The Feeling - Chapter Eighteen: Fate
Tino rushed around his room getting himself cleaned up for the annual New Year's Eve party at his house. Fortunately enough, he didn't have to do any cleaning or decorating since the house was still clean and decorated from the wedding the day before. He threw his clothes on quickly since guests were already arriving. He reached into his closet to pull out his usual brown button-down dress shirt, but he went for the blue sweater Lor had gotten for him instead to impress her. It was the first time he decided to wear it and he was going to make sure Lor noticed. Now that he was cleaned up and dressed nicely, Tino rushed down the stairs to greet the arriving guests. Once down the stairs he noticed that there was already about ten people there, and Carver and Tish were among them.
"Man, look at you guys it looks the rain is pickin' up. I'm glad you could make it, though," Tino said to Tish and Carver.
"Hey, T, you know we could make it. We're here every year. Plus, how could I pass up such a perfect opportunity to score some points with Moira? But yeah man, this damned rain. Why can't we live somewhere colder, so we could get some snow? Why?!" Carver yelled.
"Whoa calm down there, Carver. Hey, how come Lor isn't here yet?" Tish asked.
"Oh that's because she was out visiting her grandmother today, so she told me earlier that she would be a bit late," Tino answered.
"Hey, Tino have you thought of your resolutions for this year?" Carver asked.
"No, not yet. I'm still thinkin' about it," Tino replied.
"Well, you had better hurry up because once Lor gets here we'll be sharing our resolutions like every New Years Eve," Carver said.
"Yeah, yeah I know. Don't worry I'll think of something," Tino said.
"Tino, is that a new sweater?" Tish asked.
Tino gave a smile and said with satisfaction, "Why yes. Yes it is. This here sweater was given to me by my lovely girlfriend Lor Macquarrie for Solstice."
Tish rolled her eyes. "A simple 'yes' would have been sufficient."
Carver slung his arm around his good friend and smiled. "So wearin' it to catch her eye, eh? Trying to score some points, huh? That's my man!"
Tino slowly removed Carver's arm from around his shoulder.
"Yeah, that's the plan. Actually, I'm kind of glad that Lor will be late because I want to be sure of what I'm going to say to her at midnight before she arrives."
"Ahhh, how romantic. It makes me wish that I had a boyfriend, it's all so enchanting," Tish commented wistfully.
"Enchanting? This isn't Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, and it's not like we're wishin' upon a star, Tish," Carver responded.
"A girl can dream, can't she? Geez, don't be such a Scrooge. Anyway, we would be glad to help you in anyway we can, Tino," Tish said.
"Yeah, man. I'm always willing to help out a friend trying to score with the ladies or lady in your case," Carver said with a grin.
"Thanks guys. I want to run a few lines by you and see what you think of them."
"Wait, before you do that, I have to know the atmosphere, you know time, place, and general feeling in the air," Carver stated.
"What? How does that make a difference?" Tino asked.
"It makes a very big difference! Now tell me," Carver demanded.
"Well, I was thinkin' that it would be at midnight, while dancing, after we kiss, with an almost euphoric state in the air," Tino replied.
"What the hell is a euphoric state?" Carver asked perplexed.
"Carver, you are so exasperating. A euphoric state is a state of exaggerated elation," Tish replied.
Carver stared at Tish with a confused look in his eye conveying that he was still no closer to knowing the answer.
"It's the feeling you get when you walk into a buffet," Tino offered.
"Ahhh, I understand now. You should have just said that to begin with," Carver commented.
"Whatever. So okay I thought that I would start off by staring deep into her eyes and then saying 'I love you, and this New Year will be our year. We will live it together hand in hand. This is our time.' That's what I have got. What do you think?"
Tish wiped a few tears from her eyes and said, "That's so beautiful! I didn't know you could be so sweet."
"Hey, hey, hey, keep it down someone might hear you," Tino commented a bit worried, "So what did you think, Carver?"
"Well, I gotta tell ya man, those are some pretty sweet lines. I might have to start coming to you for advice on scoring points with the ladies. Maybe."
