Title: That Much Better
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Category: Drama/Romantic overtones
Spoilers: "Counteragent", "The Passage - Part 1"
Rating: PG
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.
Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of a love for the show and no infringement is intended.
Summary: Missing/Rewritten Scenes from Season 2 episode "The Passage - Part 1" Sydney and Irina discuss the relationship between a man and a woman, as well as Irina's deception and how it affected Syd as a child; Vaughn and Jack get something straight between them; Vaughn and Weiss have a heart-to- heart about Vaughn's feelings for Syd.
Note: This is in response to the November fic challenge on SD-1.com. The requirements were: Missing(Rewritten is also acceptable) Scene (Scenes in this case) from a Season 2 episode, use of the word 'palpable' and someone giving the thanks. Thanks to the members of the sydney-and-vaughn yahoo group for throwing ideas out there! Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. :) ~Steph
* * * That Much Better: Part 1/1 * * *
Sydney's strides were long and quick as she approached her mother's cell. She stopped in front of the glass that separated them and waited for her mother to acknowledge her presence.
Irina's head slowly lifted, her eyes moving away from the pages of her book and landing on her daughter's face. Her lips spread into a slow smile.
A chill washed over Sydney every time she saw her mother. She had this animal quality to her, like she was a lioness...
Ready to pounce when the opportunity presented itself.
Lying in wait for that vulnerability to be revealed.
Waiting to prey on her victim's every weakness.
A lioness. Beautiful, strong...and dangerous.
That was her mother.
Sydney's eyes darted to the ground, as her mother came to stand before her. The tension between the two was palpable. Sydney couldn't imagine a time when it wouldn't be.
"I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Vaughn."
Irina shook her head. "I did it for you."
Sydney met her mother's gaze for a moment, before discomfort set in and she had to avert her gaze. "Well, whatever your reasons for doing it, I wanted you to know that I am grateful."
Irina's eyes scanned her daughter's face. "He's in love with you, you know."
Sydney's head snapped up and her features twisted in confusion. "Why do you say that?"
"He told me."
"Vaughn would never-..."
"Not in so many words, but words aren't necessary with feelings like his. He says it all in his every action on your behalf, with the look in his eyes at the mere mention of your name."
Sydney shook her head. "I really don't see how our relationship concerns you."
Irina smiled. "You're my daughter. I want you to be happy."
Sydney snorted in disgust. "And where was this motherly concern all of those years ago when you faked your death?"
Irina's face stood stone-still, as if Sydney hadn't said a word. "He told me all about the rules that govern the relationship between an agent and his asset...the protocol. What Agent Vaughn fails to understand is that the relationship between a man and a woman cannot be contained by protocol."
Sydney's eyes narrowed. "A man and a woman. What would you know about the relationship between a man and a woman? You spent ten years pretending to be a loving wife. There were no true moments, no real feelings or emotions. You were playing a part. To your credit, you played it very well."
Irina took a step forward, wrapping her slender fingers around the bars of her cell. "I am not a robot, Sydney. I am not devoid of human emotion. Yes, ultimately, I was playing the part of Laura Bristow, devoted wife. But you cannot spend ten years with a man and feel nothing. There were true moments, very real feelings. It was not all an illusion."
Sydney shook her head. "How did you do it? Day after day, pretending to be something your not?"
Irina smiled thinly. "How do you do it? Since you were a freshman in college, you've had to lie to the people you care about most in this world...About your job, where you've been, what you've done. We have more in common than you might believe, Sydney."
Sydney's jaw tightened and she shook her head sharply. "No, we don't. The difference is that I was forced to lie to the people I love. You lied about loving them."
Irina's face softened. "My love for you was never a lie."
Sydney lowered her eyes. "If that were true, then you never would have left. You wouldn't have been able to."
Irina stared at her daughter for a long moment, forcing Sydney to raise her head. "I would think a woman who has experienced as much as you have would know better than to simplify such complicated matters."
Sydney squeezed her eyes shut, willing the approaching tears to vanish. "It wasn't complicated. Not really. If you truly loved me, then you would have found a way to stay." She shook her head and moved her eyes to the ground, as she raised her hand up and wiped away a tear from her cheek. "Everything. You missed everything. My high school graduation, my- ..."
"I was there," her mother interjected softly.
Sydney slowly lifted her head and met her mother's eyes. Irina went on quietly, "I slipped in a side entrance and stood in the back. I came in disguise so that if your father saw me, he wouldn't recognize me."
Sydney lowered her eyes again, "He wouldn't have seen you because he wasn't there." She paused and added, "He said he had to work. He always had to work."
