A/N: As I've said millions of times, I hate first year fics. So I'm
skipping ahead. Now I guess I'm making it third year, and because I'm
doing a parody, this is the only indication of the transition. Third year
is pretty bad too. So here I go.
()()()()=Side comments
~ ~ ~ ~= my wonderful little sarcastic remarks.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~ Of Parodies and Premonitions ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Lily was sitting at the Gryfinndor table, surrounded by her two best friends. (This bothers me. Lily always has two best friends; one of them likes Sirius and the other likes Remus. Friendships don't normally work that way people!) Amy was on her left and had long, flowing blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes! (What her seating position and her hair and eyes has to do with each other, I have no idea. As for the exclamation point, you ain't seen nothing yet. Oh no, I just said ain't. What is the fic coming to?) Katie was on her right and she had smooth black hair and dazzling blue eyes. (~This is how every friendship is: one has red hair, one has black and one has blonde~)
Just then, the Marauders walked in and sat across from Lily and her friends. (Ok just a little something I need to say. I got the feeling that the Marauders were almost like a secret society. You know, they only use their nicknames when they are alone. It's kind of a giveaway that they are illegal animagi when they call each other Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Why can't we all just call them James and his friends or something of that nature?)
"Hey, Lil," Sirius greeted. (What's with the nickname "Lil?")
"Hello!"
"Yo, Moony! Pass the Fruit Loops!" ordered James. ( Ahhh!! British people in the 1970s really didn't use the word "Yo"!!!!! Fruit Loops weren't invented. I know some people might offer the excuse that they're magical and they can have whatever they want, but the world doesn't work that way.)
"C-c-can I h-h-have them after you, J-J-James?" asked Peter. Nobody really liked Peter. He was awful at every subject, he wasn't as good- looking as the rest, he was short and chubby, his light brown hair was too thin and he was always asking stupid questions. (~Since he grows up to do such an awful thing, that must mean that he was always evil. I'm sure he had been planning to betray his friends to Voldemort ever since he was thirteen.~)
Lily shot him an angry glare. She had always hated Peter, and she wished that he had been sorted into Slytherin where he belonged. (I can just imagine the conversation a few years later: James: "Sirius, will you be our secret-keeper?" Sirius: "I've got a better idea! Why don't we use Peter? Voldemort will never suspect." James: "Peter? The same Peter we hated all though school and who followed us everywhere?" Sirius: "Yes that's him!" James: "Okay, I'll go tell Lily." Lily: "What a spiffing idea! Sure I hated him, but I don't mind placing our lives and the life of our son in his hands!")
Lily was about to insult Peter, but then Dumbledore stood up.
"I have an announcement to make. This year we will be having a series of balls. (~Oh yes, we all know how often Hogwarts has balls.~) One will take place each month starting next month." He sat down and the entire hall started to buzz with excitement.
Amy was the first one of the three girls to speak. "I am like so totally excited about this dance! Who do you think y'all will go with?" Her blue eyes were alive with excitement!
"Certainly not Potter," Lily muttered. (Okay I perceive using last names as more of a guy thing to do. No matter how much a guy hates a girl, He'll most likely call her by her first name. The same goes for the girl.)
"Oh, come off it, Lils," quipped Amy. (Why is it that Lily and James' friends always know that they are madly in love? ~Oh silly me, all thirteen year olds are always this mature about love. Lily and James must be freaks~ That nickname "Lils" bugs me too. I mean Lily is already a very short name so why does everyone feel the need to shorten it? Some people refuse to be called anything but their full name.)
"I do not!" Lily protested. "I'll sooner jump in the lake with nothing but my knickers on!" (~Hmmm I wonder what will happen in later chapters~ No one says these types of things. They'll go "I'd rather eat dung" or something along those lines, but no one remembers what they said, or even makes them go through with it.)
Meanwhile James and his friends were having a similar conversation.
"Dude, what kind of prank should we pull on Evans tonight?" asked Sirius in his hyperactive-dog way.(~Since Sirius's name sounds like serious, [pauses a moment and convulses with laughter] that must mean that he really is as far away from serious as can possible be. Oh, Sirius, you prankster you.~)
"Oh I have the perfect thing for her. I've been planning it since first year." Remus and Peter looked up at James, who, of course, stands up proud and strong whenever he speaks, as if he were a god, enraptured with their friend, as Sirius looked-on in a best friend/brotherly way. "I'm going to dye her hair.(wait for it).PUCE!!!!!"
