I should have realized that he would have figured it out. That he would
know that his father wasn't in bed every night, that there was a reason why
he was so tired and why he was never able to spend any time with him.
Ben's not the type to just assume that it's his father's fault.
"You're.Batman?" I shrug my shoulders, giving Ben a rueful smile.
We didn't plan on telling Ben. Ever.
I can't imagine how he feels- to find out that your lifelong idol is really just.your dad. He walks around me in a slow circle, jaw dropped and eyes wide.
"Whoa." He picks up the discarded mask with an air of reverence.
"Dad, why didn't you tell me?" The hurt in his voice takes over the awe. Wayne warned me. Over and over he told me never to share this part of myself with anyone. Over and over he told harrowing tales of Grayson, of Drake, Barbara and countless others, who found out the secret and it destroyed their lives. He told me of love after love who faded out of his life once they discovered that he dressed up like a bat and ran around at night fighting crime.
But over and over again I let people find out.
I seat myself in Wayne's chair.
"It's dangerous, Ben. It gets harder with every person that finds out. Once someone knows who I am, the more likely of a target they are for the crags out there. I didn't want to risk you getting hurt." There I go again, agreeing with Wayne. Ben rolls his eyes.
"Dad.Its Batman." His tone reflects the admiration he's had all his life.
"Well I'm sure you've lost your respect now that you know he's really your boring Dad." Ben ignores me, gazing about the cave. I remember the first time I stood in this cave. Only 17, full of bravado from sneaking in and full of elation at discovering that the suit was at my disposal.
And full of rage for Dad's killers.
"How long have you been doing this?" I look back up at Ben.
"All your life." And nearly all of mine.
"Wait, if this is here, under Wayne Manor, then that means." He doesn't finish, but we both know the rest. Your legacy is discovered, Mr. Wayne.
Again.
"And you can't ever tell anyone about that." There's really no point in warning him. Ben would rather cut off his own hand then ever betray Batman. He nods gravely.
"Ben?" We both turn. From out of the darkness comes Lydia. She looks very tired, yet also alarmed at the same time. For a moment she stares at us.
"Idolo." She mutters something in Italian and leans against the wall.
"I guess you know now." She murmurs, almost to herself. Her dark brown hair lies in dishevelment around her shoulders, and her eyes watch me with half hesitation, half sorrow. For a moment I remember that I'm supposed to be madly, insanely in love with the gorgeous woman in front of me.
Then I remember that this morning, on our way to work, we got into yet another fight and she told me she hated me in Italian. I said that she didn't understand me at all.
"This is so schway!" Ben says, putting the mask on his head. Ironically enough it fits him perfectly. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Defend the entire city! Arrest all those crags in one night!"
"Not easily. And usually at the expense of you and Mom." I glance at Lydia to see if she noticed my small concession. Her face has the usual soft, sad smile. She doesn't notice.
She doesn't care.
"Dad." Ben trails off, hesitating.
"I could help you." His voice is low, but trembling with excitement, his eyes eager.
"Ben, what." Ben is staring at the case. At the dusty, faded suits with that glint in his eye that I'm all too familiar with. Lydia watches him cautiously.
"I'll be Robin." He makes it a statement, not a question.
It's like a drug, McGinnis. It's attractive, intoxicating, and once you're exposed to it, you can never erase it. And my son is infected with it, Mr. Wayne.
He has the same drive I've had my entire life. Ben understands it. He knows how I think. He knows how I feel.
Just like Lydia used to.
His excitement is contagious.
"It would be a lot of work." But he and I both know from the smile on my face that I've already given in. Ben will be Robin. My Robin. My partner. He will be with me every night, out in the danger and the excitement and the thrill of the chase. My son will be at my side.
My son will be my Robin.
"You two." Lydia says, breaking into laughter. We both stare at her. She notices that we're not laughing and her face instantly turns angry.
"You aren't serious!" Ben senses that his dream- our dream- may be shattered and goes into his pleading mode.
"Mom, come on, I really want to do this!"
"Ben, honey, this looks fun and adventurous now, but you haven't seen your father after a rough fight, or watched him stagger around after being up for 4 days straight!" For a moment I almost agree with her.
