Chapter V: Tohru's Thoughts

Tohru

Everyone here seemed to miss the old me so much... I felt lonely...

It was night now, I was sure everyone was sleeping.

I looked down on my hand, there was Honda Tohru's diary. I've been going through her room today (well my room, to be correct).

My hand was shaking. Why!? Why was it shaking!? Why didn't I want to learn about the old me? She couldn't have been that horrible, everyone seemed to love her so much. I dropped the diary and watched it fall to the floor.

The floor was a mess now.

When I arrived here from the hospital it had been so clean... so perfect. I wasn't sure though how I messed it up. Oh, wait, I was. I decided to change all my old childish clothes to something more, hmm, extraordinary.

Fabric, a scissor, needles, threads, books and all sorts of clothes was on the floor now. The books I had added today to the floor since I had decided to look through the closet, drawers and boxes.

Books, it had brought me back to thoughts of my diary I had found. The property of: Honda Tohru it said in the front.

I sighed. God, it's not that hard! Just open it! I reached for it and touched the letters on the front. OPEN IT YOU IDIOT! OPEN IT! Remember, remember yourself!

Would I remember her, Mother? All I knew was that she was dead and I had loved her a lot. That was all though. I didn't know what she had done, the words she had said to me, the things she learned me, memories we had shared. I just knew I loved her and she was dead... OPEN IT!

Really, everything was just empty, my love for her, since I couldn't remember why I loved her. But I didn't want to! I didn't want to remember, but still I wanted to!

Something said to me if I did remember about her I would be crushed, I would break. I didn't want to think about it, I'd rather think about clothes... and boys.

Yuki

"Morning," I said to Shigure.

"Yuki," he said without glancing up from the newspaper.

"Have we been stupid or what. I know we have summer break now but that shouldn't hade made me forgotten about everyone in school. We ought to call Tohru's friends and tell them what happened."

I reached for an apple and took a bite. Breakfast hadn't been that great recently. Honda-san used to make it but since the accident she was often tired and stayed in her room.

"You just thought of it?" Shigure said. "I've known about it from the beginning but I thought we should let Tohru recover before we do it," Shigure paused and then burst out laughing. "Ho ho ho ho, this just proves who the smart one is."

I blushed.

"What? YOU? SHIGURE?"

"Hah hah, what's so surprising about that. But I think we can call them now. Tohru-kun seems a bit better. Except for the..."

I sighed. Stupid, stupid amnesia!

"I'll call Hanajima, she seems more calmer than Uotani, then she can contact her."

"Do what you want!" he sang and went back to his newspaper.

"Don't be surprised if they drop by today, they're really protective of her."

"Mm, I won't!" he mumbled

Shigure

Hmm... What to do, what to do. Was there a way to make Tohru remember everything faster?

I heard Yuki on the phone sounding calm as ever.

Soon Hatori would come over and take away her cast.

Perhaps in a couple of days everyone could go to a picnic on the beach. Tohru could talk to everyone and perhaps she would feel everyone's' love and concern for her, and she would recover faster.

That was a great idea!

"Oooo, Yuki-kun! When you're done with the phone I need to make some calls!"

Hi hi, was I an intelligent human being or was I an intelligent human being? ^_^ (Author Note: No, I didn't write it wrong.)

Tohru

Kyo-kun was so nice and he was a real pleasure for the eyes.

"I hope you'll like the breakfast," he muttered. He was wearing a white T-shirt which was a great contrast with his tanned skin. His baggy pants were perhaps a bit to large for him and he wore a belt to make them stay up.

Conclusion, he had a perfect body!

"Thanks! You are so wonderful, Kyo." I smiled to him. "Please don't leave! I feel lonely... stay..."

I tapped on my bed, showing him to sit down besides me. "Hey, Kyo, I had this dream about you."

He blushed. SO CUTE!! I know he tried to show me he didn't care at all but I could see he did. This Tohru, my old self must have been really special to him.

"So..." he mumbled. I could tell it in his eyes that he was interested but he didn't want me to see it.

"We were in the forest together, just you and I. I was really clumsy and fell down, but you grabbed hold of me and took the fall. And poof, you were a cat." I looked at him, his reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. He looked... sad.

