Title: Wishes Are For Dreamers
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, only the AU scenario.
Beta: Blackumbridge
~
10: Goodbye, Farewell (September 28, 2003 to October 2, 2003)
The last few days Severus spent with Harry were sheer perfection. They locked themselves in the music studio, only coming out to take care of the essentials before shutting themselves in once more. They scarcely saw anyone but themselves; they locked themselves in perfecting song after song. They didn't really change the lyrics of any songs, but they did sharpen and tighten the music.
They came away from the experience respecting each other's musical genius even more. It was certainly true what that reporter Alicia had said about Harry, he was a musical genius. He knew more about musical theory than Severus wanted to hazard a guess. Partially it was because he had gone to one of the best music schools in the UK and the other thing was that Severus, himself had never really been interested in classical theory. In his music, he liked to break it.
But still he had to respect Harry's knowledge. It was amazing how you could keep the theory spot on and still create a song that wasn't the least bit boring. At least that was what Harry had successful done with "Rhapsody," tweaking it in such a way that the storming movements were written more like a symphony than a rock song. The concept worked brilliantly.
As everything had to, it slowly came to the end. Nearing the end, Severus began to really see that Harry was sick--- extremely sick. McGonagall had almost had to rush him to the emergency room when he'd woken up one morning with blood covering his sheets. However, Harry had refused to go--- even with McGonagall screaming at him that he had to. He needed to.
Logically, Harry pointed out that it wouldn't do him any good to go to the hospital since every time he went--- it only weakened him further. Nothing that the hospitals here could do for him that he hadn't already tried. That's why he was going to a highly specialized hospital in New York this weekend to try an experimental treatment with gene therapy to help cure him. It was the only treatment he hadn't tried yet.
Severus never mentioned Harry's sick bouts in the morning, instead he strove to make the young man forget. It worked out perfectly. By the end of a hard, strenuous session--- even if Harry was looked utterly exhausted--- he had a bright smile on his face. The last day though, in the middle of one of those sessions, Harry began violently coughing. Blood forced its way through his throat and out onto the towel Harry had grabbed to cover his mouth.
This last episode only further reminded Severus that Harry was dying. Astonishingly, his eyes began to tear up as he couldn't look at the horribly tragic scene of Harry coughing up his life away. This was too much. He got up from the piano where he'd been reworking one of his songs and swept out the room. Usually he wasn't the type to run from a hard moment, but this was different. Harry was beginning to mean something to him and it was hard to stay and watch the cancer kill him little by little.
When he came back, they didn't mention the episode--- continuing instead to work on improving their music. Halfway through the night, their last night together Severus lost the thread of control that had been keeping him away from Harry. He actually went up to the young man and grabbed him by the arms, pulling him into his embrace.
Once he had his arms around Harry's delectable flesh, he lowered his face with desire driving him to kiss those sweet lips. Sugary sweetness was what he tasted as he pushed his tongue past those lips into Harry's mouth to let their tongues spar together. He felt Harry's arms gripping his own, trying to cling to something as they drowned in the ecstatic bliss with each other.
He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be kissing Harry. It wasn't right, especially since Harry was leaving tomorrow, but he was kissing him--- damn it all to hell. It was a great kiss too. One of the best kisses that he'd ever had. There was something sweetly intoxicating about Harry's innocence. The softness, the way Harry put everything he had into the kiss. So bloody passionate.
"We can't do this," Severus finally groaned as he pulled away. When he finally looked down into Harry's deep green eyes, he didn't see reproach or regret--- only an intense sorrow. "You're leaving tomorrow."
Harry turned his face away from Severus so that the older man didn't see the tear that trickled down his cheek. "Yes," he responded, "I'm leaving tomorrow morning." He paused, letting the silence fill in the awkwardness of the moment. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me create music with you. It's been such an incredible time for me, my deepest wishes have come true."
Having said that, Harry quickly wiped away the tear that had fallen halfway down his cheek and turned to smile brightly at Severus. "Thank you, Severus for making this week so extraordinary. It's been unbelievable." He then moved hesitantly toward Severus, not seeming sure of what he was going to do when he kissed him gently at the corner of his mouth. "Good-bye, Severus."
Severus was too choked with emotion to say anything. He wanted to say something, but words eluded him. What did he say? Stay? But Harry had to go, he had to go to New York to get the cancer treatment that could save his life. It would be selfish for him to ask Harry to stay when this could mean the difference between life and death. And yet the pessimistic side of himself didn't think Harry would survive this, and that he should enjoy the time that he had left on this earth.
The door clicked close. His eyes stared at the closed door with a fierce intensity. Harry had left. Harry was leaving tomorrow morning, but this was probably the last time he'd see the brilliant young man. There were press engagements to go to tomorrow, to make the most of his generosity to a terminally ill fan. He didn't want to go, but he had no choice.
Farewell, Harry. Good-bye.