Irina stared at her daughter for a long moment, empathy mixed with guilt floating in her eyes. She swallowed hard before speaking again, "I came to your college graduation, too." She smiled as she went on, "And that play you did in seventh grade. What was it called again? A-..."
"Stop. Stop it!" Sydney said in a harsh voice. She lifted her head up and met her mother's gaze, her eyes steely and unforgiving. "What do you think? You think you can just list off a bunch of events that you attended without my knowledge and that all will be forgiven? You can't be serious."
Irina shook her head, "That's not what I-..."
"I didn't know you were there, so it doesn't matter," she said softly. "You weren't there for the day-to-day things. You weren't there to kiss me goodnight, to help me with my homework, to cook me dinner. You weren't there."
"Sydney, I know that I can't change any-..."
"I lost not one, but two parents the day you *died*," Sydney stated, cutting her off again. Irina lowered her eyes to the floor. "I became virtually an orphan. Dad changed after you left. But I remember what he was like before. He read me bedtime stories, took me to the park, pushed me on the swing. Then you died and he changed. He became cold and distant. He threw himself into his work and hired a nanny to care for me. So the nanny read me bedtime stories, the nanny took me to the park, the nanny pushed me on the swing. And the *nanny* went to my parent-teacher conferences at school. He was never there for me, not physically and not emotionally. You did that to him. He was afraid to love and lose again."
Irina shook her head and said quietly, "I'm sorry."
Sydney sighed, "I grew up never knowing the love that I should have known and you'll have to live with that for the rest of your life."
Irina spoke so softly Sydney barely heard her. "I wish I could make you understand."
"You can't," she replied bitingly. "I'll never understand how someone starts a family as a part of her job. I'll never understand how someone could lie like that to the people she supposedly loved the most in this world. I'll never understand killing innocent people, patriots of this country. I'll never understand how someone could abandon her child and make her believe that she was dead."
Irina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "I had no choice but to leave you."
"You had choices, you just made the wrong ones."
Irina shook her head, taking a step back and crossing her arms over chest. "It's clear you've made up your mind about me. I can see any attempts at changing it would be in vain, so I won't bother." She paused and then added softly, "Find a way to be happy, Sydney. It's time you did something for yourself."
Sydney offered her mother one last look before leaving.
* * * *
Vaughn approached Jack's desk. He stood by it, waiting for him to look up from his paperwork but he never did. Vaughn cleared his throat and then spoke.
"I wanted to thank you for supporting Sydney in her efforts to save my life."
"I didn't do it for you," Jack replied, as he finally met his gaze.
Vaughn smiled slightly. "That seems to be a recurring theme around here."
Jack sighed and stood up. "I did it because you are a valuable asset to this agency. You and Sydney have made great strides in the destruction of SD-6 and its branches. She trusts you and that is very important to her. In order for Sydney to do her job to the best of her ability, she needs you. That's why I did it."
Vaughn nodded. "I understand."
Jack shook his head, his mouth tightening. "No, I don't think you do. The only reason Sydney had to save your life is because you crossed a line with her. Although I supported your going to Taipei to save Tippin, I knew that it was beyond your duties as Sydney's handler. You went against CIA orders. It almost got you killed then and it nearly finished you off the other day. You've almost died twice on my daughter's behalf. The third time may not be a charm."
Vaughn lowered his eyes and swallowed hard, as Jack went on. "You are a good officer, Agent Vaughn, and you have the potential to be great. That potential, and let me make this perfectly clear, can only be realized if you start treating my daughter like any other asset."
"Sydney isn't just any other asset, Jack."
"No, she's not. She's the most valuable one this agency has. And that's why it is so important that she be protected. That can only happen if you take a step back. My daughter cannot afford to repeatedly risk her life in order to save yours."
With that, Jack stood and began to walk away, but Vaughn's voice stopped him.
"I think there's something you better start understanding, Jack. We're on the same side. We'd both do anything for Sydney."
Jack simply shook his head and continued on his way.
* * * *
Vaughn pounded on Weiss's door for the umpteenth time, while trying to balance a large pizza.
"Eric, it's me!" he yelled again.
Finally, the door swung open, revealing a very sleepy Weiss. He was clothed in a faded t-shirt and an old pair of sweatpants. His hair was falling into his eyes, which he was rubbing roughly with his fists.
His speech was still slurred with grogginess. "What the hell are you doing here? It's 2 o'clock in the morning."
Vaughn shrugged. "I can't sleep."
