Edward Kidnastoff
By John Little
Chp. 3: Now Hiring
*****
Link heard a dull scratching, skittering sound. His eyes slowly opened to a dim light. Why was he lying on a metal floor? What was that skittering sound? It sounded so very familiar....
Link rolled to his feet, quickly associating the noise with the odd clicking sounds made by Skulltulas, Skullwalltulas, and other eight-legged monstrosities that he had been unfortunate enough to run into during his past. Link turned around hoping to see whatever creature was making this noise. Unfortunately, the noise stopped as soon as he rolled to his feet, thus making the sound difficult to track.
The room that Link saw seemed to be a large, circular chamber that was about half as large as the entirety of the Lon Lon Ranch. The entire chamber was constructed of an odd green metal with a dull light glowing from some unseen location. Perhaps the metal itself was glowing green, for all that Link could tell. The ceiling, roughly twenty feet above Link's head, was supported by several collections of thin, oddly shaped pillars.
The arrangement of the pillars was what caught Link's attention first, due to the sudden lack of skittering noises. He approached the closest group of the pillars to get a closer look. There were eight pillars in this group, each roughly as thick as the hilt of his Kokiri sword. There were odd connectors on the pillars, indicating that each pillar may have been constructed from smaller pillars (though "dowels" may have been a more appropriate wood). Link reached out to touch a pillar, and discovered that it was made from metal, just like the rest of this room.
The skittering noises began again, and this time just behind Link. He turned around quickly, but this only provoked the noises to cease yet again. He couldn't see a thing behind him. Link pulled out his Lens of Truth just to be on the safe side, but still couldn't see a thing. He put away the lens to conserve magic, and just used his normal eyes to nervously glance from side to side.
"Navi?" he whispered. "Navi, what's in here?"
There wasn't an answer. "Navi?" Link quickly rummaged through all of his pockets and his hat (including the pockets and hat of his other tunics), but Navi was no where to be found. "Where is she....let's see, I was riding home on Epona, she flew ahead, the big rectangle appeared....I must have fallen into that thing. Or I must've been pulled. Navi probably didn't get back in time."
Link felt an unusual sense of pride at being able to recollect his memories about the rectangle and surmise an opinion about what happened, probably due to the fact that he generally always had a fairy nearby that reminded him of his own memories and skills before he had a chance to, added to the fact that he had only risen from sleep just a few moments earlier.
Link turned back to look at the eight skinny pillars. As if on cue, the skittering noises began again. Link wheeled around, but not quickly enough to spy anything crawling towards him. He strained his eyes, but couldn't see anything but the green metal and more collections of pillars.
Link blinked once or twice, nearly convinced that he was only imagining things before he realized that one of the collections of pillars seemed to be closer than before. Just to be sure, Link turned his back on the suspected source of the noise, heard the skittering noises, and turned back. Sure enough, the eight pillars were definitely closer. Link unsheathed his sword and approached the eight moving pillars for a closer look. While from further away these pillars appeared to be exactly the same as the others, this one looked different at a close examination. The coloration seemed a bit paler, and there seemed to be some short, black wiry strands poking out of them.
Link looked up, but the pillars stretched all the way to the ceiling, just as in the other groups. He reached for the pillars to see if they felt different as well, but the pillar moved back, raising off the floor a bit as it did. Link was surprised at first, but the lack of hostile actions on the part of the pillars over the next few seconds prompted Link to cautiously step back instead of slashing wildly with his sword.
"What do you think of it, Mr. Link?"
Link quickly turned towards the voice, alarmed by the sudden break in the silence. Behind him, casually leaning against a wall, was a man. The man was a full head taller than Link, with brown hair that Link could only describe as wild. The man had a very gangly, energetic look to him with a sparkle in his eyes. He had a cool, confident smile, and was sporting a white garment the looked similar to a robe or toga in some respects, but was different from nearly any outfit that Link had ever seen. The closest would be the unusual white jacket worn by a man that Link had met in the Kingdom of Ikana.
The silence continued for several moments, Link unsure of how to respond. "Think of what?"