Sirius bounced off the whatever-he-was-sitting-on-that-the-author-did- not-include-because-s/he-is-too-cool-for-that and ran up and hugged James. "Oh Jamsie, that's brilliant, m'boy!" he exclaimed as he hugged his friend with those well-toned arms to his muscular and burly six pack. (~Even though he's a fictional character, it doesn't mean that he still couldn't be my lover one day, duh!~)
"Uh-uh-uh-umm what's p-p-poose?" asked Peter dumbly. (~Everything Peter does is dumb. He is a worthless piece of filth and I will only mention him when I can make fun of him!~)
"You mean puce, you dummy?" mocked Sirius with a half smug-half malicious grin on his face.
"Sirius, be nice." (~James sure is a nice guy. He is so nice. I mean no wonder Peter betrayed only him. I'd betray the one person who was nice to be any day. Forget those who were mean to me.~) James gave Sirius a chastising look and Sirius looked subdued.
"Puce is a deep red to dark grayish purple," said Remus, wisely and really sensuously too for some reason.
Feeling that he'd gathered enough information, Peter left the other boys and went out in search of his master..
Lily, Amy and Katie were off being wanted by every boy in the school except for James and Co. Since nothing that they do is really that important, It will be included in the following lines because they are so cool!
Katie, being the boldest and most adventurous of the three had just come back from spying on the boys for no real reason except to fix a hole in the plot that the author accidentally made.
"I'm like so totally bummed guys."
"Girls," interrupted like the feminist, who really wasn't but only pretended to be because she read in Witch Weekly that boys like girls who are feminist.
"Okay, girls," Katie corrected. "Well I'm bummed because I really don't see the point of being perfect in all ways of life except for my quirks that make me oh-so-loveable and having perfect friends and supposedly having three perfect male rivals if the male rivals don't have the same conversations as us."
"You're so right," Amy said, blushing (Amy is always blushing for some reason or other) "If we don't talk alike and don't do the same things then that means that one of us is wrong"
"I don't like the way this conversation is going. Therefore, I, Lily, leader of the Maurarderellaz, declare this discussion OVER" said our favorite little redhead in a totally teeny-bopper movie-ish way.
In some inconsequential location that will remain undisclosed due to lack of creativity to think of a name, Peter was attending to some business. (~Gee, I wonder~)
Wait, since Peter is some stupid rat that no one cares about he won't be included anymore in this chapter.
Neither will any of the other characters.
()()()()=Side comments
~ ~ ~ ~= my wonderful little sarcastic remarks.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~ Of Parodies and Premonitions ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
Lily was sitting at the Gryfinndor table, surrounded by her two best friends. (This bothers me. Lily always has two best friends; one of them likes Sirius and the other likes Remus. Friendships don't normally work that way people!) Amy was on her left and had long, flowing blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes! (What her seating position and her hair and eyes has to do with each other, I have no idea. As for the exclamation point, you ain't seen nothing yet. Oh no, I just said ain't. What is the fic coming to?) Katie was on her right and she had smooth black hair and dazzling blue eyes. (~This is how every friendship is: one has red hair, one has black and one has blonde~)
Just then, the Marauders walked in and sat across from Lily and her friends. (Ok just a little something I need to say. I got the feeling that the Marauders were almost like a secret society. You know, they only use their nicknames when they are alone. It's kind of a giveaway that they are illegal animagi when they call each other Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Why can't we all just call them James and his friends or something of that nature?)
"Hey, Lil," Sirius greeted. (What's with the nickname "Lil?")
"Hello!"
"Yo, Moony! Pass the Fruit Loops!" ordered James. ( Ahhh!! British people in the 1970s really didn't use the word "Yo"!!!!! Fruit Loops weren't invented. I know some people might offer the excuse that they're magical and they can have whatever they want, but the world doesn't work that way.)
"C-c-can I h-h-have them after you, J-J-James?" asked Peter. Nobody really liked Peter. He was awful at every subject, he wasn't as good- looking as the rest, he was short and chubby, his light brown hair was too thin and he was always asking stupid questions. (~Since he grows up to do such an awful thing, that must mean that he was always evil. I'm sure he had been planning to betray his friends to Voldemort ever since he was thirteen.~)
Lily shot him an angry glare. She had always hated Peter, and she wished that he had been sorted into Slytherin where he belonged. (I can just imagine the conversation a few years later: James: "Sirius, will you be our secret-keeper?" Sirius: "I've got a better idea! Why don't we use Peter? Voldemort will never suspect." James: "Peter? The same Peter we hated all though school and who followed us everywhere?" Sirius: "Yes that's him!" James: "Okay, I'll go tell Lily." Lily: "What a spiffing idea! Sure I hated him, but I don't mind placing our lives and the life of our son in his hands!")
