*****

At Summer's beach house, Summer gives the boys a quick tour before disappearing to get a shower and clothes. She shows them the liquor cabinet and points Ryan to a guestroom where he can smoke and drink in peace. Ryan immediately sits down on the bed. Seth joins him.

"So. How you feeling?" Seth asks.

"I'm better. I'm sorry I'm freaking out…" Ryan starts.

"Hey, don't apologize. Dude, you're like emotionless most of the time so Summer and I figure that you're due for a breakdown," Seth replies reassuringly.

"Thanks, I guess." Ryan is silent. "I haven't cried since my dad went to jail. Years ago. And now, it's like…all I can do is cry…"

"It'll get better. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me," Seth replies.

"I hope so. I need to make a phone call."

"Okay. To who?"

"Trey."

Seth glances at him, curiously but nods to a phone in the corner of the room.

"Sweet."

"I'm going to go see what's in Summer's fridge…" Seth says, leaving his friend alone. Ryan gets up and gathers some things for strength.

Ryan had started visiting his brother in jail about a month earlier. Encouraged by an argument with Marissa, he had decided to try and reconnect with his once mentor. Marissa had been driving him to visit Trey once a week and the two brothers had developed a decent friendship. Trey, while incarcerated, was beginning to respect Ryan for trying to fix his life. Ryan respects his brother's opinion. He dials the prison, talks to the operator and waits for his brother's voice.

"Trey Atwood."

"Trey."

"Ry, is that you?"

"Yeah."

"I missed you today. You forget or something?"

"Got some stuff on my mind."

"What could be bothering you, kid? You're living in, like, heaven, with a gorgeous girl and good grades…Ryan?"

"Yeah."

"What up? Should I not be joking? Are you mad at me or something? Did Mom call you again?

"No."

"You feel like telling me why you called sounding like a zombie?"

"I'm losing my shit," Ryan states flatly.

"Huh. How come, little bro?"

"News. You get the news in there?"

"Yeah, kid, why? Are you on the news?"

"School shooting…Marissa…"

"Cooper…shit, Ry, that was your girl? That…that means you took down the gunman…oh shit, kid…"

"Shut up, Trey…this is a bad idea…"

"Don't hang up. Tell me…Ryan?"

Ryan doesn't reply.

"You're still there."

"I loved her, Trey. More than anything…"

"I'm sorry, Ry…"

"And now…it's killing me…"

"Ryan, where are you? Where are the Cohens?"

Ryan hesitates.

"Kid, come on. I'm worried. What can I do about it in here?"

"I'm sick. I keep having these panic attacks or something…"

"Shit…you did it when you were a kid…Dad would beat the shit out of you…you'd just fall over…"

"Yeah, well…" Ryan pauses, thoughtful. "They called a doctor who shot me full of tranquilizers or something and…well…my friends, kind of, smuggled me out of there…hey, I've be conscious like an hour now, so that's new."

"But you're okay?"

"I don't think I'm going to be okay for a while…"

"Are you drinking?"

"No."

"Swear. Swear to me. Ryan, you know you can't drink…"

"I'm not drinking."

"You go to a meeting?"

"Fuck you, Trey, I don't need a fucking meeting!" Ryan snaps.

"What do you need, Ryan?" Trey asks, calmer.

"I need her to not be dead…maybe then I could remember how to breathe…"

"Ryan, she's gone. She was important but so are you…"

"I'm nothing without her. She made me okay, Trey…she made me good…"

"Chill, kid, I'm really not liking how you sound…" Trey replies. "What are you thinking? How are you going to play this?"

"What?"

"You have to shake it off before it poisons you. You can't just die with her…"

"Thanks, Trey. I have to go…"

"No, Ryan, wait…"

"I'll give you a call next week," Ryan replies.

"No visit?"

"Marissa was my ride. The Cohens don't know that I visit you. I'll call."

"You'll be okay, Ryan."

"Whatever. Bye." Ryan hangs up, frustrated.

"Ryan," Seth says from behind him.

"Yeah?"

"Nobody can tell you how to get over this. If we knew how, we'd tell you."