~
The kiss had been bittersweet. His last kiss with Severus, his last kiss forever. While his parents were enthusiastic about the new gene therapy that had proven quite successful with other patients, he was prepared for the worst. He wasn't as strong as when he'd gone through his first rounds of treatment in his early teens. He was physically weaker, even if he was mentally tougher.
That was going to make the difference. His mind might be able to handle any of the hardships and difficulties thrown at him, but he didn't think his body was going to be able to handle it. Oh well, what was coming was coming--- there was no stopping it, no avoiding it. He didn't even want to think about it right now. All he wanted to do was analyze his last moment with Severus Snape.
It hadn't gone that bad, their good-bye. Severus hadn't said good-bye to him, but that was okay. It was easier that way. If Severus had said something to him, he might have broken down. He needed strength, and he took strength from Severus' silence. It was not easy being so detached from the death that was knocking on his door. But he managed only because he didn't want to seem weak in front of his idol.
Whatever. It was done. It was over. He was packing tonight and leaving at the break of dawn tomorrow. He only had a few hours to pack and get ready before he left. They had stayed in the studio rather late tonight. He did need to get some sleep before he left. He sighed and started tossing his stuff into his suitcase. Life was tedium. But he knew what to expect. Death was the unknown. How terrifying it was.
It was better to leave things like they were--- ambiguous. That way he didn't have to acknowledge that whatever feelings Severus had for him were miniscule. This way, he didn't know--- and he could still dream in the recess of mind that Severus did feel more than he did. Harry smiled sadly and closed his suitcase. It was going to be a long night.
~
"What does he look like?" she asked all of a sudden in a panic, her chocolate brown eyes darting frantically at the gate that was about to open. "Mrs. Potter, what does Harry look like? Does he look like you?"
Lily chuckled, her heart filled with a strange warmth that this beautiful young woman was so enthusiastic about meeting her son. From the limited time she had spent with Hermione, she had grown to adore the brilliant girl. It was really too bad that her son wasn't inclined to the feminine sex. Hermione would have made Harry a wonderful girlfriend.
"No," she responded frankly, "he's the mirror image of my husband, James. Harry looks exactly like his father."
"Really?" Hermione queried, her eyes flickering over to where Mr. Potter was standing in a quieter section of the airport. He was making the final arrangements for the transatlantic flight they were taking in a few hours. She smiled cheerfully, her focus turning back to the arrival gate. "Now I know who I'm looking for then."
It was when she was turning to look over that the doors to the gate burst open and the expected crowd of passengers spilling out instead were frantic flight attendants shouting for someone to dial 911. Fear gripped Hermione's heart. Was it possible that it was Harry that they were calling 911 for? Dear god, she hoped not, not after all that he'd done for her--- he deserved so much more.
Lily's heart plummeted. Was it Harry? Good lord if it was. She knew he'd been feeling awful lately, but being the stubborn young man that he was--- he'd refused to go to the nearby hospital for treatment. He did have a point. There really was nothing they could do anymore, besides pump him with so much medication that it weakened him even more than if he hadn't gone to them. Her poor baby.
It couldn't be Harry. It couldn't be. She felt the life being squeezed out of her being as she felt her husband's arms wrap around her comfortingly. "It's going to be all right," he whispered to her fiercely. "You know Harry would have told us if things got that bad, you know it."
"But he's so stubborn," she bemoaned as she buried her head into his neck. "You know how he is, he's just like me. Mulish and unwilling to compromise!"
"That's what makes him so strong," James murmured. "If he didn't have that, he never would have survived through the first bout. You know he's going to make it through this one. He's too like you to ever give up."
Lily tried to smile, but failed. Her eyes were too glued to the gateway to really take in what her husband was saying. Everything in her was concentrated on the gate, on the fact that it could be her son that was going to come out and need to be whisked to the emergency room. She wrapped her fingers through the comforting hand James gave to her.
Please, don't let it be Harry. Please, God, don't let it be Harry.
There was so much blood. It was smeared all over one flight attendant and partially on another as they both helped a messy haired young man out of the plane. She knew that hair anywhere. It was Harry. Good God. Her heart screamed that it couldn't be. Her soul cried out for it not to be. But it was. It was Harry that was the one being rushed to the hospital.
She felt her husband's arms tighten around her. If they hadn't been there, she would have fallen to her knees. All the strength inside of her left her. Why did it have to be Harry? Not when he was so young and so talented; he had so much more to live for. Why did it have to be Harry? Why did it have to be her son?
No, not my Harry, not my precious little baby boy. Please, God, take anything--- anything--- just don't take my son away from me. Do you hear me? Her soul was screaming this, her heart was crying this. You can't take him away, he's not ready to go. He's got so much more to live for. I'm not ready to let him go!
"We've got to go," James declared in a shaking voice. "We'll follow them in another car to the emergency room. Come on, Lily--- Hermione, they're going to take us. The flight attendants."
