(Disclaimer: I do not own Meteor Garden or Hana Yori Dango though later in
life, I wish to become a director or a producer. The stories that I write
are purely figments of my "wild" imagination and is not, in anyway
connected to the real lives of our beloved F4. Again, I just happen to be a
fan who has ideas that I wanted to put into words. I will not get any money
from writing this.)
The brain cells in my head had stopped functioning, I have forgotten how to tie my shoelaces. Here I am again, bugging you all with the third installation for my HZL/SC Trilogy. To all those who supported the previous two, I wanna express my utmost gratitude to you. If it weren't for the readers, I am positive that I wouldn't spend my time in front of the computer, describing scenes that used to be mere "blabbering thoughts". Also, I'd like to thank the person who never fails to make me smile, Zaizai, for inspiring me to write these emotional pieces. (I do not mean to hurt you baby, love you so much! Mwah!) Though majority of the comments were uplifting and really overwhelming, there were of course those who cursed me for giving Lei very tragic fates in the 2 stories. I'm sorry to them but this is who I am, this is what I write about.
If you are keen enough, you'd be able to name the book and the series where I got the inspiration for the storyline. Don't worry, I didn't plagiarize and every word is original. Just a sharing: it took me 5 days to write HZL's Confessions, 4 days to complete Sunset in Taipei and 3 days to finish this. Ha! I can't wait to write a story in a day!!! This time, I decided to give the two a happy ending. Yes, you heard it right, a happy ending so no need for Kleenex, ok? You may notice some parallelisms with the first story but again the three are not related. I presented the evolution of the characters and I'm sure you'd notice them too. Hua ze Lei fans might not be too affected for this one's in Sancai's POV.
Warning: Please do not expect too much if you don't want to be disappointed. I think I may have lost my "touch" and after this, you might not want to read any of my fics anymore. Call me pathetic, call me dull. I'm not fishing. That's just what I think.
It may take some time before you hear from me again because classes are about to start tomorrow (!!!) and I will be busy this sem. As of the now, I have no plans of writing another fanfic. Yet. Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers again that you'd like it and please inform me first if you wish to post it in another site. Thank you!!!
-red star
The Violinist
It was already past 8 when Mei Xin arrived home. As the driver opened the door of her car, she hurriedly went up to her room and locked herself inside. Her eyes were puff from incessant crying, hair all tangled up like she had just got out of bed. But she didn't care. she just discovered her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her.
Being an heir to the powerful Dao Ming clan, the girl has it all. She has a very pretty face, one which resembles that of a Chinese porcelain doll, complemented by the dimples on her cheeks, and long black, shiny hair that curl at the ends. She also tends to smile a lot, therefore adding radiance to her stunning features. One of the most popular girls in the elite school Yingde University even though she's still a freshman, Mei Xin captured the hearts of many eligible lads. However, hers belong to only one person, Cheng, the son of the president, whom she found out was dating another girl behind her back.
A part of the mattress where she laid had already gone wet from the flowing tears, as she was lying sideways. How could you do it to me? she thought to herself. What more do you want?
Because of their money, she was forbidden to befriend just anyone. They must at least be approved first by her parents. She had been trying to call Shing, one of her closest pals and another daughter of a millionaire but she was out of reach while the other, Di was out partying somewhere. Her busy father, like always, was out of the country for a business trip, whereas her mom attended an important gala in London. Her brother and sister have their own families already and she was left to live in that cold mansion with her grandmother. Mei Xin was alone.
It is difficult for an 18-year-old girl like her to experience first heartbreak. So many things were going through her head. People say I have everything. But why am I still not happy? Why do I still cry myself to sleep at night? Why do I still feel empty? I want to die.
Then she heard someone knocking on the door. "Leave me alone!" she shouted. "Mei Xin, come on, have dinner first." It was, she realized, her grandmother and not some maid calling her to eat. As far as she could remember, her paternal grandma had been her guardian whenever her parents were away or even when they just had hectic schedules. Since her grandfather died 10 years ago, her granny had moved back to that huge mansion from their own spacious villa at the countryside. Before, when she was younger, she would stay over there for a weekend or a whole summer and spend it with them. She could still remember the pony that she took care of, together with other farm animals that her grandpa bought for them after retirement.
In that scenic place, she was able to do anything she wanted. Climb tress, swim in the river, ride rafts and play with other kids, most of whom were children of the caretakers and farmers. Her grandma encouraged her to be a normal kid and not somebody who would inherit the billions of their family. And for that, she loved her dearly.
Mei Xin got up from the bed, unlocked the door, and there stood her granny, with a worried look on her face. The instance she saw the concern in her eyes, Mei Xin just embraced her grandma and bawled her emotions out. "Everything's going to be okay dear. everything's going to be okay." said her grandmother while consoling her and rubbing her back, an assurance that she wasn't alone.
Her grandma brought her to the terrace and asked her what was wrong. Still devastated and sobbing, she told her about Cheng and how she learned he was going out with another girl. The cards that she read, the photographs that were taken of them, and what she saw that afternoon, her boyfriend and the girl hiding behind a car and kissing passionately as if there was no tomorrow. Recalling these incidents was truly hard for Mei Xin because she believed she would spend the rest of her life with him.
Her grandmother listened attentively, smiling every so often, musing over her own experiences when she was her age. Time indeed passes so quickly. Her once perfect black hair had turned gray and needed to be coiled in a bun. Her once flawless skin had sagged and wrinkled, the lines that traversed her face were proofs of the wisdom she had gained over the years. She sat there, in her favorite rocking chair, with Mei Xin leaning beside her, arms around waist and head rested against her chest.
"I don't want to ever fall in love again!" she cried as her granny stoke her wavy hair. "Sssshhh. don't say that. You're still young, there are many other boys out there! Better boys who won't make you cry." She asked again "How about you grandma, did you cry over a guy when you were young?"
Sancai could only nod with a smile. "I've had my own share of heartbreaks, you know. I was about your age, only older when I had my first one." she related, looking at the millions of stars in the sky. "Whenever I look back at it, I couldn't help but laugh!"
"Was it about grandpa? Was he the one who made you cry?" inquired the lass, who by that time had calmed down and was more interested in her grandma's tale. Sancai hesitated to answer at first and paused for a while. "Yes, he was my first heartbreak but I did not only cry for him."
Mei Xin was intrigued. She lifted her head and asked "Really?! Who was the "lucky" guy? C'mon grandma! You can tell me." she insisted. Sancai was silent for a moment and looked away as if afraid that her granddaughter might see the sadness in her eyes. She looked at Mei Xin and asked "Are you sure you want to hear about it?" The girl only nodded and rested her head back to where it was positioned. She could hear the singing of the crickets and see the fireflies that lingered around the trees, like the Christmas lights that once adorned the window of her house. The moon, the stars, the crickets, the fireflies and Mei Xin were all ears to the story that Sancai waited so long to reveal.
"I know that I do not have much time left here on earth. I guess I need to let someone know about a secret I have kept hidden all these years inside my heart. I do not desire to bury it with me to the grave.
As you know, your grandfather and I met at the exclusive Yingde University. He was the richest and most powerful student there, while I was perhaps the only one who didn't own a car. I worked in a café to get by and help my parents with the expenses. They were the ones who forced me to study there after all.
Dao Ming Si was arrogant and mean and together with his three other friends, walked the corridors of the school as if they owned it. Actually, they did own it that's why even the professors and administrators were afraid of them. No one dared to touch them, much more talk with them because they might give you the infamous red card... They called themselves F4. I called them Pighead 4. Since I was the poorest kid around, people made fun of me, even your grandpa but I was not scared and stood up for myself. He said it was my courage that swept him off his feet.
However, his mother was strongly against our relationship. She couldn't bear the thought of her only son marrying a commoner like me. But we were determined! Determined to fight for our love, determined to prove her wrong. So many obstacles came between us, I do not even remember them all. But there was a time when he had amnesia and totally forgot about me. I fought for him, fought to bring his memory back! Even if he fell in love with a princess, I still held on. I showed them all that I was strong, that I could face it all because I was Sancai, the wild grass. But when I was by myself, I broke down and cried silently.