Weiss continued to rub at his eyes and spoke only after a yawn had passed. "Well, guess what? I can. In fact, I'm quite good at it. I was doing a wonderful job five minutes ago, before some crazy insomniac decided to bang down my door."
Vaughn smiled and held the pizza box out at him. He knew this about his best friend: When in doubt, appeal to his stomach. Weiss was still recovering from a gunshot wound, but his appetite hadn't suffered any.
"I brought pizza."
Weiss's eyes seemed to widen a bit at that and his nose even twitched. "What kind?"
"Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, meatball, onions and extra cheese. Your favorite."
"Did you get cheesy bread?"
Vaughn nodded his head in the direction of the floor. By his foot, sat a paper bag.
Weiss eyed him for a moment before sighing and moving aside so he could enter.
Vaughn walked into the living room and removed the pile of junk that cluttered the coffee table. He then set up the box and removed the bread. He looked over at Weiss, who was still standing by the door and, for a moment, he thought he'd fallen back asleep.
"Hey, can you get me a beer?"
Weiss sneered at him. "Uh, you showed up at my door at 2 o'clock in the morning. Get your own damn beer."
Vaughn sighed and then walked to the kitchen. He returned a few moments later with two beers, two plates, some napkins, a fork and a knife.
Weiss, who'd already begun to eat and was using his hand as a plate, rolled his eyes at him as he set up his area. Vaughn offered him a plate, but Weiss shook his head vigorously.
"No, thank you. I have a hand. It's nature's plate." He then groaned, as he watched Vaughn start to cut his pizza. "Jesus, man, what the hell are you? A woman? Guys don't cut pizza."
"It's hot and messy. This is easier." "
"Seriously, you got your ass kicked all through elementary school, didn't you?"
Vaughn smiled and shook his head dismissively at him, changing the subject. "I can't believe you want to eat like this already. You haven't even been out of the hospital that long.
"Are you kidding? My first night there I was begging the nursing staff for some pizza."
Vaughn simply chuckled and they ate in silence for a while, until he broke it.
"So Sydney met Alice at the hospital."
Weiss's eyebrows peaked. "Really?"
"Yeah, it was pretty weird. I mean, there's this whole thing with Alice...and then there's Sydney."
Weiss rolled his eyes. "Poor Vaughn. Two women love me. Two women rushed to be by my bedside as I fought for my life. Poor, poor Vaughn."
"Thanks for understanding," Vaughn groaned.
"Listen, man, you're exposed to a virus and nearly die, and two women can't wait to be by your side. I take a bullet in the neck and nearly die, and my own mother doesn't come until the next day."
"Your mom didn't come that day? Doesn't she live five minutes away from the hospital?"
"Yes, but it was her bridge night." Weiss smiled and then spoke in a female, German-accented voice. "Eric, what you expect me to do? It's my bridge night. My turn to host. I already make baklava."
Vaughn laughed. "Your mother really has her priorities straight."
"Yeah, I'm a lucky man." He wiped at his mouth and then offered Vaughn a sideways glance. "So, you came over here at 2 o'clock in the morning to tell me that Sydney met Alice?"
Vaughn wouldn't look at him. "No, I just figured you'd want some company."
"Right, because I'm only still recuperating from a near fatal gunshot wound. Why would I need my rest?"
Vaughn rolled his eyes, as Weiss went on. "So Sydney keeping you up again?"
"It has nothing to do with Sydney."
"Oh, please, tell it to someone who has never met you two and doesn't have ears and eyes."
"You know, not everything in my life relates back to Sydney. I almost died, too. Maybe I feel like talking."
"Give me a break, man. Let's just say this is not the first time in the last year and a half that you've shown up at my door bearing gifts of pizza."
"That's not true. I also brought Chinese once and burgers twice."
"I think you're missing my point. My point is that Sydney has turned you into an insomniac. You can't sleep through the night anymore. You're an infant."
Vaughn sighed, "I think you're overstating. I care about Sydney and, on occasion, I have worried about her safety while on a mission. This has, on occasion, caused me to lose some sleep. And I have, on occasion, showed- ..."
"All right, stop saying 'on occasion'. Nobody talks like that."
"Okay, occasionally-..."
"I'm begging you."
"It's only happened a few times."
"A few hundred times," Weiss muttered. "So, where is she now?"
"Uzbekistan," Vaughn replied softly.
"She'll be fine," Weiss said through a mouth full of pizza.
"I know," Vaughn nodded.
They lapsed into silence again, until Vaughn once again broke it. "I talked to Jack. I wanted to thank him for supporting Sydney in her efforts to save my life."