"I know…" Ryan shudders. He lights a cigarette and takes a swallow of whiskey. Seth regards him silently. Ryan's lying in bed with an ashtray and a fifth of whiskey. "Um, yeah, I know that I'm not handling this at all…I think I'm having a meltdown…so I'm reverting to old habits because…" Ryan meets Seth's gaze. "Because I have to remember who I was before I met her…"
"Damn, Ryan…" Seth gasps.

"We were really tight, Seth…I told her…I told her a lot of things…she could read me…it's really like a part of me is just gone…" Ryan whispers. He shakes himself back to clarity. He glances at the bottle in his hand and holds it out to Seth. Seth takes it.

"I can't drink. I mean, I'm not supposed to drink," Ryan mutters.

"What does that mean?" Seth asks quietly.

Ryan sighs and Seth sits down, sensing that his friend is ready to talk.

"Man, there are some things that…you're my best friend, Seth, but there are some things that I don't want you to know about me…I had to tell Marissa because we were together so much…she needed to know…but I'm not proud…"

"It's okay, Ryan…" Seth replies, confused but interested.

"I used to have a drinking problem. I was young, but it was always around and I used it to keep myself going…shit, I was drinking a lot…but I had a friend who snapped me out of it. I go to AA meetings sometimes…but…it's not usually an issue…" Ryan explains, his eyes lowered. "I mean, I can drink a beer or two and not go on a binge but…I don't think I should be drinking right now…"

"You're probably right," Seth nods.

"Have you called your parents?" Ryan asks quietly.

"They've left me, like, 500 messages, but no. Want to be moral support?" Seth smiles, pulling out his phone.

"Let me call them," Ryan replies. "I really feel better here. This was a good idea."

"I'm glad. Summer's sleeping so I'm going to call my folks and lie down, too. Ryan-sitting is tiring work," Seth smirks.

"I'll call. Trust me. Go sleep," Ryan says. "I'll be okay."

Seth raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. Give me your phone so they won't see the caller id," Ryan says. Seth hands him the phone.

"I'll be in the next room," Seth nods.

Ryan waits until he leaves to dial the Cohens number.

"Seth, thank god…where are you?" Kirsten answers, panicked.

"It's Ryan…"

"Thank god again…where are you?"

"I'm with Seth…"

"Where, Ryan?"

"I needed to get out of there. I couldn't be there anymore so they took me somewhere that I could get some space."

"Are you all right?" Kirsten asks.

"I know I scared you guys, but that doctor…that doctor scared Seth and Summer enough for them to feel a need to rescue me. So, I don't remember but I trust their judgement. I mean, Seth's the one that asked you to call the doctor, he wouldn't have done this if he didn't think it would help…" Ryan explains.
"Ryan…your brother just called Sandy. He says you called him? He's worried about you and he wanted to tell us that you were upset…"

"Yeah…but I'm not catatonic, I'm not sobbing…I'm simply upset now."

"Okay, Ryan, let's not talk about the whole disappearance thing right now. Talk to me…"

"What did Trey say?" Ryan asks.

"That you'd been visiting him. That you were devastated and not making sense. He said…"

"He said I used to drink, didn't he?" Ryan sighs, realizing Kirsten's point.

"Yes, Ryan," Kirsten replies.

"I'm handling it. I mean, I started but I stopped myself. I told Seth and he's cool with it." Ryan hesitates. "It's like…I haven't needed a sponsor in a long time but…Marissa was that for me…she helped keep me sober when I needed it because I got her to quit drinking…"

"Ryan, I don't think you should be by yourself right now…I know Seth and Summer are there, but you should be with your family…"

"They're my family, too…" Ryan protests.

"What happens when you collapse again? What are Seth and Summer going to be able to do for you?"

Ryan is silent. "What would you be able to do for me?"

Kirsten sighs.

"Listen, don't be mad at Seth, he's trying to get me through this. I don't want to have to depend on those drugs to keep me going. I hate drugs. I miss her, Mrs. Cohen…I'm actually aching inside when I think about her…being there, in that pool house…she's still lingering…I can smell her scent…I think…I think this is a good idea. I'm doing better."

