AN: All right, I've gotten sick and tired of thinking up new ways to do disclaimers. So, no more. Read the others and be happy.
ASN: And do not sue.
AN: Yes, and do not sue.
Chapter 13: Top Secret Mission-Sort of
Corporal Grub Kelp wasn't a bad guy. He had no plans for earning millions of dollars or world domination. He just wanted a little bit of fame.
Defea had cornered him when she had first started this smuggling ring. The centaur had played upon the corporal's pride, flattering him with his bravery against that one Mud Man of Artemis Fowl's, and generally sucking up to him.
"Now, Grub." she had purred. "There's a top secret mission that the LEP has decided you're good enough for."
"R-really?" Grub had stammered. "A top secret mission?"
"Yes. Top secret. You see," Defea had leaned in at this point, lowering her voice, "the Council has decided to try to contact the Mud Men."
"What?!"
"The Council wants to contact the Mud Men." Defea had repeated. "You see, they want to find out if they have matured enough to be trusted. So, they have chosen one Mud Man, named Kegel, to test."
"Test?" Grub had echoed. "Test how?"
"They will provide Kegel with some obscure, outdated, and generally useless fairy technology. To the Mud Men, it will be amazing. If Kegel can put it to good use, and not do something unmoral with it, then we will try contacting others."
"And what do I need to do?" Grub had asked.
"You need to deliver the technology to the specified place every so often. We'll have to use one of the abandoned shafts so no one detects us. After all," the centaur had finished her story solemnly. "Some of the People don't want to become friends with the Mud Men. We can't have those People stopping us."
"So I can't tell anyone?" Grub had said. "Not even Commander Root? Not even Trouble??"
"No one." Defea had repeated. "You're the only one we can trust. After all, you met that Butler and didn't lose your head. You're perfect for this."
Elated, Grub had agreed to help Defea in any technology transportation she needed.
**********
"Sure." Grub said, now accustomed to the work Defea had him do. Delivering technology had gotten very boring after a while. "What do you need me to take?"
"This." Defea had gone down to her lab, and was now handing Grub a disk. She then bent down and wrote a little instruction note.
Install on computer. New program should come up called traku.pro. Click on it. From there, type in any name, account number or last known email, and it will deliver all information, including account password.
"There." Defea said triumphantly. "Perfect." She handed the note to Grub. "You need to get that to the meeting place by nine tonight."
"Allrighty." Grub said, turning to leave. "Anything else?"
"Nope." Defea said. "Don't dawdle."
Grub looked injured. "I never dawdle."
**********
Kegel was getting very, very bored. It was almost nine. There was still about an hour to go. He had never seen how Defea got her things up here. He just hoped it was with a person, and not automated. If it was a machine, he would have a serious problem.
Suddenly, a small person appeared. It almost looked like a midget. Very short, but grown up. Well, sort of.
The person strolled to the tree and laid a small package under it. It was wearing some sort of helmet, and a greenish jumpsuit. It seemed bored too.
It stopped being bored when Kegel wrapped his arms around it, pinning it firmly.
"Gak!" it squeaked. It sounded vaguely male, but young. A boy?
Kegel yanked the helmet off the struggling figure. Its ears were in delicate points. He grinned, and then clapped a rag dipped in chloroform over its nose.
The fairy slowly ceased his fighting. After a minute or so, he was unconscious in the computer nerd's arms. Kegel grinned. And the plan was under way.
**********
He returned to his laboratory with the package and the hostage in a large blue duffel bag. He sauntered past the secretary's desk/security checkpoint with an airy wave. "Good evening, Anna dahhling."
The secretary looked up, an unamused expression on her face. "Well, that's new." she said dryly. "What's in the bag, and it's Miss Wetzel."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Kegel apologized. "One of my friends calls everybody that and I guess it's just rubbing off."
The secretary couldn't resist. "You have friends?" she inquired.
"Why, Anna, I'm hurt."
"Miss Wetzel." she muttered, turning back to her computer. Kegel shrugged and continued down the hall. She took a deep breath. One of these days, he'd say something nasty enough she'd be able to slap a harassment suit on him and get the nerd kicked out. Until that glorious day, she'd just ignore the creep and check him through like anybody else. Wait…the bag!
"Stephen!" she called.
The nerd didn't even break stride. "It's Mr. Kegel."
With difficulty, the secretary held back her scream. "I need… to check… your bag."
Kegel turned and started to stroll back down the hall. "Why Anna, I didn't think you cared."
The secretary sighed deeply and rubbed her aching head. She was going to be off duty in three minutes; why couldn't Kegel have waited just a little bit to go on one of his all-nighters?
"Forget it." she snapped, waving him away.
Kegel stopped in his tracks, dismay written all over his face. "Oh, all right then. I guess I'll see you later?" he asked hopefully.
I hope not. "Perhaps." she said, picking up her stack of papers to go home. "I'll tell the night shift you're here."
"Thank you, Anna. Have a good evening." he said smoothly.
"Yeah, you too." she muttered, not-quite-running down the hall towards the elevator.
Kegel grinned and headed to his laboratory. The computer nerd then promptly called Defea.
"Defea, dahhling." he said in a fine imitation of her flippant attitude.
"Hey." The centaur greeted him absently. "Did you get the disk? How does it work? I was a little worried it would be too advanced for your technology. So behind, you Mud Men are."
"Yeah." Kegel grinned. "So behind. I wonder if grabbing your little man was just luck."
Defea blinked. "What?"
Kegel just held up his hostage. Grub's arms were pinned behind him, and his eyelids were very heavy. He was just waking up.
"Urrgg…" he moaned.
"Grub?!" Defea gasped.
