On the other side of town, the other two Irkens living in the "quaint little hamlet" were wide-awake as well. Murderer Zim dodged sideways, narrowly avoiding taking a spider leg directly to the middle. Tak's swing came close enough to leave a tiny, bleeding red line across his midsection as he cowered against the wall, just out her reach. The poor young male had never felt so helpless in all his life…
"YoudidthistomeI'mgoingtokillyouifit'sthelastthingIdoandyou'regoingtosufferohhowI'mgoingtomakeyousufferIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," her one-word scream was cut off by her back arching violently, her chest heaving.
"You didn't tell me!" he cried, the great assassin Zim cowered into a corner like a smeet with the cookie jar still trapped on his hand. "I mean, I would have thought you'd get FAT or something…"
"Do chickens get fat? Do alligators get fat? Do turtles get fat?" she shrieked, her legs reaching out and knocking over a shelving unit with a loud, metallic clatter.
"I don't know what a chicken, an alligator, or a turtle is!" Murderer Zim cried in defense of himself, trying to use a trash can lid to fend off those wild mechanical legs so that he could get closer to her. "Stop thrashing around, I'll manually disconnect your legs!"
"Like hell you will! I'll run you oieieie ow ow ow ow!"
"Calm down! Breathe… or something…" Breathing would probably be good at the moment. Her skin had taken on a dark green blush and her chest was inflating and deflating faster than Invader Zim's pride during one of his latest great plans.
"Let's switch places and I'll tell you to breathe!" she screamed, her mechanical legs colliding with Murderer Zim's makeshift shield and ripping it out of his hands.
With a helpless "Meep!" he ducked another swinging spider legs, diving under the table she'd commandeered for her attack post. His fingers trailed over the bottles rolling all over the floor. "Sedative, sedative, sedative… AH! Sedative!" he cried, shakily loading up a syringe.
But, the frantic screaming and swearing above had been replaced by one long, steady cry of anguish that seemed to be slowly but surely increasing in pitch. Standing up, sedative in hand, he was just in time to see one tiny egg plop down in a mess of egg mucus and blood, and rolls slightly across the table before coming to a stop.
Running around like a chicken without a head on, Murderer Zim finally managed to locate a towel and run back over to the table, where Tak had fallen limp. Her breathing ran ragged and her eyes glazed over with a combination of pain and amazement at what her body could do, simply by virtue of the fact that she'd been popped out of the cloning tube a female.
The egg nearly squirted out of his hands three times before he finally dried the laying mucus off of it. By that time, poor wounded Tak was beginning to come too, feeling a bit like she'd been hit by a two ton truck but the truck had dumped a sack full of money in her hand on the way over her body.
"Is that it?" he asked, a bit dismayed. Three eggs was a normal brood size, not one.
"What do you mean, is that it? You want to give me a second chance to skewer you with me legs?" she snapped. Her legs had, by that point, gone limp and lay like dead things about her.
"Well," he said, trying to defend himself, "It's kind of… puny."
"It's father was kind of puny, and not just where height is concerned." Murder Zim cringed, knowing when he'd been burned.
"I am not puny!"
"You're right. Microscopic is a better word for it! Do you ever get accused of being a girl in the men's bathroom?"
"That's it! Those are fighting words! Put em' up!" he cried, however, the bundled egg in his arms was preventing him from making fists. "Uh… hold this," he said, handing the egg over and putting up his fists. "All right, let's go."
Tak simply stared at him, letting the absurdity of the moment sink in. Finally, she simply threw back her head and laughed. Around that time, modesty began to return to her flushed body as well, and she adjusted the somewhat stains around her in a manner more benefiting an Irken lady.
Murderer Zim sighed and let his hands fall to his sides. "Imagine, me… the most deadly assassin ever to live within Spork's Empire… standing face to face with my own egg! I mean, stuff like this doesn't happen to guys like me, does it?"
Tak snorted. "Not to intrude on your soap opera, but puny egg or not, I'm exhausted," she said, proceeding over to the experiment box. She sighed a bit, feeling disappointed in herself as well. She'd prepared the incubator box for three good sized eggs, and that one miserably tiny egg… just didn't seem to fit. She'd heard that a lot of other females who had spent time on Dirt produced sickly eggs or no eggs at all… but in her heart, she hadn't believed that could honestly happen to her.
"Well, I'm awake now…" Murderer Zim sighed, rubbing his antennae. Tak seemed to pay no attention to his comment, instead fussing over the exact position of the egg. Mothers of any species were the oddest sort of creatures, Murderer Zim thought in his head. "
"I'm sorry… I'm dead tired," Tak answered. "I just want to be back to bed and collapse."
He put an arm around her, lifting her up in the traditional carrying the bride across the threshold position. "Ssh, it's okay. I'll tuck you in for the night, and tomorrow I'll tell you about my brilliant plan."
"Brilliant plan?"
"Oh, yes… you could call it a "heinous hinney plan.'"
Tak stared at him with one half-shut violet eye. "And I thought Invader Zim was weird…"
"Now, you, I take that as an insult!" Murderer Zim joked back, pulling back the sheets Tak hadn't taken with her on the bed. He lay her down as best the bulge of her pack would allow him too, tucking her in from the toes to the neck. She was already asleep, her chest rising and falling with slow breaths, by the time he finished his work. "Sleep tight, my angel. You know I'd die for you," he whispered as he kissed her head, crawling in next to her and wrapping his arms around her.
"So, that's my plan!" Murderer Zim finished with a flourish, the still half-asleep Tak lying with her head on his chest.
"But… if you destroy the whole planet… won't that mean breaking your promise to Dib?"
Murderer Zim chuckled slightly. "It's war, babe, and sometimes a few promises need to be broken. Come on. We need to start packing up the base so we can be out of here before the big boom arrives.
Tak nodded, yawning and sitting up. "I wanted to run a scan on the egg today… make sure nothing's… you know… wrong…"
"It's a bit small, but the smaller the cuter the smeet, right?" Murderer Zim replied, trying to calm the fluttering in his heart that said something was, indeed, not quite right with the situation.
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This is only a half chapter but I won't be able to update for awhile and I'm dead, DEAD tired, so I can't finish right now… typos will be fixed when I upload the full chapter.