Haunted by Memories
Chp.9
Disclaimer and other info in first chapter
Song is in {}
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{I won't let you pull me down}
I sigh as the song drones on; I just wish the damned thing would end already. Where's a Vengeance Demon when you need one?
I keep trying not to let it pull me down in the deep, bottomless pool of memories, that it's words keep reminding me of. There's just no use though, every time I think I've gotten out I just fall right back down into that pit.
When Willow brought me back, Spike tried to pull me down to his level, make me believe that I belonged there with him. Just seems to me I was in a lower place than him. I ended up pulling him down in my pit of despair with me. He was trying to help me, make me see that there was actually something worth living for. I wouldn't let him help though; I just took advantage of him, and his kindness. He tried to ease my pain, the only way I suppose a vampire can. He thought he was doing the right thing. I just in turn gave him all the pain I was feeling, with my fists and words. If I could I'd take it all back, but you can't change the past.
I thought he could handle all of the hurt and pain that I alone through at his feet. In the end he couldn't. He suffered through unimaginable trials that no one should have to go through. All because he wanted to be what I deserved, wanted and needed. He went and got his soul, for me. After what I put him through, he was still only thinking of me. What he thought I needed, and wanted. I didn't deserve him.
I suddenly see water drip on the bar. Looking up I check to see if the roof is leaking over me. Except it isn't raining. I look back down and stare at the drop on the counter in front of me wondering where it came from. Another falls right beside the last. I finally notice that my sight is all blurry. The drops I thought was water are the tears running down my face. There's no use to try and wipe them away so I don't even try.
As sit here, I gulp down another drink and I think back to the last moment, the last thing I said to him. I looked into his blue eyes for the last time. I actually did mean every word I said to him, and he didn't believe me. I know that he still loved me. When I laced my fingers with his I felt his soul right along with him. At that moment I truly felt everything he was feeling, I felt every bit of love that he had and I knew it was all for me. With everything in him his last feeling was so intense as I stood there staring into his eyes. He truly loved me with all of his being. I told him I loved him as I felt it. I don't know why he didn't believe me. I wish I did, cause he should have felt everything I was feeling for him as I felt all he felt for me.
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(A.N. Thank you willowrose for the review. I'm glad you liked it. This is yet another apology, I'm sorry that I didn't get to update this weekend. I was out of town for most of it. I will be putting up at least two chapters today. Maybe more. Don't know yet.)
Chp.9
Disclaimer and other info in first chapter
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{I won't let you pull me down}
I sigh as the song drones on; I just wish the damned thing would end already. Where's a Vengeance Demon when you need one?
I keep trying not to let it pull me down in the deep, bottomless pool of memories, that it's words keep reminding me of. There's just no use though, every time I think I've gotten out I just fall right back down into that pit.
When Willow brought me back, Spike tried to pull me down to his level, make me believe that I belonged there with him. Just seems to me I was in a lower place than him. I ended up pulling him down in my pit of despair with me. He was trying to help me, make me see that there was actually something worth living for. I wouldn't let him help though; I just took advantage of him, and his kindness. He tried to ease my pain, the only way I suppose a vampire can. He thought he was doing the right thing. I just in turn gave him all the pain I was feeling, with my fists and words. If I could I'd take it all back, but you can't change the past.
I thought he could handle all of the hurt and pain that I alone through at his feet. In the end he couldn't. He suffered through unimaginable trials that no one should have to go through. All because he wanted to be what I deserved, wanted and needed. He went and got his soul, for me. After what I put him through, he was still only thinking of me. What he thought I needed, and wanted. I didn't deserve him.
I suddenly see water drip on the bar. Looking up I check to see if the roof is leaking over me. Except it isn't raining. I look back down and stare at the drop on the counter in front of me wondering where it came from. Another falls right beside the last. I finally notice that my sight is all blurry. The drops I thought was water are the tears running down my face. There's no use to try and wipe them away so I don't even try.
As sit here, I gulp down another drink and I think back to the last moment, the last thing I said to him. I looked into his blue eyes for the last time. I actually did mean every word I said to him, and he didn't believe me. I know that he still loved me. When I laced my fingers with his I felt his soul right along with him. At that moment I truly felt everything he was feeling, I felt every bit of love that he had and I knew it was all for me. With everything in him his last feeling was so intense as I stood there staring into his eyes. He truly loved me with all of his being. I told him I loved him as I felt it. I don't know why he didn't believe me. I wish I did, cause he should have felt everything I was feeling for him as I felt all he felt for me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(A.N. Thank you willowrose for the review. I'm glad you liked it. This is yet another apology, I'm sorry that I didn't get to update this weekend. I was out of town for most of it. I will be putting up at least two chapters today. Maybe more. Don't know yet.)