"That creature behind you. I'll admit that outside of this room there aren't many good ways to camouflage it, but I'm happy with how it is at the moment."
Link turned to look at the eight living pillars behind him again, noting that they hadn't moved any closer to him, and turned back towards the odd man in the white garment. "Who are you?"
The man just smiled and snapped his fingers. A section of the wall next to the man simply disappeared, revealing what looked like a hallway just outside. The man walked through, with Link following just behind him. The wall reappeared as they continued to walk down the long corridor.
"Let's see, who am I? Well,....I suppose my name is Doctor Edward Kidnastoff, though I've not been addressed directly by name for quite some time. You know, Link, you've got a chance to help me a great deal."
"Really? How is that?"
The doctor didn't answer, but instead snapped his fingers just as they were about to pass a door in the hallway. As before, he entered with Link following. They were now in a room that was filled with bottles and pots containing liquids and powders; cages and aquariums contained very unusual animals and plants of every size, shape and color; tables covered with equipment, tools and pieces of metal. There were even large, comfortable chairs next to bookcases filled with books and scrolls that appeared to be well read. From one of these the doctor picked up a leather-bound book that was covered in symbols that Link couldn't make out at all. The interior of the book was just the same. The doctor flipped through the pages, until he came to one that hadn't been completely filled with writing.
"Let's see here. Link of the Kokiri Forest. You suddenly rose from obscurity and killed three notorious monsters in a very brief amount of time: Queen Ghoma, the Dodongo King, and Barinade who were, respectively, a gigantic spider creature, a fire breathing lizard of immense size, and a sea monster that could create and control electric flying jellyfish while firing lasers."
Dr. Kidnastoff looked up at Link as if to confirm this. Link nodded, and the doctor continued. "A short while later, you defeated four temple guardian monsters named Odolwa, Goht, Gyorg, and a team of two named Twinmold. The people I've spoken to say that you had to deal with an imp who had some mask a bit later, but that's hardly notable."
"That's what you think," muttered Link, thinking back to those three days that seemed to stretch on forever. Dr. Kidnastoff didn't hear, however, and continued.
"Then, approximately seven years later, you face off against a rapid succession of monsters in temples. A phantom of a mage named Ganandorf, a dragon named Volvagia, an amoebic gelatinous blob controlled by a creature named Morpha, and an incredibly powerful ghost named Bongo Bongo. This was all your doing?"
Link nodded, still confused. "During that seven year gap," Dr. Kidnastoff said, "you didn't really have the chance for much battling against monsters due to a shortage of problems in the world that you were aware of. A zombie here, a stray winged serpent there, not much real action. However, your record against notable monsters is still one of the best that I have ever witnessed. Over ten very powerful monsters, and you're still a young individual. I wonder, thousands of years from now, which of these deeds will be best remembered?"
"Well," Link stated, "they'd probably remember the whole incident with the mask for a while,...at least in Clock Town, they probably will....but if I'm remembered at all, I hope that it'll be for my part in stopping Ganandorf..."
Dr. Kidnastoff scoffed and flipped through a few pages of his book. "You will not be remembered for Ganandorf, except as a footnote. The legend will read 'How Ganandorf Was Vanquished,' not 'How Link Vanquished Ganandorf'. A dark mage of his caliber is in himself a legend. You, on the other hand, will be remembered for the vast amount of good that you did against the monsters, not just one villainous overlord. Defeating your monsters has saved villages, purified water supplies, turned bodies of water from solid ice to pleasant liquid, and released prisoners! You, my friend, are a monster slaying expert. Why, even recently you've had to face some problems. A mechanical bull at a ranch, and a mind controlling clump of seaweed in a large pool. Both dispatched easily."
Link blinked. "How do you know about the seaweed? I only defeated Tyrtora a few hours ago!"
Dr. Kidnastoff pulled back his sleeve and looked at a watch on a golden chain. Turning back to Link he said, "Actually, it's already the morning after you defeated Tyrtora. But that is still fast for word to fly to most people. I watched the whole event, though."