"Is that his name?" Kegel said, very pleased with cracking Defea's persistent sarcastic manner. "He wouldn't- excuse me, couldn't- tell me."
"How dare you?" Defea snarled. "Grub is nothing. He's barely old enough to live on his own, for heaven's sake!"
"But you'd pay well to get him back, wouldn't you?" Kegel said sweetly.
Defea looked shocked. "Why, Stephen, are you blackmailing me?" After a moment, she smirked. "I didn't think you had the guts."
"Oh," Kegel snapped, "I do. And I'll hurt the little thing if I have to." He shook Grub angrily, and the elf moaned again.
Defea sighed, all cockiness gone. "All right." she muttered. "Don't hurt him. I'll pay it, whatever it is."
"Good." Kegel piped. "I want that magma technology. Just give me the metal, and tell me how to cram all that junk in a little space and I'll be happy." Defea stared at him.
"Haven't you been listening to me?!" she snarled. "I can't give it to you! I can't! My People will kill me!"
"Oh-ho." Kegel retorted. "Well, I can guarantee they'll want your head on a silver platter when 'Grub's' picture is splashed across the evening news. Especially when they find out it's all…your…fault."
Defea bared her teeth at him for a second. Then she looked at Grub's pitiful drugged figure, and she seemed to shrink. "Okay." she said softly.
"What was that?" Kegel pressed. Time to take the haughty centaur down a few pegs.
"Okay!!" Defea practically shrieked. "You'll get your technology. Just give me a couple of days."
Kegel frowned. "A couple days? Why?"
Defea looked at him scornfully. "Puh-lease." she scoffed. "Number one, that's big technology you want, something I don't have just lying around. And two, you've made off with my delivery boy."
"Oh." After a moment, Kegel gained his strength back. "All right. Three days. After that, you can check up on your friend's condition in The New York Times."
Defea did not look very happy. "Yeah, whatever." she said. "I'll see you in three days." The screen went blank, and Kegel resisted the urge to rub his hands together. He tossed the bleary Grub into his cell. It was a very quickly renovated closet. Basically it had cement walls, a steel door, and little flap to push food through. Kegel was proud of that flap. It was made to only move one way, so the prisoner couldn't crawl out, and it was booby trapped on the inside. He smirked.
"Sorry about the treatment." he said, not sounding sorry at all. "The food will be better."
Grub looked up at him. "W-who are you?" he asked hoarsely. Suddenly the little being blanched. "Where are my things?!"
Kegel shook his head. "That nasty looking gun is in safe storage. As for your helmet, I plan to take it apart here shortly and learn how it works."
Grub glared at him. Kegel shrugged. "Calm down; as long as Defea cooperates, you'll be fine."
Grub snorted. "Uh-huh. Don't bet on it, buster. You'll be sorry."
"Oh, really?" Kegel said, looking at the little being. "And why would I be sorry?"
"B-because when my brother finds out about this, you'll wish that you'd never heard of Trouble."
Kegel laughed. "You don't scare me, little man."
Grub grinned grimly. He knew what Trouble would do to this Mud Man. "Maybe I don't, but he will."
Kegel laughed again. It was hard to take this 'Grub' seriously when his knees were knocking together like that. Pitiful. His brother was probably just as pathetic, if not worse.
Grub took a deep breath. Here he was, exchanging threats with this Mud Man instead of doing what LEP procedure dictated! He had to stay strong. He had to try and mesmerize the creep.
"Hey, you!" Grub called when he belatedly realized the Mud Man was leaving.
Kegel turned, looking a little annoyed. "I have a name; it's Kegel."
"Kegel, huh?" Grub said, his voice resonating with deep tones. "Well, then Kegel, let me go."
The computer nerd stared at him for a second, then laughed. "That's great!" he chuckled. "I always knew I had a certain 'charm' about me, but I never dreamed fairies had it too!"
Grub's jaw was somewhere about his ankles. "But…but…the mesmer…"
Kegel shrugged. "I have a…talent of convincing my boss for raises. I never thought it that hard. What, is it something most people can't do?"
"Only a few certain humans are able to do the mesmer." Grub said reluctantly. Unfortunately, most humans who could mesmer were remarkably resistant against being mesmerized. "Consider yourself lucky."
"Oh, I do." Kegel said. "Because if I didn't, you would have been out of here a long time ago. This way, none of your fairy friends can stop me!" He laughed again, and left the cell.
Grub sat in his corner and sulked. That creep. This was not good. When Defea told her superiors about this, anyone they sent for a rescue would not be able to mesmerize Kegel into cooperating. And he couldn't warn them. D'Arvit!
AN: So for all of you who assumed Grub was the bad guy…
ASN: You know what they say about assuming.
AN: This chapter was a little bit longer than usual…
ASN: But that's okay, 'cause the next chapter will be a little shorter than usual.
AN: MUST YOU KEEP FINISHING ALL MY SENTENCES????!!!!
ASN: It's what I do best. Annoying you, that is.
AN: *sticks out tongue* Wait. An idea.
ASN: You have ideas??
AN: *sticks out tongue and makes rude gesture*
ASN: Where did you learn that?!
AN: You. In the car. When you drive. ANYWAY, what if we give the readers a preview of the upcoming chapter? If we start doing that, maybe we'll get more reviews.
ASN: Okaaaay. I can do this. Coming soon:
Artemis did not look amused. In fact, for the very first time Holly had ever seen, he looked downright pissed.
AN: Can you guess who made him mad? A Hint: It was a girl.
ASN: Well, that narrows it down to two.
AN: Three actually. Simone, Holly, and Juliet.
ASN: Okay, this note has gone on a little too long. We'll update soon!
AN: When we get to it.
ASN: Pessimist.
AN: Realist.