"Jimmy wants you to come to the funeral. I didn't know you guys were friends," Kirsten says. "There's a lot of things I didn't know about you. You're visiting your brother. You and Marissa were…"

"Don't…"

"I knew you were in love, Ryan, but I'm sorry that I didn't see how real it was," Kirsten continues.

"I'm sorry, too." Ryan takes a deep breath. He lights a cigarette.

"Will you call us if you need us?"

"Yeah. This…this isn't about you guys, you've been great…this is…" Ryan is silent. He inhales desperately from the cigarette. "It takes a lot for me to trust people and…I trusted Marissa a lot…now all that's gone…I…I think I depended on her a little too much and it's twisting my head all up…"

"Ryan."

"No, I'm okay. I'm dealing with it. I have to go on. I'm not out of my head and Seth and Summer are resting and everything is cool."

"I hear you smoking…" Kirsten scolds.

"Sorry…that's true…it gives me something to focus on," Ryan admits. "How's Jimmy?"

"You can call him by his first name but not me?" Kirsten asks, smiling over the phone.

"Sorry…"

"He's okay. I mean, he lost his daughter but…he's dealing with it. He wanted you to ride with him tomorrow before the service. So you could see her…"

Ryan pales and is glad that he is sitting down. He recovers himself.

"But I wasn't sure if you were going…"

"We're going. Last check, I mean. I need to do this for Summer. She's holding it together but…I mean, her parents haven't even called," Ryan replies.

"Poor girl…"

"She'll be okay. She's strong. But she wants to go to the funeral…what about those news crews, Mrs. Cohen? Are they going to be there?"

"Yes, Ryan, probably. I'm amazed Seth and Summer got you out of here without them seeing you. That's why Sandy and I want you guys to come home. That way we can all go to the funeral together."

"I'll talk to them when they wake up. I'll get Seth to give you a call," Ryan promises.

"You sound better. I'm glad you're talking again…"

"I am better. But I still don't know if I'm going to be okay. I mean…I know that we were just starting out and all…but we had a connection…"

"I know, Ryan…I'm sorry…"

"Thanks."

"You won't tell me where you are?" Kirsten asks, quietly.

"I'll let Seth decide. I'm sorry, but…I'm letting them take care of this. I don't think I should be making decisions right now…"

"Okay. Do you mind talking to Sandy for a minute? There are some…things he needs to talk to you about," Kirsten says.

"Sure."
"Ryan?"

"Yeah. I'm here. Intact," Ryan replies.

"Good. Where are you?" Sandy pauses and Ryan hears Kirsten talking to him. "Okay. Listen, Ryan…as your attorney, I've been fielding all the questions from the media but the police need you to come down and give a more detailed statement. I've managed to stall them, but you really need to go down there."

Ryan sighs. "Am I in trouble?"

"You shouldn't be…"

"You're hesitating, Mr. Cohen. Tell me," Ryan urges, getting concerned.

"You're on probation. Fighting at school is considered a violation of your probation…"
"Shit…I'm going to go to juvie for taking out a kid that was shooting up the school?" Ryan whispers, startled.

"Ryan, I'm just telling you the possibilities, I won't let that happen…" Sandy protests.

"Shit…" Ryan repeats.

"They need you to go and make a statement. That's all for now. I've talked to your probation officer and the principal of the school…"
"Thanks, Mr. Cohen…but I'm screwed, aren't I? I mean…there's no loophole for me…" Ryan sighs.

"Don't panic, Ryan, we can handle this…"

"I'm cool. Seriously. Going to jail always snaps me back into reality," Ryan mutters.

"Why don't you come home so we can talk about this, Ryan?"

"Can you stall them until tomorrow? After the funeral? I'll…I don't want to say anything to Seth or Summer in case…in case I have to go away for a while," Ryan says quietly.

"There's no way this will hold up in court, Ryan…its just red tape, okay? I don't want you worrying about this…" Sandy starts.

"Okay. Whatever you need to say. Listen, I'm going to go. Seth's going to call you later. I don't want to run his battery dead."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm getting there."

"Kirsten says to tell you to put the cigarette away and get some rest," Sandy says.

"Thanks." Ryan hangs up. "Damn." He wishes he hadn't given his bottle to Seth. He could really use a drink.