Hey folks! Wow, this is going a lot quicker than I thought. This thing is only gonna have 3, maybe 4 more chappies, so I'm really in the middle now… I'm only giving a short summary of last chapter b/c I thought it was pretty self explanatory.
Oh, and once again… Kenshin?!
Kenshin: You don't own me, that you don't
Me: You are correct, that you are
Last Chapter Summary *Kaoru and Kenshin are all alone in the dojo. It's dinnertime, and everyone else has places to be. Kenshi, seizing the opportunity, professes his love to Kaoru. Since Kaoru's an old Bakumatsu spy, and since Kenshin is her target, she can't love him… or can she? After telling him that she loves him as a friend, Kaoru runs inside the dojo*
"……….." someone speaking
'……………..' Kaorus' thoughts
The past is a funny thing. You can kill it and bury it so deep that even the flesh eating worms can't find it, but still, on cold, clear, moonless nights… it will rise up and devour you bones and all. These past transgressions, the will to kill, they all belong to the bakumatsu. They belong to the old Kaoru, not me. But how can I separate the two, and continue to coexist? The past is part of me, ingrained in my soul. I cannot help the way I behave, I'm just not made for these times.
After I was back in the dojo, I very calmly went to my room, closed the door, laid out my tatami mat, and had a nervous breakdown. Hot tears flowed so fast from my eyes that my tear ducts began to sting. I hadn't felt so awful, so confused, since….well, I had never been this confused over anything. Somewhere amidst my shaking psyche, a small voice inside of me began to rationalize all the muddle. It progressively grew louder, forcing me to listen.
My sole purpose these last two years was to destroy Battousai, for the good of my brother, and for my honor as a Bakumatsu spy. Back in that turbulent time, I had seen many things that no human being should ever have to lay eyes upon. I witnessed the streets run with blood like the river Styx, I had observed insanity in the purest form, but most importantly, I had seen Honda.
Kamiya Honda, my sweet and gentle brother, was never an exceptional man. Granted, he was a samurai, but none of the Daimyo knew him by name. He was not amazing with the sword; he preferred the arts, haiku and woodblock paintings. So how did such a man get so entangled in the affairs of such a turbulent time? I do not know. Maybe he thought it would win him recognition or fame. Maybe he believed in some silly ideal like peace or love. I will never know, because there on the streets of Edo one cold winters night, my brother died in my arms after a fatal sword slash.
As long as I walk this earth, I will never forget his dying eyes. They begged me to do something, anything to subdue the pain that was coursing through his body. I sobbed into his long hair and whimpered his name, and that, my friends, is all I could do. He touched my cheek, ever so delicately brushing away a tear and said in a breathy voice, "Kaoru. Sweet Kaoru. I don't want to die…" he stopped and coughed for a good thirty seconds, and then continued on, "but now I understand that I must. I am afraid, Kaoru. Please don't leave me."
"Honda… Honda I wouldn't…couldn't." he held a finger to my mouth.
"Listen, and remember.
The cherry blossom,
Feels the artic fall air and,
Yearns for springs gone by."
Those beautiful words. It's taken me years upon years to understand them. With that as an epithet, Kamiya Honda drifted away and offered himself to Kami-Sama.
I laid him down among his blood and stood to face his killer. The man had been standing a few feet away, watching our melodramatic scene unfold. He stepped out of the shadows of a nearby building, his crimson hair flowing about his amber eyes.
"Who are you?" I demanded, prying the Kamiya Family Sword out of the lifeless hands of Honda. I readied my defensive stance, awaiting his reply and attack.
"What audacity." He spit in my general direction, "you? A mere peasant girl, want to fight Hitokiri Battousai?" At the sound of his name, my upper lip trembled. I had heard his name before, he was the legend. I managed to get out a defiant resounding "YES!"
Battousai charged before the last letter of my words fell on the earth. I had no idea what had happened, he was nowhere, and everywhere at once. Then he knocked me down in the wet, muddy streets and held his sword to my throat. He snarled, and I closed my eyes waiting to feel deaths great shroud around my shoulders…but nothing came. I half opened one of my eyes, to see his yellow dancing eyes stare back at me. He laughed, a sickening, stomach turning laugh, and sheathed his sword. Through tears, I saw him walk down the angry streets and watched my chance of avenging my brother and my dignity disappear.
I had waited so long after the Bakumatsu to try to find Battousai, but to no avail. He had just vanished after the war ended. But I held firm to my hopes that we would meet again, and trained relentlessly with Saitoh. I became the night, the shadows, the darkness that haunted me. I was the artic fall air, always on the edge of death, and dangerously icy.
And here I was, some 12 years after Honda's death, with Kami-Sama smiling upon me like never before. Battousai was in my house, and I could take all the time in the world to dispose of him.
'You've broken his spirit, Kamiya Kaoru.' I said to myself, 'half the battle's won, you've rendered him dead inside! All those weeks of pretending that you loved him, and he finally fell for it!'.
'Then why do I feel as if someone is holding a razor-edged sword to my neck', something said deep inside of me. 'I'm flushed. I feel dizzy, as if the entire room is spinning. I can't stand him, yet I cannot bear to think about him leaving. Oh, what have I done to him, the gentle rurouni! I can picture Kenshin now ju-' my brain froze. I had just called him Kenshin.
'K-k-k-Kenshin? Oh, Kaoru, do you really love him?' I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and smiled a bit. Then the spy in me started talking.
'Kaoru, you idiot! You're not in love with him, you're just such a good actress that you've even convinced yourself. Spies do not fall in love! Spies are as frozen as the tundra!' My inner spy was right. If I wanted to keep any of my self respect, this object of desire, this Kens-…Battousai must be taken care of. Having emotions hurt too much. I must be ice again.
Hmmm…..once again, much longer than I anticipated. I know, I know, I promised you Saitoh, but he'll come up again eventually. I just needed to get Kaoru's emotions and motives all out there…. They'll be very important in the upcoming scenes ;)
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