"Thanks guys. I just hope Lor likes them," Tino said.
"Oh, I'm sure she will. It will be a moment that both of you remember forever," Tish commented.
Just then the phone rang, and Tino went to answer it, but his mom walked past him and motioned that she would get it.
"Well, I just hope I don't choke when I'm trying to talk with her," Tino said.
"It will be fine. You have talked to Lor plenty of times, and in worse cases. Why should this be any different?" Carver mentioned.
"Yeah I know, but I always get nervous when I'm going to do something important," Tino answered.
"Don't sweat it. You will overcome your worrisome nature. We have confidence in you," Tish said.
"Thanks. I won't let your faith in me be for nothing."
Then Mrs. Tonitini came back into the room and said, "Tino, come here for a second. I need to talk to you." Tino went over to his mom who led him out of the room. After a few minutes Tino came back over to Tish and Carver, but he was white as a ghost and his eyes looked like they were gazing into oblivion.
Tish and Carver looked at each other and then at Tino again, and then Carver spoke up, "What's wrong, Tino?"
He didn't answer right away, but when he did his words came slow and shaky, "It's Lor. She's been in an accident."
The whole ride to the hospital felt like a bad dream to Tino. He didn't want to believe the reason for why he was visiting the hospital. He kept telling himself to wake up, but of course, this was no dream. Tish and Carver felt devastated as well, and neither could say anything during the ride. Even Mrs. Tonitini felt an ache in her heart as she drove to the hospital. Fortunately enough for her, Dixon had agreed to stay behind and watch the party and house. Soon they arrived at the hospital and so began the hellish walk to where Lor's room was. With each step Tino dreaded what he would see, what he would hear. It almost felt like his life was being sucked from him. Eventually, they came upon her room, and inside was exactly what no one wanted to see. Lor lay unconscious, trapped in a state between life and death. On her forehead was a large gash that had been stitched shut, and her one arm was in a cast. Tino looked away not wanting to see Lor like this with all sorts of machines connected to her. However, he wanted to be at her side so he went inside like the others.
Upon actually entering the room, Tino saw Lor's family on the one side, all quiet and solemn.
Lor's father came over to everyone and said, "I'm glad you all came. I know that Lor would want you guys to be here. I can't believe this is really happening, though. A few hours ago she was being as lively as always and now...............I-I just can't believe it."
"Excuse me, Mr. Macquarrie, but what happened to her?" Tish asked.
"Well, she was on her way to the New Year's Eve party, and she was rushing because she was late. So I'm told she wasn't paying attention as she crossed a street and a driver didn't see her through the rain. As a result, Lor was hit by the car and now.........now..........she is.........." Lor's father didn't finish as he broke into tears.
Carver turned to where Lor lay and he slowly walked over to the bedside and crouched down.
"Hey Lor, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to tell you how much I've loved hanging out with you and being your friend. I've always wanted to stay friends forever. I can't imagine not having you around anymore. I want you to know that I am praying for you."
Carver lightly touched her face and then moved away with tears welling up in his eyes. Once he moved back to where he had originally been standing, Tish walked over to the bedside.
"Lor, its Tish. I desperately want you to make it through this. We didn't always see eye to eye on things, but you know I always felt a connection with you. I think it's because we are the two girls in the group, and so we had an understanding of each other in an innate sense. I remember all the calls we made to each other to talk about boys and the like. I've always enjoyed those memories and I don't want that to end. I'm praying for you as well."
Tish held Lor's one hand and closed her eyes before muttering a few words. Once she let go, Tish burst into crying and Tino's mom went over and tried to comfort her. Mrs. Tonitini led Tish over to a chair for her to sit in. Most of the people in the room were looking down at the ground or burying their face into their hands, but Tino's gaze was fixed on Lor. He couldn't move his eyes from the horrifying scene. The girl in that bed was Lor. It really and truly was. No matter how much Tino wanted to deny it that was the fact of the matter. He wanted it all to go away. He so badly wanted to find himself in his bed, under his covers, recovering from a bad dream. It seemed so unreal, but it was all really happening. Tino felt like crying, or yelling, or talking to someone, but he couldn't do any of those things. He couldn't do anything he just stood staring almost like a statue. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized that this was reality. As he continued to fully recognize the situation, he felt his whole body shaking from sadness and anger. Then, shaking and all, he walked over to Lor's bed and crouched down by her side.