Through all of these, he stood by my side. He who was the quiet one among the F4. He whose name was Hua ze Lei. At the beginning, it was Lei that I noticed. There was something about him that I found mysterious. His gaze. it sees though you. Sometimes, he'd look at me as if he knew what I was thinking about, what I was feeling inside. He was cold and aloof but his eyes spoke for his silence.
He had done so many wonderful things for me, if I were to narrate all of them to you, it may take us the whole night. I called him my pillar of strength, my guardian... Whenever things were going bad, I would run away, run away from all the worries, run away from all of them! But not once did he never look for me and I'm glad he always found my whereabouts too. I do not know what would've been of me without Lei.
I knew that he loved me though I never heard it from him personally. Lei was like that, always keeping to himself. But he asked me to go to Japan with him and I turned him down. I believed then that he was my dream but my love was your grandfather. Dreams are beautiful but love is true. And so, when Ah Si proposed to me in Spain, my happiness was beyond words.
One morning, Lei called me up.
"I will pick you up after lunch. You're coming with me right?" he declared and I was bewildered for a moment. We did not make any plans the day before and I was hoping that I might use that weekend for my much needed rest. "Huh? Wait Lei, I had just woken up. what are you talking about?" "I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow." he spoke and I could sense the seriousness in his voice. "Please, just for once, come with me."
I could not refuse him. How I could decline someone whose only plea was for me to join him for a last get-together? I was sure that he only wanted to bid me farewell. He said that it might take years before he could get back from Japan because his father wanted to train him in business. All of a sudden I felt anxious. Years? Before he returns? Where am I supposed to go? "Okay, I guess I'd just wait for you then. Bye!" I said, putting the phone down.
I knew I had to look perfect. Usually, I did not care about my appearance but at that time, something within told me to look my best. As I was scouring my closet for clothes, I spotted it. It was a white dress, simply embroidered, which fell below me knees that I haven't worn in a long time. I was aware that Lei's favorite color was white and it suited me perfectly. The Sabrina neckline, the little bow at the back, the way it hugged my slender figure. it was just flawless. I tied my hair in braids but as I checked myself in the mirror, I realized that it was unfit for my attire and just let my hair down instead.
"Sancai! Master Hua ze Lei is here!!! Hurry up!" my mom called and I quickly put on a light shade of lipstick and sprayed a bit of cologne. There he was, waiting for me beside his fancy car, striking as ever. The multicolored bouquet of flowers he was holding was in contrast to his shirt, which was again, the color of the clouds. I stared at him and was frozen for a second. He was smiling, an unusual smile that not many people has seen. So bright, so genuine.
I noticed that he liked the way I dressed too. He gazed at me for a long time before he could even say a word. We were both speechless, in admiration of each other.
I didn't really know the name of the place where he brought me. We drove out about 2 hours from the city and passed though hills and prairies before reaching the location. I thought we were going to a restaurant, or a park maybe but we found ourselves getting out of the car and walking our way towards a stream. He carried with him a basket of food while I clutched under my arms a mat.
Lei and I settled under an oak tree and there, spread the mat on the grass and put the basket down. I could only marvel at the scene around me. It was early spring and the flowers and plants were in full bloom. The water flowing through the stream was so clear, I could see the swimming fishes and the rocks at the bottom. The sky was cloudless, the sun shone bright and breeze blowing against our face was just enough to keep us cool. I had no idea a place like that still even existed.
"Why did you bring us here?" I asked him with a smile. He did not reply but merely threw a rock to the water. I opened the basket and brought out the food and wine that he brought. "When I was small, I found out about this area. I think it was my cousin who brought me here, I do not even remember. All I know is that since then, whenever I wanted to be alone and spend some time with myself, I come here."
"This is indeed a lovely place." I said, taking a bite on my sand which. He poured us some white wine in the glasses, his expression I still couldn't decipher. Was he sad? Was he delighted? I had no idea then. "Sancai, I wish you happiness." I was startled by his statement and only nodded in reply. "I'd be leaving for Japan tomorrow. It might take me quite a while before I get back. Our rooftop, I'd surely miss it. I'd surely miss you." he continued, staring at the water before us. "Promise me you'd be a goof wife to your husband, a great mother to your kids.Please take care of yourself, take care of Ah Si." He swallowed hard and looked away.
I was brought back to reality. I was engaged to your grandfather already and the wedding was in 3 months. I took a glance at the expensive ring on my finger, a reminder of Ah Si's love for me. It was made of platinum with a big diamond in the middle. I suddenly realized the responsibilities awaiting me. After I married, I won't be able to just run away, I can no longer just run to him and cry on his shoulders .
"I'm scared Lei." I uttered. "I'm scared of facing the life ahead of me. I don't know if I'm ready yet." He stared at me for a long time and without answering, took my hand and placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes as if feeling my warmth, or memorizing the lines on my palms. I felt shiver crawl down my spine from that gesture. There I was, alone with Lei, in absolute astonishment of what he was doing. We stayed like that for a while, neither of us saying a word or moving a limb.
"Do not be. I am just around." he said, removing my hand and looking me in the eyes. I was breath-taken. That stare, I'd never forget it. So hard to describe, so unfathomable. It penetrated me to the core and gripped the sentiments within me. But I felt it. I felt the message he was trying to relay through those eyes. I felt loved.
He laid back on the mat and I did too. We were lying there, side by side, staring at the concealed sun, which was shielded by the leaves of the oak that sheltered us. It was four in the afternoon and it glared this dazzling light, like the eyes of the gods, watching our every move. The calming sound of running water was accompanied by the chirping of the birds that dwelled in the hollow of the tree.
"What was the most life-altering moment for you?" he asked, breaking the stillness of the scene. It made me ponder for a while before I answered him with a sigh, still looking above. "When Dao Ming Si had an accident in Spain, everything that I ever dreamed of disappeared before me. For the first time in my life, I realized I was weak. He fell in love with another woman and I was left in the shadows. I was shattered beyond words, I felt like giving up. Fortunately for me, there were people who gave me strength and inspired me to hold on. Like you."
I looked at him and saw a single tear fall from the corner of his eye. I wanted to wipe it off, wipe away the pain that I might have caused him. This man loves me with all of him. Desires nothing but my happiness. Why can't I give it to him in return? Why is he only a dream? I did not know what he was thinking about, why out of the blue he shed a tear. But I knew it was that of sadness, of whatever emptiness he was feeling inside.
But I had to throw him back the question. I felt guilty for having to ask him that because I knew it was the instance when Ten Tang Jing, his first love, made him wait at the church in Spain, never to appear for his proposal. "How about you, what's your most life-altering moment." I asked, trying hard to sound composed.
He took a deep breath, turned to me and said "This. This is my most life- altering experience. Sancai, unreal as it may seem, this would be our last moment together. I spent these past few nights sleepless, wondering about how I could make this day special. Then I remembered about this place, so simple yet beautiful."
Lei struggled to relax, pausing once in a while to keep himself from crying but his efforts were futile. "It hurts Sancai, It hurts so deep. I know that you and Ah Si love each other and I wish only the best for you. But sometimes, I would catch myself watching you, just wanting to kiss your lips. I apologize Sancai for being selfish. I'm sorry if I love you this much."
I was speechless. I did not know how to react or even if to react at all. Should I thank him? Should I smile? But I was caught frozen staring at his beautiful face. He was crying, shaking like a little child lost on his way home. Then suddenly, as if the gods felt the pureness of the love in his heart, thousands of butterflies, of different shapes, colors and sizes, appeared from nowhere and surrounded us both. They were everywhere, flying above us, settling on our legs and tummies, enveloping us in fantasy that I thought only happened in fairytales. It was so magical, so splendid.
"I don't think I'd ever see something as beautiful as this." he spoke, but as I turned to face him, he was gazing at me and not at the awe-inspiring sight that besieged us. I smiled, closed my eyes and curled up beside him, embracing him tight even for just that afternoon. I forgot that I was engaged, forgot that in three months time, I was to be married. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and let him feel the love within me, hoping it would be enough. If Lei is a dream, then I don't ever want to wake up again. We remained that way, immersed in absolute bliss without uttering a single word, until the stars and moon had become witnesses of our special moment.
The next day, he flew to Japan.