"Let me guess. It ended in tears and an emotional hug."
Vaughn smiled. "Well, you know Jack. He's all about emotion." Vaughn shook his head, the smile vanishing. "He told me that I've almost gotten myself killed twice on Sydney's behalf and that if I want her to continue to do her job to the best of her ability, then I need to treat her like any other asset. He said I need to take a step back."
Weiss shook his head. "The only reason Sydney has accomplished as much as she has is because you've gone the extra mile." He paused and looked at Vaughn for a long moment before speaking, "Are you in love with her?"
Vaughn's eyes widened, as he spoke under his breath. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
It was Weiss's turn for his eyes widen. "Who else asked you that?"
Vaughn looked down at his plate. "Irina Derevko."
Weiss couldn't help but chuckle. "You must be pretty transparent if a woman who just met you and lives in a cage can tell that much. What did you say?"
"I told her that my life has gotten that much better and that much worse since meeting Sydney."
"Not exactly an answer to her question. Why don't you give me a real answer?"
"Eric."
Weiss shook his head sharply, "No, look, you've almost gotten us both killed numerous times because of Sydney. You've risked our jobs countless times. I've been there every step of the way, as supportive as I can be. I know I told you that you can't make it personal with her, but I realize now it was way too late for that. And I know now it's not a crush, so...I think I deserve the truth."
Vaughn placed his plate on the table and sighed, running a hand across his mouth. "When I said my life is that much better and that much worse, I meant that knowing Sydney, being around her, has been one of the best experiences of my life, one I wouldn't trade for anything, but..." he paused and lowered his voice, "loving someone you can never have...Well, I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
Weiss sighed and nodded. "Okay."
Vaughn's forehead wrinkled. "Okay? I just bare my soul and all you can say is 'okay'?"
"I think baring your soul is a bit of an overstatement."
"I don't."
Weiss shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"
Vaughn let out a deep breath and sank back into the couch. "I don't know."
Weiss leaned back too and looked over at him with a grin. "Look at it this way. If you and Sydney could be together and you got married, you'd have Irina Derevko and Jack Bristow as in-laws. Just imagine the holiday get-togethers. My drunk uncle Lou singing 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' while acting it out, if you know what I mean, would look like a warm, fuzzy Disney movie compared to that. I think you should consider yourself lucky."
Vaughn couldn't help but laugh. Weiss's demeanor then turned serious. "Look, I know this is hard for you. Feeling that way and not being able to do anything about it. Maybe you could let her know how you feel without letting her know how you feel."
Vaughn's brow furrowed. "I have no idea what that means. You weren't quite vague enough."
"You know, kind of say it without really saying it. It's called subtext, reading between the li-...
"Okay, okay, I get it."
"You can't act on it, but maybe it'll help just getting it out there."
"Maybe," Vaughn said with a sigh. "Of course, I have no idea how to do that. I'm open to suggestions."
They both became silent again, until Weiss looked over at him and gestured to his wrist. "Hey, is that a new watch?"
Vaughn nodded. "Yeah, that one I replaced my father's with was a piece of crap. It broke after just over a year."
Weiss shook his head. "Imagine that. You have your father's watch for over 20 years. Works great. Then, one day, it just stops. The next one barely lasts a year. They just don't make things like they used to. Wow, I'm starting to sound like an old man."
Vaughn smiled, remembering the day his father's watch had stopped and what it had meant. He looked over at Weiss with a grin. "Thanks, man."
Weiss raised his eyebrows. "For what?"
"For giving me an idea. I just figured out the best way to tell Sydney how I feel without really telling her."
"Oh yeah? Care to share?"
Vaughn smiled, patted his shoulder and then stood up to leave. "Nope."
Weiss adopted a hurt expression. "Hey, that's not right. I deserve to know."
Vaughn shrugged and offered him a grin. "Night, Eric. You better go catch up on that beauty rest. I think you need it."
Weiss offered him a snarl and then threw a pillow at the door as it closed. "Beauty rest. Ha. I look great."
He then proceeded to stuff another slice of pizza into his mouth.
Outside the door, Vaughn dug into his pocket and pulled out his father's watch, which he always carried with him. He looked down at it and smiled, then continued on his way.
He decided that knowing Sydney, getting to love her, even from afar, was worth all of the heartache.
He'd been wrong when he said that he wouldn't wish loving someone and not being able to with her on anyone.
The truth is, love, no matter what form it takes, should be treasured. It doesn't come around that often. For some, it never comes around at all.
From now on, he'd focus on the 'that much better' part.
