Title: Wishes are for Dreamers (WAD)
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: All rights are JK. Rowling except for the lyrics and the situation ^_^.
Warning: This is slash, don't read if you don't like it! Non-magic AU!
Beta: Quickjewel! (Thanks for the speedy correcting!)
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7: Finally There (August 31, 2003 to September 3, 2003)
Bittersweet. It was sweet and it was bitter. Who knew how Severus would react to this forced upon kiss? He had responded, oh how he had responded! The liquid fire that Severus had inspired was making him feel like jelly. But it was a wonderful feeling, something that he hoped wouldn't go away once Severus' lips left his. It undoubtedly would. He was a fan, and more importantly he was more than a decade younger than Severus.
Too enticing. Too damn tempting was Severus' thought as his tongue slowly withdrew from the wet warmth of Harry's mouth. This was wrong. This was entirely wrong, but it felt so good to be so wrong. And it wasn't like he'd been the one to kiss the young man. Harry had kissed him. Still, he was the one that had deepened the kiss. He'd been the one that had introduced the tongue play.
"We can't do this," Severus breathed out raggedly. "You're two decades younger than me. And it's my fault for encouraging you. I shouldn't have. You know this is wrong."
It was wrong. Harry knew that. But to hear Severus say it in such a way that hinted, that more than suggested that he wanted it as well did terrible things to Harry's morals. It wasn't wrong because of their ages, which was what Severus was trying to drill into his mind. It was wrong because he was dying. He had no right to get into a relationship with anyone when he was going to hurt them.
"It's wrong," Harry agreed with deep sadness. "I have no right to get into any kind of relationship when I don't even know if I'll be alive next month or not."
Severus' heart dropped from the lofty heights it was occupying in its self righteous glee. What importance was age when there was a life here at stake? Harry was seeing things in a much clearer perspective than he was. Age was important, true, but the fact Harry was terminally ill was of far more importance. Harry was right. He shouldn't start a relationship when he was this ill. He shouldn't, but then again what chance would he ever have later on?
"It's not wrong for that reason," Severus reassured. "You don't have much time left; you should enjoy every little bit that you have left."
"I don't want to hurt anyone else," Harry cried out, tears starting to glisten in his emerald eyes. "My parents are already heartbroken. I couldn't bear to hurt anyone else."
"If you fear hurting people, you will never live." Severus sighed deeply and an unmistakable tenderness overcame him. It made him gently brush away the hair that had fallen over Harry's beautiful eyes. "From the little I know of such matters, I would think that it would be better to let someone know you and remember you even in sorrow than to deprive someone of knowing you. If you caused that person sadness, then you must have brought them some bit of happiness beforehand."
Every word Severus said struck Harry deeply. He was right. Those were the words that his mother had also advised him when he'd been stuck in his depression the first time around. He had tried not to let his habit of not wanting to hurt people from causing him to be too cautious and to not live. It was hard though. For him the need to protect others was instinctive.
The gentle touch from Severus broke the rest of Harry resistance. "I want you," he whispered painfully, knowing that he'd probably be rejected but at least he wouldn't be going home with any regrets. "I don't care about our age difference, and you know I don't have much time left on this Earth. Would it be too much to ask to be with you sexually?"
His eyes briefly met Severus' in an intense gaze before he lowered them. "I'm well over the age of consent," he continued. "You know what you're getting into, and I know what I'm getting into. I don't presume to think it'll last, but we have the rest of this week left and there's no one I desire more than you. You've been my--- wet dream for years." He blushed fiercely after he admitted that. "I have no one else I'd rather lose my virginity to than you."
This silence wasn't awkward, it was more of absolute shock than anything else. What could Severus say? The offer was tempting. No strings attached. No presumption of anything lasting and he would have the opportunity to taste the innocence. But it wasn't right. Harry shouldn't be giving his virginity to him, to a man old enough to be his father!