"What?"
"Oh, yes. Quite a show. I thought that the alligator had you for sure, but you proved resilient even against seemingly impossible odds."
Several puzzle pieces quickly fell into place in Link's mind. This man, this Dr. Kidnastoff, seemingly had a fixation on monsters. He had said that he was pleased with how the giant pillar's that Link had encountered earlier had "turned out." After some thought, Link even remembered hearing Talon say something about a man dressed in white.
"You were the one who gave that bull to Talon at the Lon Lon Ranch!"
Dr. Kidnastoff smiled and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course. And to save your mind the strain I'll just tell you before you have another 'startling' revelation: I planted Tyrtora in Zora's Domain."
Link quickly removed his sword and assumed a fighting stance. "Who are you and what do you want?"
Dr. Kidnastoff's eyes seemed to sparkle at the sight of Link's sword, as if he had been waiting for this moment ever since he had first started talking to Link. He quickly jumped into one of the large chairs and stretched. "This could take a while. Have a seat, Link."
Link looked at the chair directly opposite Dr. Kidnastoff suspiciously. "Don't worry, I have no wish to see you killed. Believe me, if I did I would've put you into a room with a dangerous animal that would've torn you to pieces in your sleep."
Link cautiously sat down, as if afraid that the chair would attempt to eat him. It turned out to be the most comfortable chair that Link had ever tried, though that really didn't alleviate the adrenaline rush he was feeling. He kept the sword out of its sheath, just in case.
"Now then," Dr. Kidnastoff chortled, "who am I and what do I want? Let's see here. First of all, you know that my name is Dr. Edward Kidnastoff. As for my occupation, I'm a maker of monsters."
"Maker of monsters?"
"Yes. Where do you think monsters come from?"
"Well, I....I don't know where they come from. I just assumed that they came from the same places that people and animals did."
"Well, a good number do. I believe that you're familiar with the Keese, the Wolfos, and the Lizalfos. Those, as far as I can tell, had similar origins to most other life forms. However, you can't believe that the robotic monsters and stone golems that you've encountered arrived through the natural process of life. A beamos is mechanical through and through, for instance. However, many of the more fantastic monsters of the world had to be created through other means. ReDeads, Gibdos, Stalfos and other undead creatures normally have to be created by a mage or through a death that involves dark magic, for instance."
Link nodded. This made a certain amount of sense.
"Now then, other monsters have to be created as well. That's where people like myself come in. I create monsters."
"Why create monsters? They're constantly killing people!"
"Eh. The money's good. In other worlds where magic isn't as strong there are those who wish to cause death and destruction in order to gain power and riches. Warlords, Greedy Business Despots, Supervillains....they're willing to pay very well for powerful monsters that are capable of squashing those few willing to stand in their way. Environments such as your own where magic is prevalent are excellent training and testing grounds for powerful monsters. You've even done in a few of my favorite creations, really: aside from that robotic bull and Tyrtora, you destroyed Barinade, Morphus, Bongo Bongo, and a doppleganger that I had created."
"Doppleganger?"
"An evil shadow creature that took on the form and characteristics of its enemy, which happened to be you. I believe you destroyed it shortly before destroying Morphus."
"Now these monsters," Link began, not exactly sure of how he wished to proceed, "you say that you....you train and test them here?"
"Yes, exactly. I determine their weaknesses, and sell improved versions of them to various forces of evil throughout the Universe. Now then, we come to-"
"Wait! You IMPROVE them?" Link's mind was suddenly filled with images of raging behemoths that were incapable of receiving damage. If Morphus' nucleus hadn't always stayed close enough to act as a hookshot target....if Barinade had been granted a hide or armor that was impervious to a boomerang or Kokiri sword....if Bongo Bongo's eye had remained perpetually closed....
Link jumped from his chair in an attempt to subdue Dr. Kidnastoff. As soon as he was within arms' reach, however, Link found himself being tossed across the room. He landed on the cold metal floor, unsure of just what had happened. He looked up to see Dr. Kidnastoff casually standing above him.