*********************************THE END****************************** Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. :) ~Steph
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Category: Drama/Romantic overtones
Spoilers: "Counteragent", "The Passage - Part 1"
Rating: PG
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.
Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of a love for the show and no infringement is intended.
Summary: Missing/Rewritten Scenes from Season 2 episode "The Passage - Part 1" Sydney and Irina discuss the relationship between a man and a woman, as well as Irina's deception and how it affected Syd as a child; Vaughn and Jack get something straight between them; Vaughn and Weiss have a heart-to- heart about Vaughn's feelings for Syd.
Note: This is in response to the November fic challenge on SD-1.com. The requirements were: Missing(Rewritten is also acceptable) Scene (Scenes in this case) from a Season 2 episode, use of the word 'palpable' and someone giving the thanks. Thanks to the members of the sydney-and-vaughn yahoo group for throwing ideas out there! Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. :) ~Steph
* * * That Much Better: Part 1/1 * * *
Sydney's strides were long and quick as she approached her mother's cell. She stopped in front of the glass that separated them and waited for her mother to acknowledge her presence.
Irina's head slowly lifted, her eyes moving away from the pages of her book and landing on her daughter's face. Her lips spread into a slow smile.
A chill washed over Sydney every time she saw her mother. She had this animal quality to her, like she was a lioness...
Ready to pounce when the opportunity presented itself.
Lying in wait for that vulnerability to be revealed.
Waiting to prey on her victim's every weakness.
A lioness. Beautiful, strong...and dangerous.
That was her mother.
Sydney's eyes darted to the ground, as her mother came to stand before her. The tension between the two was palpable. Sydney couldn't imagine a time when it wouldn't be.
"I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Vaughn."
Irina shook her head. "I did it for you."
Sydney met her mother's gaze for a moment, before discomfort set in and she had to avert her gaze. "Well, whatever your reasons for doing it, I wanted you to know that I am grateful."
Irina's eyes scanned her daughter's face. "He's in love with you, you know."
Sydney's head snapped up and her features twisted in confusion. "Why do you say that?"
"He told me."
"Vaughn would never-..."
"Not in so many words, but words aren't necessary with feelings like his. He says it all in his every action on your behalf, with the look in his eyes at the mere mention of your name."
Sydney shook her head. "I really don't see how our relationship concerns you."
Irina smiled. "You're my daughter. I want you to be happy."
Sydney snorted in disgust. "And where was this motherly concern all of those years ago when you faked your death?"
Irina's face stood stone-still, as if Sydney hadn't said a word. "He told me all about the rules that govern the relationship between an agent and his asset...the protocol. What Agent Vaughn fails to understand is that the relationship between a man and a woman cannot be contained by protocol."
Sydney's eyes narrowed. "A man and a woman. What would you know about the relationship between a man and a woman? You spent ten years pretending to be a loving wife. There were no true moments, no real feelings or emotions. You were playing a part. To your credit, you played it very well."
Irina took a step forward, wrapping her slender fingers around the bars of her cell. "I am not a robot, Sydney. I am not devoid of human emotion. Yes, ultimately, I was playing the part of Laura Bristow, devoted wife. But you cannot spend ten years with a man and feel nothing. There were true moments, very real feelings. It was not all an illusion."
Sydney shook her head. "How did you do it? Day after day, pretending to be something your not?"
Irina smiled thinly. "How do you do it? Since you were a freshman in college, you've had to lie to the people you care about most in this world...About your job, where you've been, what you've done. We have more in common than you might believe, Sydney."
Sydney's jaw tightened and she shook her head sharply. "No, we don't. The difference is that I was forced to lie to the people I love. You lied about loving them."
Irina's face softened. "My love for you was never a lie."
Sydney lowered her eyes. "If that were true, then you never would have left. You wouldn't have been able to."
Irina stared at her daughter for a long moment, forcing Sydney to raise her head. "I would think a woman who has experienced as much as you have would know better than to simplify such complicated matters."
Sydney squeezed her eyes shut, willing the approaching tears to vanish. "It wasn't complicated. Not really. If you truly loved me, then you would have found a way to stay." She shook her head and moved her eyes to the ground, as she raised her hand up and wiped away a tear from her cheek. "Everything. You missed everything. My high school graduation, my- ..."
"I was there," her mother interjected softly.
Sydney slowly lifted her head and met her mother's eyes. Irina went on quietly, "I slipped in a side entrance and stood in the back. I came in disguise so that if your father saw me, he wouldn't recognize me."
Sydney lowered her eyes again, "He wouldn't have seen you because he wasn't there." She paused and added, "He said he had to work. He always had to work."