"There is no one else I would rather lose my virginity to than you," Harry repeated. "No one else, but if you don't want to take the offer I'll understand. But I'm just trying to experience life as much as I can for as long as I can. I don't know how much about my illness that you know, but I have my good days and I have my bad days. Right now, these are the good days. It gets bad though, and when it gets bad there's nothing I can do except try to rest."
"You don't know what you're asking me to do," Severus growled. "You're asking me to take your innocence away. You should wait for someone special to do that."
"You're a romantic?" Harry queried softly. "I never would have guessed."
Severus narrowed his eyes as he heard the undertone of sarcasm. "It's a bit young for you to be so pessimistic about romance and what not."
Harry chuckled dryly. "Facing death twice and looking down it once tends to do that to a person. And it's not like I don't believe it's out there. I'd like to think that there's a soul mate out there for me, but I'm realistic too. With the probability that I don't outlive this year, how am I suppose to find him?"
To hear his own theory on soul mates voiced by this desirable young man heated Severus' blood that much more. Yes, indeed. What was the possibility that anyone found their soul mate in the world? He'd like to believe that there was someone out there for him, but the probability was slim to none of finding them. Fate, bah fate! Fate was something made up for little girls and their castles of Prince Charmings.
It was also intriguing Harry's quick change in moods. From bittersweet to reflective to caustic. It was damn interesting. He liked the young man before; he liked Harry that much more now. Emotions had always fascinated him, especially since he kept such a tight leash around his own. Suffocated them he did, which was why he was enthralled by people that could shift through them swiftly. Well, as long as they weren't flighty and Harry was not.
Just adaptable. "You wish on a falling star and pray that he's not far?" Severus commented cynically.
Harry, who had been sitting on the piano pressing on random keys froze when he heard what Severus had said. He liked the sound of the words. "Repeat what you just said again," Harry asked impatiently.
Severus wasn't used to being ordered around by anyone, but he saw the slightly mad look in Harry's eyes and knew that a muse had pounced. "Wish on a falling star and pray that he's not far?" he repeated questioningly.
Nodding frantically, Harry started looking around for a pen and paper that Severus was kind enough to shove into his hands. Once he had the pen, Harry began to scribble onto the notebook paper in a swift scrawl his sudden inspiration. He didn't stop until most of the sheet was filled with his slanted handwriting. When he was done, he wordlessly passed the piece of paper to Severus and started playing with the keyboard, trying to find a proper tune for the lyrics he'd just written.
"Searching for You" by Yih
Searching near
Searching far
Searching for you
I haven't found you
I've wished on a falling star
I've prayed you're not far
People say it's impossible
To find that someone
That's meant for you
That's the perfect one
I believe that it's not
I hope that you're out there
I wish I could wish you into being
I wish I could be where you are
Searching near
Searching far
Searching for you
I haven't found you
I've wished on a falling star
I've prayed you're not far
I haven't found you yet
I haven't given up yet
I believe that you're out there
I just wish I could be where you are
It was a sappy song, but that didn't mean it wasn't a catchy song lyric wise. Of course while the lyrics were the vital being of the song, it was the deep vibes of the music that would make this song a killer. As important as lyrics were, the music was what truly made a song standout. When both lyrics and music matched perfectly, it resulted in a truly awesome song.
There wasn't much Severus changed about the lyrics, a word or two. Harry kept trying to find the perfect few notes to come up with a set tune, but still hadn't managed to derive the right sound yet. When Harry rested his forehead against the piano, Severus sat down and something about a particular note Harry played struck a chord with him.
Staring at the keys intensely, Severus started plucking out a sweet harmony that had been stimulated by the meaning of the song and the notes Harry had tried out. Over and over he played the same melody, occasionally Harry would add a suggestion but other than that the only sound reverberating through the room was the piano. By the time the night was over, they had finished composing the song tentatively titled 'Searching for You.' "It's late," Severus commented as he glanced at the clock that read 2 in the morning. "You should try to get some sleep. We've got a pretty busy day tomorrow. If I'm going to the award show this weekend we'll have a lot of publicity events that I'm required to attend to boost awareness. Wouldn't want to go through this torture without getting something out of it."