"Link, that wasn't very bright. I'm a skilled genetics expert, and one of the most accomplished medical doctors of all time. I'm in the top physical condition, I've lived long enough to become highly skilled in the martial arts, and I've got the intelligence to anticipate any attack that you can surmount. Don't be a fool."
"You're insane!" Link shouted. "You create killers and destroyers, watch their performances, create more efficient killers and destroyers, and then send them out to where they can cause the most pain and suffering? You can't expect me to just sit back and take it!"
Dr. Kidnastoff's smile was wider than ever. "Yes I can, Link. You see, I hadn't been to Hyrule for a few centuries, and I decided that I could check on the progress of some of my older monsters while trying out a few new ones, the bull and Tyrtora being just a few examples of the toys that I have to try out at the moment. As soon as I saw your skill and technique when it came to vanquishing the bull, I decided to look into your history. Seeing that you've become something of an expert monster hunter, I chose to put you through a test in the form of Tyrtora. You passed with flying colors. What it comes down to, Link, is that I insist that you help me. You would be the ultimate test for my monsters, Link."
Link jumped to his feet, glaring at the doctor's infuriating smile. "You can't keep me a prisoner here for too long. You've gotta be using some serious magic to keep a place like this running, and that's sure to be noticed by some of the good mages and sages in Hyrule who'll look for me when I go missing. I refuse."
Dr. Kidnastoff giggled like a school child as he placed the leather book back onto its shelf. "You won't. First of all, I don't use any magic whatsoever in this little space vessel of mine; it's all technology, something that your precious Hyrule could certainly do with more of. Second, do you remember all of the monsters of mine that you had defeated? Those were the perfected versions. If I had known what you were capable of, each of those monsters would have gone through some serious revisions. What it comes down to is this: any monster that I develop that you cannot defeat while you help me to test them will be unleashed in Hyrule. When you can't stop it, the monster will be marked as perfect and ready for the market. You are all that stands between my monsters and the loss of countless lives, Link. Like it or not, you're going to help me."
By John Little
Chp. 3: Now Hiring
*****
Link heard a dull scratching, skittering sound. His eyes slowly opened to a dim light. Why was he lying on a metal floor? What was that skittering sound? It sounded so very familiar....
Link rolled to his feet, quickly associating the noise with the odd clicking sounds made by Skulltulas, Skullwalltulas, and other eight-legged monstrosities that he had been unfortunate enough to run into during his past. Link turned around hoping to see whatever creature was making this noise. Unfortunately, the noise stopped as soon as he rolled to his feet, thus making the sound difficult to track.
The room that Link saw seemed to be a large, circular chamber that was about half as large as the entirety of the Lon Lon Ranch. The entire chamber was constructed of an odd green metal with a dull light glowing from some unseen location. Perhaps the metal itself was glowing green, for all that Link could tell. The ceiling, roughly twenty feet above Link's head, was supported by several collections of thin, oddly shaped pillars.
The arrangement of the pillars was what caught Link's attention first, due to the sudden lack of skittering noises. He approached the closest group of the pillars to get a closer look. There were eight pillars in this group, each roughly as thick as the hilt of his Kokiri sword. There were odd connectors on the pillars, indicating that each pillar may have been constructed from smaller pillars (though "dowels" may have been a more appropriate wood). Link reached out to touch a pillar, and discovered that it was made from metal, just like the rest of this room.
The skittering noises began again, and this time just behind Link. He turned around quickly, but this only provoked the noises to cease yet again. He couldn't see a thing behind him. Link pulled out his Lens of Truth just to be on the safe side, but still couldn't see a thing. He put away the lens to conserve magic, and just used his normal eyes to nervously glance from side to side.
"Navi?" he whispered. "Navi, what's in here?"
There wasn't an answer. "Navi?" Link quickly rummaged through all of his pockets and his hat (including the pockets and hat of his other tunics), but Navi was no where to be found. "Where is she....let's see, I was riding home on Epona, she flew ahead, the big rectangle appeared....I must have fallen into that thing. Or I must've been pulled. Navi probably didn't get back in time."
