Hello my dear Ken-san Fanatics!
Some people were sweet enough to review my work (bless you!) so I am giving ff.net chapter 2 of my angsty/romantic fic. I know some people were confused with what was going on in the first chapter, but don't worry, you're supposed to be confused! I'll clear it up in time! Btw, I'm going to double-space my work from now on, because I found it really hard to read on the website. This is going to make everything look much longer than it is, but really, it's not that long!
Before I start: my shrink tells me that I never have nor will I ever, in this dimension or any parallel existing dimensions, own the rights to Rurouni Kenshin. I told her that on Beta Ship five I owned half of him, and she put me on prozac …mmmm ….prozac …. yummy! Well, on with the fic!
*last chapter summary*
We began last chapter with an introductory paragraph (from Kaoru, fyi). She was talking in the present, that is, two years after Kenshin came to live in her house. She then entered a flashback sequence that lasted for the rest of the chapter. The flashback was before she knew Kenshin, and it was a conversation between her and Saitoh. Saitoh has been instructed by the Meiji government to do away with any Bakamutsu warriors that have "dirt" on the Meiji government. Himura is one of these warriors. Back in the bakamutsu, Kenshin (unbeknownst to him) killed Kaoru's brother, Kamiya Honda. Kaoru wants revenge against Battousai and is Saitohs' logical choice to carry out the government's wishes. She agrees, and meets Kenshin later that day, inviting him into her house to lure him into a false sense of security….then she would kill him. But what happens when she begins to fall in love with him? Hope that clears things up!
"………….." someone speaking
'……………' Kaoru thinking
Got it? Good!
THIS CHAPTER STARTS 2 YEARS AFTER THE CONVERSATION WITH SAITOH
Ghosts haunt me. They lurk in the shadows and whisper fulfilling deadly prophecies in my ear. They warn me to be careful, to guide my heart. These spirits say my heart will be the death of me, that I am too open, that I need to guard my feelings behind walls and layers of concrete. I heed their warnings. Each morning, I wake up and paint a face of placidity and innocence over my jaded features. No one, not even the legendary killer can tell that my laugh, my smile is a farce.
For two years now, I Kamiya Kaoru have been living under the same roof with battousai. Yes, battousai. Not Kenshin, not Ken-san, not Himura, just battousai. In the bakamutsu, Saitoh taught me to never become friendly with your acquaintances because you never know when you will have to slice them in two. I have taken this into account, and built a protective barrier between the battousai and me.
It was strange to awaken day after day under the same roof as the man who killed my brother. It was even stranger to see this man, this cold blooded killer, up to his katana in soap suds, washing my kimono. I sat on the dojo porch swing and watched battousai in his placid rurouni state, those purple eyes like pools of welcoming bliss begging me entry. Wait, did I just say that? Get a hold of yourself, Kamiya…. Honestly, sometimes this smitten act I put on in front of the others starts catching up to me.
Battousai looked up from the laundry and stared directly at me. He parted his lips. "Is there anything wrong, Kaoru-dono? You seem a little bit pre-occupied today."
I smiled so wide my jaw began to hurt, "No, Ken-san, I'm fine. I was just wondering when dinner would be ready."
Battousai cocked his head to the side, like an innocent springer spaniel and said, "Sessha must finish the laundry first, and then sessha will get started on dinner. It will be just the two of us tonight. Sano is going out with an old friend that is in town."
"And Yahiko?"
"Yahiko is at the akebeko with your nieces." Battousai turned back to his beloved laundry and I went inside.
'Great,' I thought, 'just great, Kamiya. Stop shaking! Why do you always get so worried when it's just the two of you? He has no idea that you want to kill him…'
My subconscious screamed back, 'That's not nerves, Kaoru, that's butterflies in your stomach! You like the guy!'
'Battousai?' my conscious mind questioned, 'I couldn't like battousai… of all people…. But I am just a bit nervous, I'll admit.' Dinner rolled around sooner than I expected or wanted it to. Ken-, I mean Battousai, escorted me to the table and set me down opposite him. He had really gone out of his way. He had washed the good linens and prepared a delicious meal. He even served me himself. Candles lit the room and gave it a romantic feel. Of course, I was wearing my standard Kaoru-Dono passive smile all through dinner.
"This is excellent, Ken-san!" I mused, between bites.
"Sessha is glad you like it, Kaoru-dono." There was a slight pause and his beautiful indigo eyes (oh, Kaoru, here you go again) flickered with a thought. "It's strange," he finally said, "with everyone in the house gone, it seems so quiet….and cozy."
'This was odd,' I thought. 'Ken-…ahem… Battousai isn't behaving like his normal weird self '. Then he did the strangest thing, he took my hand in his. Crimson hair began to fall in his face, and he led me away from the table out into the night air. He stood me out under the stars and took my small face in his killer hands. He tilted it upwards towards the heavens. 'What is he doing?' I thought, a little bit apprehensive. The so-called "butterflies" were starting to flitter around inside of me. I had never experienced this emotion before, the way I felt when he touched me.
"Kaoru-dono," when he finally spoke his voice was strained and far away, "Do you ever feel alone in the world?"
"Yes, Ken-san. I think everyone does." I said, painfully. And then thought, 'God, he really is a lovely man.'
"Like among all those stars, that you might just be insignificant?"
"Go on…" in prodded, adding in my thoughts, 'Remember, Kaoru, he's the one who killed Honda.'
"Well, that is why sessha is sessha. I am unworthy of you because you are the galaxy and I am just a small star." A storm was raging in my head. 'think Honda…think Honda…'
"But when I am beside you, Kaoru-dono,"
'oh, kami-sama, what is he doing…Honda…Honda…'
"I feel…at peace with everything."
'Honda…HONDA!'
"You are the light of my life, Kaoru-dono, and I…."
'oh no…'
"love…"
'anything but … please not …'
"You."
My heart felt like it had been stretched so far that it was ripping into pieces…right down the middle of my left ventricle. I couldn't….I wasn't…in love with the target……
Kaoru doesn't fall in love. Kaoru is cold and full of ice and that was that. I could only think of one thing to do, to smooth things over, but these damn butterflies… they made me want to kiss him and do away with him at the same time. I had been silent for a great while, and he began to fidget. 'I have to…. I'm sorry,' I thought, 'but there's no way around hurting you eventually.' I placed my hands firmly on his shoulders and looked into his expectant purple eyes.
"I love you too, kenshin! After all, you are my best friend!" I smiled through his pain and I watched his face fall like lightning crashes to the sky. I pretended not to hear his long sigh as I scurried back in the dojo. He stood there under those stars, feeling utterly, utterly alone.
WOW! I really want to do more, but it's getting late, so I need to go to sleep. Next chapter, Kaoru explains exactly why she did what she did, and gets a call from our favorite lone wolf. Oh, and for everyone who's wondering, major angst is just around the corner! Remember, reviews=next chapters, so review away.