Title: Wishes Are For Dreamers
Author: Yih
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, only the AU scenario.
Beta: Blackumbridge
~
11: Believe in Miracles (October 10, 2003 to October 12, 2003)
"We found a donor!" Dr. Weasley cried out enthusiastically as she burst into Harry's private hospital room. "Dr. Pomfrey just called me to let me know! The bone marrow is in France and it's being flown over ASAP. It's a miracle!"
Harry opened his eyes weakly. He was barely alive. Barely. The past few days had been miserable. He'd had more junk pumped into his system than he was able to stand. It was a wonder that he was still breathing with the amount of radiation they'd forced into his body to keep the cancer at bay.
He was fortunate. Thank goodness. He was going to make it. He felt it in his gut. Miracles did happen. He smiled at Dr. Weasley, her dark red hair and her ever cheerful smile brightened his day. Ever since he'd been taken under her care, he'd known that she was going to fight every step of the way until the end. It was nice having a doctor like that. She reminded him very much of Poppy.
"Thank god!" he heard his mother sob. "Thank god, thank god!"
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hermione's eyes water with joyful tears. Sweet Hermione. She had been with him every step of the way. No one understood better than she did what he was going through. He was so thankful to have her at his side, so grateful. She made the hardship enduring.
No one could understand what he was going through unless they had really gone through it. Hermione had. She had been at the edge, holding on by the barest grip onto life. It was a miracle she had survived, a miracle that he had given her. It didn't matter if they had never known each other before their dramatic meeting. It was like they had always known each other. They had just to meet to know.
It was more than the sum of their shared experiences. They could be the best of friends, if they were given the chance. The smile on his lips were as much for his parents as it was for Hermione. He'd hate to have to leave before he really got to know her. There was just so much… to live for. He wasn't done living yet. He wasn't ready to give up.
"We're prepping for the surgery tomorrow afternoon. The bone marrow should arrive at noon," Dr. Weasley continued on, her grin only widening. "The match is nearly perfect. It's about as good as it gets. You're a very lucky young man, Harry."
That he knew, that he knew. He had gotten a wish of a lifetime and now he was being granted another chance at life. He was very lucky, and he was very grateful. "I know, I know that."
~
He got on the plane. He went to New York. He wasn't the only one who was defying Voldemort, next to him stood Lucius and Draco Malfoy. He couldn't have gotten there without them. Together, the father and son team were unbeatable. They arranged everything and got him in New York in less than three days. It could have been sooner, but chartering a private flight across the Atlantic wasn't that easy.
It had to be private, he had too many fans and he had to keep his presence out of the press. It wouldn't do to be shown coming to the States without proper warning. Especially not when he had no intention of ever performing live in the States, at least not in the next year. They had been clamoring for him, but he refused.
He had a limited number of engagements he would do and that he could fulfill perfectly fine in the UK and on the Continent quite easily. He had no difficulties, more than half of his engagements were in the UK actually. Only a few concerts on the Continent were sold out weeks in advance, it was nice when he even agreed to do such performances.
But that didn't matter anymore, none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered to his heart and to his being was that he got to Harry and told him how he felt before it was too late. He knew he wasn't in love with Harry deeply yet, but there was this strong connection and he was falling in love with the young man. Good god, he knew that was the case. He couldn't stop thinking about the brilliant Harry.
His thoughts revolved around him. On the plane, he had penned a song, a song that he hoped would never come true. But he wouldn't know, god forbid, he wouldn't know until he was in New York. And he was in New York right now. But if there was any song that spoke his feelings to Harry, it was this song. He planned to sing it to Harry, acapella.
"Severus!" Lucius called out. "Let's go, Draco's found a cab."
~
"You know I can't believe you actually got the chance to meet Severus Snape," Hermione exclaimed cheerfully. "He's rather reclusive, I've heard, and even more--- he's an amazing songwriter."
"I know," Harry murmured, leaning his head into the curve of Hermione's neck, "it was unbelievable. And---" he blushed a light pink, "I kissed him--- and he kissed me."
Hermione knew that Harry's preference rested strictly with males. That was one of the first secrets he had divulged to her. It hadn't been hard, like it always had been before, almost no one but his parents knew that he was gay. There was something about Hermione that made him spill his secrets to her. It was just that he knew she would understand.
"I think when you get better," she whispered into his ear, "that you should meet up with him again. I think from what you've told me, that he really likes you as much as you like him."
"I think I love him," Harry moaned, burying his head even more into Hermione's warmth. "That's the problem."
"Oh Harry," Hermione responded, wrapping comforting arms around him, "I'm sure if you wanted to make him fall in love with him, you could. You're an incredible young man, and if you weren't you wouldn't have been granted this miracle. Fate is finally being good to you."
Harry smiled. "I've been blessed, haven't I?"
"Yes," she answered, "you have."
~
They were here. It had taken a few hours to find the right hospital, but found it they had. It didn't hurt that they had his celebrity status to help him. They had had to use it. It was undoubtedly going to be in the papers tomorrow. Damn it all. It couldn't be helped.