Weeks passed by and everything went smoothly. Ah Si and I became busy preparing for the wedding while the rest of F3 were busy with their respective endeavors. However, I would often catch myself gaping at my mobile phone, wishing that he would give me a ring. I guess he had a hectic schedule in Japan because he never called me up. I would feel a knot in my stomach whenever I pictured him with another woman there. I kept denying to myself that I was jealous, but looking back, I realize I was...
During that time, I was still working as a tour guide in a travel agency. I got my much-awaited promotion to head the tour group in Australia and before I left, I felt so excited and nervous at the same time. Your grandfather was telling me to quit that job since within a few months, we'd be tying the knot but I insisted. It was my first time to visit Australia after all. We went to different tourist spots and had a great time in that beautiful country. The tour went smoothly but as we flew back to Taiwan, a tragedy occurred.
Everything was a blur, really. All I could remember was the flight attendant telling us to buckle our seatbelts and hold on tight. The landing was rough and then I heard a blast. When I woke up, I found myself lying on a hospital bed, with my face covered with bandages.
"Ah Si! Ah Si!' I cried out. "Sancai! You're up! Nurse, she's awake!" he yelled out as he held my hand tight and kissed it. "What happened?!! What happened?!! Where are the other passengers?? Why are we here??" I inquired, on the verge of going hysterical.
"Sancai! Don't worry about them, everybody's safe now in the hospital." I heard a familiar voice coming from the left side of the room, which I quickly recognized as my friend Qing He's. "Two days ago, the airplane you were riding lost control and crashed at the tarmac of the airport. Good thing the authorities were fast and able to rescue all the passengers before a part of it exploded." he continued.
"Don't worry Sancai, you're home now." said my fiancé who never left my side. "Master Dao Ming Si, the doctor wants to see you." I heard the assistant call him and with that, he let go of my hand and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll be right back." Qing He and my parents kept me company in the room and told me the details of what went wrong with the plane.
That afternoon, I heard people coming inside of my room. Ah Si held again my hand tight while my mother stroked my hair as the doctor explained to us my condition. I sensed someone sniffing but I couldn't figure out whom it was or where the sound was coming from.
"The retina and optic nerves of her eyes were damaged beyond repair." the ophthalmologist explained using medical terms, which none of us in the room understood. He kept on giving details in technical vocabulary until Ah Si interrupted him and said "Would you please just get to the point?! What can we do to salvage her sight??"
The doctor paused for a moment and gave out a sigh before saying "I'm sorry, but she had gone blind." That was all I was able to comprehend though he continued talking. Blind. I. am. blind. I wanted to scream, yell, and even loose my control but I couldn't. There, I sat breathless, millions of things going through mind. What about the wedding? What about my life? I will never see the sun again. the view from the rooftop.the colorful butterflies. What have I done to deserve something as dreadful as this?? I wanted to curse the world, curse everything around me. But I have been drained of all energy, I did not have the strength to cry. People were weeping, even Dao Ming Si, but I couldn't seem to join them in their chorus of whimpers.
"Get out of the room, please." That's all I was able to utter. I knew they were stunned by my request but they conceded to it even so. I was left alone in the cold room and though I couldn't see a thing, I knew it was sunny outside. I felt the sun's rays touch my skin and for that moment, I wished Lei was there beside me. Suddenly, my mother went inside and said quietly "Master Hua ze Lei is on the line. Do you want to talk to him?"
I just reached out my hand asking for the phone as if to tell my mother to leave me alone again. I only started to speak after I heard the door close. "Lei?" I said, praying so hard it was really him. "Sancai." was all he said before I broke down. No tears came flowing out, which frustrated me even more. "I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry." There was something different with his voice and I had the impression he was also crying at the other end of the line. "Dao Ming Si told me there's still hope. You can have a transplant to bring your eyesight back." he continued but I did not reply. "I'll look for available organs here in Japan, I'm sure there would be many."
"Lei. please come back here." I pleaded, sadness evident in my voice. "I'm scared. I really am." He was quiet for a long time and I knew he was in deep thoughts. And then, with his ever-assuring voice replied, "Don't be. I'm just around."
The following day, he arrived. My mother told me it was your grandfather who found the organ needed for the transplant in Taiwan. Right then, the operation was scheduled that afternoon and everyone close to me were around to show their support. My parents, Dao Ming Si, Qing He, Ximen and Meizhuo, and of course Hua ze Lei. I felt extremely nervous before the operation but their mere presence was enough to guarantee me that everything would be fine.
As I was being wheeled to the O.R., I heard him whisper to my ears once more "Don't be afraid. I'm just around." I could only thank the heavens for giving Hua ze Lei to me.
It took about a week before we could find out if the transplant was a success. Everything's back to normal by then and the only people left in the hospital with me were my parents and Ah Si. They said Lei was asked to fly back to Japan by his father for some business matters. We waited anxiously in the room, praying that I could regain my sight back. The doctor started to peel the bandage off and asked me to open up my eyes. Slowly, I lifted my eyelids, which seemed heavy at first and saw a blurry figure of a white object. Lei, Is that you? But then little by little, it became clearer and I perceived the man, clad in white medical uniform, waiting for my response.
I could not express in words how I felt at that moment. My gladness was beyond measure, I was in disbelief I could see again! It took me a while before I could grasp the significance of that moment and as I did, I gave out a big smile and just heard everyone on the room cheer in absolute joy!! Your grandfather hugged me so tight and whispered words in my ears, words that I didn't understand anymore because I was overwhelmed by happiness. Everything was so surreal.
Ah Si postponed the wedding 'til 6 months later until I could fully recover. You know what Mei Xin, it was only because of the accident that I became totally appreciative of the things around me. Only then that I was able to grasp the profundity of the saying "you will never know what something's worth until it is gone." Everyday, I would look at the flowers, the sky, and even your grandpa and be thankful that I was given a second chance.
Sometimes, I'd stare at my reflection and look at the new eyes that were transferred to me. My mother said it was from a man who died of a heart attack in a province somewhere but I didn't care. I didn't care because at least, that person was able to live on through me. through my vision.
And then the wedding day came. I kept on urging Ah Si that we should keep it simple and discreet but since they're one of the most powerful people in the country, we were featured in almost every paper. His mother was still enraged by his decision but could not do a thing. So we had our lavish wedding in this lovely garden, with an arrangement fit for the blue- blooded. This is it. This is my day. Today, I will make a vow to love Ah Si forever and be a good wife to him. Today, I have to let go of the past.
Mom was in tears when she saw me all made up, wearing a gown made by some designer from Paris. I looked at the mirror and saw a beautiful lady in an expensive dress, with rhinestones in her hair. She was holding a bouquet of fresh, colorful flowers and her eyes were glowing with joy. I did not even recognize it was me.
As I stood at the end of the aisle, with my father at my side, I couldn't help but smile. Waiting for me at the other end was your grandpa, looking exquisite in his dark suit. The men behind him were his best friends, the F3. I suddenly felt excited for it would be my first time to show HIM my new pair of eyes. As we marched on, my heart was pounding so fast, I thought it would jump out of my chest. Every person was staring at me as Ah Si stood waiting, with a beaming smile on his face.
And then I saw him. Behind the sheer veil, I saw him turn to face me, clad in a white tux. As I got closer, I realized he was wearing dark-tinted sunglasses and carrying a walking stick. Hua ze Lei. I had to stop marching for a moment and take deep breath. The glee on my face disappeared as it dawned on me. He gave me his eyes. These were from him. I struggled so hard to compose myself and proceed with the ceremony.
We were exchanging vows, your grandpa and I, but I couldn't keep myself from glancing at him. I was overcome with sorrow for I couldn't bear the thought of him losing his sight for me. I even felt angry with everyone for keeping it all a secret. I felt betrayed! I do not know anymore Mei Xin, I do not know anymore how I certainly felt during that moment but I remember crying as we said our promises. People believed those were tears of joy when in fact, they were of anguish. I couldn't run away, there was no turning back then.
There were so many people at the reception held at this palace-like mansion on a hilltop. Majority of them, we did not even know. They kept taking our photographs or filming us for the news. Others were shaking our hands or giving us kisses, obviously trying to get close to the Dao Mings. Everything was a blur except for one event, which I remembered vividly.
Each one of our closest family and friends went in front to wish us best and say their little speech. I was really touched by Qing He's poem and Meizhuo's song number for Ah Si and I. When it was Hua ze Lei's turn however, Ximen, had to assist him to the podium. I did not want to look at him and see his frailty... I felt tremendous guilt because if it weren't for me, he would have been perfectly normal. I bowed my head down and looked at my wedding ring instead.
