The Feeling - Chapter Fourteen: Anxiety
To Lor time seemed to move very slowly now. It still moved along, but it dragged its feet. She felt like it had been a few years since she told Tino about her current situation, but only one day had passed. Her lack of sleep and endless pacing didn't help the matter either. She couldn't help it though, the seriousness of the problem kept her awake and worrying. Never before in all of her life had Lor faced an issue that could completely change everything like this one. Not only at home, but at school, and with her friends, nothing would stay the same. She paced some more as she continued to think everything over and over again. It made her head hurt to consider so many factors and so many consequences. There was one thought that did run clearly through her mind. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to return to when things were simple and her biggest problem was a math test or a history exam. Those problems were temporary and only affected her for a week or two and changed nothing. This problem, however, would affect her entire life for years and years. Lor's legs were growing tired from pacing and she sat down on the edge of her bed and buried her face into her hands.
"Life dilemmas make my head hurt. I never wanted this to happen, but here I am now. I guess Tino and I aren't as mature as I thought. We promised to try and make sure things didn't change, but we risked it all anyway. We completely threw caution to the wind, and went ahead without really considering the consequences. We thought we knew what we were doing, but I guess we were wrong. I hate learning things the hard way. This is so unbearable! There is no guarantee that I'm pregnant, but it's tearing me up anyway. I mean I want to be optimistic, but it's just so damn hard. I can't even imagine how my family would take this. They have been pretty much okay with everything so far, but this would be such a giant shock to them. I don't know if they could handle it. Maybe if I am pregnant I could just not tell them and take care of this myself. On the other hand, that would be hard to do, and I know Tino would be furious. No, I have to accept the mistake me and Tino made, and not take it out on someone else should things turn out that way. I wish I could go back two months and just be concerned with the relationship between me and Tino. Of course not, though, we had to rush into sex without really considering what things would be like if this was to ever happen. Damn it! I would just like to be certain whether or not I am pregnant so I can decide what to do....., but I guess that's up to me to find out. I don't think anything this important has ever been left entirely in my hands. How do people do this? I can't imagine how people could possibly be able to make such important decisions all the time. That doesn't matter right now. I have to focus on finding out if I'm really pregnant or not..... I'm only sixteen I really shouldn't have to be considering this type of stuff. Tino certainly is right it's abstinence for a long time after this because whether I'm pregnant or not, I can't put up with this stress."
Lor lay back on her bed and just looked up at her ceiling trying to convince herself that no matter what things would be okay. She knew she had Tino's support regardless, and that her family would love her no matter what.
Tino paced in his room not sure what to think or what to do. Tish and Carver watched as he walked back and forth, both unsure of what to say to him.
"How could we have been so reckless? Why didn't I ever really consider the consequences? It's like they always say, people tell themselves it will never happen to them. Now look at me, I'm one more person who has proven that to be true," Tino said.
"Tino, I understand that this is serious, but you can't be so negative about it," Tish commented.
"How can I not be negative? This is a serious issue that affects me and Lor very deeply, and it was something that was in our control. It is our fault that we are in this predicament. It's hard for me to forgive myself for the hell I'm bringing down."
"You have to forgive yourself. You have enough to worry about already, don't add to it by just blaming yourself for this," Carver said.
"I know that, but I've always been the level-headed one. When problems arose in the group, I was the one who came up with an answer."
"You mean your mom always came up with an answer," Carver commented.
"You know what I mean. Anyway, this situation is a contradiction of my nature. I acted rashly without thinking things through and realizing the correct path to choose. Not only that, but when we first started being intimate I proudly proclaimed to my mom that I was mature and responsible. Now, I've gone against that and made it a lie."
"You and Lor both gave into your desires and that's understandable. Considering how much you two love each other, and how long you have known each other, it was almost inevitable that you two would make the decision you made without thinking of the consequences. Sure your actions were rash, but both of you had a lack of inhibition that is understandable. What you have to realize now is that you are stepping up to the responsibilities that come with your actions. You are supporting Lor no matter what, and you aren't running away. That is very mature," Tish said.
Tino stopped and looked at his friends for a second considering what Tish had just said.
"Yeah, T, Tish is right. The fact that you aren't running away from the problem, but willing to show your support proves that you are mature. You are accepting the responsibilities. If anything this proves what you said to your mom," Carver added.
Tino looked at his friends a bit longer, and thought some more. Eventually, the silence was broken by Tino.
"You're right. I can't just blame myself. Yesterday I told Lor that no matter what everything would be okay, that we would see this thing through. Well, I have to listen to my own words. I can't let all of this fall apart."
"That's the spirit, Tino! You just have to believe in yourself and Lor," Tish said.
"Hey and think of this, it's still not even certain that Lor is pregnant. It is possible that it is just a false alarm. I know that it is very optimistic thinking, but you never know," Carver added.
