Edward Kidnastoff

By John Little

Chp. 7: Shopping Day

*****

Vanteslad was the whimsical name chosen for Dr. Kidnastoff's first act the next morning. The monster was basically a six-foot tall flying silver sphere with two wires shaped like a "V" jutting from the top of it, and an "electronic eye," as the doctor put it. Edward informed Link that this mechanical monstrosity had been inspired by some "electronic toys" from his world's history, but Link didn't really appreciate it. He had seen ladders, for instance, and knew that they simply weren't electronic even when owned by a person named Jacob.

Link had to concentrate on this fight more carefully than on any of the preceding ones. Not only did he still have to fight for his life, he also had to put on a convincing show of not knowing quite what to do. He decided that it was finally time for his few remaining bombs and arrows to be used.

Vanteslad had two electric attacks to compliment its decent flying prowess. First, it seemed that whenever Link came within about ten feet of it, a bolt of lightning would surge straight out of the device towards him. Link assumed that this was a defense-based attack to deter enemies from getting close enough to cause damage. Second, the "V" shaped wires on the monster's top had the ability to create small arcs of electricity that would gradually climb the wires until vanishing with a zapping sound. From time to time, however, a little extra energy was tossed into the arcs, thus allowing Vanteslad to shoot the arcs of electricity in Link's direction.

The monster itself didn't seem to be constructed as sturdily as some other robotic monsters, and it moved with a slow, purposeful flight. Link carefully aimed an arrow directly at Vanteslad's eye and was pleasantly surprised when that was all it took to make it fall to the ground. Link ran over to it, and slashed it repeatedly with his sword, but only heard dull clangs for his efforts. Sighing, Link pulled out a bomb, planted it right by Vanteslad and ran from it.

Just about the time that Vanteslad's eye was regaining its light, the bomb went off. It careened wildly through the air for a few moments before settling down and resuming its pursuit of Link. Link checked his inventory: two arrows, one bomb. Link repeated the process as before, this time not even bothering with his attempts at slashing the creature to pieces. He was pleased to see that Vanteslad was injured once again by the attack, but a little unsure of how to continue without bombs.

"Okay then," Link whispered to himself as the monster resumed its slow pursuit. "This is what I wanted. I just need to find some other weakness...."

Link's eyes settled on Vanteslad's "V" shaped protrusion, and chose to focus on that. With his last arrow, Link aimed at the eye, and ran forward before Vanteslad could even fall to the ground. Hoping for a fast result, Link lifted his sword above his head and slammed it into the top of Vanteslad, hoping that the presence of the wiring could indicate a potential weakspot.

Two things happened then, but Link was only aware of one of them. What Link was unaware of was that he had, in fact, hit a good weak point, one that pushed Vanteslad into complete disrepair. What Link was aware of were the thousands of volts of electricity that began to painfully course through his body. After a few moments, Link simply fell to the floor.

*****

Link felt an icy splash of water on his face.

"Link? Link, wake up!"

Link opened his eyes slowly. He was looking straight into the concerned eyes of Dr. Kidnastoff who was leaning over Link, holding what may have been a recently emptied bucket of water.

"Link? Good, you're up! I thought for a second that Vanteslad had been the end of you there."

Link slowly rose to his feet, shaking his head. "Really?"

"Yeah. In fact, my diagnostic instruments claimed that you were dead for a few moments. Then I saw this weird pinkish, reddish light fly around you for a few seconds, and then the instruments claimed that you were alive again. It looked like you would've gotten on your feet instantly if Vanteslad hadn't blown up just a foot from where you were sitting. Apparently when defeated his self-destruction mechanism has a delayed reaction that I wasn't counting on."

Link blinked a few times before he realized what had happened. He actually had died, but one of his two fairies had been able to revive him. Link discreetly checked his inventory just to make sure that he hadn't lost the wrong fairy, and was pleased to discover that he hadn't.

"Link, what happened out there? You had a good strategy: blind it, make it fall to the floor, and drop an explosive onto it! Why'd you change at the end there? You could've been killed!"

"Well," Link said, trying to phrase his next thoughts very carefully, "I've actually been running a little low on supplies lately."

"Supplies?"

"Yeah. You didn't think that I had a limitless supply of arrows and bombs on me, did you?"

"Well,....I actually hadn't considered that, Link. You ran out of explosives?"

"Yeah, and arrows. And while we're on the subject, I'm practically out of magic energy."

