by: iluvaqt@hotmail.com
QT's notes: My body's having fun with me at the moment. Unless I get over whatever I've got, I have no idea when I'll be back. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Thank you Blaze555 and Deb for sending me feedback.
Chapter 17: In Faith
A paramedic checked Max over, and gently replaced the thick blanket over her body. Effectively cutting out the cold wind that was blowing over them. Mike stood nearby talking with a few agents. The first group of patients had lifted off about ten minutes ago. After Max had collapsed, Krit had told Mike to order another helicopter.
Mike finished up with his operatives and walked toward Logan. "We are we taking you to?"
"Metro Medical, Seattle central. I've called ahead. They'll be waiting for us." Logan clenched his jaw, his lips set in a grim line. He looked toward the last group being lifted into two military Bell 212s.
"She'll be okay, she's a fighter." He touched Logan's shoulder. Before heading for the guy signaling to the pilot, who was ready to take off.
Syl stood next to Max's stretcher. They were getting ready to pull her into the cabin, and there was no way they'd be stopping her from climbing in after.
The medic, who'd been looking over Max earlier, spoke up, "You're her…"
"Sister. We're adopted." Syl supplied.
"Her vitals are elevated. I put her on an IV and I made her as comfortable as possible. I tried to ease the bleeding but it hasn't stopped. It's hard to tell what's going on in there, her doctor will be able to give you a better prognosis."
Before Syl had a chance to get into the helicopter, the medic pulled Syl to one side.
"I didn't know who to ask. I mean she's young, and not married…" The female medic blushed. "I mean, I wasn't jumping to conclusions."
"No, she's not married. What'd you want to know?" Syl pressed.
"The bleeding could be a result of a miscarriage, or it could be just the onset of a heavy menstruation cycle…she's been through a lot. It could be a combination of few different things. It looks like she has a slight concussion too. Try to keep her conscious."
Syl had to bite her tongue, from spelling out Manticore physics to the woman. "I don't know, you're right, could be anything. Thanks for taking care of her."
"No problem." The medic smiled. "I hope everything checks out."
Logan sat in the waiting area with Syl. Krit had gone for coffee and some 'grub' as he put it, about ten minutes ago. It was an awkward silence between the two of them. Logan still feeling a little miffed after Syl refused to let him hold Max.
"Not to dump on you, but I didn't think you were in any shape to be handling my sister." Syl shrugged. She noted he'd been giving her dark side-glances all the way over.
Logan pretended to ignore her comment. She'd picked his thoughts exactly and he hated to admit it, but she was right. He'd barely had the strength to stand at the time, let alone to move fast enough to stop Max from falling. "I noticed the med talking to you before. What did she say?" he asked.
Syl picked up the hurt in his voice and she grimaced inwardly. She shouldn't have been so hard on him. He was a good guy. A nice guy. He seemed to really care for Max in a big way. And it wasn't something new. He'd been hung up on her for a long time. But whether she liked him or not, wasn't the issue. She was here for her sister. And until she knew what was up with Max, she wouldn't spill a thing. "She was just saying it could be female trouble and a mild concussion."
Logan nodded and muttered something.
She picked it up as, 'Great, two concussions, and a good beating, what next?' Syl shifted uncomfortably in the plastic chair and stood up. "What's taking so long?"
Looking up at her, Logan stretched and scratched his head. He wasn't about to agree with her, even if she'd voiced his sentiments exactly. Aside from that, he couldn't be sure if she was talking about Max or the coffee.
It just so happened that the two arrived at the same time. Well not Max, exactly. "We performed a D & C and the bleeding should cease in the next few days. You can see her, she's resting now." The doctor looked sternly at Krit, who was slab of sodas, two large pizzas and a tray of four coffees. "Ah, I hope you don't plan on taking that in."
Krit's eyes grew large and he spluttered. "But this set me back 50 bucks!"
Syl walked up to him and punched him in the arm. "Yeah, a caffeine buzz is all she needs right now." She could see he was about to tear into her and she smiled sweetly. "Thanks so much for the soda though, hon. Damn, I need some sugar." She saw his shoulders relax and took the sodas from him. Looking back at Logan, she said, "We'll say 'hey' real quick. I'm starving."
