Shadow Beacon
By GeoGirl
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Alias, nor the beautiful image
that blackdawn provided.
Rated R for language.
A/N: This is for the Ashes Challenge issued by blackdawn. See
her challenge for the beautiful paragraph that was the
inspiration.
The bastard comes in and tells me there is no hope. My God, for
all the world there has to be a little bit of hope. He said
they burned the last lead, the evidence in my hand.
I read the file and it says nothing. An inch thick of nothing
I watch as the file bursts into flames in the fireplace, watch
the flames consume the white pages that contain the lies leaving
a black trail in its wake. Red flames consuming all.
I reach in and grab a bit of the ashes from the edge, singeing
the hairs on my hand. This cannot be what is left of my girl.
These ashes are not the sum of her life; these ashes are false,
misleading and untrue. These ashes could be the death of me.
She cannot be gone.
Just the thought sends me nearer to the balcony edge. I cannot
fathom a world without her.
I hear him rustling around in the hotel room behind me and I
wonder if he sees. I used to think the man could read my mind
and touch my soul, but now there is a veritable wasteland
between us and neither knows how to breach it.
It is a space the size of the world and the size of the hole in
my heart left by our daughter. The daughter we've been
searching for, together and alone, these past weeks and months.
Lights flick on behind me sending my shadow outward and
downward, spiraling to a dark end.
This cannot be the end; it's not possible. It's not f*cking
possible.
NO
NO
NO
Can't he see that this is killing me? I never thought it would
come to this, I never thought I'd find myself in this particular
spot.
For once in my life I truly need him and I'm afraid.
God, why can't he see?
The waves crash below and beckon me. I want to join them, to be
free of the aching hole in my heart. My foot finds purchase on
the low railing of the balcony and I want to float down to
bottom like the ashes escaping my fingers. To be caught on the
wind, following the wind down, my shadow becomes a beacon. I
imagine being buried under the inky water below, calm and
restful, beneath the turbulence that writhes above at the waters
surface. It would only hurt for a moment, less time than it
took to read that damn file.
Then there wouldn't be any more hurt
any more ache
any more hardness
and pain
and emptiness
and anger
and sorrow
and hurt
and regret
and misery
and grief
and crying
and despair
and ache
and loneliness
and anything without her.
A hand grabs mine and in a low broken voice he says,
"Irina, please don't. I can't lose you too. I can't be alone
in this world. I don't know how to breathe now; I don't know
how to wake up in the morning. I cannot be in a world without
her or you. I'm asking you to help me. Please?"
His voice chokes and I hear the shattering of his heart.
The ashes fall from my hand and I turn as we fall into each
other's arms.
By GeoGirl
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Alias, nor the beautiful image
that blackdawn provided.
Rated R for language.
A/N: This is for the Ashes Challenge issued by blackdawn. See
her challenge for the beautiful paragraph that was the
inspiration.
The bastard comes in and tells me there is no hope. My God, for
all the world there has to be a little bit of hope. He said
they burned the last lead, the evidence in my hand.
I read the file and it says nothing. An inch thick of nothing
I watch as the file bursts into flames in the fireplace, watch
the flames consume the white pages that contain the lies leaving
a black trail in its wake. Red flames consuming all.
I reach in and grab a bit of the ashes from the edge, singeing
the hairs on my hand. This cannot be what is left of my girl.
These ashes are not the sum of her life; these ashes are false,
misleading and untrue. These ashes could be the death of me.
She cannot be gone.
Just the thought sends me nearer to the balcony edge. I cannot
fathom a world without her.
I hear him rustling around in the hotel room behind me and I
wonder if he sees. I used to think the man could read my mind
and touch my soul, but now there is a veritable wasteland
between us and neither knows how to breach it.
It is a space the size of the world and the size of the hole in
my heart left by our daughter. The daughter we've been
searching for, together and alone, these past weeks and months.
Lights flick on behind me sending my shadow outward and
downward, spiraling to a dark end.
This cannot be the end; it's not possible. It's not f*cking
possible.
NO
NO
NO
Can't he see that this is killing me? I never thought it would
come to this, I never thought I'd find myself in this particular
spot.
For once in my life I truly need him and I'm afraid.
God, why can't he see?
The waves crash below and beckon me. I want to join them, to be
free of the aching hole in my heart. My foot finds purchase on
the low railing of the balcony and I want to float down to
bottom like the ashes escaping my fingers. To be caught on the
wind, following the wind down, my shadow becomes a beacon. I
imagine being buried under the inky water below, calm and
restful, beneath the turbulence that writhes above at the waters
surface. It would only hurt for a moment, less time than it
took to read that damn file.
Then there wouldn't be any more hurt
any more ache
any more hardness
and pain
and emptiness
and anger
and sorrow
and hurt
and regret
and misery
and grief
and crying
and despair
and ache
and loneliness
and anything without her.
A hand grabs mine and in a low broken voice he says,
"Irina, please don't. I can't lose you too. I can't be alone
in this world. I don't know how to breathe now; I don't know
how to wake up in the morning. I cannot be in a world without
her or you. I'm asking you to help me. Please?"
His voice chokes and I hear the shattering of his heart.
The ashes fall from my hand and I turn as we fall into each
other's arms.