But they couldn't, or they refused to. And so he spent the days following isolated and shunned. Each and every one of them was preparing for the worst, for what they assumed would be a cataclysmic showdown between themselves and Jenova. He knew different, knew that the real battle would not be anything like that. Aeris had shown him that, and shown him so much more. The knowledge he carried, the knowledge Aeris had made him sworn to secrecy, isolated him even farther. The turn of fate that had led him here had caused him to grow bitter, and angry. Angry at himself for all his previous grievances, angry at fortune for ever leading Jenova to this Planet. As Avalanche spent their days aboard the Highwind in nervous anticipation, the silver haired man walked the decks in isolated contemplation. He was surprised to find himself growing lonely; more specifically, longing for the easy companionship he watched the others share from afar. This new realization raised both scorn and satisfaction; scorn because loneliness was a sign of the weak, satisfaction because it was a sign of the humanity he had at one point lost.
There was one place he would go, when at his most frustrated or confused. The companions had laid Aeris's body within a small chamber in the heart of the Highwind, laid atop a small platform. When no one was around, Sephiroth would go there, to think and to try and clear his mind. He also hoped that Aeris would speak with him again and clarify everything that was so murky and unclear. Her body had become utterly transparent with traces of cloudy silver that pulsed. When he stared upon her body, guilt would rise to the fore; guilt and sorrow, because even though he knew he had been fated to slay her that day years ago, he realized how hard her life had been. She had known very early on what her purpose in life would be; to die at his hands, a sacrifice that would summon Holy. But it hadn't ended there; she had been forced to exist in limbo very similar to his own hell, because she was still needed; because she had become Holy. He had felt her anguish, and her torment when she had spoken to him. She was still alive, in a sense, but was sealed away, unable to interact but able to watch those she loved and knew continue their lives while she had forfeited her own. Her bitterness had been rival to his own, and while she couldn't help but hate him for what he had done, she sympathized with him because their fates were so similar. And so he returned to this spot everyday, hoping she would communicate with him, for out of everyone he was aware of, she understood him the most. But she remained silent, and so the days passed.
Vincent did not overly avoid him. He was neither friendly nor cold, but quite often Sephiroth would snap out of his deep contemplation to see crimson eyes regarding him thoughtfully. He never approached the former General, and Sephiroth, uncertain of Vincent's opinion regarding him, remained uncomfortably aloof. Cloud, having become more terse and agitated since finding Aeris, spoke only to the silver haired man when needed. Tifa went out of her way to try and make conversation, but it always forced, and ended soon after. Nanaki was always polite, but always guarded. The others were often openly hostile.On the eighth day after their leaving the Ancient City, Sephiroth was again in deep thought, perched in a small alcove beside the platform Aeris materia body lay on. He'd been staring, unseeing, at the pulsing silver threads that spread throughout the materia. He was growing restless, and unnerved. There had been no sign or news of Jenova anywhere, and waiting was the worst part. He let his eyes travel upwards over the materia, to the expressionless face that was now eerily transparent. What had she been like, he wondered, alive? That Cloud loved her was obvious, and it was equally obvious how she had touched the hearts of the others as well. Again, the guilt welled within him that he had taken from them someone so loved, so dear, and he bowed his head against the pain of it.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, hoping that wherever her soul lay, she was listening. "I would give you back your life, if I could. I'm sorry.""Can she hear you?" Asked a voice from the doorway. "Is that why you sit in here day after day?"Startled, Sephiroth raised his head. Vincent stood silhouetted in the doorway. He crossed the threshold and gently slid the door shut behind him. He gazed at the materia form before him for a moment, before turning his disconcerting eyes to Sephiroth."Well?" He asked expectantly.
"I ..." Sephiroth shook his head, unnerved. "I don't know if she can hear me.""Cloud tells me that she spoke with you once before."
"Yes. She did.""I see." Vincent's tone, polite and rather distant, betrayed nothing. He sat down across from the former General, on the other side of the materia. "Is that why you come here, then?"
For an instant, Sephiroth was confused, wondering at the other's meaning. "Yes ...I keep hoping she'll talk to me again. That she'll tell me more that I need to know."Vincent was silent, gazing at what had once been a friend. "Do you mean what you said? Are you sorry for killing her?"
Sephiroth raised his gaze, and what Vincent saw within their emerald depths was pain, and guilt. "Yes. I do.""I think she knows," replied the former Turk. "She was always able to do that; guess what you were feeling. And though I never got the chance to really know her, I miss her very much."
