A/N: *sob* I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER!! *sob* *sob* WAAAAH!!! I had
so much fun writing this thing....well, not fun....it was interesting
though...mainly the reviews I receive are mixed feelings, I mean, they
like the story but they don't like the way I portrayed blah and blah
and so blah. I have tried SO HARD to write a fic where Sakura is
herself, you know, sweet, innocent, dense, "hooeee"-ish, but NO! She
always turns out so independent and different in the end. ..... Is that
good? Who knows!! This is the epilouge and I'll probably write an
alternate ending because I've been thinking of one, since truthfully
epilouges are so hard to write considering this storyline and all. This
is my longest story EVER. The second longest story is my Pokemon fic, Murder
at Night, which I wrote when I was 8/9/10 years old. It had 6
chapters, but the chapters were really short, so it didn't really count
that much. *sob* My longest story, coming to a complete end! How can
this be? HOW? *SOB* So, on to the....*sniff* THE END!!!! *bawl*
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. There! No servings, helpings, slivers,
slices, or, um, glasses!!!! I JUST DON'T OWN CCS!!!! *cries* it's
actually over! *cries*
Note: If you don't know the meaning of OOC, it's Out of Character. I
usually tend to write that way and if you don't like Sakura being all
b*tchy and stuff, and if you don't like Tomoyo fighting with Sakura and
being a snob then please, don't review my story if you aren't
comfortable with their personas. Well, actually, if you aren't
comfortable, then tell me--read, and review. Just don't go on
saying 'Why didn't you make them sisters like they're sposed to?' I
didn't because I didn't want to. So please. I really do like
Sakura and Tomoyo, and it's great the way they are sisters, kind of,
and all, but sometimes, I just want it all to be different. It's just
me. Sorry!
I'm LivingDead or Gone, Part 8, a.k.a. Epilouge (Alternate Ending 1)
The light streamed in through the window, illuminating the
all-white room, dawning upon a young woman's head in which her
brownish-black hair was twisted up into a messy yet elegant bun, bent
over a couple of papers and pens.
"Hmm, Syaoran, Tomoyo....that's all I need to send letters,
to....right?"
She opened an envelope and peeled a stamp off the backing of the paper.
Before she slipped the letter in, though, she re-read it, checking for
errors.
Dear Syaoran,
I hope that you are well and that everyone else is,
too. I'm fine, but the weather lately really has been like hell,
thunderstorms...things like that. When are you coming with more food?
It's not like I'm made of money, you baka ass, you know. I just came
out of therapy again. Shut up, I know what you're thinking..."That baka
girl....I saved her life two years ago....and this is how she repays
me?!?!" Come on, Syaoran. Be nice. The only reason I didn't marry you
is because of this stupid therapy thing...besides....I'm only 18....who
expects me to marry at age 18? Aha, not me, Syaoran Li. Nope, not me.
I miss you. Really, really, really miss you. There are
all these weird people in therapy--some people like me, you know,
people who are always depressed 24/7, and people who cut themselves.
You know I don't cut open my wrist with a knife, I'm
just...always thinking about my past. I know everything is alright
now...Tomoyo is engaged....you're fine....but I'm not just the kind of
person who dwells on the present, you know...? I dwell on the past. So
every day, I just sit in my dorm, thinking about those days...when
I was a speck....when Tomoyo was all
high-uppity-I'm-Tommie-and-I'm-a-lust-goddess....when you were the most
popular guy in the school, and you came to help me through my life as
hell....you, Syaoran Li....not any pitiful geek....you. I
just...when I think about everything that happened--when you found me
under the bleachers, when you kissed me when you were drunk, when
Tomoyo went crazy and tried to kill me and I ended up in the
hospital--the sadness and pain of everything just dwells in my chest,
and that's why my stupid roommate went and told some counselor guy I
was super depressed, and then he put me in therapy. Damn him!
Back to therapy....I met a girl. Her name is Chiharu. She
seems nice...really nice. She told me she got in therapy because her
boyfriend, Yamazaki, lies way too much. She never believed him, though,
until one day, he told her that cutting yourself is a symbol of loving
yourself so much you want to share your blood with the world. (I would
never believe such a sod story!!! I'd be all, 'Fuck off!') But
Chiharu....I guess she's a big believer in self-esteem or
whatever....you know...those temple people...she tried it. And...I
guess she let out a little too much blood, or whatever....but she got
put in the hospital. And the nurses and doctors, they thought she was
in a funk or whatever, and they thought that's why she cut
herself.....she never mentioned Yamazaki to them or anything. So,
that's why she's here....she says she likes it here, though!!! I
can't believe her...but she's practically my only friend I can talk to
personally now. She wants to stay here, so she cuts herself a little,
to convince the nurses she's not getting any better. But when the place
gets old, she says, she'll stop cutting herself for good and own up on
the whole Yamazaki thing. I don't understand her...but I don't
understand a lot of people at first, right?
Awww, Syaoran, you have to come back...the nurses don't
like it when I stay at home by myself because they think I'll commit
suicide or something. I don't have a tv, only a computer, and there's
not even Internet on that. So I don't have much to do...which is why I
think about...everything. So Syaoran! If you come here and tell the
nurses I'm better, I can graduate from therapy, and we can get married!
^^ You'd want that, right?
Well, love, I have to go....you better come here soon! I
really miss you!
Love,
Sakura K.
