Author's Introduction:
*Serena swings herself back up into the saddle, a Keyblade strapped to her back.*
Maybe for a while it looked like I disappeared--I know it sure felt like I was about to! But luckily, I haven't gone under just yet. I'm back, and here's proof: because happy thoughts do matter, and belief in yourself is important, and because Sora, Riku and Kairi seem to know more about me than they should. *^_^*
**
Happy Thoughts
**
I fall back to the deck again, my feet hitting the wood with a rather dull thump.
"Ohh, maaaaannn." I drag out the whine as long as I can; I may be a hero, but I'm still a kid, and as such have the power to whine one-syllable words into two-syllable words.
Tinker Bell jingles above me, pixie dust falling like snow into my hair. It looks cool as anything, but we all know it isn't enough--this is my seventeenth attempt to take off from the deck. All seventeen tries were failures; tries three, nine and fourteen were dismal failures.
On try eighteen I think I just might make it, and the sky stretches out above me like a dark blanket, the stars too numerous to count--
--but the vision spins and I feel the deck rise up to collect me again. My feet thunk down onto the wood and this time I let myself fall all the way, my body collapsing back until I'm sitting in my own frustration, the Keyblade falling to my side with a metallic clank.
"I can't do it." I stretch my feet out, my shoes looking heavy as the anchor that hangs on the side of the whale-like ship. How could I think I could fly?
Peter Pan chuckles at me--not that he's in a position to laugh at anyone, given his choice of wardrobe--and kneels at my side with an impish smile. Tinker Bell is a small fluttering beacon at his shoulder.
"Could it be the Keyblade?" I asked. "What am I doing wrong?"
I look around at them all, and their eyes give me back nothing but my own confusion.
"Is it my shoes?" I ask helplessly, with a small, sad chuckle.
Goofy answers my chuckle with one of his own--he's got an arsenal of them, always ready when they're needed. "Buck up, Sora! I think your shoes are sharp!"
I can't help returning his silly, bucktoothed grin with a tiny smile of my own. "Thanks, Goofy."
Donald Duck, ever practical, has one hand under his chin, his perpetual frown deepening as he concentrates on the situation at hand. "Maybe the weight's not here," he quacks, spreading wings wide to indicate what here is. "Maybe it's here." He punctuates the last by pointing at me.
I mimic the motion, stabbing myself with my thumb as I also point at myself. "Me? You think I'm too heavy?" I know Donald's never been my number-one fan, but hey--that hurts a little!
Peter hops into the air, levitating easily as thought there was nothing to it. I tilt my face towards him, mildly jealous.
"No, he's got a point," Peter announces. "You're too heavy, but only in your heart."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, picking up my Keyblade and getting to my feet.
"What I said." Peter grins at me as if I were dumber than a stone. I resent that--I'm not dumber than a stone, just heavier than one, it seems. I shrug and decide to play along.
"So how do I make my heart lighter?"
Peter does an aerial backflip, as if I've answered just the way I should have. Tinker Bell chimes and flits around me. I can't tell if she's pleased or laughing at me.
"What's she saying?" I ask, turning to Peter. "I don't speak…uh…bell."
Now I know they're both laughing at me.
"It's simple," Peter explains. "To have a light heart, you need a happy thought."
"A happy thought? But that's easy." I'm confused.
"Is it?" Donald snaps his beak shut and stares me down, a challenge in his eyes.
As soon as I stop to really think about it, I realize they're right. When was the last time I had a happy thought--I mean a real one? Ever since the dark storm that swallowed my world broke over my island, I've really just been running from one crisis to the next, with a giant key in my hand. I haven't had time for happy thoughts.
What I'm thinking must show on my face because Peter crosses his thin pale arms, as if he's disappointed. "Come on, Sora. You've got to do better than that."
I frown a little, which doesn't help my case, but I'm determined to meet the challenge. A happy thought. I've got to have one.
The thrill of seeing Riku again in Traverse Town? Would that help?
My feet stay firmly on the deck, and I realize why. Riku had been there, but it hadn't been enough. He'd been wary of me, reaching out to take my Keyblade, his voice harsh as he barked out questions, all the while a new, scary darkness rising in my old friend. No, that wasn't a happy thought.
What about the deep jungle? That strange ape-man, Tarzan, he'd told me he knew where my friends were, and my heart had given that little leap…
…but no. He hadn't really seen my friends. He'd only known I'd carried them with me in my heart, and I remember how it sank as I realized I wouldn't find them in the green heart of that jungle. No, that wasn't a happy thought.
Winning the tournament at the Coliseum? It had felt so cool to deal that last blow to Leon, he who was so much bigger and stronger than I was. Was that happy?
I'm still standing on the deck.
No, I was only proud of winning the tournament because I could have finally proved to Riku that I wasn't such a wimp. But he didn't see it. That didn't make me happy.
I'm decidedly unhappy as I realize I've run out of memories.
Or have I?
I turn my face to the sky. The stars wink back at me. Stars never look like the drawings shape them, not pointed five ways like the paopu fruit I never got to share with…
…Kairi…
Riku's voice comes back to me, in the neon lights of Traverse Town. "Where is she? I thought she was with you!"
And my own face sliding into shock, then right up into worry. "No! With me? I thought she was with you!" And suddenly I realize that there are other worlds, so many of them, and Kairi could be anywhere and I don't know where she is!
That hadn't been a happy thought. That thought had sickened me. But the meaning was suddenly clear.
I hear a whisper. Peter Pan, who's still outside my suddenly closed eyes. "That's it. You're doing it."
Kairi, tanned and smiling, waving a bronze arm down the beach as she ordered me to get supplies for our small raft. She was so excited…
Kairi, young and wide-eyed, drawing pictures on the walls of the hidden cave, our secret place…
Kairi, giggling maddeningly as Riku smacked my feet out from under me for the fiftieth time, that clear voice announcing the score: Sora, zero. Riku, some impossible number…
Kairi in the ocean, the water wicking up around her, her smile suddenly bleached and tired with the weight of a long day as she reached a dripping hand to flick her short hair out of her sore eyes…
I had wanted to see other worlds, but now I only wanted her back. Strange how life worked, how it was only that vision of her that had kept me going at times…
Donald's quack startles me. "Sora! Open your eyes!"
I obey, and the deck is far below me, the night sky far above. The stars are burning coldly, far away from me, but I'm closer than I've ever been to them. I stretch my hands up above my head, believing for a crazy instant that I can touch them.
Tinker Bell darts around me leaving a comet's tail of pixie dust in her wake, jingling like mad. The bell-like sound reminds me of Kairi's laughter, and I feel a smile steal my face.
"You're doing it!" Peter yells, far below me on the deck. "Sora! You're flying!"
I tilt my head back, wondering if the stars are reflected in my eyes. I stretch my arms wide between heaven and sea and repeat it, shout it to the night and anyone who's listening.
"I'm flying! I'm really flying! I can't wait to tell Kairi!…"
**
Author's Notes:
This story is for me, because I am brave enough to leave the parking brake off, and while I do like long drives and brown eyes, a girl's got to take care of herself once in a while.
I know it's impossible to understand, and maybe someday we will.
But until then, we won't. *smiles.*