"True," Harry murmured, "but don't you need to practice the song?"
"I do my best practicing at night," Severus responded.
Harry smiled and coughed lightly. He didn't really know how to approach the subject again. Severus had never really given him a clear answer to his proposition. They had just sort of skipped over the subject, never really clarifying the issue. "So," Harry began awkwardly, "what I said early is still true. There's no one else I'd rather lose my virginity than you."
A dreadful silence filled the room with its overbearing presence. It unnerved Harry. "You don't know what you're asking me," Severus replied harshly. "Do you really think a one night stand is what you want for your first time?"
"It's my choice to make," Harry said stubbornly, his emerald eyes flashing brightly.
"I think it's a wrong one," Severus stated fiercely. Both of their eyes were lock together in an intense stare. "I did something similar once, and I don't think you're the type to be able to let go as a one time deal requires. Do you really think you're going to be able to walk away from this without getting hurt?"
Harry breathed in sharply. Severus had a good point. It wasn't like him to walk away without a care in the world. That would be hard for him to handle. However, when would he ever be given a chance like this again? Never. Not with Severus, the object of his affection. "I don't know that, but from what you say in your music--- you can't live without getting hurt."
Getting his own words thrown back at him always threw him for a loop. It wasn't like he had any objection to bedding Harry other than the age factor. That and the fact he didn't really enjoy superficial relationship only about physical satisfaction. If Harry was ten years older and if Harry wasn't terminally ill--- he could see himself in steady relationship with the brilliant, vibrant young man.
Reality was different though. Harry was two decades younger than him, and Harry was terminally ill. As much as those were good reasons to say no, it still was hard. He'd feel better if he could convince the young man to not go through with his plan by his own free will rather than forcing his hand by refusing. It was because he'd compose a song with Harry that he felt so strongly for him.
Composing music with someone was very intimate. It made him feel closer to Harry than he probably was. He sighed heavily and ran his hand violently through his hair. "But this is not music, Harry, it's your life. I know how it's like to try to get rid of virginity because you physically desire a person. I've done it before. And it's true what people say, that sex is so much better when you're emotionally involved.
"Physical satisfaction is wonderful, but emotional and physical fulfillment is so much more gratifying," he continued on. "I know you don't have much time left in the world, but do you really want to give up something special like that to someone you hardly know?"
Another deep pause echoed throughout the room. "For me music is very personal," Harry remarked. "I don't know if it's that personal for you, but if someone listens to all the songs that I've composed then he would know a great deal about the type of person that I am. I can't detach myself from my music, it's so very much a part of who I am."
All of what Harry said as true. Music was personal; music was intimate. How did one truly detach oneself from a piece they'd composed? He had never even tried. "For you, I think it's the same," Harry hindered a guess aloud. "From your music, I can tell that someone has hurt you badly in your past so deeply that it's made you into cynic. You're wary, and you've wised up. You don't want anyone to hurt you."
"Everyone wants that," Severus commented without his usual sneering condescension. "Who wants to be hurt?"
Harry nodded that what he'd said was true. "So I do know you," he murmured softly. "Your music reveals you as it reveals me."
Point stated. Severus had to give him that. Harry knew how to make a point. But still it was wrong for so many reasons, tempting for just as many. Damn it. He was split. Why did Harry have to be so very young? Why couldn't he have met someone like Harry years ago? "It's still not enough," Severus stated firmly, feeling like he had to be the one to set everything since he was the adult. "I can't do that to you knowing that one day you'll regret it."
"Sodding romantic," Harry muttered, but his eyes held no recrimination. "I respect that. I respect you even more now. I understand, and I'll wait for that someone." His lips curved up with amusement, his eyes sparkling like the most precious emeralds. "Though I will say that I might regret having been with you, but I definitely will regret never having been with you."
Severus had to smile. It wasn't often he got a compliment like that.
~
"You know Severus isn't going to like this," Draco stated mildly as he glanced at the itinerary that his father had planned for Severus and Harry tomorrow. It was a shit load, and that was stating it gently. He knew that his godfather was expecting something like this, but not to this degree. There wasn't much Lucius could do; Voldemort had him whipped.