"This one's to Dao Ming Si and Sancai's happiness." he said on the mike, opening the case of his beloved instrument. He touched the strings so gently, as if caressing a woman's hair and played the most beautiful music I've ever heard in my life. I was amazed that despite his blindness, he was still able to render out a melody that made everybody in the room breathless. Slowly, I lifted my head and time stopped. There stood in the middle, a young man wearing white tuxedo, playing a song that yearned for our happiness. A man so unselfish, he was willing to lose sight just for me to continue experiencing the beauty of the world. A man who, regardless of my decision, loved me unconditionally.
I was in tears. As much as I'd like to conceal my emotions, I wasn't able to. There were no sobs, no heavy breathing, only pure, warm tears, flowing down endlessly. The way he stroked the violin, I could feel that every note came from his soul. It brought me back in time when I first saw him play the instrument years earlier in the music room of Yingde. with closed eyes and much passion in every movement of his arms. I fell for him then and at my wedding, I think I did once more.
While everyone was having a blast dancing, I broke away from the crowd and searched for him. I found my friend standing at the veranda that overlooked the whole city below. "Lei!" I called out as I unhurriedly approached him. He did not turn my way but merely remained where he stood, feeling the breeze against his face. "Why? Why did you not tell me?" I asked, glancing at his face that was yet again emotion-less. I heard no reply. Though I knew I had to be grateful, I suddenly felt mad at him for making alone a choice that concerned both of us.
"I did not ask you to do it. I did not ask for your pity or sympathy for my condition." I spoke with sullenness in my voice, letting him know I was not pleased by what he did. "Had I been asked for permission, I would not have allowed the operation to take place! You. do not deserve this." My chest tightened and I found myself crying out my true feelings inside. "How can you see the view from the rooftop now?! The clear water, the bright-colored flowers, the fireworks?!! How can you see me now??!!" I said, grabbing his arm, making him face me. "Look Lei! Look at how beautiful I am right now!! Look at my gown, my hair!!! You cannot see it? Huh? Because you're stupid!! You're foolish!! I should be the one blinded!! I should be the one suffering!!! These tears on my face right now, these should have been yours!!"
He still wasn't responding, not showing any signs of emotions. Behind the tinted glasses, I tried to search for the stare that once defined his persona. The stare so hard to describe, so unfathomable. The stare that could see beyond my façade as if he knew what I was thinking about, what I was feeling inside. But it was gone. He gave it up for me.
Without saying a word, he took my hand and placed my palm against his cheek like what he did that afternoon we spent together. I could feel him breathing, could feel his face so smooth like that of a child's. Again, I was frozen in astonishment, as if my heart stopped pounding. Lei. I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize but no words came out of my tied tongue.
"I have accepted long ago that a friend is all I can be to you. that there's no chance for me to have that special place in your heart. No matter what I do, I was still not enough." he said without taking my hand off, his voice so meek and peaceful. "In my life, I have come to learn that we have a sole purpose- and that is to love. It doesn't matter if it won't come back to you, just do your part and you shall be rewarded." My hand began to tremble but he merely sighed.
"When you consoled me at the beach that night, I knew then who is that person I'm going to offer my love to. The lone person deserving of the affection I yearned so long to share.I made myself believe that I couldn't give you the happiness that only Ah Si could. but when I heard about the accident, I realized that maybe, I could at least give you a part of me."
He then let go of my hand and placed his on the left side of my face, feeling the wetness brought by the tears. "When we were together that afternoon, lying beneath the tree, I was right when I said I won't be able to see something as beautiful as that. something as beautiful as you. Sancai, all I want is to love you. I do not desire anything in return."
The emotions that I felt were unexplainable. I did not care if people would see us, I just wanted to hold him close and never let go. I was crying on his chest, smudging my make-up upon his spotless clothes but still, I did not care. "Thank you Lei, thank you." was all I could say, while sobbing heart out. What have I done to deserve his love?? How can I give it back?? But I knew then that I was entering a new phase in my life. I was already Mrs. Dao Ming Si and there were responsibilities to face.
Mei Xin, that was the last time we were together. more than 50 years ago.
As time passed by, we grew apart. Your grandfather and I had 3 children and I became busy taking care of them. Also, I had to fulfill the duty of being the wife of one of the most influential men in the country. For his part, Lei accomplished his dreams of becoming a world-famous musician. All over the globe, he became known as the "Blind Violinist", performing in different cities and for many wealthy people. Ximen said he never married.
One time, we watched his concert in Paris and he played a special song.
"This is one of my most personal compositions and I do hope you'd like it." he said to the audience of thousands. "It is called Wedelia." The melody was incredibly perfect but you would hear the sadness in each note. I knew that your grandfather understood the meaning of the title but never said a word about it. I, on the other hand, was once again taken aback and could only shed a tear for what I felt was a blend of joy and regret.
About 5 years before your grandfather passed away, I received a terrible news one spring morning. The "Blind Violinist" died of cardiac arrest while performing in a show in Greece. In his will, he requested not to have a wake and be buried in his homeland instead. As Ah Si and I were on our way to the cemetery, he held my hand tight as if assuring me that everything's all right. I was looking out the window, reminiscing the wonderful moments of Lei and I together.
I remembered our days at the rooftop, how we would just sit there and admire the wonderful sight, sometimes watching the fireworks light up the evening sky... I recalled the times when he followed me at the countryside, and how he never ceased to search for me whenever I ran away. I thought of the countless occasions he saved me and gave me a second chance in life. I could only smile.
We stopped at a place which I did not recognize as a cemetery. There was a stream at the far side and near its bank positioned a huge oak tree. At first, I didn't know where we were and why Lei would want to be buried in such a place as that. Though it was beautiful, it didn't seem fit for someone as renowned as him. And then it dawned on me. it was the same spot where we spent that afternoon 50 years ago.
I looked around and everybody was gone. Suddenly, I was left alone standing on the grass. The sky was cloudless, the sun shone bright and the flowers and plants were in full bloom. And under the old oak tree, I saw him. I saw Hua ze Lei as he was that fateful afternoon. Smiling an unusual smile that not many people have seen, so bright, so genuine. "Lei." I uttered.
"What?" your grandfather asked as we walked towards the empty grave and I was awakened from my reverie. "Nothing." I replied. Before they put the casket down, the lid was opened one last time for the family and friends to see. Though I've come to accept his fate, it was still hard for me to see him lying inside the casket. As I went closer, I realized that his violin was placed beside him. There he was, clad in his favorite color, with hair gone gray and wearing dark-tinted sunglasses.
I placed a wedelia on his chest and before lid was shut, whispered to his ear "Thank you." I am truly certain that as I turned away, I heard his serene voice reply "Don't be scared. I'm just around." For the first time since his death, I shed a tear. Not because I grieved, but because he was able to accomplish his sole purpose in life. Even in his demise, I felt the message he was trying to express for so long. I felt loved. "
Sancai looked at Mei Xin, who by the time was already crying and said, "Now dear, I have one request and I hope that you could grant my only wish. It may seem foolish but this is all I ask. When I pass away, I want to be buried with my hair down, wearing that favorite white dress of mine. And I want my grave to be placed beside that of Hua ze Lei's, beneath the old oak tree. I hope by now you understand." she said looking at the girl in the eyes.
"I loved your grandfather with all of my being and I'm glad that I was able to show it to him... But all his life Lei gave his happiness to me. I think it's about time I give him mine."
Two weeks after their conversation, Mei Xin found her grandma lifeless in bed, never to awake from her peaceful sleep. Her children granted her wish though it was only the girl who knew the reason behind it. As they arrived in the place, she noticed that there was only a portion of the land where wedelias grew and she understood then that it was the grave of Hua ze Lei.
After the ceremony, people immediately left but Mei Xin asked to stay at her grandmother's tomb to say her little prayer. "Grandma, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I hope that you could tell him now everything that you have kept in your heart for so long. I love you." She was caught in absolute amazement when all of a sudden, as if the gods felt the sincerity of her prayer, thousands of butterflies, of different shapes, colors and sizes, appeared from nowhere and enveloped her. She gave out a cheerful laugh for Mei Xin knew that wherever the "wild grass" may be, she could finally return the happiness that "Blind Violinist" had given her throughout his life.