Max wasn't sleeping. She couldn't. The nurse had given her an extra blanket, but she still felt so cold. Every time she thought back over the last 38 hours, she felt a chill crawl over her skin. She put a hand over her lower abdomen. There was still a little bump there, but it didn't feel the same. It wasn't warm or firm. It just felt fleshy and hollow. Hollow like her heart was feeling right now. A silent tear ran down her cheek and a strong, yet gentle finger caught it and smoothed it away.
Eyes moist with suppressed emotions, she looked up to see Logan standing at her bedside. A nervous laugh escaped her lips and she hastily blinked back her tears. Smiling to hide her broken composure, she said, "Hey."
"Hey, yourself." Logan smiled back.
"Good to see you up, Maxie," Syl called, poking her head around from behind Logan.
"We'll be back to crowd you later," Krit informed her. Trying to hide his stash behind his back.
Max had to giggle, raising an eyebrow at her brother in question.
"I have orders not to share," he defended.
"Right," Max mused. "But you're still buying, when I get outta this place."
"You bet," Syl grinned. She gave her sister a quick hug and dragged Krit by the arm, to the door.
"Hey, why do you get to give her a hug and…"
"Keep moving, buster." Syl guessed that by Logan's relative calm, he didn't realize what D & C meant. Max would need to talk it out, and it looked like the two of them had a lot of that to do. The sooner, the better.
Logan pulled a chair closer to the bed and took her hand. "Talk to me, Max."
Just looking into his eyes, brought all her jumbled emotion flooding back. She didn't know where to start. It hurt too much and she was so confused. She wasn't sure why she was feeling the way she did, but there was so much that she regretted, and one thing was for sure, there was no turning back and no undoing what had already been done.
"What's wrong? What happened back there?" Logan cast her a worried look, his blue eyes full of concern.
Max shook her head. "I'm not sure. A lot of things have been going on these last couple of days. I've messed up so much, done so many stupid things. I'm such a freak…"
"You're not, Max. Don't ever think that. You're the most beautiful, unique and gifted person I've ever met." That brought a little sparkle to her eyes and he smiled. "You're special to me."
"Even with everything you know about me, it doesn't scare you? That I'm different?" she asked.
Logan squeezed her hand. "You know the scariest times in my life have been without you. When I thought I'd lost you. You're not as different as you think. If fact, I wouldn't change one thing about you."
Max had to look away, to keep from falling apart into one big sobbing mess, right then. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve his love. Yet, she relished it. And the thought of destroying it, losing his trust and love…
She thought that all she had ever needed was to be strong, independent and free. But being connected to him in such a big way, feeling completely free yet totally hooked…the thought of losing it all… It was a big ask, unconditional love. Something she'd never experienced before. Well, at least not outside of her family. Her siblings. She didn't know if she could even begin to tell him. Whether she was ready to let down her guard and leave herself vulnerable to his rejection. Truth. It was his life's philosophy.
Watching her. Reading her eyes. The longer she'd been around him, the less guarded she'd been. He had to be close, but through her eyes, he could read what she was really feeling. What her features wouldn't betray and what her body would never tell. She was desperately trying to solve something. It was deeply troubling her. He knew, that if she could see what he was seeing right now, she'd quickly deny that whatever she was feeling even bothered her.
"You never did say why things didn't work out…" She didn't know why she phrased it that way. And in truth, she didn't think he'd answer the way he did.
"Us?" he asked confused.
"No," she said quietly. "You and Valerie."
Logan let go of her hand and sat back in the chair, slowly. Tiredly. "It was a long time ago. Not something you like to reminisce about."
Max chocked back the uncomfortable lump that had formed in her throat. Even the smallest gesture, the lack of warmth his hand gave as it covered hers, caused her heart to ache. "You don't have to talk about it, Logan. I…I was just wondering."
"We were young." Logan ran a hand through his hair. It was getting long. He was using more wax than usual to get it to sit right.
He didn't know why it bothered him to talk about Val. Maybe because he regretted so many things about their time together. Some of the things he did, and some things he should have done, but didn't. "I know, it's an overworked excuse but it fits. I've learned a lot about people. Not so naive anymore. I always had in mind that marriage was forever. That one person would be your life partner, someone who'd share everything…would be everything…" He looked at Max. She hadn't made a sound, but she was staring right back at him.