"Lor, ....................... it's me, Tino. Can you believe it? Do you believe this is really happening? We made it through so much, we faced our hardships head on and we made it through. After we finally thought that we were on safe ground, Fate stepped in one last time. I don't know if we can make it through this. Believe me I want to, more than anything in the world I want us to make it through this. However, I would be a liar if I said that things would work out. Why did things have to turn out this way? I thought we had proved ourselves with all our other problems. Why can't we catch a break? I just wanted us to be together and done with these tests."
Tino looked down at the ground feeling his throat burning. He reached out and took Lor's hand. As he grasped her hand he noticed that she was wearing the ring he had given her for Christmas. Tino gazed at her hand, and then began to cry.
"It's unfair! Things can't turn out this way! We have come so far from when we first met till today. How can everything go to hell like this?! I love you so much.................. What will happen if you are lost? What will I do? Just yesterday we were talking about the future, and now there is no future. It's all fading away. My God, I just want to talk with you again. I just...........I just............. want the past to return. You are here now, but at the same time you are beyond anywhere I can reach. Damn it all to Hell! What does it matter now? I wanted to make this our time, but I-I can't now."
As Tino continued to hold her hand he could feel her life slowly slipping away. He dropped his head and put her hand to it. His tears flowed in a gentle stream down her hand as he cried with no care about what others thought. Tino then leaned forward and kissed her cheek which was cold to the touch. He crouched back again and firmly grasped her hand hoping that somehow tightening his grip would keep her life from slipping away.
"My God..................My God...................It's not fair. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. This isn't your time. Please stay. Don't leave us just yet. There was so much I still wanted to do with you. These past eleven years with you have been more than I could ever ask for, and I want there to be more. I love you so much. I can't lose you. I just can't. Lor,.................... I will miss you more than you could possibly imagine."
Tino continued to cry, but he could no longer speak. It was too hard for him to say anything, to think anything. He continued to hold Lor's hand and let the tears run down it. For a long time Tino stayed there crouching at her side, holding her hand, wanting to be there till the end just as he had promised that he would be. Soon after, the last petal of life fell and even when he knew that there was no more life left within her, Tino continued to hold her hand and cry. He didn't want to believe that she was really gone. He wanted to hold her forever, and believe that this wasn't final. His mom placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him and make sure he was okay. Tino stood up, and shaking, he let go of Lor's hand. He turned around and tried to find solace in a motherly embrace. The night was silent to the people in that room. There were no parties, no celebrations. That night in a calm and serene state Lor passed away.
End of Chapter Eighteen
................Okay, I want to say that the next chapter's commentary explains why I chose the path I did. I will say, though, that it was hell writing this chapter because it got depressing. Just remember to read the next chapter's commentary. As always stay tuned and keep readin' and reviewin'.
Tino rushed around his room getting himself cleaned up for the annual New Year's Eve party at his house. Fortunately enough, he didn't have to do any cleaning or decorating since the house was still clean and decorated from the wedding the day before. He threw his clothes on quickly since guests were already arriving. He reached into his closet to pull out his usual brown button-down dress shirt, but he went for the blue sweater Lor had gotten for him instead to impress her. It was the first time he decided to wear it and he was going to make sure Lor noticed. Now that he was cleaned up and dressed nicely, Tino rushed down the stairs to greet the arriving guests. Once down the stairs he noticed that there was already about ten people there, and Carver and Tish were among them.
"Man, look at you guys it looks the rain is pickin' up. I'm glad you could make it, though," Tino said to Tish and Carver.