"Yeah I know, but I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario, you know? I want to be that optimistic, but I have to be realistic as well," Tino replied.
"Yeah I guess I understand. I just wanted you to remember that there was a bright side. Because you know, at a fork in the road there an infinite number of paths," Carver said.
"Good one, Carv."
"Got it off Trigun."
"Thanks guys, I really appreciate you helping me out with moral support. Right now, I just want to be alone and think things over, okay?"
"Sure thing, Tino. I hope things turn out alright for you guys, and remember that we are all friends and we will always be friends with you and Lor no matter what," Tish said.
"Yeah, man, you can always count on us when something is getting you down. As for right now, we'll let you be so later days," Carver added.
"Thanks again, guys. Do me a favor, though, go check on Lor and see that she is doing okay."
"You got it, Tino," Tish said.
The three waved goodbye and Tish and Carver left leaving Tino alone with his thoughts. He lay down on his bed, his mind heavy with thoughts.
"So this is what it's like? To feel the future resting on your shoulders. I don't remember seeing this topic on Teen Canyon. I guess I can't rely on TV to teach me everything. Sometimes I suppose you have to learn things the hard way. Well, I can definitely say that Lor and I have learned our lesson. Man, who would have thought things would turn out this way? I always thought that when people had this problem it was because they were unprepared. We were prepared and we still didn't avoid this so I guess it's all chance. I can't focus on that, though. I have to consider the problem at hand and not what could have prevented it. There are two possibilities here, either Lor is pregnant or she is just 'late' for other reasons. Hopefully, the latter is true but if not then I must give my moral support to Lor. I am part of this just as much as she is so I can't abandon her. Yes! Just like Captain Dreadnought, I must stand up for what is righteous and prove myself a man and not a coward! Ha! I will not run, I am mature and I accept all responsibilities. I said we would see this thing through and I'm a man of my word, right? Right! Bring it on, Fate. You can't beat me and Lor. Yeah, we'll be fine........... just fine."
Tino continued lying on his bed as he continued to wash away his anxiety. He knew what he had to do, and he was confident that he would do just that. A smile crept onto his face as he knew that no matter what scenario presented itself things would be all right.
End of Chapter Fourteen
I'm not really sure because I have a hard time proofreading my own work, but I think I repeated myself a lot. I'm not sure. If I did, then I'm sure while writing it I had a good reason for it. Alright, that's all I have this time. Keep readin' and reviewin'.
To Lor time seemed to move very slowly now. It still moved along, but it dragged its feet. She felt like it had been a few years since she told Tino about her current situation, but only one day had passed. Her lack of sleep and endless pacing didn't help the matter either. She couldn't help it though, the seriousness of the problem kept her awake and worrying. Never before in all of her life had Lor faced an issue that could completely change everything like this one. Not only at home, but at school, and with her friends, nothing would stay the same. She paced some more as she continued to think everything over and over again. It made her head hurt to consider so many factors and so many consequences. There was one thought that did run clearly through her mind. She wanted to go back in time. She wanted to return to when things were simple and her biggest problem was a math test or a history exam. Those problems were temporary and only affected her for a week or two and changed nothing. This problem, however, would affect her entire life for years and years. Lor's legs were growing tired from pacing and she sat down on the edge of her bed and buried her face into her hands.
"Life dilemmas make my head hurt. I never wanted this to happen, but here I am now. I guess Tino and I aren't as mature as I thought. We promised to try and make sure things didn't change, but we risked it all anyway. We completely threw caution to the wind, and went ahead without really considering the consequences. We thought we knew what we were doing, but I guess we were wrong. I hate learning things the hard way. This is so unbearable! There is no guarantee that I'm pregnant, but it's tearing me up anyway. I mean I want to be optimistic, but it's just so damn hard. I can't even imagine how my family would take this. They have been pretty much okay with everything so far, but this would be such a giant shock to them. I don't know if they could handle it. Maybe if I am pregnant I could just not tell them and take care of this myself. On the other hand, that would be hard to do, and I know Tino would be furious. No, I have to accept the mistake me and Tino made, and not take it out on someone else should things turn out that way. I wish I could go back two months and just be concerned with the relationship between me and Tino. Of course not, though, we had to rush into sex without really considering what things would be like if this was to ever happen. Damn it! I would just like to be certain whether or not I am pregnant so I can decide what to do....., but I guess that's up to me to find out. I don't think anything this important has ever been left entirely in my hands. How do people do this? I can't imagine how people could possibly be able to make such important decisions all the time. That doesn't matter right now. I have to focus on finding out if I'm really pregnant or not..... I'm only sixteen I really shouldn't have to be considering this type of stuff. Tino certainly is right it's abstinence for a long time after this because whether I'm pregnant or not, I can't put up with this stress."