Link felt an unusual sense of pride at being able to recollect his memories about the rectangle and surmise an opinion about what happened, probably due to the fact that he generally always had a fairy nearby that reminded him of his own memories and skills before he had a chance to, added to the fact that he had only risen from sleep just a few moments earlier.
Link turned back to look at the eight skinny pillars. As if on cue, the skittering noises began again. Link wheeled around, but not quickly enough to spy anything crawling towards him. He strained his eyes, but couldn't see anything but the green metal and more collections of pillars.
Link blinked once or twice, nearly convinced that he was only imagining things before he realized that one of the collections of pillars seemed to be closer than before. Just to be sure, Link turned his back on the suspected source of the noise, heard the skittering noises, and turned back. Sure enough, the eight pillars were definitely closer. Link unsheathed his sword and approached the eight moving pillars for a closer look. While from further away these pillars appeared to be exactly the same as the others, this one looked different at a close examination. The coloration seemed a bit paler, and there seemed to be some short, black wiry strands poking out of them.
Link looked up, but the pillars stretched all the way to the ceiling, just as in the other groups. He reached for the pillars to see if they felt different as well, but the pillar moved back, raising off the floor a bit as it did. Link was surprised at first, but the lack of hostile actions on the part of the pillars over the next few seconds prompted Link to cautiously step back instead of slashing wildly with his sword.
"What do you think of it, Mr. Link?"
Link quickly turned towards the voice, alarmed by the sudden break in the silence. Behind him, casually leaning against a wall, was a man. The man was a full head taller than Link, with brown hair that Link could only describe as wild. The man had a very gangly, energetic look to him with a sparkle in his eyes. He had a cool, confident smile, and was sporting a white garment the looked similar to a robe or toga in some respects, but was different from nearly any outfit that Link had ever seen. The closest would be the unusual white jacket worn by a man that Link had met in the Kingdom of Ikana.
The silence continued for several moments, Link unsure of how to respond. "Think of what?"
"That creature behind you. I'll admit that outside of this room there aren't many good ways to camouflage it, but I'm happy with how it is at the moment."
Link turned to look at the eight living pillars behind him again, noting that they hadn't moved any closer to him, and turned back towards the odd man in the white garment. "Who are you?"
The man just smiled and snapped his fingers. A section of the wall next to the man simply disappeared, revealing what looked like a hallway just outside. The man walked through, with Link following just behind him. The wall reappeared as they continued to walk down the long corridor.
"Let's see, who am I? Well,....I suppose my name is Doctor Edward Kidnastoff, though I've not been addressed directly by name for quite some time. You know, Link, you've got a chance to help me a great deal."
"Really? How is that?"
The doctor didn't answer, but instead snapped his fingers just as they were about to pass a door in the hallway. As before, he entered with Link following. They were now in a room that was filled with bottles and pots containing liquids and powders; cages and aquariums contained very unusual animals and plants of every size, shape and color; tables covered with equipment, tools and pieces of metal. There were even large, comfortable chairs next to bookcases filled with books and scrolls that appeared to be well read. From one of these the doctor picked up a leather-bound book that was covered in symbols that Link couldn't make out at all. The interior of the book was just the same. The doctor flipped through the pages, until he came to one that hadn't been completely filled with writing.
"Let's see here. Link of the Kokiri Forest. You suddenly rose from obscurity and killed three notorious monsters in a very brief amount of time: Queen Ghoma, the Dodongo King, and Barinade who were, respectively, a gigantic spider creature, a fire breathing lizard of immense size, and a sea monster that could create and control electric flying jellyfish while firing lasers."
Dr. Kidnastoff looked up at Link as if to confirm this. Link nodded, and the doctor continued. "A short while later, you defeated four temple guardian monsters named Odolwa, Goht, Gyorg, and a team of two named Twinmold. The people I've spoken to say that you had to deal with an imp who had some mask a bit later, but that's hardly notable."