But only for a moment.
I want Ben with me. I want him to know what it's like, to be at my side. I want to spend time with Ben.
"Lyd, I'll watch him. I won't keep him out late or let him get hurt. I promise." My voice is desperate too.
"Terry you can't watch him all the time! What if something happens to you? It's too dangerous." Lydia's eyes are weak, and I feel sorry for her. She's on the defensive, fighting as she has been for her entire life against seemingly impossible causes. But this time she's losing.
"But Mom, the danger is worth the risk." Ben comes closer to Lydia, pleasing still in his features.
"I know you think I don't know it's gonna be hard. There's nothing but danger out there, and not everyone has a dad or a dad who's Batman to protect them from it. But I do, Mom, and I want to help. I want to stop all those murders of innocent people. I want to stop my friends from getting harassed by Jokerz on their way to school. I don't want to do this for the adventure. I want to be like Batman. I want to save people." It takes me a moment to realize that this inspiring, passionate speech is genuine. Even though it sounds like it's ripped of some TV special, Ben doesn't have it in him to lie. He truly wants to help people.
Lydia's got her protective face of anger and stubbornness on her face, but I know that face. I move to kneel before her, taking her hand.
"I promise you I won't let anything happen to him. Please let us do this, Lyd." She looks at me.
Please understand Lydia.
Please understand like you used to.
"You better get some sleep if you're going to be out all night tomorrow." Lydia finally answers. Ben throws his arms around her and starts dancing around the cave in glee. She stands; I hug her, and feel her arms creep up to their familiar spots on my shoulders.
"Thank you." I murmur, kissing her forehead.
This is how it's supposed to be. This is how it used to be.
Lydia smiles at me.
"If he doesn't come back in one piece, Batman." She trails off, still smiling but staring at me suspiciously, like I might have some evil plot for Ben.
"Mom, you really think Batman would let anything happen to his Robin?" Ben yells out, listening to his voice echo through the cave. Then he stops in his tracks, as if he's just remembered that they're one and the same:
"Or that Dad would let anything happen to his son?"
Ben's not the type to just assume that it's his father's fault.
"You're.Batman?" I shrug my shoulders, giving Ben a rueful smile.
We didn't plan on telling Ben. Ever.
I can't imagine how he feels- to find out that your lifelong idol is really just.your dad. He walks around me in a slow circle, jaw dropped and eyes wide.
"Whoa." He picks up the discarded mask with an air of reverence.
"Dad, why didn't you tell me?" The hurt in his voice takes over the awe. Wayne warned me. Over and over he told me never to share this part of myself with anyone. Over and over he told harrowing tales of Grayson, of Drake, Barbara and countless others, who found out the secret and it destroyed their lives. He told me of love after love who faded out of his life once they discovered that he dressed up like a bat and ran around at night fighting crime.
But over and over again I let people find out.
I seat myself in Wayne's chair.
"It's dangerous, Ben. It gets harder with every person that finds out. Once someone knows who I am, the more likely of a target they are for the crags out there. I didn't want to risk you getting hurt." There I go again, agreeing with Wayne. Ben rolls his eyes.
"Dad.Its Batman." His tone reflects the admiration he's had all his life.
"Well I'm sure you've lost your respect now that you know he's really your boring Dad." Ben ignores me, gazing about the cave. I remember the first time I stood in this cave. Only 17, full of bravado from sneaking in and full of elation at discovering that the suit was at my disposal.
And full of rage for Dad's killers.
"How long have you been doing this?" I look back up at Ben.
"All your life." And nearly all of mine.
"Wait, if this is here, under Wayne Manor, then that means." He doesn't finish, but we both know the rest. Your legacy is discovered, Mr. Wayne.
Again.
"And you can't ever tell anyone about that." There's really no point in warning him. Ben would rather cut off his own hand then ever betray Batman. He nods gravely.
"Ben?" We both turn. From out of the darkness comes Lydia. She looks very tired, yet also alarmed at the same time. For a moment she stares at us.
"Idolo." She mutters something in Italian and leans against the wall.