"He isn't going to like it," Lucius agreed, "but he has no choice in the matter. He has to do it, just like I have to accompany him to all the events because I'm his agent. I don't really have an option. You know how Voldemort is. When he asked for something, it's done. You don't say no to the man, not ever. Not that I wouldn't like the opportunity to do just that."
"You've never been able to get your way with him ever," Draco pointed out with a degree of boldness. It was a rather sore spot with his father that Voldemort had him so firmly under his thumb.
Lucius scowled. "You don't need to remind me of that."
Draco grinned then frowned as something sparked in his brain. "What are we going to do about that McGonagall woman during all these events? You know she'll want to tag along."
"I'll think of something," Lucius remarked calmly, all of his former anxiety having receded beneath the cool exterior that made him a master at his job. "You know I always do."
"That you do," Draco allowed. "But she is a bit of a banshee. I actually didn't think she was quite so menacing; however, the fact that she actually stood up to Severus is rather remarkable."
"Yes, it is rather," Lucius granted. "Not many can do that, then again young Harry has shown himself to be quite extraordinary as well."
"That he is," Draco murmured softly, thinking about the afternoon that he'd spent with the astonishing young man he was beginning to see as a good friend. "That he is."
Both father and son lost themselves in their own musings, unaware of how close their thoughts and reflections truly were. Both were thinking about Severus and Harry, about how Harry might be able to thaw the ice wall that Severus had built around his heart since he got hurt as a youth. If there was anyone that could breakthrough to Severus, it was Harry.
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Author's Note: Sorry, that this was late. I didn't have the net for 3 days, so it was delayed 3 days to getting to my beta, who was uber uber fast and got it back to me in 12 hours after I sent it to her! So that's why this is up on a Saturday ;p. Next chapter should be on schedule (somewhere around there anyway). It all depends how much time I have to write and if my muse gets inspired. It takes me about 5 days to write 1 chapter. Just go to my fanfic blog to keep up on the story's progress. Hope you like the song! Remember reviews make my muse happy!
Thanks to Rani, Tirla, amythest, lOliTa, StoicNIMWIT, Sonya8, Leah, Tiamat, Fallen Dragon, FerretMalfoy, ShadowWolf, Korinna Myorin, xia, Alicorn1, abraxis, Shinigami061, The Goddess Artemis, TommieBoy182, starsong, Darkflame173, moonbeam, DaughterofDeath, Suburb Angel, Coo, athenakitty (wait and see), Jewelclaw Lady of Wind, pixyfairy120, crissy, MentalStaples, ntamara (switched whenever I switched dialogue, which is easy to spot), Corgi1, LeeLeePotter, wintermoon2 (it wasn't an alliteration, it was a parallelism ;p), The Shadow Bandit, lupusdragon, Delfeus, Crow21681, Maximum Poofy-Queen of AU, holidayinspan, kalih, IncubusSuccub, Ms. Padfoot. Tempest8, Starlina, Redrum, Robin R. Smith.
witchchild: They're about even, but I think MOP fans are more um fanatical. WAD is better written, it's more of my aesthetic writing style.
me3gogi: Severus has a band, but he also plays the piano and sings in his performances (as you will see).
Jes Imagin: You're right about Harry and fame. I made the song up before the chapter, so the song helped to write the chapter. Your impression of the title is one way, I did show it could be optimistic in the "Wishes are for Dreamers" song.
Jane: Wooh, you don't know how relieved I am to go to the uni's library to write. It's quiet there enough to write.
Malakai: No, not much of a circle runner. I'm too direct for that.
Setsuri: No duet. Draco's a Malfoy, why wouldn't he take after his father?
NayNymic: I won't know the ending until I'm about to write it and I've been known to rewrite a scene several times in my mind before getting it down on the computer screen. Ron may show up. Not sure. Hermione's pairing is up in the air. I've done Her/D before and I've done Her/Blaise and Her/R, so those are all possibilities.