"Then," Sephiroth answered softly, "I am sorry for you, too."Vincent, startled, stared at him. After a minute, he slowly nodded his head. "I think you mean that. And that makes all the difference."
He rose and stood to leave, and Sephiroth stood as well. "Vincent," He said abruptly, "Tell me about her. Tell me about my mother."Vincent froze, still facing the door. He slowly turned around to face the other, expressionless.
"Please," Sephiroth whispered."What would you know?"
"Everything. Anything. I know that you ..." He hesitated, "I know that you loved her. Cloud told me. And I know that you asked her, begged her not to go through with the experiment that created me. You knew her better than anyone ... so please ... tell me."Vincent remained motionless for a moment longer before turning and returning to where he had previously sat. And in a quiet voice, full of memory and happiness long forgotten, he related to Sephiroth all he knew. When he finished, he stood and left without a word, and left Sephiroth to his musings. Sephiroth himself was lost in thought; the mother he had never known, the mother that he had never seen. Eventually he left the chamber, and went to his bunk. He knew it was late evening, and so he crawled into his bed in the dark. He lay awake for long moments, pondering what could have been, and what was. Regret, he was beginning to realize, was something his former self hadn't allowed.
Gradually his eyes closed, and sleep claimed him.-----
-Sephiroth-He knew he was dreaming, and was relieved to discover that, for once, it wasn't the nightmare. He was standing on the shores of an ocean; the wind that flowed past him brought the smell of the sea, and the sound of the waves. The sand was soft and warm beneath his bare feet, and the dying sun warded off the oncoming chill of the night. He watched, fascinated, as the sun's reflection rippled on the waves coming into the shore.
-Sephiroth-He turned then, to find Aeris standing behind him. She was clad in pink, with large worn boots, a long metal staff, and her hair in falling over one shoulder. With a start he realized this was how she had appeared the last time he had saw her alive; this was how she had been moments before he had murdered her. As if realizing his thoughts, she smiled, and it was wistful.
-You should know- she said -that what happened was meant to happen. I cannot hate you forever-Why not? I deserve it. He replied bitterly.
-It was predetermined. Neither of us had much say-There it was again, the underlying bitterness she carried, so sharp it was like a knife. He winced. I'm sorry ...
A sad, weary smile. -I know. I do not blame you. Not anymore-She stepped up beside him, watching the sunset fade into twilight. He let his gaze follow hers, taking comfort in this peace, this illusionary safety that would all too soon fade. She said then -You wanted to speak to me again?-
He started, surprised she knew that. But then again, he thought ruefully, it had been rather blatant. Yes.-About what?-
Everything. I am so lost......I do not know what it is I am supposed to do. I am the bane of Jenova, I know, but how do I go about all of this? Surely it would be folly to search her out, and even if I encountered her what would I do? I have no power, now; I am merely human ...The look she gave him was kind and sympathetic. -I know only what I told you. The Planet, the Cetra ... they often speak in circles ...-
He sighed, discouraged. So I am to continue on, like a blind man approaching a silent monster?-Sephiroth- she said then, her voice stern -you were chosen, and that fact cannot be altered. As vague as it sounds ... all will be revealed in time. It always is ...-
He heard again her pain, her loss. I'm sorry he said softly, for what you have lost.She didn't reply. From the sand before them rose a hazy image of someone: Cloud. She gestured to the image of the blonde man, standing on the deck of the Highwind, looking with an unreadable expression before him.
-I never thought I would live long enough to make friends. I knew at an early age what was needed, what was expected of me. I never expected- she said, and her sorrow made her voice heavy -to fall in love. But I did. And despite how much I wanted it, how much I yearned to accept it, I couldn't. Because of my destiny. Because of my heritage-She turned to him, and her eyes were glistening with tears. -I tell you this- she continued -because you are much like I was, now. You have no choice, no future beyond what has been chosen for you. I have loved, and I have lost, and as much as I shouldn't, I regret. That is what makes me human. I understand, Sephiroth, what you are feeling; the helplessness, the futility, the anger at the unfairness of it all. I understand, and I am sorry for you, because it will not be easy- She turned again to stare at the image of Cloud, and her tears began to fall. -It never is ...-
Sephiroth, aching for her, said He still loves you, Aeris.-And I him-
And then, because he didn't know what else to say, I'm so sorry ...-I know- She turned then, and surprising him, took his hand in her own. -Just as I am sorry for you-
They turned as one to stare at the ocean before them, the waves reflecting the starry canopy above. And when he awoke that morning, he could still feel her fingers wrapped around his.