"I guess you know now." She murmurs, almost to herself. Her dark brown hair lies in dishevelment around her shoulders, and her eyes watch me with half hesitation, half sorrow. For a moment I remember that I'm supposed to be madly, insanely in love with the gorgeous woman in front of me.
Then I remember that this morning, on our way to work, we got into yet another fight and she told me she hated me in Italian. I said that she didn't understand me at all.
"This is so schway!" Ben says, putting the mask on his head. Ironically enough it fits him perfectly. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Defend the entire city! Arrest all those crags in one night!"
"Not easily. And usually at the expense of you and Mom." I glance at Lydia to see if she noticed my small concession. Her face has the usual soft, sad smile. She doesn't notice.
She doesn't care.
"Dad." Ben trails off, hesitating.
"I could help you." His voice is low, but trembling with excitement, his eyes eager.
"Ben, what." Ben is staring at the case. At the dusty, faded suits with that glint in his eye that I'm all too familiar with. Lydia watches him cautiously.
"I'll be Robin." He makes it a statement, not a question.
It's like a drug, McGinnis. It's attractive, intoxicating, and once you're exposed to it, you can never erase it. And my son is infected with it, Mr. Wayne.
He has the same drive I've had my entire life. Ben understands it. He knows how I think. He knows how I feel.
Just like Lydia used to.
His excitement is contagious.
"It would be a lot of work." But he and I both know from the smile on my face that I've already given in. Ben will be Robin. My Robin. My partner. He will be with me every night, out in the danger and the excitement and the thrill of the chase. My son will be at my side.
My son will be my Robin.
"You two." Lydia says, breaking into laughter. We both stare at her. She notices that we're not laughing and her face instantly turns angry.
"You aren't serious!" Ben senses that his dream- our dream- may be shattered and goes into his pleading mode.
"Mom, come on, I really want to do this!"
"Ben, honey, this looks fun and adventurous now, but you haven't seen your father after a rough fight, or watched him stagger around after being up for 4 days straight!" For a moment I almost agree with her.
But only for a moment.
I want Ben with me. I want him to know what it's like, to be at my side. I want to spend time with Ben.
"Lyd, I'll watch him. I won't keep him out late or let him get hurt. I promise." My voice is desperate too.
"Terry you can't watch him all the time! What if something happens to you? It's too dangerous." Lydia's eyes are weak, and I feel sorry for her. She's on the defensive, fighting as she has been for her entire life against seemingly impossible causes. But this time she's losing.
"But Mom, the danger is worth the risk." Ben comes closer to Lydia, pleasing still in his features.
"I know you think I don't know it's gonna be hard. There's nothing but danger out there, and not everyone has a dad or a dad who's Batman to protect them from it. But I do, Mom, and I want to help. I want to stop all those murders of innocent people. I want to stop my friends from getting harassed by Jokerz on their way to school. I don't want to do this for the adventure. I want to be like Batman. I want to save people." It takes me a moment to realize that this inspiring, passionate speech is genuine. Even though it sounds like it's ripped of some TV special, Ben doesn't have it in him to lie. He truly wants to help people.
Lydia's got her protective face of anger and stubbornness on her face, but I know that face. I move to kneel before her, taking her hand.
"I promise you I won't let anything happen to him. Please let us do this, Lyd." She looks at me.
Please understand Lydia.
Please understand like you used to.
"You better get some sleep if you're going to be out all night tomorrow." Lydia finally answers. Ben throws his arms around her and starts dancing around the cave in glee. She stands; I hug her, and feel her arms creep up to their familiar spots on my shoulders.
"Thank you." I murmur, kissing her forehead.
This is how it's supposed to be. This is how it used to be.
Lydia smiles at me.
"If he doesn't come back in one piece, Batman." She trails off, still smiling but staring at me suspiciously, like I might have some evil plot for Ben.
"Mom, you really think Batman would let anything happen to his Robin?" Ben yells out, listening to his voice echo through the cave. Then he stops in his tracks, as if he's just remembered that they're one and the same:
"Or that Dad would let anything happen to his son?"