"Oh," he said. 'Oh', was that all?

I sipped the juice and looked out the window. I could just see the sky, which was covered with white clouds and some birds that were making annoying sounds.

I picked up my chopsticks and started to eat the fruit salad he had cut for me.

"Hey," I said. "I think I'm going mad or something..."

"Because of your memory loss? Don't worry, it'll come back."

I shook my head.

"No, it's not that. It's just I think the old Tohru... was sick in the head. I've been having these strange fantasies about you guys turning into animals all the time. Maybe it... turned the old me on... I'm sorry, Kyo that I had to say this. You must be in shock..."

I looked at him, he looked... angry! I had been joking about the 'turning on' part. I had no idea he would take it so seriously.

"SHUT UP! Don't say such things about her! She was... great..."

He ran out of the room and downstairs I heard. I was surprised when I felt water on my cheeks, I was crying for some reason.

Shigure

"Oh, my dear Yuki! You can't guess what wonderful news I have for you!"

"What?" Yuki mumbled, he seemed to really be in that movie he was watching on the TV.

"We are going on a picnic in four days! Hah hah!"

I sat down beside him. Oh my, how boring. He was looking at the news. (Well... I know I read the newspaper this morning but I only read the back, which was the TV guide.)

"What do you mean, we?"

"I mean we! You, me, Kyo, Tohru, Hatori, and hopefully a lot more will show up!

"What purpose does this serve?" he mumbled again.

"Well to show Tohru-kun we care about her! We'll talk to her you know, perhaps about memories we share and such!" Oh my, what an excellent plan! I must praise myself.

"Fine...." Suddenly it seemed that Yuki realized what I had been saying. "WHAT?! Don't tell me... that stupid brother of mine will be there?!"

Hmm, maybe I should have told him one hour before the actual picnic.

"Eh, actually I'm not sure. I haven't gotten a hold of him yet."

"IDIOT!" Yuki smacked me and turned back to the television with a hard look on his face.

I rubbed my head where it hurt and shrugged. It was no surprise Yuki had acted that way, I was of course used by it now.

Momiji

"A picnic?" Hmm... Should I go?

I tapped my fingers on the table while thinking. Hatori was sitting quietly beside me, waiting for me to speak. I wonder if Tohru regretted the way she had acted towards me... Perhaps she had just been in a bad mood.

"Hey, Hatori, what do you think about Tohru these days?" I asked and turned around towards him.

He took his hand through his hair and sighed.

"She's not herself I can easily say. I don't think we should just blame the amnesia..." He lit a cigarette and started to smoke.

I wrinkled my nose. Usually Hatori didn't smoke around me, he must really be distracted by something. What did he mean though, 'we can't blame the amnesia?'

"What are you saying, Hatori?" I saw him blowing out some smoke before answering.

"I get this feeling she doesn't want to remember... I could be wrong though, but I don't think so, call it a doctor's instinct."

What...? Was it possible Tohru didn't want to remember? What could the reason be? Was it perhaps because of us? The Junishi? I felt tears rising to my eyes. Did she regret getting involved with us, or could it be another reason?

Hatori closed his eyes.

"I think it's because of her Mother..." he mumbled.

I gasped.

"Maybe she never got over her death... She seems to remember her though, her Mother, but not who her Mother was. Do you understand?"

I wasn't surprised Hatori shared this information with me. I knew I was mature for my age, even though I did not always show it. I also knew it was because he knew I greatly cared for Tohru.

"I understand." Tohru always quoted her Mother... I always thought of Tohru's mother as a kind woman, a copy of Tohru to be exact.

Maybe that was why she acting the total opposite!

That made sense to me... Perhaps Tohru was trying to perish all her thoughts of her Mother because she couldn't bear the memory of her death.

"Hatori, I never thought of this. Thank you for telling this. You made me understand a lot better." I decided I wanted to attend the picnic, even if Tohru insulted me and it would hurt me, I would stay by her.

**********

kairi: Yeah, but I'm not sure she will meet him, but if many want me to make her meet him I'll probably do so. Thanks!

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