A look of terror crossed Dr. Kidnastoff's face. "But you can't run out of these things if I'm to continue the training sessions! Part of your defensive luck is, if my theory holds true, your ability to carry just the right weapons at just the right time!"

"Yeah, that comes in handy," Link said. "Unfortunately, I'm going to be pretty limited in my fighting style until I can get some fresh supplies."

The doctor thought for a few moments and nodded. "All right, then! I'll be able to make some new arrows and explosives for you!"

"No! No, that wouldn't do at all. You see, I....um, I...I know these particular weapons really well, that's why I use them so frequently. And....and besides, you said that there isn't a trace of magic in this place most of the time, right? How are you going to make something to replenish my magic if you're not experienced with the subject?"

"I see you're point, Link. Well, what should we do?"

Link smiled. This was just the time that he had been waiting for. "Well, first let's determine just what I need. I need at least one bottle of green potion...that's a potion that replenishes magic, just so you know...., arrows and explosives. Now, I only ever buy green potions from the potion shop in Hyrule Castle's Market. I only ever get my arrows from a little shop located in the Kokiri Forest. Finally, and this is the most important to remember: I only purchase bombs from a shop located within the Goron City on top of Death Mountain. Did you get all of that?"

"I think so. You need a...green, I think....potion from the Hyrule Castle Market's potion shop. You need arrows from a shop in a forest-"

"It has to be the Kokiri Forest."

"From the Kokiri Forest, got it. And you buy bombs from a city on top of a mountain?"

"Goron City on top of Death Mountain! Don't go to the wrong part of that mountain, or you'll be burned to a crisp! And just so you know, Goron City isn't all the way at the top of the mountain, it's actually located within the mountain after you go a good way up. Past the Dodongo Caves, but before you pass the Big Goron."

Dr. Kidnastoff pulled out a piece of paper and a pen to write all of the information down.

"Let's see, that's the green potion from the Hyrule Castle Market's potion shop, arrows from the Kokiri Forest, and bombs from the Goron City shop located inside Death Mountain....right?"

"Right!"

"Okay, then! I'm off to get your supplies! I'll leave the door to your room open, Link."

As Dr. Kidnastoff turned towards the door to leave, Link pulled out Paltu's bottle and cleared his throat. "Excuse me, but how will you pay for all of this?"

Edward spun around. "Well, I'd been planning on just stealing them, really, and-"

"Sorry, but I won't fight with weapons that I don't steal myself, and then only from people who deserve it. No way that I'd use weapons stolen from these fine shopping establishments."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Well, because you were so kind as to not take away all of my possessions, I've been able to hold onto this rare bottle of Zora Fire Water."

Dr. Kidnastoff looked at the bottle and whistled. "What makes it glow like that?"

"Magic, Dr. Kidnastoff. Magic. No one knows exactly how Zora's make the stuff, they won't even tell me. However, they were more than happy to give me a bottle of the stuff after I managed to take care of Tyrtora."

"Is it valuable?"

"Valuable? Yeah, you could say that. Not many people in Hyrule even know about this stuff outside of Zora's Domain, but it's basically exactly like alcohol but it won't make a person drunk. It's also got some healing properties, and can be used as a light source in dark places."

"So you're saying that I should sell this?"

"Right. Sell it at the potion shop before you buy the green potion. The guy at the counter probably won't have heard about the stuff, but if I were you I would insist that he buy the stuff for no less than two-hundred Rupees. That should give you more than enough. Oh, and you'll need to take one of my empty bottles, my bomb bag, and my quiver to carry the goods in when you buy them."

"Oh! Yes, of course."

Link handed over the empty bottle, the quiver, the bomb bag and Paltu's bottle. "Take good care of this stuff, Dr. Kidnastoff. Don't get swindled by anyone, mind you!"

"All right. Thanks, Link. I should be back soon!"

As soon as the doctor was out of sight, Link couldn't keep himself from grinning. Without a horse there was no way that Dr. Kidnastoff could make the trip from Hyrule Castle's Market to the Kokiri Forest to the top of Death Mountain in a short amount of time. Link would at least have a few days to himself. That should be more than enough time.

*****

"I tell you the guy swindled me!"

The guard captain in charge of investigating commercial frauds carefully took notes as the proprietor of the potion shop fumed, holding an empty bottle in his hands.

"What exactly happened?"