The End.
The brain cells in my head had stopped functioning, I have forgotten how to tie my shoelaces. Here I am again, bugging you all with the third installation for my HZL/SC Trilogy. To all those who supported the previous two, I wanna express my utmost gratitude to you. If it weren't for the readers, I am positive that I wouldn't spend my time in front of the computer, describing scenes that used to be mere "blabbering thoughts". Also, I'd like to thank the person who never fails to make me smile, Zaizai, for inspiring me to write these emotional pieces. (I do not mean to hurt you baby, love you so much! Mwah!) Though majority of the comments were uplifting and really overwhelming, there were of course those who cursed me for giving Lei very tragic fates in the 2 stories. I'm sorry to them but this is who I am, this is what I write about.
If you are keen enough, you'd be able to name the book and the series where I got the inspiration for the storyline. Don't worry, I didn't plagiarize and every word is original. Just a sharing: it took me 5 days to write HZL's Confessions, 4 days to complete Sunset in Taipei and 3 days to finish this. Ha! I can't wait to write a story in a day!!! This time, I decided to give the two a happy ending. Yes, you heard it right, a happy ending so no need for Kleenex, ok? You may notice some parallelisms with the first story but again the three are not related. I presented the evolution of the characters and I'm sure you'd notice them too. Hua ze Lei fans might not be too affected for this one's in Sancai's POV.
Warning: Please do not expect too much if you don't want to be disappointed. I think I may have lost my "touch" and after this, you might not want to read any of my fics anymore. Call me pathetic, call me dull. I'm not fishing. That's just what I think.
It may take some time before you hear from me again because classes are about to start tomorrow (!!!) and I will be busy this sem. As of the now, I have no plans of writing another fanfic. Yet. Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers again that you'd like it and please inform me first if you wish to post it in another site. Thank you!!!
-red star
The Violinist
It was already past 8 when Mei Xin arrived home. As the driver opened the door of her car, she hurriedly went up to her room and locked herself inside. Her eyes were puff from incessant crying, hair all tangled up like she had just got out of bed. But she didn't care. she just discovered her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her.
Being an heir to the powerful Dao Ming clan, the girl has it all. She has a very pretty face, one which resembles that of a Chinese porcelain doll, complemented by the dimples on her cheeks, and long black, shiny hair that curl at the ends. She also tends to smile a lot, therefore adding radiance to her stunning features. One of the most popular girls in the elite school Yingde University even though she's still a freshman, Mei Xin captured the hearts of many eligible lads. However, hers belong to only one person, Cheng, the son of the president, whom she found out was dating another girl behind her back.
A part of the mattress where she laid had already gone wet from the flowing tears, as she was lying sideways. How could you do it to me? she thought to herself. What more do you want?
Because of their money, she was forbidden to befriend just anyone. They must at least be approved first by her parents. She had been trying to call Shing, one of her closest pals and another daughter of a millionaire but she was out of reach while the other, Di was out partying somewhere. Her busy father, like always, was out of the country for a business trip, whereas her mom attended an important gala in London. Her brother and sister have their own families already and she was left to live in that cold mansion with her grandmother. Mei Xin was alone.
It is difficult for an 18-year-old girl like her to experience first heartbreak. So many things were going through her head. People say I have everything. But why am I still not happy? Why do I still cry myself to sleep at night? Why do I still feel empty? I want to die.
Then she heard someone knocking on the door. "Leave me alone!" she shouted. "Mei Xin, come on, have dinner first." It was, she realized, her grandmother and not some maid calling her to eat. As far as she could remember, her paternal grandma had been her guardian whenever her parents were away or even when they just had hectic schedules. Since her grandfather died 10 years ago, her granny had moved back to that huge mansion from their own spacious villa at the countryside. Before, when she was younger, she would stay over there for a weekend or a whole summer and spend it with them. She could still remember the pony that she took care of, together with other farm animals that her grandpa bought for them after retirement.
In that scenic place, she was able to do anything she wanted. Climb tress, swim in the river, ride rafts and play with other kids, most of whom were children of the caretakers and farmers. Her grandma encouraged her to be a normal kid and not somebody who would inherit the billions of their family. And for that, she loved her dearly.
Mei Xin got up from the bed, unlocked the door, and there stood her granny, with a worried look on her face. The instance she saw the concern in her eyes, Mei Xin just embraced her grandma and bawled her emotions out. "Everything's going to be okay dear. everything's going to be okay." said her grandmother while consoling her and rubbing her back, an assurance that she wasn't alone.
Her grandma brought her to the terrace and asked her what was wrong. Still devastated and sobbing, she told her about Cheng and how she learned he was going out with another girl. The cards that she read, the photographs that were taken of them, and what she saw that afternoon, her boyfriend and the girl hiding behind a car and kissing passionately as if there was no tomorrow. Recalling these incidents was truly hard for Mei Xin because she believed she would spend the rest of her life with him.
Her grandmother listened attentively, smiling every so often, musing over her own experiences when she was her age. Time indeed passes so quickly. Her once perfect black hair had turned gray and needed to be coiled in a bun. Her once flawless skin had sagged and wrinkled, the lines that traversed her face were proofs of the wisdom she had gained over the years. She sat there, in her favorite rocking chair, with Mei Xin leaning beside her, arms around waist and head rested against her chest.
"I don't want to ever fall in love again!" she cried as her granny stoke her wavy hair. "Sssshhh. don't say that. You're still young, there are many other boys out there! Better boys who won't make you cry." She asked again "How about you grandma, did you cry over a guy when you were young?"
Sancai could only nod with a smile. "I've had my own share of heartbreaks, you know. I was about your age, only older when I had my first one." she related, looking at the millions of stars in the sky. "Whenever I look back at it, I couldn't help but laugh!"
"Was it about grandpa? Was he the one who made you cry?" inquired the lass, who by that time had calmed down and was more interested in her grandma's tale. Sancai hesitated to answer at first and paused for a while. "Yes, he was my first heartbreak but I did not only cry for him."
Mei Xin was intrigued. She lifted her head and asked "Really?! Who was the "lucky" guy? C'mon grandma! You can tell me." she insisted. Sancai was silent for a moment and looked away as if afraid that her granddaughter might see the sadness in her eyes. She looked at Mei Xin and asked "Are you sure you want to hear about it?" The girl only nodded and rested her head back to where it was positioned. She could hear the singing of the crickets and see the fireflies that lingered around the trees, like the Christmas lights that once adorned the window of her house. The moon, the stars, the crickets, the fireflies and Mei Xin were all ears to the story that Sancai waited so long to reveal.
"I know that I do not have much time left here on earth. I guess I need to let someone know about a secret I have kept hidden all these years inside my heart. I do not desire to bury it with me to the grave.
As you know, your grandfather and I met at the exclusive Yingde University. He was the richest and most powerful student there, while I was perhaps the only one who didn't own a car. I worked in a café to get by and help my parents with the expenses. They were the ones who forced me to study there after all.
Dao Ming Si was arrogant and mean and together with his three other friends, walked the corridors of the school as if they owned it. Actually, they did own it that's why even the professors and administrators were afraid of them. No one dared to touch them, much more talk with them because they might give you the infamous red card... They called themselves F4. I called them Pighead 4. Since I was the poorest kid around, people made fun of me, even your grandpa but I was not scared and stood up for myself. He said it was my courage that swept him off his feet.
However, his mother was strongly against our relationship. She couldn't bear the thought of her only son marrying a commoner like me. But we were determined! Determined to fight for our love, determined to prove her wrong. So many obstacles came between us, I do not even remember them all. But there was a time when he had amnesia and totally forgot about me. I fought for him, fought to bring his memory back! Even if he fell in love with a princess, I still held on. I showed them all that I was strong, that I could face it all because I was Sancai, the wild grass. But when I was by myself, I broke down and cried silently.
Through all of these, he stood by my side. He who was the quiet one among the F4. He whose name was Hua ze Lei. At the beginning, it was Lei that I noticed. There was something about him that I found mysterious. His gaze. it sees though you. Sometimes, he'd look at me as if he knew what I was thinking about, what I was feeling inside. He was cold and aloof but his eyes spoke for his silence.
