Phase 29 (The Soul of the Soulless Part II)
from the journal of Buffy A. Summers cont.
I attacked the situation with an almost clinical detachment with was in contrast with how I was
feeling. It was the only way I could keep from going crazy.
Vampires are different from us. They are immortal and therefore convinced that they are not
vulnerable to human frailties, even emotional ones. But vampires were human once and their
changing ,for the most part, does exclude them from hurting. The truth was that Spike was
hurting.
You can break anyone, if you are willing to hurt them enough. Willow and Xander had been
willing. Their brutality-laced abuse and it had destroyed Spike, it had taken away all his self-
confidence and it had made him a diluted version of the man that I loved. This Spike wouldn't
fight for himself. I would have to make him do it.
This is where magic came in. In a perfect world, I would have Spike deliver the last killing blow
to both Willow and Xander. That would give him his revenge and his closure to go
on. Unfortunately, they were both dust so the only way I had of delivering them is by becoming
them.
Complicated-much but I was out of options by now. Giles would help me with the conjuring
while Oz and Larry volunteered for the physical preparations. A group effort through and
through and I was very grateful that the Slayer did not always fight alone.
The guys outfitted the storage room wire cages with enough chains to hold three vamps. They
were detail oriented and were able to recreate the basement prison he'd been held in to the most
minute detail. Even the bloodstains were present and somehow the smell of hopelessness was
also there.
When they were finished, I stood in the middle of the enclosure and tried to imagine, just for a
moment, what it would be to be in his skin. To be in pain and so afraid that I would be losing
myself each day. I would go crazy. Spike did so.
On Halloween morning my Watcher informed me that it was all ready. The magicks were
especially manipulable at this time and that would facilitate everything. He warned me again of
the dangers but also told me that he understood why I was doing what I was doing. He
understood love.
When the sun fell, I went to my lover. Spike was ensconced in our bed between a pile of pillows
and blankets. For once, he looked at peace and I wished that I would not have to do what I was
about to do.
I set the powerful calming incense down which would send him deeper into his dreams. Giles
had made him especially for vampires so it would not affect me at all. I lifted him from his
cocoon and carried him downstairs. He was very light.
Downstairs everything was waiting for us. I removed his pants and replaced them with the torn
and bloody jeans that we had found him in. Then I set to manacle his hands and feet and ran a
chain across his torso and chained it to the ring in the wall. In the back of my mind I realized
that I was now the one who was binding him just as he had once bound me. A burning feeling
settled deep inside of me when I realized just how much I wanted and needed this man.
Giles came in with the materials necessary for this spell to work. He still seemed unconvinced
but I nodded at him to proceed.
He spread a type of ashy substance across Spike's closed eyes. A drop of blackish liquid went
into his mouth. It must have been bitter because he turned away but did not awaken.
Giles recited some words in Latin and the ashy substance began to glow as Spike opened his
eyes. My Watcher indicated that it was all set and left us alone as I waited for Spike to focus on
me.
His blue eyes finally settled on me and his reaction was instant. He tried to get up but his chains
held him down and tangled around him giving him no room to move in. I bit my lower lip to
keep myself from crying. He no longer saw me before him but an image of Willow.
I took the sharpened blade and straddled him. He gasped as the sharp weapon ran across his
bare chest and opened painful wounds that bled freely into my hands. I licked his blood of my
hands as he turned away in horror while I smiled her twisted smile.
"I'm not done yet" I whispered harshly.
What followed still gives me nightmares. I tore at his body trying to get a reaction besides fear
from him. I pushed and clawed at him only to meet his rising fear, his terror which made me
want to die. It seemed so hopeless.
But then his eyes changed and the watery mistiness was replaced by something else.
TBC
Please R/R
from the journal of Buffy A. Summers cont.
I attacked the situation with an almost clinical detachment with was in contrast with how I was
feeling. It was the only way I could keep from going crazy.
Vampires are different from us. They are immortal and therefore convinced that they are not
vulnerable to human frailties, even emotional ones. But vampires were human once and their
changing ,for the most part, does exclude them from hurting. The truth was that Spike was
hurting.
You can break anyone, if you are willing to hurt them enough. Willow and Xander had been
willing. Their brutality-laced abuse and it had destroyed Spike, it had taken away all his self-
confidence and it had made him a diluted version of the man that I loved. This Spike wouldn't
fight for himself. I would have to make him do it.
This is where magic came in. In a perfect world, I would have Spike deliver the last killing blow
to both Willow and Xander. That would give him his revenge and his closure to go
on. Unfortunately, they were both dust so the only way I had of delivering them is by becoming
them.
Complicated-much but I was out of options by now. Giles would help me with the conjuring
while Oz and Larry volunteered for the physical preparations. A group effort through and
through and I was very grateful that the Slayer did not always fight alone.
The guys outfitted the storage room wire cages with enough chains to hold three vamps. They
were detail oriented and were able to recreate the basement prison he'd been held in to the most
minute detail. Even the bloodstains were present and somehow the smell of hopelessness was
also there.
When they were finished, I stood in the middle of the enclosure and tried to imagine, just for a
moment, what it would be to be in his skin. To be in pain and so afraid that I would be losing
myself each day. I would go crazy. Spike did so.
On Halloween morning my Watcher informed me that it was all ready. The magicks were
especially manipulable at this time and that would facilitate everything. He warned me again of
the dangers but also told me that he understood why I was doing what I was doing. He
understood love.
When the sun fell, I went to my lover. Spike was ensconced in our bed between a pile of pillows
and blankets. For once, he looked at peace and I wished that I would not have to do what I was
about to do.
I set the powerful calming incense down which would send him deeper into his dreams. Giles
had made him especially for vampires so it would not affect me at all. I lifted him from his
cocoon and carried him downstairs. He was very light.
Downstairs everything was waiting for us. I removed his pants and replaced them with the torn
and bloody jeans that we had found him in. Then I set to manacle his hands and feet and ran a
chain across his torso and chained it to the ring in the wall. In the back of my mind I realized
that I was now the one who was binding him just as he had once bound me. A burning feeling
settled deep inside of me when I realized just how much I wanted and needed this man.
Giles came in with the materials necessary for this spell to work. He still seemed unconvinced
but I nodded at him to proceed.
He spread a type of ashy substance across Spike's closed eyes. A drop of blackish liquid went
into his mouth. It must have been bitter because he turned away but did not awaken.
Giles recited some words in Latin and the ashy substance began to glow as Spike opened his
eyes. My Watcher indicated that it was all set and left us alone as I waited for Spike to focus on
me.
His blue eyes finally settled on me and his reaction was instant. He tried to get up but his chains
held him down and tangled around him giving him no room to move in. I bit my lower lip to
keep myself from crying. He no longer saw me before him but an image of Willow.
I took the sharpened blade and straddled him. He gasped as the sharp weapon ran across his
bare chest and opened painful wounds that bled freely into my hands. I licked his blood of my
hands as he turned away in horror while I smiled her twisted smile.
"I'm not done yet" I whispered harshly.
What followed still gives me nightmares. I tore at his body trying to get a reaction besides fear
from him. I pushed and clawed at him only to meet his rising fear, his terror which made me
want to die. It seemed so hopeless.
But then his eyes changed and the watery mistiness was replaced by something else.
TBC
Please R/R