Scene three, a large rustic office. a long oak desk faces the door, and behind it is a gigantic window with a breathtaking view of the Miami skyline. MANNY's head suddenly appears from behind the desk. he looks around quickly, then sinks back into his hiding spot.
MANNY (V.O.)
this is the only place i can come to be with you.
REBA (V.O.)
oh, quit yer whinin'. when my daddy was arrested for killing all those darkies back in the fifties, did he whine? hell no! not even when he was sentenced to five years by that nigger-lovin' judge.
MANNY (V.O.)
wow, i didn't even know you could say that on the WB.
REBA (V.O.)
ok, look, annie, i'm sorry i gave you herpes. don't worry, we'll get you some valtrex the next time we go to walgreens for lotto tickets.
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, annie, you're making reba mad! ohhhh, i hope mr. dandy doesn't find me in his office.
REBA (V.O.)
my cunthole itches!
(fade to black)
cut to the basement. MANNY is lying on the floor, happily coloring a picture of a red-haired woman carying a burning cross. he looks up suddenly, and we hear footsteps from above.
MAMA (V.O.)
boy, what you doin' down there!? get your fat ass up here, it's time for church!
MANNY (groaning)
but mama, i don't want to go to church tonight! can't i just stay home, just one time? pleeeease?
MAMA (V.O.)
motherfucker, i ain't raisin no sinner! git your sorry ass up here before i call father mccandy and he gives you a spankin!
MANNY stands up and pulls his pants down, shaking his dick defiantly at the staircase. He puts it away and glumly makes his way up to the living room, where he slips into his plastic pink raincoat and furry brown bunny hat before throwing one last longing gaze at the staircase leading down into his dark lair before following his mother out the front door.
(fade to black)
cut to MR. DANDY'S office, late afternoon. the sun filters through the lightly tinted windows, pooling on the desk and making elongated shadows that dance merrily on the walls. we hear small grunting noises, and suddenly an oreo cookie rolls out from under the desk. before it can get too far, however, a chubby hand darts out and seizes it, then hoists it triumphantly.
MANNY (V.O.)
not so fast, you little bastard.
REBA (V.O.)
hey! annie, put down that little blackie!
MANNY (V.O.)
i'm a little hungry, reba...
REBA (V.O.)
if you're hungry you can eat my sweaty pussy, you silly girl. now c'mon, you can clean the litter box later.
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, alright...
the hand reappears from underneath the desk, and it tosses the oreo into the center of the room, where it rolls a bit before hitting an italian leather shoe. attatched to this shoe is a leg, and a pelvis on that, followed by a torso, a neck, and a head. like an indian totem pole, so is MR. DANDY.
REBA (V.O.)
annie! sssshhhh! did you hear someone coming?
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, reba, you're just being paranoid. oops, i peed myself a bit just then...
there is a faint clicking sound. it's unmistakeable. suddenly MANNY'S head darts out from under the desk, and he finds himself staring into the barrel of a shotgun.
MANNY (V.O.)
holy fuck!
MR. DANDY pulls the trigger. MANNY'S head is instantly, violently torn from his neck. bits of blood, skin and gristle explode into the air as the head rockets across the room, smashing into a glass case used to display DANDY'S victorian pornography collection. the rest of MANNY'S body crashes to the floor. MR. DANDY stands and surveys the wreckage for a moment before tucking the gun back into his coat pocket and exiting the office, taking care to step over any bits of soft, grey brain matter along the way.
REBA (V.O.)
wow! annie, that was great. man, you sure know how to blow my brains out!
there is a brief pause.
REBA (V.O.)
oh, shut the fuck up. don't you think i know a bad joke when i tell one? my whole career has been a bad joke. when is this stupid story going to end?
THE END
(fade to black)
REBA (V.O.)
oh, thank god.
MANNY (V.O.)
this is the only place i can come to be with you.
REBA (V.O.)
oh, quit yer whinin'. when my daddy was arrested for killing all those darkies back in the fifties, did he whine? hell no! not even when he was sentenced to five years by that nigger-lovin' judge.
MANNY (V.O.)
wow, i didn't even know you could say that on the WB.
REBA (V.O.)
ok, look, annie, i'm sorry i gave you herpes. don't worry, we'll get you some valtrex the next time we go to walgreens for lotto tickets.
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, annie, you're making reba mad! ohhhh, i hope mr. dandy doesn't find me in his office.
REBA (V.O.)
my cunthole itches!
(fade to black)
cut to the basement. MANNY is lying on the floor, happily coloring a picture of a red-haired woman carying a burning cross. he looks up suddenly, and we hear footsteps from above.
MAMA (V.O.)
boy, what you doin' down there!? get your fat ass up here, it's time for church!
MANNY (groaning)
but mama, i don't want to go to church tonight! can't i just stay home, just one time? pleeeease?
MAMA (V.O.)
motherfucker, i ain't raisin no sinner! git your sorry ass up here before i call father mccandy and he gives you a spankin!
MANNY stands up and pulls his pants down, shaking his dick defiantly at the staircase. He puts it away and glumly makes his way up to the living room, where he slips into his plastic pink raincoat and furry brown bunny hat before throwing one last longing gaze at the staircase leading down into his dark lair before following his mother out the front door.
(fade to black)
cut to MR. DANDY'S office, late afternoon. the sun filters through the lightly tinted windows, pooling on the desk and making elongated shadows that dance merrily on the walls. we hear small grunting noises, and suddenly an oreo cookie rolls out from under the desk. before it can get too far, however, a chubby hand darts out and seizes it, then hoists it triumphantly.
MANNY (V.O.)
not so fast, you little bastard.
REBA (V.O.)
hey! annie, put down that little blackie!
MANNY (V.O.)
i'm a little hungry, reba...
REBA (V.O.)
if you're hungry you can eat my sweaty pussy, you silly girl. now c'mon, you can clean the litter box later.
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, alright...
the hand reappears from underneath the desk, and it tosses the oreo into the center of the room, where it rolls a bit before hitting an italian leather shoe. attatched to this shoe is a leg, and a pelvis on that, followed by a torso, a neck, and a head. like an indian totem pole, so is MR. DANDY.
REBA (V.O.)
annie! sssshhhh! did you hear someone coming?
MANNY (V.O.)
oh, reba, you're just being paranoid. oops, i peed myself a bit just then...
there is a faint clicking sound. it's unmistakeable. suddenly MANNY'S head darts out from under the desk, and he finds himself staring into the barrel of a shotgun.
MANNY (V.O.)
holy fuck!
MR. DANDY pulls the trigger. MANNY'S head is instantly, violently torn from his neck. bits of blood, skin and gristle explode into the air as the head rockets across the room, smashing into a glass case used to display DANDY'S victorian pornography collection. the rest of MANNY'S body crashes to the floor. MR. DANDY stands and surveys the wreckage for a moment before tucking the gun back into his coat pocket and exiting the office, taking care to step over any bits of soft, grey brain matter along the way.
REBA (V.O.)
wow! annie, that was great. man, you sure know how to blow my brains out!
there is a brief pause.
REBA (V.O.)
oh, shut the fuck up. don't you think i know a bad joke when i tell one? my whole career has been a bad joke. when is this stupid story going to end?
THE END
(fade to black)
REBA (V.O.)
oh, thank god.