He had done so many wonderful things for me, if I were to narrate all of them to you, it may take us the whole night. I called him my pillar of strength, my guardian... Whenever things were going bad, I would run away, run away from all the worries, run away from all of them! But not once did he never look for me and I'm glad he always found my whereabouts too. I do not know what would've been of me without Lei.
I knew that he loved me though I never heard it from him personally. Lei was like that, always keeping to himself. But he asked me to go to Japan with him and I turned him down. I believed then that he was my dream but my love was your grandfather. Dreams are beautiful but love is true. And so, when Ah Si proposed to me in Spain, my happiness was beyond words.
One morning, Lei called me up.
"I will pick you up after lunch. You're coming with me right?" he declared and I was bewildered for a moment. We did not make any plans the day before and I was hoping that I might use that weekend for my much needed rest. "Huh? Wait Lei, I had just woken up. what are you talking about?" "I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow." he spoke and I could sense the seriousness in his voice. "Please, just for once, come with me."
I could not refuse him. How I could decline someone whose only plea was for me to join him for a last get-together? I was sure that he only wanted to bid me farewell. He said that it might take years before he could get back from Japan because his father wanted to train him in business. All of a sudden I felt anxious. Years? Before he returns? Where am I supposed to go? "Okay, I guess I'd just wait for you then. Bye!" I said, putting the phone down.
I knew I had to look perfect. Usually, I did not care about my appearance but at that time, something within told me to look my best. As I was scouring my closet for clothes, I spotted it. It was a white dress, simply embroidered, which fell below me knees that I haven't worn in a long time. I was aware that Lei's favorite color was white and it suited me perfectly. The Sabrina neckline, the little bow at the back, the way it hugged my slender figure. it was just flawless. I tied my hair in braids but as I checked myself in the mirror, I realized that it was unfit for my attire and just let my hair down instead.
"Sancai! Master Hua ze Lei is here!!! Hurry up!" my mom called and I quickly put on a light shade of lipstick and sprayed a bit of cologne. There he was, waiting for me beside his fancy car, striking as ever. The multicolored bouquet of flowers he was holding was in contrast to his shirt, which was again, the color of the clouds. I stared at him and was frozen for a second. He was smiling, an unusual smile that not many people has seen. So bright, so genuine.
I noticed that he liked the way I dressed too. He gazed at me for a long time before he could even say a word. We were both speechless, in admiration of each other.
I didn't really know the name of the place where he brought me. We drove out about 2 hours from the city and passed though hills and prairies before reaching the location. I thought we were going to a restaurant, or a park maybe but we found ourselves getting out of the car and walking our way towards a stream. He carried with him a basket of food while I clutched under my arms a mat.
Lei and I settled under an oak tree and there, spread the mat on the grass and put the basket down. I could only marvel at the scene around me. It was early spring and the flowers and plants were in full bloom. The water flowing through the stream was so clear, I could see the swimming fishes and the rocks at the bottom. The sky was cloudless, the sun shone bright and breeze blowing against our face was just enough to keep us cool. I had no idea a place like that still even existed.
"Why did you bring us here?" I asked him with a smile. He did not reply but merely threw a rock to the water. I opened the basket and brought out the food and wine that he brought. "When I was small, I found out about this area. I think it was my cousin who brought me here, I do not even remember. All I know is that since then, whenever I wanted to be alone and spend some time with myself, I come here."
"This is indeed a lovely place." I said, taking a bite on my sand which. He poured us some white wine in the glasses, his expression I still couldn't decipher. Was he sad? Was he delighted? I had no idea then. "Sancai, I wish you happiness." I was startled by his statement and only nodded in reply. "I'd be leaving for Japan tomorrow. It might take me quite a while before I get back. Our rooftop, I'd surely miss it. I'd surely miss you." he continued, staring at the water before us. "Promise me you'd be a goof wife to your husband, a great mother to your kids.Please take care of yourself, take care of Ah Si." He swallowed hard and looked away.
I was brought back to reality. I was engaged to your grandfather already and the wedding was in 3 months. I took a glance at the expensive ring on my finger, a reminder of Ah Si's love for me. It was made of platinum with a big diamond in the middle. I suddenly realized the responsibilities awaiting me. After I married, I won't be able to just run away, I can no longer just run to him and cry on his shoulders .
"I'm scared Lei." I uttered. "I'm scared of facing the life ahead of me. I don't know if I'm ready yet." He stared at me for a long time and without answering, took my hand and placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes as if feeling my warmth, or memorizing the lines on my palms. I felt shiver crawl down my spine from that gesture. There I was, alone with Lei, in absolute astonishment of what he was doing. We stayed like that for a while, neither of us saying a word or moving a limb.
"Do not be. I am just around." he said, removing my hand and looking me in the eyes. I was breath-taken. That stare, I'd never forget it. So hard to describe, so unfathomable. It penetrated me to the core and gripped the sentiments within me. But I felt it. I felt the message he was trying to relay through those eyes. I felt loved.
He laid back on the mat and I did too. We were lying there, side by side, staring at the concealed sun, which was shielded by the leaves of the oak that sheltered us. It was four in the afternoon and it glared this dazzling light, like the eyes of the gods, watching our every move. The calming sound of running water was accompanied by the chirping of the birds that dwelled in the hollow of the tree.
"What was the most life-altering moment for you?" he asked, breaking the stillness of the scene. It made me ponder for a while before I answered him with a sigh, still looking above. "When Dao Ming Si had an accident in Spain, everything that I ever dreamed of disappeared before me. For the first time in my life, I realized I was weak. He fell in love with another woman and I was left in the shadows. I was shattered beyond words, I felt like giving up. Fortunately for me, there were people who gave me strength and inspired me to hold on. Like you."
I looked at him and saw a single tear fall from the corner of his eye. I wanted to wipe it off, wipe away the pain that I might have caused him. This man loves me with all of him. Desires nothing but my happiness. Why can't I give it to him in return? Why is he only a dream? I did not know what he was thinking about, why out of the blue he shed a tear. But I knew it was that of sadness, of whatever emptiness he was feeling inside.
But I had to throw him back the question. I felt guilty for having to ask him that because I knew it was the instance when Ten Tang Jing, his first love, made him wait at the church in Spain, never to appear for his proposal. "How about you, what's your most life-altering moment." I asked, trying hard to sound composed.
He took a deep breath, turned to me and said "This. This is my most life- altering experience. Sancai, unreal as it may seem, this would be our last moment together. I spent these past few nights sleepless, wondering about how I could make this day special. Then I remembered about this place, so simple yet beautiful."
Lei struggled to relax, pausing once in a while to keep himself from crying but his efforts were futile. "It hurts Sancai, It hurts so deep. I know that you and Ah Si love each other and I wish only the best for you. But sometimes, I would catch myself watching you, just wanting to kiss your lips. I apologize Sancai for being selfish. I'm sorry if I love you this much."
I was speechless. I did not know how to react or even if to react at all. Should I thank him? Should I smile? But I was caught frozen staring at his beautiful face. He was crying, shaking like a little child lost on his way home. Then suddenly, as if the gods felt the pureness of the love in his heart, thousands of butterflies, of different shapes, colors and sizes, appeared from nowhere and surrounded us both. They were everywhere, flying above us, settling on our legs and tummies, enveloping us in fantasy that I thought only happened in fairytales. It was so magical, so splendid.
"I don't think I'd ever see something as beautiful as this." he spoke, but as I turned to face him, he was gazing at me and not at the awe-inspiring sight that besieged us. I smiled, closed my eyes and curled up beside him, embracing him tight even for just that afternoon. I forgot that I was engaged, forgot that in three months time, I was to be married. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and let him feel the love within me, hoping it would be enough. If Lei is a dream, then I don't ever want to wake up again. We remained that way, immersed in absolute bliss without uttering a single word, until the stars and moon had become witnesses of our special moment.
The next day, he flew to Japan.
Weeks passed by and everything went smoothly. Ah Si and I became busy preparing for the wedding while the rest of F3 were busy with their respective endeavors. However, I would often catch myself gaping at my mobile phone, wishing that he would give me a ring. I guess he had a hectic schedule in Japan because he never called me up. I would feel a knot in my stomach whenever I pictured him with another woman there. I kept denying to myself that I was jealous, but looking back, I realize I was...