Lor lay back on her bed and just looked up at her ceiling trying to convince herself that no matter what things would be okay. She knew she had Tino's support regardless, and that her family would love her no matter what.
Tino paced in his room not sure what to think or what to do. Tish and Carver watched as he walked back and forth, both unsure of what to say to him.
"How could we have been so reckless? Why didn't I ever really consider the consequences? It's like they always say, people tell themselves it will never happen to them. Now look at me, I'm one more person who has proven that to be true," Tino said.
"Tino, I understand that this is serious, but you can't be so negative about it," Tish commented.
"How can I not be negative? This is a serious issue that affects me and Lor very deeply, and it was something that was in our control. It is our fault that we are in this predicament. It's hard for me to forgive myself for the hell I'm bringing down."
"You have to forgive yourself. You have enough to worry about already, don't add to it by just blaming yourself for this," Carver said.
"I know that, but I've always been the level-headed one. When problems arose in the group, I was the one who came up with an answer."
"You mean your mom always came up with an answer," Carver commented.
"You know what I mean. Anyway, this situation is a contradiction of my nature. I acted rashly without thinking things through and realizing the correct path to choose. Not only that, but when we first started being intimate I proudly proclaimed to my mom that I was mature and responsible. Now, I've gone against that and made it a lie."
"You and Lor both gave into your desires and that's understandable. Considering how much you two love each other, and how long you have known each other, it was almost inevitable that you two would make the decision you made without thinking of the consequences. Sure your actions were rash, but both of you had a lack of inhibition that is understandable. What you have to realize now is that you are stepping up to the responsibilities that come with your actions. You are supporting Lor no matter what, and you aren't running away. That is very mature," Tish said.
Tino stopped and looked at his friends for a second considering what Tish had just said.
"Yeah, T, Tish is right. The fact that you aren't running away from the problem, but willing to show your support proves that you are mature. You are accepting the responsibilities. If anything this proves what you said to your mom," Carver added.
Tino looked at his friends a bit longer, and thought some more. Eventually, the silence was broken by Tino.
"You're right. I can't just blame myself. Yesterday I told Lor that no matter what everything would be okay, that we would see this thing through. Well, I have to listen to my own words. I can't let all of this fall apart."
"That's the spirit, Tino! You just have to believe in yourself and Lor," Tish said.
"Hey and think of this, it's still not even certain that Lor is pregnant. It is possible that it is just a false alarm. I know that it is very optimistic thinking, but you never know," Carver added.
"Yeah I know, but I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario, you know? I want to be that optimistic, but I have to be realistic as well," Tino replied.
"Yeah I guess I understand. I just wanted you to remember that there was a bright side. Because you know, at a fork in the road there an infinite number of paths," Carver said.
"Good one, Carv."
"Got it off Trigun."
"Thanks guys, I really appreciate you helping me out with moral support. Right now, I just want to be alone and think things over, okay?"
"Sure thing, Tino. I hope things turn out alright for you guys, and remember that we are all friends and we will always be friends with you and Lor no matter what," Tish said.
"Yeah, man, you can always count on us when something is getting you down. As for right now, we'll let you be so later days," Carver added.
"Thanks again, guys. Do me a favor, though, go check on Lor and see that she is doing okay."
"You got it, Tino," Tish said.
The three waved goodbye and Tish and Carver left leaving Tino alone with his thoughts. He lay down on his bed, his mind heavy with thoughts.
"So this is what it's like? To feel the future resting on your shoulders. I don't remember seeing this topic on Teen Canyon. I guess I can't rely on TV to teach me everything. Sometimes I suppose you have to learn things the hard way. Well, I can definitely say that Lor and I have learned our lesson. Man, who would have thought things would turn out this way? I always thought that when people had this problem it was because they were unprepared. We were prepared and we still didn't avoid this so I guess it's all chance. I can't focus on that, though. I have to consider the problem at hand and not what could have prevented it. There are two possibilities here, either Lor is pregnant or she is just 'late' for other reasons. Hopefully, the latter is true but if not then I must give my moral support to Lor. I am part of this just as much as she is so I can't abandon her. Yes! Just like Captain Dreadnought, I must stand up for what is righteous and prove myself a man and not a coward! Ha! I will not run, I am mature and I accept all responsibilities. I said we would see this thing through and I'm a man of my word, right? Right! Bring it on, Fate. You can't beat me and Lor. Yeah, we'll be fine........... just fine."
Tino continued lying on his bed as he continued to wash away his anxiety. He knew what he had to do, and he was confident that he would do just that. A smile crept onto his face as he knew that no matter what scenario presented itself things would be all right.
End of Chapter Fourteen
I'm not really sure because I have a hard time proofreading my own work, but I think I repeated myself a lot. I'm not sure. If I did, then I'm sure while writing it I had a good reason for it. Alright, that's all I have this time. Keep readin' and reviewin'.