Haunted by Memories
Chp.15
Disclaimer in first chapter
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{Watching me}
He used to stand outside my window, at the tree below it. I can see it plain as day the first time I caught him out there. I asked him what he was doin', in five words or less. His reply was 'out. for. a. walk. bitch. He even counted them off on his fingers as he said it. He also said something like 'you have stupid hair, and I never liked you anyway.' I know that he had been there for a while, because no one, not even the biggest chain smoker on the planet could possibly smoke that many cigarettes in just a few minutes.
I just noticed that, that last line was the end of the song. It's finally over, thank god. I don't think I ever want to hear that song ever again. During that torture of a song, I drank three of those Coke thingies. I got one hell'uva buzz, who am I kidding I'm DRUNK. Dawn was right Buffy and alcohol are un-mixy things.
The gang walks over as I start to get up from my stool. I know they can see the tears staining my cheeks. I don't try to wipe them away, or even acknowledge that they are there. I smile at my friends. They all know what day and time it is. They don't say a word as I brush past Xander.
They know that I try to drown my memories of him in whatever way I can. Every month on this exact day, and at this exact time I drown or try to drown them all out. It just so happens I actually drowned them, really well this time. Instead of a few slays or chocolate and some old movies, this time I drowned them with alcohol. The way Spike always did. I did it Spikes way for once. Wouldn't he be proud? No he'd probably laugh his ass off at me.
My friends are still looking at me. I see the worry on their faces, "I'm o-kay." I assure them, and give them another small smile. I walk onto the dance floor, as another song starts. The gang naturally follows, they hover around me trying not to seem like they are as they dance. I know they are staying around me in case I fall again. Fall back into the memories that is.
I love them, I really do, but their worry over me just makes me want to go back to the bar. The way they look at me, I just want to go over there and get even more plastered than I already am.
I falter in my dancing as another memory hits me. The one after I came back, and had the repeat-o-vision hell day, I had tried everyone else I knew. I helped Xander, Giles, and Anya. Went to the college and attended classes with Willow and Tara. The only person I had left was Spike; I went and tried on his world for a night.
That night, I went to his crypt. Where I proceeded to get shit- faced. We got drunk together, on top of the sarcophagus. The way he smiled when I took a drink, the look in his eyes. God I'd give up heaven again if I could just see that look one more time. That's the first time I think I ever saw him actually smile. It was a full-blown smile, not a smart assed smirk, an actual smile that lit his whole face, and I want to see that again.
He watched over me, and everyone I love, not including himself. If I concentrated hard enough, I can still feel him here, watching and waiting.
He haunts me so with his memories, but I wouldn't change it. That's all that's left of him, only memories and there's not enough of them.
"I miss and love you, Spike." I whisper, as I imagine his blue eyes looking into mine. I just wish he were actually here to hear it, as I act as if I'm having fun dancing with my two best friends, and my little sister. Acting is all I ever do now, I go through the motions, but I always remember the vampire that loved me more than anyone ever has, and gave up everything for me.
The End
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(A.N. Jadedrose: Thank you for the review and yes there will be a sequel. It just won't be right away, because I'm now working on the sequel to my other story The End and Beginning. Which to everyone who has been waiting for that one, I have a few chappy's ready, but I'm not posting it for a little while. I try to have at least eight chapters before I start posting, so in case I get writers block I'll have something to post. I do have a pov that goes with the story that I'll post later this week, so that everyone will understand the sequel. Until then review this one and tell me what you thought about it.)
Chp.15
Disclaimer in first chapter
Song is in {}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
{Watching me}
He used to stand outside my window, at the tree below it. I can see it plain as day the first time I caught him out there. I asked him what he was doin', in five words or less. His reply was 'out. for. a. walk. bitch. He even counted them off on his fingers as he said it. He also said something like 'you have stupid hair, and I never liked you anyway.' I know that he had been there for a while, because no one, not even the biggest chain smoker on the planet could possibly smoke that many cigarettes in just a few minutes.
I just noticed that, that last line was the end of the song. It's finally over, thank god. I don't think I ever want to hear that song ever again. During that torture of a song, I drank three of those Coke thingies. I got one hell'uva buzz, who am I kidding I'm DRUNK. Dawn was right Buffy and alcohol are un-mixy things.
The gang walks over as I start to get up from my stool. I know they can see the tears staining my cheeks. I don't try to wipe them away, or even acknowledge that they are there. I smile at my friends. They all know what day and time it is. They don't say a word as I brush past Xander.
They know that I try to drown my memories of him in whatever way I can. Every month on this exact day, and at this exact time I drown or try to drown them all out. It just so happens I actually drowned them, really well this time. Instead of a few slays or chocolate and some old movies, this time I drowned them with alcohol. The way Spike always did. I did it Spikes way for once. Wouldn't he be proud? No he'd probably laugh his ass off at me.
My friends are still looking at me. I see the worry on their faces, "I'm o-kay." I assure them, and give them another small smile. I walk onto the dance floor, as another song starts. The gang naturally follows, they hover around me trying not to seem like they are as they dance. I know they are staying around me in case I fall again. Fall back into the memories that is.
I love them, I really do, but their worry over me just makes me want to go back to the bar. The way they look at me, I just want to go over there and get even more plastered than I already am.
I falter in my dancing as another memory hits me. The one after I came back, and had the repeat-o-vision hell day, I had tried everyone else I knew. I helped Xander, Giles, and Anya. Went to the college and attended classes with Willow and Tara. The only person I had left was Spike; I went and tried on his world for a night.
That night, I went to his crypt. Where I proceeded to get shit- faced. We got drunk together, on top of the sarcophagus. The way he smiled when I took a drink, the look in his eyes. God I'd give up heaven again if I could just see that look one more time. That's the first time I think I ever saw him actually smile. It was a full-blown smile, not a smart assed smirk, an actual smile that lit his whole face, and I want to see that again.
He watched over me, and everyone I love, not including himself. If I concentrated hard enough, I can still feel him here, watching and waiting.
He haunts me so with his memories, but I wouldn't change it. That's all that's left of him, only memories and there's not enough of them.
"I miss and love you, Spike." I whisper, as I imagine his blue eyes looking into mine. I just wish he were actually here to hear it, as I act as if I'm having fun dancing with my two best friends, and my little sister. Acting is all I ever do now, I go through the motions, but I always remember the vampire that loved me more than anyone ever has, and gave up everything for me.
The End
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(A.N. Jadedrose: Thank you for the review and yes there will be a sequel. It just won't be right away, because I'm now working on the sequel to my other story The End and Beginning. Which to everyone who has been waiting for that one, I have a few chappy's ready, but I'm not posting it for a little while. I try to have at least eight chapters before I start posting, so in case I get writers block I'll have something to post. I do have a pov that goes with the story that I'll post later this week, so that everyone will understand the sequel. Until then review this one and tell me what you thought about it.)