"Hey, T, you know we could make it. We're here every year. Plus, how could I pass up such a perfect opportunity to score some points with Moira? But yeah man, this damned rain. Why can't we live somewhere colder, so we could get some snow? Why?!" Carver yelled.
"Whoa calm down there, Carver. Hey, how come Lor isn't here yet?" Tish asked.
"Oh that's because she was out visiting her grandmother today, so she told me earlier that she would be a bit late," Tino answered.
"Hey, Tino have you thought of your resolutions for this year?" Carver asked.
"No, not yet. I'm still thinkin' about it," Tino replied.
"Well, you had better hurry up because once Lor gets here we'll be sharing our resolutions like every New Years Eve," Carver said.
"Yeah, yeah I know. Don't worry I'll think of something," Tino said.
"Tino, is that a new sweater?" Tish asked.
Tino gave a smile and said with satisfaction, "Why yes. Yes it is. This here sweater was given to me by my lovely girlfriend Lor Macquarrie for Solstice."
Tish rolled her eyes. "A simple 'yes' would have been sufficient."
Carver slung his arm around his good friend and smiled. "So wearin' it to catch her eye, eh? Trying to score some points, huh? That's my man!"
Tino slowly removed Carver's arm from around his shoulder.
"Yeah, that's the plan. Actually, I'm kind of glad that Lor will be late because I want to be sure of what I'm going to say to her at midnight before she arrives."
"Ahhh, how romantic. It makes me wish that I had a boyfriend, it's all so enchanting," Tish commented wistfully.
"Enchanting? This isn't Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, and it's not like we're wishin' upon a star, Tish," Carver responded.
"A girl can dream, can't she? Geez, don't be such a Scrooge. Anyway, we would be glad to help you in anyway we can, Tino," Tish said.
"Yeah, man. I'm always willing to help out a friend trying to score with the ladies or lady in your case," Carver said with a grin.
"Thanks guys. I want to run a few lines by you and see what you think of them."
"Wait, before you do that, I have to know the atmosphere, you know time, place, and general feeling in the air," Carver stated.
"What? How does that make a difference?" Tino asked.
"It makes a very big difference! Now tell me," Carver demanded.
"Well, I was thinkin' that it would be at midnight, while dancing, after we kiss, with an almost euphoric state in the air," Tino replied.
"What the hell is a euphoric state?" Carver asked perplexed.
"Carver, you are so exasperating. A euphoric state is a state of exaggerated elation," Tish replied.
Carver stared at Tish with a confused look in his eye conveying that he was still no closer to knowing the answer.
"It's the feeling you get when you walk into a buffet," Tino offered.
"Ahhh, I understand now. You should have just said that to begin with," Carver commented.
"Whatever. So okay I thought that I would start off by staring deep into her eyes and then saying 'I love you, and this New Year will be our year. We will live it together hand in hand. This is our time.' That's what I have got. What do you think?"
Tish wiped a few tears from her eyes and said, "That's so beautiful! I didn't know you could be so sweet."
"Hey, hey, hey, keep it down someone might hear you," Tino commented a bit worried, "So what did you think, Carver?"
"Well, I gotta tell ya man, those are some pretty sweet lines. I might have to start coming to you for advice on scoring points with the ladies. Maybe."
"Thanks guys. I just hope Lor likes them," Tino said.
"Oh, I'm sure she will. It will be a moment that both of you remember forever," Tish commented.
Just then the phone rang, and Tino went to answer it, but his mom walked past him and motioned that she would get it.
"Well, I just hope I don't choke when I'm trying to talk with her," Tino said.
"It will be fine. You have talked to Lor plenty of times, and in worse cases. Why should this be any different?" Carver mentioned.
"Yeah I know, but I always get nervous when I'm going to do something important," Tino answered.
"Don't sweat it. You will overcome your worrisome nature. We have confidence in you," Tish said.
"Thanks. I won't let your faith in me be for nothing."