Hermione was numb. This was a nightmare. She had dreamt many times of this moment. But even in her worst expectations, she had never thought this up. This was too terrible for thought. Why was this happening to Harry? Why did such a horrible thing have to happen to someone that was so inherently good? Why? Why?
There was no logical reason. Good people should be rewarded with good things happening to them, this certainly was not a good thing happening to Harry. Her heart cried out for him. She didn't understand. Why did he have to suffer while she lived? He should have taken the chance; he shouldn't have been so generous with her even if the chances of his body accepting the donor would have been slim.
Humans were inherently selfish. Harry should have been. He should have been selfish this once. "Harry," she whispered his name delicately, so softly only she heard, "you fool."
~
"You're a fool," Lucius stated, a frown marring his patrician features. "You need to stop mopping around here, thinking about what a fool you are and get your act together. You need to go after him, Severus. I haven't seen you like this since she walked out you."
There was no need to say her name. She was the first and the only woman he had ever felt anything for. Lily Evans. Beautiful girl, intelligent young woman--- infinitely talented but she threw it all away. She let her family control her and because of that, she didn't continue on with him at the prestigious University famed for its music program in Australia. The foolish girl.
But he realized later, after he wrote the heartbreaking song, Stay, that he'd only been infatuated with her talent. Because truly, it was his own gender that he was truly attracted to. He had only obsessed over Lily because it was what was expected of him. When he'd been that age, he was young and impressionable. However, things changed when his acquaintance Lucius Malfoy became much closer and introduced him to the pleasures of the male sex.
It was a revelation. He'd never really known why he'd never been interested in relationships when everyone around him had been chasing the girls like crazy. It was because he was interested in boys, and it was because music had always been foremost in his life. It dictated his life. He'd done everything required to make music his career. It still was very important in his life, but the question was, was it the most important?
He didn't know anymore. He had two choices to make today. One, he could go and continue the punishing schedule that Voldemort had made for the recording of this 5th album. Or two, he could go after Harry Potter and throw away the opportunity to work on an album where he had complete and utter control with a limitless budget. Was it to be his music or Harry?
Before it never would have been a hard decision. It was a difficult one now because even Lucius Malfoy, entrepreneur extraordinaire was telling him to go after Harry. Usually it was not an option for Lucius, anything that would involve losing out on money. This was a money making venture that he was giving up, and yet Lucius was telling him to do it. That spoke strongly to him.
What the fuck did he do?
Did he go after what his heart was urging him to do and throw away the opportunity of a lifetime? An opportunity he had worked so hard and so long to get? His whole life had been built around doing something like this. Sure, he'd had a lot of control in album 4, but still this was without any restrictions of any kind. He was producer, mixer, and composer--- everything.
This was going to be his album. But knowing Voldemort, if he delayed it in anyway he was going to have to pay severely for it. Nothing ever came easy with Voldemort. In the first place, Voldemort hadn't wanted to give him so much free rein. The album would be less commercially geared and that could cause album sales to drop. But hadn't his fourth album proved that he didn't have to be anywhere near the mainstream to be a chart topper?
As much as he liked to think about this issue in his mind, the main problem--- the main question was still: did he go after Harry or not? He'd be throwing a lot of hard work away. And it could be for nothing. Because what if Harry didn't feel the same way? After all, he was so much older than Harry. So very much older.
He was haunted by the fact that one day Harry would walk away from.
"What are you afraid Severus?" Lucius asked lightly. "Are you afraid that he'll leave you all alone?"
There was silence that filled the room. That was the answer that Lucius needed.
"Severus, who says he'll even have the opportunity to leave you? Who says he'll even live through this year? Have you ever thought about that? It's not always about you, Severus."
~
Author's Note: I've been writing a lot of cliffhangers recently. Oh well, I don't know what else to do. This had to be done. Anyway review and maybe if I'm nice, I'll update really soon. I'm on fall break so it's a possibility and this is actually a priority story right now since I'm almost done. Yay! It makes me happy when I actually finish something. Yay!
Thanks to Azer, Eaiva le Fay, Sevter, crissy, slytherinsela, Tempest8, The Goddess Artemis, mia snape, TommieBoy182, laventeli, Shinigami061, Katmint – formerly Moonlight, Maximum Poofy-Pissed Off Queen, Xyverz, Mehu, Lee Lee Potter (It's actually 3 I gave up on the other 2), newtypeshadow, ShadowWolf, Winnie2, Cait Sith, Tirla, Alicorn1, Erica, lupusdragon, DaughterofDeath, fan, Gray Roses, Abraxis, Lakoma, Redrum, sunrise, athenakitty, Nelum, Corgi1, IncubusSuccubus, atalante, Ms. Padfoot.
Cassa-Andra: Thanks, I try to write lyrics well. I don't know if I always convey them to the best… since I'm not really that great of a poet. I'm too straightforward for all that metaphorical meaning.