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: All rights are JK. Rowling except for the lyrics and the situation ^_^.
Warning: This is slash, don't read if you don't like it! Non-magic AU!
Beta: Quickjewel! (Thanks for the speedy correcting!)
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7: Finally There (August 31, 2003 to September 3, 2003)
Bittersweet. It was sweet and it was bitter. Who knew how Severus would react to this forced upon kiss? He had responded, oh how he had responded! The liquid fire that Severus had inspired was making him feel like jelly. But it was a wonderful feeling, something that he hoped wouldn't go away once Severus' lips left his. It undoubtedly would. He was a fan, and more importantly he was more than a decade younger than Severus.
Too enticing. Too damn tempting was Severus' thought as his tongue slowly withdrew from the wet warmth of Harry's mouth. This was wrong. This was entirely wrong, but it felt so good to be so wrong. And it wasn't like he'd been the one to kiss the young man. Harry had kissed him. Still, he was the one that had deepened the kiss. He'd been the one that had introduced the tongue play.
"We can't do this," Severus breathed out raggedly. "You're two decades younger than me. And it's my fault for encouraging you. I shouldn't have. You know this is wrong."
It was wrong. Harry knew that. But to hear Severus say it in such a way that hinted, that more than suggested that he wanted it as well did terrible things to Harry's morals. It wasn't wrong because of their ages, which was what Severus was trying to drill into his mind. It was wrong because he was dying. He had no right to get into a relationship with anyone when he was going to hurt them.
"It's wrong," Harry agreed with deep sadness. "I have no right to get into any kind of relationship when I don't even know if I'll be alive next month or not."
Severus' heart dropped from the lofty heights it was occupying in its self righteous glee. What importance was age when there was a life here at stake? Harry was seeing things in a much clearer perspective than he was. Age was important, true, but the fact Harry was terminally ill was of far more importance. Harry was right. He shouldn't start a relationship when he was this ill. He shouldn't, but then again what chance would he ever have later on?
"It's not wrong for that reason," Severus reassured. "You don't have much time left; you should enjoy every little bit that you have left."
"I don't want to hurt anyone else," Harry cried out, tears starting to glisten in his emerald eyes. "My parents are already heartbroken. I couldn't bear to hurt anyone else."
"If you fear hurting people, you will never live." Severus sighed deeply and an unmistakable tenderness overcame him. It made him gently brush away the hair that had fallen over Harry's beautiful eyes. "From the little I know of such matters, I would think that it would be better to let someone know you and remember you even in sorrow than to deprive someone of knowing you. If you caused that person sadness, then you must have brought them some bit of happiness beforehand."
Every word Severus said struck Harry deeply. He was right. Those were the words that his mother had also advised him when he'd been stuck in his depression the first time around. He had tried not to let his habit of not wanting to hurt people from causing him to be too cautious and to not live. It was hard though. For him the need to protect others was instinctive.
The gentle touch from Severus broke the rest of Harry resistance. "I want you," he whispered painfully, knowing that he'd probably be rejected but at least he wouldn't be going home with any regrets. "I don't care about our age difference, and you know I don't have much time left on this Earth. Would it be too much to ask to be with you sexually?"
His eyes briefly met Severus' in an intense gaze before he lowered them. "I'm well over the age of consent," he continued. "You know what you're getting into, and I know what I'm getting into. I don't presume to think it'll last, but we have the rest of this week left and there's no one I desire more than you. You've been my--- wet dream for years." He blushed fiercely after he admitted that. "I have no one else I'd rather lose my virginity to than you."
This silence wasn't awkward, it was more of absolute shock than anything else. What could Severus say? The offer was tempting. No strings attached. No presumption of anything lasting and he would have the opportunity to taste the innocence. But it wasn't right. Harry shouldn't be giving his virginity to him, to a man old enough to be his father!