During that time, I was still working as a tour guide in a travel agency. I got my much-awaited promotion to head the tour group in Australia and before I left, I felt so excited and nervous at the same time. Your grandfather was telling me to quit that job since within a few months, we'd be tying the knot but I insisted. It was my first time to visit Australia after all. We went to different tourist spots and had a great time in that beautiful country. The tour went smoothly but as we flew back to Taiwan, a tragedy occurred.
Everything was a blur, really. All I could remember was the flight attendant telling us to buckle our seatbelts and hold on tight. The landing was rough and then I heard a blast. When I woke up, I found myself lying on a hospital bed, with my face covered with bandages.
"Ah Si! Ah Si!' I cried out. "Sancai! You're up! Nurse, she's awake!" he yelled out as he held my hand tight and kissed it. "What happened?!! What happened?!! Where are the other passengers?? Why are we here??" I inquired, on the verge of going hysterical.
"Sancai! Don't worry about them, everybody's safe now in the hospital." I heard a familiar voice coming from the left side of the room, which I quickly recognized as my friend Qing He's. "Two days ago, the airplane you were riding lost control and crashed at the tarmac of the airport. Good thing the authorities were fast and able to rescue all the passengers before a part of it exploded." he continued.
"Don't worry Sancai, you're home now." said my fiancé who never left my side. "Master Dao Ming Si, the doctor wants to see you." I heard the assistant call him and with that, he let go of my hand and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll be right back." Qing He and my parents kept me company in the room and told me the details of what went wrong with the plane.
That afternoon, I heard people coming inside of my room. Ah Si held again my hand tight while my mother stroked my hair as the doctor explained to us my condition. I sensed someone sniffing but I couldn't figure out whom it was or where the sound was coming from.
"The retina and optic nerves of her eyes were damaged beyond repair." the ophthalmologist explained using medical terms, which none of us in the room understood. He kept on giving details in technical vocabulary until Ah Si interrupted him and said "Would you please just get to the point?! What can we do to salvage her sight??"
The doctor paused for a moment and gave out a sigh before saying "I'm sorry, but she had gone blind." That was all I was able to comprehend though he continued talking. Blind. I. am. blind. I wanted to scream, yell, and even loose my control but I couldn't. There, I sat breathless, millions of things going through mind. What about the wedding? What about my life? I will never see the sun again. the view from the rooftop.the colorful butterflies. What have I done to deserve something as dreadful as this?? I wanted to curse the world, curse everything around me. But I have been drained of all energy, I did not have the strength to cry. People were weeping, even Dao Ming Si, but I couldn't seem to join them in their chorus of whimpers.
"Get out of the room, please." That's all I was able to utter. I knew they were stunned by my request but they conceded to it even so. I was left alone in the cold room and though I couldn't see a thing, I knew it was sunny outside. I felt the sun's rays touch my skin and for that moment, I wished Lei was there beside me. Suddenly, my mother went inside and said quietly "Master Hua ze Lei is on the line. Do you want to talk to him?"
I just reached out my hand asking for the phone as if to tell my mother to leave me alone again. I only started to speak after I heard the door close. "Lei?" I said, praying so hard it was really him. "Sancai." was all he said before I broke down. No tears came flowing out, which frustrated me even more. "I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry." There was something different with his voice and I had the impression he was also crying at the other end of the line. "Dao Ming Si told me there's still hope. You can have a transplant to bring your eyesight back." he continued but I did not reply. "I'll look for available organs here in Japan, I'm sure there would be many."
"Lei. please come back here." I pleaded, sadness evident in my voice. "I'm scared. I really am." He was quiet for a long time and I knew he was in deep thoughts. And then, with his ever-assuring voice replied, "Don't be. I'm just around."
The following day, he arrived. My mother told me it was your grandfather who found the organ needed for the transplant in Taiwan. Right then, the operation was scheduled that afternoon and everyone close to me were around to show their support. My parents, Dao Ming Si, Qing He, Ximen and Meizhuo, and of course Hua ze Lei. I felt extremely nervous before the operation but their mere presence was enough to guarantee me that everything would be fine.
As I was being wheeled to the O.R., I heard him whisper to my ears once more "Don't be afraid. I'm just around." I could only thank the heavens for giving Hua ze Lei to me.
It took about a week before we could find out if the transplant was a success. Everything's back to normal by then and the only people left in the hospital with me were my parents and Ah Si. They said Lei was asked to fly back to Japan by his father for some business matters. We waited anxiously in the room, praying that I could regain my sight back. The doctor started to peel the bandage off and asked me to open up my eyes. Slowly, I lifted my eyelids, which seemed heavy at first and saw a blurry figure of a white object. Lei, Is that you? But then little by little, it became clearer and I perceived the man, clad in white medical uniform, waiting for my response.
I could not express in words how I felt at that moment. My gladness was beyond measure, I was in disbelief I could see again! It took me a while before I could grasp the significance of that moment and as I did, I gave out a big smile and just heard everyone on the room cheer in absolute joy!! Your grandfather hugged me so tight and whispered words in my ears, words that I didn't understand anymore because I was overwhelmed by happiness. Everything was so surreal.
Ah Si postponed the wedding 'til 6 months later until I could fully recover. You know what Mei Xin, it was only because of the accident that I became totally appreciative of the things around me. Only then that I was able to grasp the profundity of the saying "you will never know what something's worth until it is gone." Everyday, I would look at the flowers, the sky, and even your grandpa and be thankful that I was given a second chance.
Sometimes, I'd stare at my reflection and look at the new eyes that were transferred to me. My mother said it was from a man who died of a heart attack in a province somewhere but I didn't care. I didn't care because at least, that person was able to live on through me. through my vision.
And then the wedding day came. I kept on urging Ah Si that we should keep it simple and discreet but since they're one of the most powerful people in the country, we were featured in almost every paper. His mother was still enraged by his decision but could not do a thing. So we had our lavish wedding in this lovely garden, with an arrangement fit for the blue- blooded. This is it. This is my day. Today, I will make a vow to love Ah Si forever and be a good wife to him. Today, I have to let go of the past.
Mom was in tears when she saw me all made up, wearing a gown made by some designer from Paris. I looked at the mirror and saw a beautiful lady in an expensive dress, with rhinestones in her hair. She was holding a bouquet of fresh, colorful flowers and her eyes were glowing with joy. I did not even recognize it was me.
As I stood at the end of the aisle, with my father at my side, I couldn't help but smile. Waiting for me at the other end was your grandpa, looking exquisite in his dark suit. The men behind him were his best friends, the F3. I suddenly felt excited for it would be my first time to show HIM my new pair of eyes. As we marched on, my heart was pounding so fast, I thought it would jump out of my chest. Every person was staring at me as Ah Si stood waiting, with a beaming smile on his face.
And then I saw him. Behind the sheer veil, I saw him turn to face me, clad in a white tux. As I got closer, I realized he was wearing dark-tinted sunglasses and carrying a walking stick. Hua ze Lei. I had to stop marching for a moment and take deep breath. The glee on my face disappeared as it dawned on me. He gave me his eyes. These were from him. I struggled so hard to compose myself and proceed with the ceremony.
We were exchanging vows, your grandpa and I, but I couldn't keep myself from glancing at him. I was overcome with sorrow for I couldn't bear the thought of him losing his sight for me. I even felt angry with everyone for keeping it all a secret. I felt betrayed! I do not know anymore Mei Xin, I do not know anymore how I certainly felt during that moment but I remember crying as we said our promises. People believed those were tears of joy when in fact, they were of anguish. I couldn't run away, there was no turning back then.
There were so many people at the reception held at this palace-like mansion on a hilltop. Majority of them, we did not even know. They kept taking our photographs or filming us for the news. Others were shaking our hands or giving us kisses, obviously trying to get close to the Dao Mings. Everything was a blur except for one event, which I remembered vividly.
Each one of our closest family and friends went in front to wish us best and say their little speech. I was really touched by Qing He's poem and Meizhuo's song number for Ah Si and I. When it was Hua ze Lei's turn however, Ximen, had to assist him to the podium. I did not want to look at him and see his frailty... I felt tremendous guilt because if it weren't for me, he would have been perfectly normal. I bowed my head down and looked at my wedding ring instead.