The elevator was taking bloody forever. Severus tapped his fingers impatiently against the wall until the stainless steel door finally opened. They were there. His eyes widened with disbelief as his eyes rested on the one he thought had been the love of his life, only to realize he had wanted it to be but it hadn't--- the one and the only, Lily Evans.
Her eyes were red. Bloodshot. What was she doing in the hospital? It was then a horrible feeling crawled down his spine. Her green eyes were the exact same shade as Harry's. Was it possible that Harry was Lily's son? It was just too much coincidence that Lily was here, standing just outside of the few rooms that were on the highest floor of the hospital.
And how many people had such intense green eyes like that?
"Lily?" he called out throatily.
She had been positioned away from seeing him, though in perfect view for him to study her. She turned to him, startled. "Severus?"
"It's good to see you again," he croaked.
"Good to see you too," Lily murmured, her eyes misting over. She knew why Severus was here. She was glad he was here. Harry could use someone to cheer him up. And she had always known that Severus was a good man, even if he was far too obsessed with his music than she thought was for his own good. "You're here to see Harry aren't you?"
"Yes," he answered hoarsely. "I'm here to see Harry."
She beamed at him. "Well come on, I'm sure Harry would be overjoyed to see you. Through the entire plane ride back, he's talked nonstop about you. You really made an impression on him, then I didn't doubt that you would."
"You're his mother, aren't you?" he asked bluntly.
She nodded, not seeming that taken back by the question. "I am," she responded. "This way, his room's at the end of the hallway. It's got the best view."
There was an awkwardness between them as they walked toward Harry's room. It was a discomfort that Severus wanted to erase especially if he wanted to pursue her son. "Lily, you do know it never would have worked between the two of us, right?"
She smiled. "I know," she replied. "It did hurt at first, but my soul mate is James. He completes me, and you--- you were an experience that only helped me get there. I have to thank you for that Severus." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "But if you hurt my son, you will pay."
That was like the Lily that he'd known. A spitfire with a wildness that was never tamed. "I won't," he promised with a deep sincerity. He meant every word that he said. He didn't want to hurt Harry, and from the knowing look in her eyes--- he realized that she understood why he was here. "I would never hurt Harry."
"I know that, Severus," she whispered back. She knew this because if he had wanted to hurt Harry, he wouldn't be here. Staying away was the most painful thing he could have done to her son, and yet he was here. She hadn't thought he'd come, but now that he had--- her son had to get better. He had to. "I'm glad you came."
"I'm glad I came too."
~
No wonder he was falling so hard for Harry. It all made sense now. Harry reminded him of all the things he'd loved about Lily. He had her spirit and her fire, and even more he had a passion and understanding about music. Harry was perfect, perfect for him. Any regrets he had about coming here to see him were erased. Any doubts about singing the song was gone.
Outside of Harry's door, he steeled himself. Performances didn't make him nervous, but this wasn't any performance. He was going to be singing without any background music. While he had confidence in his music, he didn't have the same confidence in his vocal abilities. He'd always thought that it was his musical talents that had gotten him far, no matter how many people told him that they loved his voice.
He knocked on the door, and his apprehension increased when he heard Harry's weak voice tell him to come in, that the door was unlocked. His poor Harry sounded so tired. Hopefully the treatment here would do him some good. Whatever he'd been expecting to see was not to see his Harry with IVs poked into his arms and hooked up to various machines. What had happened? What was wrong?
"Severus," Harry whispered throatily. "What are you doing here?"
He was about to answer that he was here to see Harry when he noticed the girl that Harry had his arms wrapped around. Who was this girl? What was she doing in the same bed as his Harry? Had he misread the signs? He felt anger and jealousy pour through his veins at the way Harry clung to the girl. That was the way that Harry was supposed to be holding onto him! Not her! Not her!
"I'm here to see you," Severus retorted sharply, his eyes narrowing when he saw the girl whisper something into Harry's ear that made Harry blush. What was that meddling girl doing? Didn't she know that Harry didn't like girls? That he preferred men?
"I'll leave you two alone," Hermione declared suddenly, slipping away from Harry's arms. As she was walking past him, she stopped and said something that Severus barely caught. "It's about time that you came. I hope you know he's been missing you."
So she wasn't after Harry. Relief flooded his veins. Good, thank goodness. "Who was that?" Severus asked when she'd left the room.
"Hermione, she's the girl that I gave up a bone marrow to."
"YOU WHAT?!!" Severus roared. That stupid idiotic, far too generous young man!
Harry smiled. "That's what she told me, but the match was so much better for her. For me, I'd probably have ended up rejecting it. The match was as perfect as a match could be, and she was doing far worse than I was. Now, she's going to live and have a full life. And," he grinned cheerfully despite the paleness of his cheeks, "I'd say that a certain red head has his eye on her."
"How are you?" Severus questioned curtly. "You don't look good."
Harry studied Severus' expression carefully, did he know? No, he didn't. Harry did note that Severus had seemed a bit surprise about the IV and all the machines that he was hooked up too, but he had no way of knowing why this was the case. For all Severus knew, this was normal. There was no need for Severus to know he'd been teetering on death's door.
"They found me a matching bone marrow," Harry told him. "I'm being prepped for surgery tomorrow morning."
