religion
And search your heart for something more
Stood naked in the kitchen, tryin to wipe yourself off of the floor

No I won't take you for granted
These broken arms can hold you
No I wont take you for granted, yeah

You say it don't matter
You're living life and living alone
And hear the phoney laughter
Echoing on and on
You're hiding under water
I pray to god wash me away
Cant hear the child's wonder
The innocence got hushed along the way

No I wont take you for granted
These broken arms can hold you
No I wont take you for granted

No I wont leave you abandoned
This broken heart can love you still
No I wont take you for granted

And you don't say you will
But inside I know
And you don't say that it hurts
And tonight you've shown
All the love in the world
Wont let you let go

Let you let go-o-o-o

Hold on your soul will rise again
I know that it will
Hold on you're soul will rise again
I say that it will
Hold on your soul will rise again
I know that it will now

Heaven don't want me
Heaven don't fool me
No one could give a damn
And I guess that's life

You say ya got a feeling.....