Sakura smiled. She felt good telling Syaoran all about
her life now, not needing to hold it in. And yes--it had been true--she
was in therapy for major depression. She couldn't help but dwell on the
past. It was her personality--she just couldn't let things go, even if
she'd done that a long time ago. They just came back to haunt her.
However, she would be able to graduate soon, if Syaoran came and told
the nurses she was fine.
Sakura sealed the envelope and turned to the purple piece of paper next
to a lavender scented envelope.
Dear Tomoyo,
Hello! Doing well? Aww, of course you are, you've got
that guy named Eriol now...did you set a wedding date? You have to
have an October wedding, Tomo!!! October weddings are the greatest.
It's chilly and spooky and....well, maybe not. But if it's set for
spring have it on April 1st!!! That way, you'll be surrounded by
Sakura!! Meaning, me, and the flower. But it's your choice, Tomo.
Or Eriol's.
But anyway, moving on. The nurses at my therapy session are way too
stubborn. Oh, I told you...right? My roommate Rika told on me! She said
all I did was sit by the window crying, or looking at pictures and
sighing. I think she thinks I cut. But I don't. Sure, I get deeply
depressed, and that's why I'm in therapy, but she saw all these metal
hooks in my drawer, and she was like, "Sakura! You can't keep a
secret from me! I have proof now!" I was like, "Huh...?" She told on
me to the counselor or something. I tried to explain that those metal
hooks were for my car because the auto mechanics gave them to me, but
my counselor wouldn't hear it. He said, "You don't have to hide it,
Sakura. It's alright." I was like fuck you!!! Listen to me!!! But no
one would. And Syaoran couldn't come, so they put me in there. Therapy.
Or, as the mean ones like to call it, I'm in "the loony bin." Ahahaha.
I know we've moved on from since long ago, Tomoyo, but you know
that the reason I'm in therapy is partly your fault. I know
you said sorry and I forgive you but if you hadn't done all that stuff
to me, then I wouldn't be here, Tomoyo! And you know it. Do you ever
regret the way you acted? Do you ever want to go back to that life?
Ever since we patched up this crappy friendship, Tomo, you've never
told me what I wanted to hear. So tell me, please? Tell me if you loved
me better back then when I did everything "Tommie" told me to, when you
were actually able to wear silk purple petticoats and platform
boots (ha,ha) and have anyone you wanted. It hurts to admit it,
whatever the answer is but I know I can take it, Tomoyo, I know, I just
need to know this.
Just remember, Tomoyo, too many things have hurt me already....surely
your answer can't.
I have to go now, Tomoyo. Check up on Syaoran, make sure he
got my letter. My congrats to your wedding. DON'T FORGET TO INVITE ME,
or I will personally murder you!
But then again, death threats are getting really old.
Love,
Sakura K.
Sakura
sighed and put the paper in the envelope, licked it shut, and stuck the
stamp on. So many months ago, almost a year, 2 years, maybe? Too many
horrible memories of the past, and Sakura knew they'd stay scarred in
her heart forever. Too many words and cuts, gashed into Sakura's
pureness. She knew she'd never be pure again, not to the extent of what
she was doing. She was stuck in an asylum. Another pinprick to the
soul.
But they were slowly healing, because time heals all wounds...slowly,
but surely....
Sakura checked out at the door and stuck the envelopes into the
mailbox. She looked up at the sky. It was blue, cool and soft, with
puffy white streaks searing themselves across the liquidy surface. What
would become of her, she wondered, would everything be alright again?
She didn't know, and it was alright with her. She had the rest of her
life to make up for what she'd done. For what Tomoyo had done. For what
Syaoran had done.
When she got out of this place, she decided, she was going to start
over point blank. When she got out, she would be the new Sakura
Kinomoto....19 years old....not alone....not a slave...
Herself.
THE END
--------------------------------------------------------
END NOTE: OHHHHH MY GOD!!!! THIS IS
DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
DONE!
Well, not exactly. There's still the 2nd ending. I think that
one will be better than this one, maybe. Once again, at the end of
this, I stressed the "Sakura-being-herself" point. Hey, it was a big
issue, in case you didn't notice...
The reason(s) for my delay is....
1. I
was getting hooked up on Neon Genesis Evangelion, so I was writing fics
on those and researching on it. But hey, I still don't get it...
2. My dad
got us a new computer, so we had to do all the file transfers and
stuff....bleah. You don't know how tiring that is!!!
3. Ummm,
homework....yes. OH MY GOD. You do not know how much a Fairfax County
Public School EXPECTS from you!!!
4. I've
been managing my website, because all the layouts I've been getting are
all WEIRD...
5. Been
on the phone...
6. Been
catching up with my Yokoville sisters!!!
So, you see....I've
been busy.
The next chapter will be up in a few months. Yes, I said months! I'll
be busy in November and December, December being my 13th birthday, so I
can OFFICIALLY join Fanfiction.net. November being the month of
catching up on Evangelion and getting Kodocha number 10 and CARDCAPTOR
SAKURA: THE SEALED CARD on November 11th!!!! Also it being AnimeUSA!!
Who's going! I'm going! ^_____________________^
Well, I love all of you who reviewed, including those who really
said my work sucked, because you were wrong, my work DOESN'T suck. You
guys, you just made me build my mah attitude!!!
~I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~
LOVE,
ladyxkodomo
~November 3rd, 2003, 6:51 PM~