Lily was about to insult Peter, but then Dumbledore stood up.
"I have an announcement to make. This year we will be having a series of balls. (~Oh yes, we all know how often Hogwarts has balls.~) One will take place each month starting next month." He sat down and the entire hall started to buzz with excitement.
Amy was the first one of the three girls to speak. "I am like so totally excited about this dance! Who do you think y'all will go with?" Her blue eyes were alive with excitement!
"Certainly not Potter," Lily muttered. (Okay I perceive using last names as more of a guy thing to do. No matter how much a guy hates a girl, He'll most likely call her by her first name. The same goes for the girl.)
"Oh, come off it, Lils," quipped Amy. (Why is it that Lily and James' friends always know that they are madly in love? ~Oh silly me, all thirteen year olds are always this mature about love. Lily and James must be freaks~ That nickname "Lils" bugs me too. I mean Lily is already a very short name so why does everyone feel the need to shorten it? Some people refuse to be called anything but their full name.)
"I do not!" Lily protested. "I'll sooner jump in the lake with nothing but my knickers on!" (~Hmmm I wonder what will happen in later chapters~ No one says these types of things. They'll go "I'd rather eat dung" or something along those lines, but no one remembers what they said, or even makes them go through with it.)
Meanwhile James and his friends were having a similar conversation.
"Dude, what kind of prank should we pull on Evans tonight?" asked Sirius in his hyperactive-dog way.(~Since Sirius's name sounds like serious, [pauses a moment and convulses with laughter] that must mean that he really is as far away from serious as can possible be. Oh, Sirius, you prankster you.~)
"Oh I have the perfect thing for her. I've been planning it since first year." Remus and Peter looked up at James, who, of course, stands up proud and strong whenever he speaks, as if he were a god, enraptured with their friend, as Sirius looked-on in a best friend/brotherly way. "I'm going to dye her hair.(wait for it).PUCE!!!!!"
Sirius bounced off the whatever-he-was-sitting-on-that-the-author-did- not-include-because-s/he-is-too-cool-for-that and ran up and hugged James. "Oh Jamsie, that's brilliant, m'boy!" he exclaimed as he hugged his friend with those well-toned arms to his muscular and burly six pack. (~Even though he's a fictional character, it doesn't mean that he still couldn't be my lover one day, duh!~)
"Uh-uh-uh-umm what's p-p-poose?" asked Peter dumbly. (~Everything Peter does is dumb. He is a worthless piece of filth and I will only mention him when I can make fun of him!~)
"You mean puce, you dummy?" mocked Sirius with a half smug-half malicious grin on his face.
"Sirius, be nice." (~James sure is a nice guy. He is so nice. I mean no wonder Peter betrayed only him. I'd betray the one person who was nice to be any day. Forget those who were mean to me.~) James gave Sirius a chastising look and Sirius looked subdued.
"Puce is a deep red to dark grayish purple," said Remus, wisely and really sensuously too for some reason.
Feeling that he'd gathered enough information, Peter left the other boys and went out in search of his master..
Lily, Amy and Katie were off being wanted by every boy in the school except for James and Co. Since nothing that they do is really that important, It will be included in the following lines because they are so cool!
Katie, being the boldest and most adventurous of the three had just come back from spying on the boys for no real reason except to fix a hole in the plot that the author accidentally made.
"I'm like so totally bummed guys."
"Girls," interrupted like the feminist, who really wasn't but only pretended to be because she read in Witch Weekly that boys like girls who are feminist.
"Okay, girls," Katie corrected. "Well I'm bummed because I really don't see the point of being perfect in all ways of life except for my quirks that make me oh-so-loveable and having perfect friends and supposedly having three perfect male rivals if the male rivals don't have the same conversations as us."
"You're so right," Amy said, blushing (Amy is always blushing for some reason or other) "If we don't talk alike and don't do the same things then that means that one of us is wrong"
"I don't like the way this conversation is going. Therefore, I, Lily, leader of the Maurarderellaz, declare this discussion OVER" said our favorite little redhead in a totally teeny-bopper movie-ish way.
In some inconsequential location that will remain undisclosed due to lack of creativity to think of a name, Peter was attending to some business. (~Gee, I wonder~)
Wait, since Peter is some stupid rat that no one cares about he won't be included anymore in this chapter.
Neither will any of the other characters.