"Really?" Severus exclaimed, his eyes widening with excitement and the lines in his face softening. A joy that he hadn't expected rushed through his system. "That's wonderful, Harry!"
Harry nodded, and they lapsed into silence. Neither one of them taking their eyes off the other, but not really knowing what to say. Finally, Severus decided if he was going to sing the blasted song, he might as well. "I wrote a new song," he remarked.
"You did?"
Severus nodded, running his hand through his hair roughly. Here went nothing:
I should hate you
But my heart can't seem to
It'd be easier on me
If I could, if I did
Just hate you for leaving me
Instead my whole being
Grows heavier with the weight of grief
He poured anguished into his voice, thinking about how he was feeling on the plane when he thought that he might never see Harry again if he was too late. He knew that his eyes were filling with tears, but he couldn't help it. If there was one person in the world that he could fall in love with, it was this beautiful and fragile young man lying before him.
Did you know your passing
Would kill everything inside of me?
I am numb without you
I am nothing without you
Harry noticed that Severus' eyes were watery, his own were beginning to fill with tears. Was it possible that this song was about him? It had to be, and yet it was so powerful--- how could anyone write such a song about him? So much emotion, so much feeling. All he'd ever wanted was to touch someone like that, and it looked like he had.
Now that I've lost you, I have learned
Yes, it was really love
Yes, it was really real
Too bad it's too late now
This was hard, Severus' vision was blurry, but even though it was blurred he saw that tears were streaming down Harry's face as well. He hadn't meant to make Harry cry, he had only wanted to tell Harry how he felt about him. How strongly, how deeply he felt for him. He had never meant to make Harry cry.
Life has no joy left for me
I would give up
But I know you wouldn't want that
Don't you understand how cold it is without you?
Especially when I finally found you?
It's so cold, I'll freeze without you
I can't live without you
Severus felt the same way about him like he felt for him. Harry didn't know whether to be overjoyed or filled with sorrow. While the prognosis was optimistic, they wouldn't know until after the surgery if it'd be successful or not. So many things could go wrong. He could still die. And his death obviously would hurt Severus. It was already hurting his parents and Hermione, add Severus… look at how many he was hurting. That hurt him.
Did you know your passing
Would kill everything inside of me?
I am numb without you
I am nothing without you
"What's the name of the song?" Harry choked out.
"Numb Nothing," Severus answered hoarsely. "That's how I'll feel if you aren't there with me. I'm--- I'm falling in love with you."
Harry couldn't believe it. He didn't know how to react.
"Kiss me."
Lowering his head down, Severus pressed his lips against Harry's in an achingly tender kiss. He'd been filled with nerves that Harry didn't feel the same way, but when Harry had asked him to kiss him--- he'd seen the astonishment and the desire in Harry's eyes. Harry wanted him even if he couldn't say it yet. Even if he couldn't say it yet, he wanted him.
As long as Harry wanted him, Severus was certain he could make Harry fall in love with him as hard as he was falling in love with him. Nudging Harry's lips open with a flick of his tongue, he devoured Harry's sweetness. The flavor of Harry was intoxicating. How had he ever let Harry go? How had he ever said good-bye to Harry?
His arms tightened around Harry's waist. He wasn't ever going to let go of Harry. Never again. Harry wasn't going to leave him; he wasn't going to allow that. Harry was his.
Harry pulled away from the kiss and fear traveled down Severus' spine until he felt Harry place his forehead on his shoulder. "I never thought you'd feel what I feel for you. I never thought it was possible for you to love me like I've loved you."
Happiness blossomed in Severus' heart with the intensity of sun on a summer's day.
"It is possible," Severus whispered fiercely back. "I do feel the same way."
"I'm glad," Harry breathed out. He pressed feather light kisses around Severus' mouth before kissing him hard on the lips. "I'm glad."
~
Author's Note: There are 13 chapters. Chapter 12 is partly NC-17 so if you want it, you'll have to join my mailing list. Also, Chapter 13 is short and the wrap up. But hey the story wasn't as short as I thought it was. Updates will be weekly now until the story is finished. I appreciate all the reviews.
Thanks to Crystal Moon Dragon, PK Snape, ladysnapeiv, anon, Nelum, pencil, chriswiz, witchchild, ShadowWolf, slytherinsela, hypergurl20022, ntamara, lilith, ShadowQuirk, Eternal Cosmos, Jane, The Shadow Bandit, touched, BekaJWP, lupusdragon, Tempest8, DaughterofDeath, Prophetess of Hearts, pixyfairy120, sev1970, Honor, Lolita, blackunicorn, Jess the Great, Maximum Poofy-Pissed Off Queen, The Goddess Artemis, abraxis, crissy, Cassa-Andra, Malakai, Roman de la Croix, Hippy Flower=Voldie's kid, Sylvester, Shinigami061, fan, Winnie2, Joy Cutting, Bluse Rosed Dragon, Yxonomei, Lee Lee Potter, Jes Imagin, Ms. Padfoot, selua, athenakitty, Eaiva le Fay, Corgi1, Kateri1, Alia, Xyverz.