"There is no one else I would rather lose my virginity to than you," Harry repeated. "No one else, but if you don't want to take the offer I'll understand. But I'm just trying to experience life as much as I can for as long as I can. I don't know how much about my illness that you know, but I have my good days and I have my bad days. Right now, these are the good days. It gets bad though, and when it gets bad there's nothing I can do except try to rest."
"You don't know what you're asking me to do," Severus growled. "You're asking me to take your innocence away. You should wait for someone special to do that."
"You're a romantic?" Harry queried softly. "I never would have guessed."
Severus narrowed his eyes as he heard the undertone of sarcasm. "It's a bit young for you to be so pessimistic about romance and what not."
Harry chuckled dryly. "Facing death twice and looking down it once tends to do that to a person. And it's not like I don't believe it's out there. I'd like to think that there's a soul mate out there for me, but I'm realistic too. With the probability that I don't outlive this year, how am I suppose to find him?"
To hear his own theory on soul mates voiced by this desirable young man heated Severus' blood that much more. Yes, indeed. What was the possibility that anyone found their soul mate in the world? He'd like to believe that there was someone out there for him, but the probability was slim to none of finding them. Fate, bah fate! Fate was something made up for little girls and their castles of Prince Charmings.
It was also intriguing Harry's quick change in moods. From bittersweet to reflective to caustic. It was damn interesting. He liked the young man before; he liked Harry that much more now. Emotions had always fascinated him, especially since he kept such a tight leash around his own. Suffocated them he did, which was why he was enthralled by people that could shift through them swiftly. Well, as long as they weren't flighty and Harry was not.
Just adaptable. "You wish on a falling star and pray that he's not far?" Severus commented cynically.
Harry, who had been sitting on the piano pressing on random keys froze when he heard what Severus had said. He liked the sound of the words. "Repeat what you just said again," Harry asked impatiently.
Severus wasn't used to being ordered around by anyone, but he saw the slightly mad look in Harry's eyes and knew that a muse had pounced. "Wish on a falling star and pray that he's not far?" he repeated questioningly.
Nodding frantically, Harry started looking around for a pen and paper that Severus was kind enough to shove into his hands. Once he had the pen, Harry began to scribble onto the notebook paper in a swift scrawl his sudden inspiration. He didn't stop until most of the sheet was filled with his slanted handwriting. When he was done, he wordlessly passed the piece of paper to Severus and started playing with the keyboard, trying to find a proper tune for the lyrics he'd just written.
"Searching for You" by Yih
Searching near
Searching far
Searching for you
I haven't found you
I've wished on a falling star
I've prayed you're not far
People say it's impossible
To find that someone
That's meant for you
That's the perfect one
I believe that it's not
I hope that you're out there
I wish I could wish you into being
I wish I could be where you are
Searching near
Searching far
Searching for you
I haven't found you
I've wished on a falling star
I've prayed you're not far
I haven't found you yet
I haven't given up yet
I believe that you're out there
I just wish I could be where you are
It was a sappy song, but that didn't mean it wasn't a catchy song lyric wise. Of course while the lyrics were the vital being of the song, it was the deep vibes of the music that would make this song a killer. As important as lyrics were, the music was what truly made a song standout. When both lyrics and music matched perfectly, it resulted in a truly awesome song.
There wasn't much Severus changed about the lyrics, a word or two. Harry kept trying to find the perfect few notes to come up with a set tune, but still hadn't managed to derive the right sound yet. When Harry rested his forehead against the piano, Severus sat down and something about a particular note Harry played struck a chord with him.
Staring at the keys intensely, Severus started plucking out a sweet harmony that had been stimulated by the meaning of the song and the notes Harry had tried out. Over and over he played the same melody, occasionally Harry would add a suggestion but other than that the only sound reverberating through the room was the piano. By the time the night was over, they had finished composing the song tentatively titled 'Searching for You.' "It's late," Severus commented as he glanced at the clock that read 2 in the morning. "You should try to get some sleep. We've got a pretty busy day tomorrow. If I'm going to the award show this weekend we'll have a lot of publicity events that I'm required to attend to boost awareness. Wouldn't want to go through this torture without getting something out of it."
