Haunted by Memories
Chp. 7
Disclaimer in first chappy
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{I can feel you pull me down}
I smile at the bar tender as he walks by me. After the first sip of my drink, I had gulped down the rest of it like it was water. I didn't even taste it.
It seems that he noticed my little smile and he comes over smiling as he walks. What? I think he thought I was flirting or something, when all I really want is another drink. I know he's getting ready to ask something lame like 'I get off in a few minutes' or some other kind of stupid pick-up line, so I cut him off before he can say it. "Can I get another one of these?" I ask still smiling, 'cause I know by the look on his face that he wasn't expecting that. Ha! What a loser.
The song filters back through into my awareness, and the line that just played, reminds me of a lot of stuff. Of course at the time it wasn't happy memories I thought I was making, but now that's all I have of him.
I felt him pull me down so many times, when those times occurred I thought that it was bad. That's why I was doing it, well part of why. Now I think back on the times he pulled me down, I realize he was trying to help me the only way he could. He knew what I wanted and he gave it freely, because he loved me.
I remember the first time, in that old abandoned house. How he pulled down with him. At the time I thought it was disgusting and degrading, now well I think some of the stuff that happened was those things, but the underlying feelings as I think of it. How else could it have ended? What with the innuendos and the fighting, it was always that with us. Except that time the taunting went further than either one of us expected. I remember looking in his eyes and seeing the disbelief and astonishment there. That look will forever be in my mind and heart. How could it not be? The total of everything he was feeling for me was in his eyes at that moment. At the time I didn't cherish any of it, but now I cherish everything we had together, even if it was bad, at the time. That's all I have of him, so I have to cherish something.
After the house, it was his crypt. We always seemed to miss the bed, except for the one time when I was inviso girl, and Xander walked in. I smile at that, because Xanman was always so totally clueless, I can't believe that he didn't notice Spike swatting behind him at me. Spike I finally brought myself to think his name. Still don't know if I'll ever speak his name again, but I can think it now.
You know we always had this thing where he was the magnet and I was the metal, or maybe those last few years it was totally the opposite. I knew some how that there was someone other than me down in the school basement when I found him all crazy. I just didn't notice that it was him until I opened that door and seen him. After that it seemed like his presence there always pulled me back down there. Of course I never said anything to anyone. I always knew though that I was going down there on my lunch break or just when I need to see if he was all right. I did care for him then, I maybe even loved him, but at that time I didn't know exactly what I felt for anyone, least of all him.
We had this attraction, moth to flame, except now I don't know which one of us was the flame and which was the moth. We both got burned, him literally, me it was that denial that I loved him.
I was attracted to him the first time I saw him. Hell what woman wouldn't be? Even Will's can't deny that he was a damned fine piece of maleness. The man was totally built and those eyes, it was like he could see right into me every time he looked at me. I could've drowned in them, actually now I think about it; I was drowning and didn't even realize I was gasping for air.
He always saved me though, before I was lost and floundering. Gasping for that last breath that never came. He was my rock, the only one I had in the vast ocean of despair that I always leapt into. He never pulled me down into it; he always lifted me up and away from it. He always made me smile, even when I didn't want to.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * (A.N. Puma4 thanks for the review. I can't answer your question on the account that it would ruin it for you and everyone else that's reading also. To anyone else that has reviewed thank you so much, it makes my day when I get them.)
Chp. 7
Disclaimer in first chappy
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{I can feel you pull me down}
I smile at the bar tender as he walks by me. After the first sip of my drink, I had gulped down the rest of it like it was water. I didn't even taste it.
It seems that he noticed my little smile and he comes over smiling as he walks. What? I think he thought I was flirting or something, when all I really want is another drink. I know he's getting ready to ask something lame like 'I get off in a few minutes' or some other kind of stupid pick-up line, so I cut him off before he can say it. "Can I get another one of these?" I ask still smiling, 'cause I know by the look on his face that he wasn't expecting that. Ha! What a loser.
The song filters back through into my awareness, and the line that just played, reminds me of a lot of stuff. Of course at the time it wasn't happy memories I thought I was making, but now that's all I have of him.
I felt him pull me down so many times, when those times occurred I thought that it was bad. That's why I was doing it, well part of why. Now I think back on the times he pulled me down, I realize he was trying to help me the only way he could. He knew what I wanted and he gave it freely, because he loved me.
I remember the first time, in that old abandoned house. How he pulled down with him. At the time I thought it was disgusting and degrading, now well I think some of the stuff that happened was those things, but the underlying feelings as I think of it. How else could it have ended? What with the innuendos and the fighting, it was always that with us. Except that time the taunting went further than either one of us expected. I remember looking in his eyes and seeing the disbelief and astonishment there. That look will forever be in my mind and heart. How could it not be? The total of everything he was feeling for me was in his eyes at that moment. At the time I didn't cherish any of it, but now I cherish everything we had together, even if it was bad, at the time. That's all I have of him, so I have to cherish something.
After the house, it was his crypt. We always seemed to miss the bed, except for the one time when I was inviso girl, and Xander walked in. I smile at that, because Xanman was always so totally clueless, I can't believe that he didn't notice Spike swatting behind him at me. Spike I finally brought myself to think his name. Still don't know if I'll ever speak his name again, but I can think it now.
You know we always had this thing where he was the magnet and I was the metal, or maybe those last few years it was totally the opposite. I knew some how that there was someone other than me down in the school basement when I found him all crazy. I just didn't notice that it was him until I opened that door and seen him. After that it seemed like his presence there always pulled me back down there. Of course I never said anything to anyone. I always knew though that I was going down there on my lunch break or just when I need to see if he was all right. I did care for him then, I maybe even loved him, but at that time I didn't know exactly what I felt for anyone, least of all him.
We had this attraction, moth to flame, except now I don't know which one of us was the flame and which was the moth. We both got burned, him literally, me it was that denial that I loved him.
I was attracted to him the first time I saw him. Hell what woman wouldn't be? Even Will's can't deny that he was a damned fine piece of maleness. The man was totally built and those eyes, it was like he could see right into me every time he looked at me. I could've drowned in them, actually now I think about it; I was drowning and didn't even realize I was gasping for air.
He always saved me though, before I was lost and floundering. Gasping for that last breath that never came. He was my rock, the only one I had in the vast ocean of despair that I always leapt into. He never pulled me down into it; he always lifted me up and away from it. He always made me smile, even when I didn't want to.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * (A.N. Puma4 thanks for the review. I can't answer your question on the account that it would ruin it for you and everyone else that's reading also. To anyone else that has reviewed thank you so much, it makes my day when I get them.)