"That's what you think," muttered Link, thinking back to those three days that seemed to stretch on forever. Dr. Kidnastoff didn't hear, however, and continued.
"Then, approximately seven years later, you face off against a rapid succession of monsters in temples. A phantom of a mage named Ganandorf, a dragon named Volvagia, an amoebic gelatinous blob controlled by a creature named Morpha, and an incredibly powerful ghost named Bongo Bongo. This was all your doing?"
Link nodded, still confused. "During that seven year gap," Dr. Kidnastoff said, "you didn't really have the chance for much battling against monsters due to a shortage of problems in the world that you were aware of. A zombie here, a stray winged serpent there, not much real action. However, your record against notable monsters is still one of the best that I have ever witnessed. Over ten very powerful monsters, and you're still a young individual. I wonder, thousands of years from now, which of these deeds will be best remembered?"
"Well," Link stated, "they'd probably remember the whole incident with the mask for a while,...at least in Clock Town, they probably will....but if I'm remembered at all, I hope that it'll be for my part in stopping Ganandorf..."
Dr. Kidnastoff scoffed and flipped through a few pages of his book. "You will not be remembered for Ganandorf, except as a footnote. The legend will read 'How Ganandorf Was Vanquished,' not 'How Link Vanquished Ganandorf'. A dark mage of his caliber is in himself a legend. You, on the other hand, will be remembered for the vast amount of good that you did against the monsters, not just one villainous overlord. Defeating your monsters has saved villages, purified water supplies, turned bodies of water from solid ice to pleasant liquid, and released prisoners! You, my friend, are a monster slaying expert. Why, even recently you've had to face some problems. A mechanical bull at a ranch, and a mind controlling clump of seaweed in a large pool. Both dispatched easily."
Link blinked. "How do you know about the seaweed? I only defeated Tyrtora a few hours ago!"
Dr. Kidnastoff pulled back his sleeve and looked at a watch on a golden chain. Turning back to Link he said, "Actually, it's already the morning after you defeated Tyrtora. But that is still fast for word to fly to most people. I watched the whole event, though."
"What?"
"Oh, yes. Quite a show. I thought that the alligator had you for sure, but you proved resilient even against seemingly impossible odds."
Several puzzle pieces quickly fell into place in Link's mind. This man, this Dr. Kidnastoff, seemingly had a fixation on monsters. He had said that he was pleased with how the giant pillar's that Link had encountered earlier had "turned out." After some thought, Link even remembered hearing Talon say something about a man dressed in white.
"You were the one who gave that bull to Talon at the Lon Lon Ranch!"
Dr. Kidnastoff smiled and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course. And to save your mind the strain I'll just tell you before you have another 'startling' revelation: I planted Tyrtora in Zora's Domain."
Link quickly removed his sword and assumed a fighting stance. "Who are you and what do you want?"
Dr. Kidnastoff's eyes seemed to sparkle at the sight of Link's sword, as if he had been waiting for this moment ever since he had first started talking to Link. He quickly jumped into one of the large chairs and stretched. "This could take a while. Have a seat, Link."
Link looked at the chair directly opposite Dr. Kidnastoff suspiciously. "Don't worry, I have no wish to see you killed. Believe me, if I did I would've put you into a room with a dangerous animal that would've torn you to pieces in your sleep."
Link cautiously sat down, as if afraid that the chair would attempt to eat him. It turned out to be the most comfortable chair that Link had ever tried, though that really didn't alleviate the adrenaline rush he was feeling. He kept the sword out of its sheath, just in case.
"Now then," Dr. Kidnastoff chortled, "who am I and what do I want? Let's see here. First of all, you know that my name is Dr. Edward Kidnastoff. As for my occupation, I'm a maker of monsters."
"Maker of monsters?"
"Yes. Where do you think monsters come from?"
"Well, I....I don't know where they come from. I just assumed that they came from the same places that people and animals did."