"True," Harry murmured, "but don't you need to practice the song?"
"I do my best practicing at night," Severus responded.
Harry smiled and coughed lightly. He didn't really know how to approach the subject again. Severus had never really given him a clear answer to his proposition. They had just sort of skipped over the subject, never really clarifying the issue. "So," Harry began awkwardly, "what I said early is still true. There's no one else I'd rather lose my virginity than you."
A dreadful silence filled the room with its overbearing presence. It unnerved Harry. "You don't know what you're asking me," Severus replied harshly. "Do you really think a one night stand is what you want for your first time?"
"It's my choice to make," Harry said stubbornly, his emerald eyes flashing brightly.
"I think it's a wrong one," Severus stated fiercely. Both of their eyes were lock together in an intense stare. "I did something similar once, and I don't think you're the type to be able to let go as a one time deal requires. Do you really think you're going to be able to walk away from this without getting hurt?"
Harry breathed in sharply. Severus had a good point. It wasn't like him to walk away without a care in the world. That would be hard for him to handle. However, when would he ever be given a chance like this again? Never. Not with Severus, the object of his affection. "I don't know that, but from what you say in your music--- you can't live without getting hurt."
Getting his own words thrown back at him always threw him for a loop. It wasn't like he had any objection to bedding Harry other than the age factor. That and the fact he didn't really enjoy superficial relationship only about physical satisfaction. If Harry was ten years older and if Harry wasn't terminally ill--- he could see himself in steady relationship with the brilliant, vibrant young man.
Reality was different though. Harry was two decades younger than him, and Harry was terminally ill. As much as those were good reasons to say no, it still was hard. He'd feel better if he could convince the young man to not go through with his plan by his own free will rather than forcing his hand by refusing. It was because he'd compose a song with Harry that he felt so strongly for him.
Composing music with someone was very intimate. It made him feel closer to Harry than he probably was. He sighed heavily and ran his hand violently through his hair. "But this is not music, Harry, it's your life. I know how it's like to try to get rid of virginity because you physically desire a person. I've done it before. And it's true what people say, that sex is so much better when you're emotionally involved.
"Physical satisfaction is wonderful, but emotional and physical fulfillment is so much more gratifying," he continued on. "I know you don't have much time left in the world, but do you really want to give up something special like that to someone you hardly know?"
Another deep pause echoed throughout the room. "For me music is very personal," Harry remarked. "I don't know if it's that personal for you, but if someone listens to all the songs that I've composed then he would know a great deal about the type of person that I am. I can't detach myself from my music, it's so very much a part of who I am."
All of what Harry said as true. Music was personal; music was intimate. How did one truly detach oneself from a piece they'd composed? He had never even tried. "For you, I think it's the same," Harry hindered a guess aloud. "From your music, I can tell that someone has hurt you badly in your past so deeply that it's made you into cynic. You're wary, and you've wised up. You don't want anyone to hurt you."
"Everyone wants that," Severus commented without his usual sneering condescension. "Who wants to be hurt?"
Harry nodded that what he'd said was true. "So I do know you," he murmured softly. "Your music reveals you as it reveals me."
Point stated. Severus had to give him that. Harry knew how to make a point. But still it was wrong for so many reasons, tempting for just as many. Damn it. He was split. Why did Harry have to be so very young? Why couldn't he have met someone like Harry years ago? "It's still not enough," Severus stated firmly, feeling like he had to be the one to set everything since he was the adult. "I can't do that to you knowing that one day you'll regret it."
"Sodding romantic," Harry muttered, but his eyes held no recrimination. "I respect that. I respect you even more now. I understand, and I'll wait for that someone." His lips curved up with amusement, his eyes sparkling like the most precious emeralds. "Though I will say that I might regret having been with you, but I definitely will regret never having been with you."
Severus had to smile. It wasn't often he got a compliment like that.
~
"You know Severus isn't going to like this," Draco stated mildly as he glanced at the itinerary that his father had planned for Severus and Harry tomorrow. It was a shit load, and that was stating it gently. He knew that his godfather was expecting something like this, but not to this degree. There wasn't much Lucius could do; Voldemort had him whipped.
