Haunted by Memories
Chp.8
Disclaimer is in first chapter
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{Fearing you loving you}
It sounds crazy but loving the girl is fearing her. It all just goes hand in bloody hand. 'Cause when you love her you always fear that one- day she won't be there. Told her once that I'd always be around. I always am, even if it's not in the flesh. In my heart and soul, the bloody nuisance it is at times. I'm always with her. I just hope she realizes that I'll always be there; although she thinks I'm dust in the hell mouth.
When I arrived in Sunnyhell all I thought of was besting the slayer, putting another slayer in the bloody ground. Would've bagged my third slayer that night if Joyce hadn't hit me over the head with that ax. Bloody grateful to her that she did that though. When it happened wasn't too grateful, gave me the mother of all headaches that did.
Three years after that first meeting, I figured out why after that I could never bring myself to kill her. Came to me in a soddin' dream of all bleedin' things. I was in love with the bint. Dru was right when she told me I was covered in her. Didn't understand what the crazy bint was on about at the time, but now I understand with perfect clarity what all her psycho ramblin' was about. Even then I was in love with Buffy. Always will be.
Never thought she'd love me, but in the end she told me she did. I'm just left to wonder if she really did or if she was just fulfilling a dying mans last wish. I hope it isn't the latter, and pray that she meant it. By the way she looked when she said it. I don't know, it seemed like she meant exactly what she was saying. I had to go and tell her I didn't believe her. Only because if I let myself believe, I would've left with her and not seen it through, made sure that the world survived so she could live. All I ever cared for was on that bus, and I had to make sure that the world was safe for my Slayer and all she ever cared about.
I guess I'll just sit here with my friends Jack and the fags. I'm still left wondering if she did mean those three little words, that mean more to me than anything she's ever said to me, will that and that she believed in me. That I believed with everything in me. I knew when she said those words that she meant them. I still have to question the 'I love you' though, 'cause I don't think I'll ever know the answer to that one. Will I?
Hell she doesn't even know I'm back. The Great Poofter won't let me or anyone else contact her and give her the news. It's not like she'd jump on the next plane, train or bus, just to come make sure it's not a mass hallucination. She'd prolly just laugh and tell whoever that it was a joke.
Chp.8
Disclaimer is in first chapter
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{Fearing you loving you}
It sounds crazy but loving the girl is fearing her. It all just goes hand in bloody hand. 'Cause when you love her you always fear that one- day she won't be there. Told her once that I'd always be around. I always am, even if it's not in the flesh. In my heart and soul, the bloody nuisance it is at times. I'm always with her. I just hope she realizes that I'll always be there; although she thinks I'm dust in the hell mouth.
When I arrived in Sunnyhell all I thought of was besting the slayer, putting another slayer in the bloody ground. Would've bagged my third slayer that night if Joyce hadn't hit me over the head with that ax. Bloody grateful to her that she did that though. When it happened wasn't too grateful, gave me the mother of all headaches that did.
Three years after that first meeting, I figured out why after that I could never bring myself to kill her. Came to me in a soddin' dream of all bleedin' things. I was in love with the bint. Dru was right when she told me I was covered in her. Didn't understand what the crazy bint was on about at the time, but now I understand with perfect clarity what all her psycho ramblin' was about. Even then I was in love with Buffy. Always will be.
Never thought she'd love me, but in the end she told me she did. I'm just left to wonder if she really did or if she was just fulfilling a dying mans last wish. I hope it isn't the latter, and pray that she meant it. By the way she looked when she said it. I don't know, it seemed like she meant exactly what she was saying. I had to go and tell her I didn't believe her. Only because if I let myself believe, I would've left with her and not seen it through, made sure that the world survived so she could live. All I ever cared for was on that bus, and I had to make sure that the world was safe for my Slayer and all she ever cared about.
I guess I'll just sit here with my friends Jack and the fags. I'm still left wondering if she did mean those three little words, that mean more to me than anything she's ever said to me, will that and that she believed in me. That I believed with everything in me. I knew when she said those words that she meant them. I still have to question the 'I love you' though, 'cause I don't think I'll ever know the answer to that one. Will I?
Hell she doesn't even know I'm back. The Great Poofter won't let me or anyone else contact her and give her the news. It's not like she'd jump on the next plane, train or bus, just to come make sure it's not a mass hallucination. She'd prolly just laugh and tell whoever that it was a joke.