Irina stared at her daughter for a long moment, empathy mixed with guilt floating in her eyes. She swallowed hard before speaking again, "I came to your college graduation, too." She smiled as she went on, "And that play you did in seventh grade. What was it called again? A-..."
"Stop. Stop it!" Sydney said in a harsh voice. She lifted her head up and met her mother's gaze, her eyes steely and unforgiving. "What do you think? You think you can just list off a bunch of events that you attended without my knowledge and that all will be forgiven? You can't be serious."
Irina shook her head, "That's not what I-..."
"I didn't know you were there, so it doesn't matter," she said softly. "You weren't there for the day-to-day things. You weren't there to kiss me goodnight, to help me with my homework, to cook me dinner. You weren't there."
"Sydney, I know that I can't change any-..."
"I lost not one, but two parents the day you *died*," Sydney stated, cutting her off again. Irina lowered her eyes to the floor. "I became virtually an orphan. Dad changed after you left. But I remember what he was like before. He read me bedtime stories, took me to the park, pushed me on the swing. Then you died and he changed. He became cold and distant. He threw himself into his work and hired a nanny to care for me. So the nanny read me bedtime stories, the nanny took me to the park, the nanny pushed me on the swing. And the *nanny* went to my parent-teacher conferences at school. He was never there for me, not physically and not emotionally. You did that to him. He was afraid to love and lose again."
Irina shook her head and said quietly, "I'm sorry."
Sydney sighed, "I grew up never knowing the love that I should have known and you'll have to live with that for the rest of your life."
Irina spoke so softly Sydney barely heard her. "I wish I could make you understand."
"You can't," she replied bitingly. "I'll never understand how someone starts a family as a part of her job. I'll never understand how someone could lie like that to the people she supposedly loved the most in this world. I'll never understand killing innocent people, patriots of this country. I'll never understand how someone could abandon her child and make her believe that she was dead."
Irina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "I had no choice but to leave you."
"You had choices, you just made the wrong ones."
Irina shook her head, taking a step back and crossing her arms over chest. "It's clear you've made up your mind about me. I can see any attempts at changing it would be in vain, so I won't bother." She paused and then added softly, "Find a way to be happy, Sydney. It's time you did something for yourself."
Sydney offered her mother one last look before leaving.
* * * *
Vaughn approached Jack's desk. He stood by it, waiting for him to look up from his paperwork but he never did. Vaughn cleared his throat and then spoke.
"I wanted to thank you for supporting Sydney in her efforts to save my life."
"I didn't do it for you," Jack replied, as he finally met his gaze.
Vaughn smiled slightly. "That seems to be a recurring theme around here."
Jack sighed and stood up. "I did it because you are a valuable asset to this agency. You and Sydney have made great strides in the destruction of SD-6 and its branches. She trusts you and that is very important to her. In order for Sydney to do her job to the best of her ability, she needs you. That's why I did it."
Vaughn nodded. "I understand."
Jack shook his head, his mouth tightening. "No, I don't think you do. The only reason Sydney had to save your life is because you crossed a line with her. Although I supported your going to Taipei to save Tippin, I knew that it was beyond your duties as Sydney's handler. You went against CIA orders. It almost got you killed then and it nearly finished you off the other day. You've almost died twice on my daughter's behalf. The third time may not be a charm."
Vaughn lowered his eyes and swallowed hard, as Jack went on. "You are a good officer, Agent Vaughn, and you have the potential to be great. That potential, and let me make this perfectly clear, can only be realized if you start treating my daughter like any other asset."
"Sydney isn't just any other asset, Jack."
"No, she's not. She's the most valuable one this agency has. And that's why it is so important that she be protected. That can only happen if you take a step back. My daughter cannot afford to repeatedly risk her life in order to save yours."
With that, Jack stood and began to walk away, but Vaughn's voice stopped him.
"I think there's something you better start understanding, Jack. We're on the same side. We'd both do anything for Sydney."
Jack simply shook his head and continued on his way.
* * * *
Vaughn pounded on Weiss's door for the umpteenth time, while trying to balance a large pizza.
"Eric, it's me!" he yelled again.
Finally, the door swung open, revealing a very sleepy Weiss. He was clothed in a faded t-shirt and an old pair of sweatpants. His hair was falling into his eyes, which he was rubbing roughly with his fists.
His speech was still slurred with grogginess. "What the hell are you doing here? It's 2 o'clock in the morning."
Vaughn shrugged. "I can't sleep."