"She was perfect. And I was in love with her. I never thought that things would change, that we'd change and that we'd grow apart. Val never did tell me why she did, what she did. Why she felt that she had to. She started drinking, gambling…" he cut himself short. Nothing would ever make him understand what drove her to infidelity. At least not while they were still sleeping together.
Max knew what he was going to say. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Bad's usually came in three's and those were the worst three you could ever throw at relationship. The jerk she'd married was probably the guy she'd been fooling around with on Logan.
"In the beginning, I blamed myself. Maybe I wasn't there for her, maybe I neglected her…" He looked at his hands. He started to wonder if that's why Max left. Did she know? Had she felt alone? Did he get obsessive over his work, like she readily accused him of countless times? He certainly hadn't been there the times she'd needed him most…
"It wasn't your fault, Logan."
"Wasn't it?" He forced himself to look into her eyes. There was nothing but honesty there. And something else, she looked hopeful. "There's two people in a marriage, Max. It takes two to dissolve one."
Max nodded, and closed her eyes for a moment. She needed to get a handle on her emotions. At that present moment they were running riot. "I remember we said we needed to put the past behind us. Make a fresh start. But there was something that happened that I couldn't forget. And when White caught up with me, the only thing going though my mind was that I wouldn't be able to tell you the truth." Another tear slipped down her cheek and this time Logan didn't make a move to wipe it away. "When I first found out, I was angry. I hated it, I wanted to kill Alec…I wanted so badly for it to be just one big nightmare, something I could wake up from."
Logan sat back, in his chair. He didn't say anything. The mention of Alec was enough to confirm what he'd tormented himself over. They had been together.
"It was a mistake. Something that should never have happened." Inside she felt herself crumbling. Seeing him distance himself from her, made her falter. "…I was…I would have told you."
Logan's shoulders sagged and shook his head. "You were pregnant." It was a statement, not a question. He couldn't figure out what he was feeling. He wasn't angry. How could he be? He hadn't seen her in months. They'd been thousands of miles apart. What kind of relationship would you call that? And he hadn't been celibate that whole time. What had made him so naive to think that she would have been?
She couldn't stop the tears from falling freely now. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't change anything, but I wish it had never happened."
Instead of walking away and leaving her there like his hurt pride was telling him to do. Logan got up and sat next to her on the bed. Pulling her close, he said, "I want us to work, Max. Even though I didn't want to hear it, I'm glad to told me."
Max leaned into him and forced herself to take a steady breath. Breathing in the scent of him, just his presence soothed her frayed nerves. And so close, his quiet strength and his warmth were comforting her broken spirit. "I feel so stupid," Max sobbed.
Logan hushed her and put a hand into her hair. Feeling the soft curls intertwine with his long fingers, he held her tighter. He didn't know what to say to make her feel less pain. Whether she'd admit it or not, she was feeling a loss. Maybe she hadn't wanted to be with Alec, but the baby was a much a part of her as it was of Alec. She'd lost a little part of herself. It wasn't something you could just dismiss and forget about.
"You know, I blamed it. For reminding me of something I wanted to forget. I keep thinking I made this happen."
Logan pulled back so he could see her face. Reaching down he tilled her chin up, so he could watch her as he spoke. "Nothing that happened today was your fault."
"It doesn't matter now, but I wasn't going to get rid of it. I didn't even think about it. The only thing that drove me crazy, was how I was going to tell you." Max wiped her face and looked up to find Syl standing in the doorway.
"I butt in at a bad time, I know." She bit her lip and fiddled with her jacket. "I was thinking you might want to get outta here. If you feel up to it? Just, you know, hospitals make me edgy."
Max gave her a smile. "I hear you." Turning to Logan, she asked, "Do you think you could manage it?"
He gave her a warm smile and kissed her. "Just so you know, I'm not letting you out of my sight for the rest of your natural life."
There was still a sadness in her eyes as she looked up at him. "Awww, not longer?"
Logan chuckled and touched her chin. It'd take time, but she'd heal. He only hoped that she didn't think he loved her any less because of what she'd been through.
Syl shooed Logan off and came over to help Max out of bed. "I swear, I thought cats were supposed to land on their feet. Your genes must be more whack than we first thought."
"Ha-ha, very funny," Max retorted, stick her tongue out at Syl.
"Can't be more whack than yours!" Krit called from the door.
Max had all of a split second to catch herself on the bed as Syl took off after Krit. Shaking her head, she couldn't help giggling. Some things would never change.