"Well, this guy comes in and he's got this bottle that looks like it's got sparkling river water with some magic glowing stuff in it. He tells me that it's "Zora Fire Water," and that he's not willing to sell it for less than 200 Rupees. I've never heard of this stuff, but he says that it's got healing properties, it's like non-alcoholic alcohol, and that it's really rare outside of Zora's Domain, so naturally I had to get my hands on this stuff. Then he bought some green potion, and left without saying a word. That was yesterday. This morning I decide to open it up to see if I can get a taste of it before selling it, and out pops a fairy who flies away without saying a thing! The bottle pretty much just had water in it. Water!"

The guard scribbled the notes, nodding. "Could you describe this person?"

"Yeah, about six-foot-four, brown hair, and he was wearing this really unusual white coat thing."

"White coat?"

"Yeah, but it was also kind of like a toga crossed with a robe, if you get my meaning."

"Not really, sir."

*****

Dr. Edward Kidnastoff darted onto the bridge that joined the outside world to the Kokiri Forest just moments after a rooster crowed, signaling the beginning of a new day. He had made the mistake of taking a casual scenic stroll towards the Kokiri Forest when he left the Hyrule Castle Market. By lunch time he had been attacked by roughly nine of the....what did Link call them? Poes? Due to his highly developed physical prowess, he was able to dispatch of them easily, of course. However, he didn't expect it to attract the attention of even more Poes.

By evening he had roughly one hundred Poes chasing him across Hyrule Field. A few creatures that resembled the skeletons of children attempted to rise and attack him, but the Poes were so fierce that the skeletal children were themselves demolished before they could attempt much of anything.

The Poes seemed reluctant to pass beyond the log entrance to the Kokiri Forest, so Dr. Kidnastoff decided to take a short breather before continuing to the Kokiri Village just on the other side of the bridge. He carefully examined his prize, the green potion. He still had the required Rupees to purchase arrows and explosives, he believed, so the mission was going well. If only these places weren't placed so far apart!

Deciding to continue, Dr. Kidnastoff confidently strode into the Kokiri Village and gasped at the sight. It was straight out of a fairy tale, a village of children with excessively pointed ears living harmoniously in the hollows of trees. "Nice place. Really peaceful," he said as he aimlessly wandered through the village. He had often admired the more pristine locations of the worlds where he tested monsters, and often considered selecting one as a potential candidate for a retirement home. This Hyrule might not be too bad, really. As long as he was willing to alter his choice of clothing a bit, and as long as his hair always prevented people from seeing that his ears were much rounder than their own pointy ones, he could easily fit in without being noticed by anyone.

"Hey! Mister!"

Dr. Kidnastoff looked in the direction that he had heard the voice come from, but he couldn't see a thing other than a building.

"Up here!"

Dr. Kidnastoff looked up and saw a young Kokiri girl sitting on top of an awning over the entrance to the building. "Yes?"

"Lookin' for something?"

"Well, yes. I need to find a shop where they sell arrows."

"They sell 'em here!"

"Really? Thanks!"

"No problem, mister! What's your name?"

"Edward! Dr. Edward Kidnastoff!"

The Kokiri girl thought about that. "That's nice, but it's long. I'll call you Dr. Eddie Kidna."

With that the girl went back to peacefully gazing across the village, seemingly without a care in the world. "Nice kid," Dr. Kidnastoff thought as he entered the shop. "Who would've thought that children could be so well behaved without adults...."

He didn't notice the red fairy quickly zip over head just before he entered the shop.

*****

Navi heard the sound of someone entering the fairy fountain and flew to the other side of the pool of water. The young fairies were normally more enthusiastic about healing than she was, especially considering that after leaving the fairy fountain most fairies could only give health at potential risk to their health. This was really a stupid position for her, and she had no idea why the Great Fairy decided to assign it to her.

She was fairly surprised to see a fairy fly in. A young one, by the looks of it. Most fairies simply appeared in the fountain after healing someone, and few fairies of this age were ever gone unless they were on healing missions. Still, she decided that stranger things certainly could and did happen.

She almost began ignoring the new arrival until she overheard it talking really quickly and excitedly.

"I have a story! I have a story to tell to Zelda, Navi, Saria, Rauru, Darunia, Ruto, Impa, and Nabooru! A story about someone named Link! Can someone help me to find Zelda, Navi, Saria, Rauru, Darunia, Ruto, Impa and Nabooru?"

Navi almost couldn't believe her ears. She hadn't expected anyone in this place to mention Link unless Saria learned something. Navi quickly flew over.

"I'm Navi, and I can find everyone else. What's the story?"