Disclaimer: I don't own TF, Hasbro does.

I wrote this fic as a result of a few personal 'troubles' of late, but I'm not going into them here. I hope that the pain I've been through hasn't dampened the fic in any way.

Anyway, this fic is dedicated to a friend; I won't say who it is, but dedicating this is the best I can do in condolence to your loss.

………

Arise Rodimus Prime.

I watch over them, and they look up to me.

I never asked to be their leader.

I don't want this responsibility.

Once, I was called Hot Rod; a carefree child. I didn't care if the older Autobots scorned my childish ways, I was happy.

I was happy.

Many others thought that Arcee and I held an animosity towards each other, but in truth the outward rivalry and sniping comments were merely the way we interacted; we were I think secretly in love; I certainly enjoyed the playful banter, and we were both quick to reprimand anyone that commented negatively against the other.

Then it was all stolen from me.

Kup always told me to grow up and to act more mature; when I became Rodimus Prime I stepped into the shoes of the greatest leader the Autobots ever knew.

And the first thing Kup did was congratulate me.

He didn't care about how I felt; the shock of having it all thrust upon me.

I felt that my rights had been violated; no one ever asked me if I wanted this; they just assumed that I was their leader and they were happy to follow; to not have to worry about making the wrong choices, because that's what their leader is for.

Why can't they understand that I wanted to remain the child? I didn't want this burden to bear.

Every time that I begin to doubt myself the others do their best to reassure me.

I don't want reassurance. I don't want to be understood.

I don't want to be responsible.

Ultra Magnus is always there for me in the same way that Prowl and Ironhide were there for Prime. It's nice to know that there's someone there to lean on in times of strife.

But it still doesn't change the way that I feel, deep down inside.

I want to shirk the responsibility; to tell them all that I can't handle it and that the position is open for anyone that wants it.

But I can't do that.

I don't want to have responsibility thrust on me, but at the same time I don't want to force it to be thrust on someone else. I protect them at the sake of my own happiness.

So I must carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. To nod when Ultra Magnus gives me advice and to seem like I'm taking it.

I just want to be left alone.

But I know that will never happen. My role in life is not to question why I was chosen to lead. I didn't want this but it's a curse that I alone have to bear.

I bear it because no one else can. No one else should have to be forced to take my responsibility.

"Something on your mind old friend?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

"Hey, cheer up, you're doing a wonderful job. Any day now you'll realise you're every bit as good a leader as Optimus Prime ever was."

"Optimus Prime. Who could live up to him?"
Magnus smiled as I turned my back and resumed walking.

He thinks he's doing the right thing; I know that he means well.

But can't he take the hint? I can't be expected to live up to the expectations of a Prime. Maybe I'm just too subtle in my meaning. Of course I could never live up to Optimus; but the question is still posed; who could live up to him?

I just want someone to tell me I can go back to being a child again, for someone else to tell me they'll take everything on themselves and that I don't need to worry any more.

I am Rodimus Prime. I was once known as Hot Rod.

But Hot Rod is dead now. He's dead because of me.

I might not like the job I have to do, but it is indeed mine to do. I might not like it, but that's what responsibility is all about.

……….

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