"This one's to Dao Ming Si and Sancai's happiness." he said on the mike, opening the case of his beloved instrument. He touched the strings so gently, as if caressing a woman's hair and played the most beautiful music I've ever heard in my life. I was amazed that despite his blindness, he was still able to render out a melody that made everybody in the room breathless. Slowly, I lifted my head and time stopped. There stood in the middle, a young man wearing white tuxedo, playing a song that yearned for our happiness. A man so unselfish, he was willing to lose sight just for me to continue experiencing the beauty of the world. A man who, regardless of my decision, loved me unconditionally.
I was in tears. As much as I'd like to conceal my emotions, I wasn't able to. There were no sobs, no heavy breathing, only pure, warm tears, flowing down endlessly. The way he stroked the violin, I could feel that every note came from his soul. It brought me back in time when I first saw him play the instrument years earlier in the music room of Yingde. with closed eyes and much passion in every movement of his arms. I fell for him then and at my wedding, I think I did once more.
While everyone was having a blast dancing, I broke away from the crowd and searched for him. I found my friend standing at the veranda that overlooked the whole city below. "Lei!" I called out as I unhurriedly approached him. He did not turn my way but merely remained where he stood, feeling the breeze against his face. "Why? Why did you not tell me?" I asked, glancing at his face that was yet again emotion-less. I heard no reply. Though I knew I had to be grateful, I suddenly felt mad at him for making alone a choice that concerned both of us.
"I did not ask you to do it. I did not ask for your pity or sympathy for my condition." I spoke with sullenness in my voice, letting him know I was not pleased by what he did. "Had I been asked for permission, I would not have allowed the operation to take place! You. do not deserve this." My chest tightened and I found myself crying out my true feelings inside. "How can you see the view from the rooftop now?! The clear water, the bright-colored flowers, the fireworks?!! How can you see me now??!!" I said, grabbing his arm, making him face me. "Look Lei! Look at how beautiful I am right now!! Look at my gown, my hair!!! You cannot see it? Huh? Because you're stupid!! You're foolish!! I should be the one blinded!! I should be the one suffering!!! These tears on my face right now, these should have been yours!!"
He still wasn't responding, not showing any signs of emotions. Behind the tinted glasses, I tried to search for the stare that once defined his persona. The stare so hard to describe, so unfathomable. The stare that could see beyond my façade as if he knew what I was thinking about, what I was feeling inside. But it was gone. He gave it up for me.
Without saying a word, he took my hand and placed my palm against his cheek like what he did that afternoon we spent together. I could feel him breathing, could feel his face so smooth like that of a child's. Again, I was frozen in astonishment, as if my heart stopped pounding. Lei. I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize but no words came out of my tied tongue.
"I have accepted long ago that a friend is all I can be to you. that there's no chance for me to have that special place in your heart. No matter what I do, I was still not enough." he said without taking my hand off, his voice so meek and peaceful. "In my life, I have come to learn that we have a sole purpose- and that is to love. It doesn't matter if it won't come back to you, just do your part and you shall be rewarded." My hand began to tremble but he merely sighed.
"When you consoled me at the beach that night, I knew then who is that person I'm going to offer my love to. The lone person deserving of the affection I yearned so long to share.I made myself believe that I couldn't give you the happiness that only Ah Si could. but when I heard about the accident, I realized that maybe, I could at least give you a part of me."
He then let go of my hand and placed his on the left side of my face, feeling the wetness brought by the tears. "When we were together that afternoon, lying beneath the tree, I was right when I said I won't be able to see something as beautiful as that. something as beautiful as you. Sancai, all I want is to love you. I do not desire anything in return."
The emotions that I felt were unexplainable. I did not care if people would see us, I just wanted to hold him close and never let go. I was crying on his chest, smudging my make-up upon his spotless clothes but still, I did not care. "Thank you Lei, thank you." was all I could say, while sobbing heart out. What have I done to deserve his love?? How can I give it back?? But I knew then that I was entering a new phase in my life. I was already Mrs. Dao Ming Si and there were responsibilities to face.
Mei Xin, that was the last time we were together. more than 50 years ago.
As time passed by, we grew apart. Your grandfather and I had 3 children and I became busy taking care of them. Also, I had to fulfill the duty of being the wife of one of the most influential men in the country. For his part, Lei accomplished his dreams of becoming a world-famous musician. All over the globe, he became known as the "Blind Violinist", performing in different cities and for many wealthy people. Ximen said he never married.
One time, we watched his concert in Paris and he played a special song.
"This is one of my most personal compositions and I do hope you'd like it." he said to the audience of thousands. "It is called Wedelia." The melody was incredibly perfect but you would hear the sadness in each note. I knew that your grandfather understood the meaning of the title but never said a word about it. I, on the other hand, was once again taken aback and could only shed a tear for what I felt was a blend of joy and regret.
About 5 years before your grandfather passed away, I received a terrible news one spring morning. The "Blind Violinist" died of cardiac arrest while performing in a show in Greece. In his will, he requested not to have a wake and be buried in his homeland instead. As Ah Si and I were on our way to the cemetery, he held my hand tight as if assuring me that everything's all right. I was looking out the window, reminiscing the wonderful moments of Lei and I together.
I remembered our days at the rooftop, how we would just sit there and admire the wonderful sight, sometimes watching the fireworks light up the evening sky... I recalled the times when he followed me at the countryside, and how he never ceased to search for me whenever I ran away. I thought of the countless occasions he saved me and gave me a second chance in life. I could only smile.
We stopped at a place which I did not recognize as a cemetery. There was a stream at the far side and near its bank positioned a huge oak tree. At first, I didn't know where we were and why Lei would want to be buried in such a place as that. Though it was beautiful, it didn't seem fit for someone as renowned as him. And then it dawned on me. it was the same spot where we spent that afternoon 50 years ago.
I looked around and everybody was gone. Suddenly, I was left alone standing on the grass. The sky was cloudless, the sun shone bright and the flowers and plants were in full bloom. And under the old oak tree, I saw him. I saw Hua ze Lei as he was that fateful afternoon. Smiling an unusual smile that not many people have seen, so bright, so genuine. "Lei." I uttered.
"What?" your grandfather asked as we walked towards the empty grave and I was awakened from my reverie. "Nothing." I replied. Before they put the casket down, the lid was opened one last time for the family and friends to see. Though I've come to accept his fate, it was still hard for me to see him lying inside the casket. As I went closer, I realized that his violin was placed beside him. There he was, clad in his favorite color, with hair gone gray and wearing dark-tinted sunglasses.
I placed a wedelia on his chest and before lid was shut, whispered to his ear "Thank you." I am truly certain that as I turned away, I heard his serene voice reply "Don't be scared. I'm just around." For the first time since his death, I shed a tear. Not because I grieved, but because he was able to accomplish his sole purpose in life. Even in his demise, I felt the message he was trying to express for so long. I felt loved. "
Sancai looked at Mei Xin, who by the time was already crying and said, "Now dear, I have one request and I hope that you could grant my only wish. It may seem foolish but this is all I ask. When I pass away, I want to be buried with my hair down, wearing that favorite white dress of mine. And I want my grave to be placed beside that of Hua ze Lei's, beneath the old oak tree. I hope by now you understand." she said looking at the girl in the eyes.
"I loved your grandfather with all of my being and I'm glad that I was able to show it to him... But all his life Lei gave his happiness to me. I think it's about time I give him mine."
Two weeks after their conversation, Mei Xin found her grandma lifeless in bed, never to awake from her peaceful sleep. Her children granted her wish though it was only the girl who knew the reason behind it. As they arrived in the place, she noticed that there was only a portion of the land where wedelias grew and she understood then that it was the grave of Hua ze Lei.
After the ceremony, people immediately left but Mei Xin asked to stay at her grandmother's tomb to say her little prayer. "Grandma, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I hope that you could tell him now everything that you have kept in your heart for so long. I love you." She was caught in absolute amazement when all of a sudden, as if the gods felt the sincerity of her prayer, thousands of butterflies, of different shapes, colors and sizes, appeared from nowhere and enveloped her. She gave out a cheerful laugh for Mei Xin knew that wherever the "wild grass" may be, she could finally return the happiness that "Blind Violinist" had given her throughout his life.
The End.