"Well, a good number do. I believe that you're familiar with the Keese, the Wolfos, and the Lizalfos. Those, as far as I can tell, had similar origins to most other life forms. However, you can't believe that the robotic monsters and stone golems that you've encountered arrived through the natural process of life. A beamos is mechanical through and through, for instance. However, many of the more fantastic monsters of the world had to be created through other means. ReDeads, Gibdos, Stalfos and other undead creatures normally have to be created by a mage or through a death that involves dark magic, for instance."
Link nodded. This made a certain amount of sense.
"Now then, other monsters have to be created as well. That's where people like myself come in. I create monsters."
"Why create monsters? They're constantly killing people!"
"Eh. The money's good. In other worlds where magic isn't as strong there are those who wish to cause death and destruction in order to gain power and riches. Warlords, Greedy Business Despots, Supervillains....they're willing to pay very well for powerful monsters that are capable of squashing those few willing to stand in their way. Environments such as your own where magic is prevalent are excellent training and testing grounds for powerful monsters. You've even done in a few of my favorite creations, really: aside from that robotic bull and Tyrtora, you destroyed Barinade, Morphus, Bongo Bongo, and a doppleganger that I had created."
"Doppleganger?"
"An evil shadow creature that took on the form and characteristics of its enemy, which happened to be you. I believe you destroyed it shortly before destroying Morphus."
"Now these monsters," Link began, not exactly sure of how he wished to proceed, "you say that you....you train and test them here?"
"Yes, exactly. I determine their weaknesses, and sell improved versions of them to various forces of evil throughout the Universe. Now then, we come to-"
"Wait! You IMPROVE them?" Link's mind was suddenly filled with images of raging behemoths that were incapable of receiving damage. If Morphus' nucleus hadn't always stayed close enough to act as a hookshot target....if Barinade had been granted a hide or armor that was impervious to a boomerang or Kokiri sword....if Bongo Bongo's eye had remained perpetually closed....
Link jumped from his chair in an attempt to subdue Dr. Kidnastoff. As soon as he was within arms' reach, however, Link found himself being tossed across the room. He landed on the cold metal floor, unsure of just what had happened. He looked up to see Dr. Kidnastoff casually standing above him.
"Link, that wasn't very bright. I'm a skilled genetics expert, and one of the most accomplished medical doctors of all time. I'm in the top physical condition, I've lived long enough to become highly skilled in the martial arts, and I've got the intelligence to anticipate any attack that you can surmount. Don't be a fool."
"You're insane!" Link shouted. "You create killers and destroyers, watch their performances, create more efficient killers and destroyers, and then send them out to where they can cause the most pain and suffering? You can't expect me to just sit back and take it!"
Dr. Kidnastoff's smile was wider than ever. "Yes I can, Link. You see, I hadn't been to Hyrule for a few centuries, and I decided that I could check on the progress of some of my older monsters while trying out a few new ones, the bull and Tyrtora being just a few examples of the toys that I have to try out at the moment. As soon as I saw your skill and technique when it came to vanquishing the bull, I decided to look into your history. Seeing that you've become something of an expert monster hunter, I chose to put you through a test in the form of Tyrtora. You passed with flying colors. What it comes down to, Link, is that I insist that you help me. You would be the ultimate test for my monsters, Link."
Link jumped to his feet, glaring at the doctor's infuriating smile. "You can't keep me a prisoner here for too long. You've gotta be using some serious magic to keep a place like this running, and that's sure to be noticed by some of the good mages and sages in Hyrule who'll look for me when I go missing. I refuse."
Dr. Kidnastoff giggled like a school child as he placed the leather book back onto its shelf. "You won't. First of all, I don't use any magic whatsoever in this little space vessel of mine; it's all technology, something that your precious Hyrule could certainly do with more of. Second, do you remember all of the monsters of mine that you had defeated? Those were the perfected versions. If I had known what you were capable of, each of those monsters would have gone through some serious revisions. What it comes down to is this: any monster that I develop that you cannot defeat while you help me to test them will be unleashed in Hyrule. When you can't stop it, the monster will be marked as perfect and ready for the market. You are all that stands between my monsters and the loss of countless lives, Link. Like it or not, you're going to help me."