Weiss continued to rub at his eyes and spoke only after a yawn had passed. "Well, guess what? I can. In fact, I'm quite good at it. I was doing a wonderful job five minutes ago, before some crazy insomniac decided to bang down my door."
Vaughn smiled and held the pizza box out at him. He knew this about his best friend: When in doubt, appeal to his stomach. Weiss was still recovering from a gunshot wound, but his appetite hadn't suffered any.
"I brought pizza."
Weiss's eyes seemed to widen a bit at that and his nose even twitched. "What kind?"
"Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, meatball, onions and extra cheese. Your favorite."
"Did you get cheesy bread?"
Vaughn nodded his head in the direction of the floor. By his foot, sat a paper bag.
Weiss eyed him for a moment before sighing and moving aside so he could enter.
Vaughn walked into the living room and removed the pile of junk that cluttered the coffee table. He then set up the box and removed the bread. He looked over at Weiss, who was still standing by the door and, for a moment, he thought he'd fallen back asleep.
"Hey, can you get me a beer?"
Weiss sneered at him. "Uh, you showed up at my door at 2 o'clock in the morning. Get your own damn beer."
Vaughn sighed and then walked to the kitchen. He returned a few moments later with two beers, two plates, some napkins, a fork and a knife.
Weiss, who'd already begun to eat and was using his hand as a plate, rolled his eyes at him as he set up his area. Vaughn offered him a plate, but Weiss shook his head vigorously.
"No, thank you. I have a hand. It's nature's plate." He then groaned, as he watched Vaughn start to cut his pizza. "Jesus, man, what the hell are you? A woman? Guys don't cut pizza."
"It's hot and messy. This is easier." "
"Seriously, you got your ass kicked all through elementary school, didn't you?"
Vaughn smiled and shook his head dismissively at him, changing the subject. "I can't believe you want to eat like this already. You haven't even been out of the hospital that long.
"Are you kidding? My first night there I was begging the nursing staff for some pizza."
Vaughn simply chuckled and they ate in silence for a while, until he broke it.
"So Sydney met Alice at the hospital."
Weiss's eyebrows peaked. "Really?"
"Yeah, it was pretty weird. I mean, there's this whole thing with Alice...and then there's Sydney."
Weiss rolled his eyes. "Poor Vaughn. Two women love me. Two women rushed to be by my bedside as I fought for my life. Poor, poor Vaughn."
"Thanks for understanding," Vaughn groaned.
"Listen, man, you're exposed to a virus and nearly die, and two women can't wait to be by your side. I take a bullet in the neck and nearly die, and my own mother doesn't come until the next day."
"Your mom didn't come that day? Doesn't she live five minutes away from the hospital?"
"Yes, but it was her bridge night." Weiss smiled and then spoke in a female, German-accented voice. "Eric, what you expect me to do? It's my bridge night. My turn to host. I already make baklava."
Vaughn laughed. "Your mother really has her priorities straight."
"Yeah, I'm a lucky man." He wiped at his mouth and then offered Vaughn a sideways glance. "So, you came over here at 2 o'clock in the morning to tell me that Sydney met Alice?"
Vaughn wouldn't look at him. "No, I just figured you'd want some company."
"Right, because I'm only still recuperating from a near fatal gunshot wound. Why would I need my rest?"
Vaughn rolled his eyes, as Weiss went on. "So Sydney keeping you up again?"
"It has nothing to do with Sydney."
"Oh, please, tell it to someone who has never met you two and doesn't have ears and eyes."
"You know, not everything in my life relates back to Sydney. I almost died, too. Maybe I feel like talking."
"Give me a break, man. Let's just say this is not the first time in the last year and a half that you've shown up at my door bearing gifts of pizza."
"That's not true. I also brought Chinese once and burgers twice."
"I think you're missing my point. My point is that Sydney has turned you into an insomniac. You can't sleep through the night anymore. You're an infant."
Vaughn sighed, "I think you're overstating. I care about Sydney and, on occasion, I have worried about her safety while on a mission. This has, on occasion, caused me to lose some sleep. And I have, on occasion, showed- ..."
"All right, stop saying 'on occasion'. Nobody talks like that."
"Okay, occasionally-..."
"I'm begging you."
"It's only happened a few times."
"A few hundred times," Weiss muttered. "So, where is she now?"
"Uzbekistan," Vaughn replied softly.
"She'll be fine," Weiss said through a mouth full of pizza.
"I know," Vaughn nodded.
They lapsed into silence again, until Vaughn once again broke it. "I talked to Jack. I wanted to thank him for supporting Sydney in her efforts to save my life."