"He isn't going to like it," Lucius agreed, "but he has no choice in the matter. He has to do it, just like I have to accompany him to all the events because I'm his agent. I don't really have an option. You know how Voldemort is. When he asked for something, it's done. You don't say no to the man, not ever. Not that I wouldn't like the opportunity to do just that."
"You've never been able to get your way with him ever," Draco pointed out with a degree of boldness. It was a rather sore spot with his father that Voldemort had him so firmly under his thumb.
Lucius scowled. "You don't need to remind me of that."
Draco grinned then frowned as something sparked in his brain. "What are we going to do about that McGonagall woman during all these events? You know she'll want to tag along."
"I'll think of something," Lucius remarked calmly, all of his former anxiety having receded beneath the cool exterior that made him a master at his job. "You know I always do."
"That you do," Draco allowed. "But she is a bit of a banshee. I actually didn't think she was quite so menacing; however, the fact that she actually stood up to Severus is rather remarkable."
"Yes, it is rather," Lucius granted. "Not many can do that, then again young Harry has shown himself to be quite extraordinary as well."
"That he is," Draco murmured softly, thinking about the afternoon that he'd spent with the astonishing young man he was beginning to see as a good friend. "That he is."
Both father and son lost themselves in their own musings, unaware of how close their thoughts and reflections truly were. Both were thinking about Severus and Harry, about how Harry might be able to thaw the ice wall that Severus had built around his heart since he got hurt as a youth. If there was anyone that could breakthrough to Severus, it was Harry.
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Author's Note: Sorry, that this was late. I didn't have the net for 3 days, so it was delayed 3 days to getting to my beta, who was uber uber fast and got it back to me in 12 hours after I sent it to her! So that's why this is up on a Saturday ;p. Next chapter should be on schedule (somewhere around there anyway). It all depends how much time I have to write and if my muse gets inspired. It takes me about 5 days to write 1 chapter. Just go to my fanfic blog to keep up on the story's progress. Hope you like the song! Remember reviews make my muse happy!
Thanks to Rani, Tirla, amythest, lOliTa, StoicNIMWIT, Sonya8, Leah, Tiamat, Fallen Dragon, FerretMalfoy, ShadowWolf, Korinna Myorin, xia, Alicorn1, abraxis, Shinigami061, The Goddess Artemis, TommieBoy182, starsong, Darkflame173, moonbeam, DaughterofDeath, Suburb Angel, Coo, athenakitty (wait and see), Jewelclaw Lady of Wind, pixyfairy120, crissy, MentalStaples, ntamara (switched whenever I switched dialogue, which is easy to spot), Corgi1, LeeLeePotter, wintermoon2 (it wasn't an alliteration, it was a parallelism ;p), The Shadow Bandit, lupusdragon, Delfeus, Crow21681, Maximum Poofy-Queen of AU, holidayinspan, kalih, IncubusSuccub, Ms. Padfoot. Tempest8, Starlina, Redrum, Robin R. Smith.
witchchild: They're about even, but I think MOP fans are more um fanatical. WAD is better written, it's more of my aesthetic writing style.
me3gogi: Severus has a band, but he also plays the piano and sings in his performances (as you will see).
Jes Imagin: You're right about Harry and fame. I made the song up before the chapter, so the song helped to write the chapter. Your impression of the title is one way, I did show it could be optimistic in the "Wishes are for Dreamers" song.
Jane: Wooh, you don't know how relieved I am to go to the uni's library to write. It's quiet there enough to write.
Malakai: No, not much of a circle runner. I'm too direct for that.
Setsuri: No duet. Draco's a Malfoy, why wouldn't he take after his father?
NayNymic: I won't know the ending until I'm about to write it and I've been known to rewrite a scene several times in my mind before getting it down on the computer screen. Ron may show up. Not sure. Hermione's pairing is up in the air. I've done Her/D before and I've done Her/Blaise and Her/R, so those are all possibilities.