*~*

I had shown up at the Precinct to talk with the Lieu. about god knows what and found myself sitting in the hall for about a hour or more, watching Officers pass by, getting ready for shift. Anger built in the bottom of my stomach. I could feel the cold stares, darkening over me. I wished I could shoot there fucking heads off. Sure, that seems drastic, but whether it was the meds. I was given or just my plain ol' temper, that's what I wanted to do.

Time passed by and it was about five past three. Roll call had started and I was still sitting there twiddling my thumbs. The hall had emptied out but one person down the hall, who caught the corner of my eye, staring in my direction. Pissed enough already I tried to ignore it, staring at the ground. Several seconds passed and I snapped my head up in his direction, "What the –" I stopped when I realized who it was. Our eyes locked in emotion, hate, surprise, or anger? Who the hell knows?

Him.

I tore my gaze away from him after several moments, staring straight ahead. I hadn't seen Bosco since that night. In the hotel room, when those gun shots were exchanged and my life was doomed to pure hell.

"You're late for roll call." I spoke my lips curled into a satisfying smirk. I saw motion to my right and cocked my head watching him fidget.

"What?" He replied a bit surprised by my words, or just maybe he was in shock or didn't hear.


"Nada." I shrugged it off before looking forward again. It felt good to say. It was kind of funny how now such little things amuse me, and make my day complete. I was ready to fall in my grave and die now.

And yet he continued to stare.

"Surprised I'm alive?" I snapped at him, my eyes now darkened in anger at his rudeness, just standing there, staring his ice cold stare at me.

"No." He replied immediately. What long in-dept answers I was receiving. I was in awe!

"Disappointed?" I asked after a moment, the smirk grew dimmer until it faded.

He didn't respond.

My eye brows rose as I met his gaze again. He looked pale, pretty blank if that makes any sense. He just stood there, his hands sunken deep into his pockets staring at me. Why? Was I that amusing?

I couldn't bring myself to ask him what he was looking at though. I use to be able to create a storm with my attitude. Those days were over.

"You're already late." I told him, my voice emotionless.

He nodded his head after a moment and continued down his way towards the roll call room.

That's when I realized more then ever, things were never going to be the same.

Two things would though, he was still a cop and I was still a bitch.

I thought about him a lot now, and how much he had meant to me after Lettie died. I couldn't have asked for more. And then what did I do? I took everything we had and threw it out the god damn window. I was never good in relationships, but damn, that had to be one of the most stupid things that Maritza Cruz had done in a long time.

The light flashed on my answering machine but I didn't have the will or energy to check it. It wasn't like it mattered who called anyway. It was either the doctor or the Precincts, two people I did not feel like chatting with at the moment. No-one else would probably even think about calling me.

 As far as I was concerned, I was wearing an invisible Hazardous sign on my chest. How unfortunate.

I hated the person I had become, as much as it killed me to say it. I'm not much to regret anything, but this was getting to be too much. I felt angry, angry for so many things that had gone hay-wire in my life and I sat back and watched it fall apart before my very eyes.

 I was in denial, in denial that I had lost my sister, my job, and my being. But most of all, I had lost myself somewhere in a thick murky fog of lies.

When I couldn't stand the light much longer I listened to the message which I figured was from Mercy. Dr.Lewis called and left me a message to call back about my 'physical therapy' sessions. I would, eventually that is. In-between my shrink and IAB meetings, sure I would.

No, it wasn't enough that I could barely walk, they had to push my buttons even more, making sure that I wouldn't be able to go back to work. Well, duh, are they really that stupid? How the fuck can you be a cop when you can't even get around with out crutches? As much as it bothered me not to say it right there, I bit my tongue and held a grudge. I pondered on a word to call these bastards, pure dumb asses. That's it.

The department even took the time to set me up with some 'quack' I have to talk to once a week. I felt like asking why it even mattered, it wasn't like I'd be coming back to work. Swersky's response, "It would be the best intent for your well being." You know what I call that, bullshit.

So what? They think I need a hour a week to go to some kinky office, lay on a couch, and spill my guts to a 'doctor' who doesn't give a crap? I don't think so papi. I spend my hour sitting back and enjoying my time, in pure silence. What a better way to waste some of the Precincts cash. I loved it. No progress was achieved and none was lost.

The rest of my time is spent either at Camelot, whether in meeting with IAB, or at home. In my opinion, it's all a waste of time, energy, and space. I ask myself why I even bother when nothing ever pays off. I guess I just can't sit in my place and cry about my poor life, as much as it would satisfy me too, I can't.

I have to show these people that it's not the end of me. I have to prove them, and to myself, they didn't rid of me. I just can't wait to see the face on them all when I beat there asses, when I overcome my manacles and handicap to prove them all wrong. I will do it too, don't have doubt on me. It will all be worth just seeing the look on his face.

Bosco's.

The game starts now, and I'm ready to win.

TBC…