"Let me guess. It ended in tears and an emotional hug."
Vaughn smiled. "Well, you know Jack. He's all about emotion." Vaughn shook his head, the smile vanishing. "He told me that I've almost gotten myself killed twice on Sydney's behalf and that if I want her to continue to do her job to the best of her ability, then I need to treat her like any other asset. He said I need to take a step back."
Weiss shook his head. "The only reason Sydney has accomplished as much as she has is because you've gone the extra mile." He paused and looked at Vaughn for a long moment before speaking, "Are you in love with her?"
Vaughn's eyes widened, as he spoke under his breath. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
It was Weiss's turn for his eyes widen. "Who else asked you that?"
Vaughn looked down at his plate. "Irina Derevko."
Weiss couldn't help but chuckle. "You must be pretty transparent if a woman who just met you and lives in a cage can tell that much. What did you say?"
"I told her that my life has gotten that much better and that much worse since meeting Sydney."
"Not exactly an answer to her question. Why don't you give me a real answer?"
"Eric."
Weiss shook his head sharply, "No, look, you've almost gotten us both killed numerous times because of Sydney. You've risked our jobs countless times. I've been there every step of the way, as supportive as I can be. I know I told you that you can't make it personal with her, but I realize now it was way too late for that. And I know now it's not a crush, so...I think I deserve the truth."
Vaughn placed his plate on the table and sighed, running a hand across his mouth. "When I said my life is that much better and that much worse, I meant that knowing Sydney, being around her, has been one of the best experiences of my life, one I wouldn't trade for anything, but..." he paused and lowered his voice, "loving someone you can never have...Well, I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
Weiss sighed and nodded. "Okay."
Vaughn's forehead wrinkled. "Okay? I just bare my soul and all you can say is 'okay'?"
"I think baring your soul is a bit of an overstatement."
"I don't."
Weiss shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"
Vaughn let out a deep breath and sank back into the couch. "I don't know."
Weiss leaned back too and looked over at him with a grin. "Look at it this way. If you and Sydney could be together and you got married, you'd have Irina Derevko and Jack Bristow as in-laws. Just imagine the holiday get-togethers. My drunk uncle Lou singing 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' while acting it out, if you know what I mean, would look like a warm, fuzzy Disney movie compared to that. I think you should consider yourself lucky."
Vaughn couldn't help but laugh. Weiss's demeanor then turned serious. "Look, I know this is hard for you. Feeling that way and not being able to do anything about it. Maybe you could let her know how you feel without letting her know how you feel."
Vaughn's brow furrowed. "I have no idea what that means. You weren't quite vague enough."
"You know, kind of say it without really saying it. It's called subtext, reading between the li-...
"Okay, okay, I get it."
"You can't act on it, but maybe it'll help just getting it out there."
"Maybe," Vaughn said with a sigh. "Of course, I have no idea how to do that. I'm open to suggestions."
They both became silent again, until Weiss looked over at him and gestured to his wrist. "Hey, is that a new watch?"
Vaughn nodded. "Yeah, that one I replaced my father's with was a piece of crap. It broke after just over a year."
Weiss shook his head. "Imagine that. You have your father's watch for over 20 years. Works great. Then, one day, it just stops. The next one barely lasts a year. They just don't make things like they used to. Wow, I'm starting to sound like an old man."
Vaughn smiled, remembering the day his father's watch had stopped and what it had meant. He looked over at Weiss with a grin. "Thanks, man."
Weiss raised his eyebrows. "For what?"
"For giving me an idea. I just figured out the best way to tell Sydney how I feel without really telling her."
"Oh yeah? Care to share?"
Vaughn smiled, patted his shoulder and then stood up to leave. "Nope."
Weiss adopted a hurt expression. "Hey, that's not right. I deserve to know."
Vaughn shrugged and offered him a grin. "Night, Eric. You better go catch up on that beauty rest. I think you need it."
Weiss offered him a snarl and then threw a pillow at the door as it closed. "Beauty rest. Ha. I look great."
He then proceeded to stuff another slice of pizza into his mouth.
Outside the door, Vaughn dug into his pocket and pulled out his father's watch, which he always carried with him. He looked down at it and smiled, then continued on his way.
He decided that knowing Sydney, getting to love her, even from afar, was worth all of the heartache.
He'd been wrong when he said that he wouldn't wish loving someone and not being able to with her on anyone.
The truth is, love, no matter what form it takes, should be treasured. It doesn't come around that often. For some, it never comes around at all.
From now on, he'd focus on the 'that much better' part.
*********************************THE END****************************** Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. :) ~Steph