Then Mrs. Tonitini came back into the room and said, "Tino, come here for a second. I need to talk to you." Tino went over to his mom who led him out of the room. After a few minutes Tino came back over to Tish and Carver, but he was white as a ghost and his eyes looked like they were gazing into oblivion.
Tish and Carver looked at each other and then at Tino again, and then Carver spoke up, "What's wrong, Tino?"
He didn't answer right away, but when he did his words came slow and shaky, "It's Lor. She's been in an accident."
The whole ride to the hospital felt like a bad dream to Tino. He didn't want to believe the reason for why he was visiting the hospital. He kept telling himself to wake up, but of course, this was no dream. Tish and Carver felt devastated as well, and neither could say anything during the ride. Even Mrs. Tonitini felt an ache in her heart as she drove to the hospital. Fortunately enough for her, Dixon had agreed to stay behind and watch the party and house. Soon they arrived at the hospital and so began the hellish walk to where Lor's room was. With each step Tino dreaded what he would see, what he would hear. It almost felt like his life was being sucked from him. Eventually, they came upon her room, and inside was exactly what no one wanted to see. Lor lay unconscious, trapped in a state between life and death. On her forehead was a large gash that had been stitched shut, and her one arm was in a cast. Tino looked away not wanting to see Lor like this with all sorts of machines connected to her. However, he wanted to be at her side so he went inside like the others.
Upon actually entering the room, Tino saw Lor's family on the one side, all quiet and solemn.
Lor's father came over to everyone and said, "I'm glad you all came. I know that Lor would want you guys to be here. I can't believe this is really happening, though. A few hours ago she was being as lively as always and now...............I-I just can't believe it."
"Excuse me, Mr. Macquarrie, but what happened to her?" Tish asked.
"Well, she was on her way to the New Year's Eve party, and she was rushing because she was late. So I'm told she wasn't paying attention as she crossed a street and a driver didn't see her through the rain. As a result, Lor was hit by the car and now.........now..........she is.........." Lor's father didn't finish as he broke into tears.
Carver turned to where Lor lay and he slowly walked over to the bedside and crouched down.
"Hey Lor, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to tell you how much I've loved hanging out with you and being your friend. I've always wanted to stay friends forever. I can't imagine not having you around anymore. I want you to know that I am praying for you."
Carver lightly touched her face and then moved away with tears welling up in his eyes. Once he moved back to where he had originally been standing, Tish walked over to the bedside.
"Lor, its Tish. I desperately want you to make it through this. We didn't always see eye to eye on things, but you know I always felt a connection with you. I think it's because we are the two girls in the group, and so we had an understanding of each other in an innate sense. I remember all the calls we made to each other to talk about boys and the like. I've always enjoyed those memories and I don't want that to end. I'm praying for you as well."
Tish held Lor's one hand and closed her eyes before muttering a few words. Once she let go, Tish burst into crying and Tino's mom went over and tried to comfort her. Mrs. Tonitini led Tish over to a chair for her to sit in. Most of the people in the room were looking down at the ground or burying their face into their hands, but Tino's gaze was fixed on Lor. He couldn't move his eyes from the horrifying scene. The girl in that bed was Lor. It really and truly was. No matter how much Tino wanted to deny it that was the fact of the matter. He wanted it all to go away. He so badly wanted to find himself in his bed, under his covers, recovering from a bad dream. It seemed so unreal, but it was all really happening. Tino felt like crying, or yelling, or talking to someone, but he couldn't do any of those things. He couldn't do anything he just stood staring almost like a statue. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized that this was reality. As he continued to fully recognize the situation, he felt his whole body shaking from sadness and anger. Then, shaking and all, he walked over to Lor's bed and crouched down by her side.
"Lor, ....................... it's me, Tino. Can you believe it? Do you believe this is really happening? We made it through so much, we faced our hardships head on and we made it through. After we finally thought that we were on safe ground, Fate stepped in one last time. I don't know if we can make it through this. Believe me I want to, more than anything in the world I want us to make it through this. However, I would be a liar if I said that things would work out. Why did things have to turn out this way? I thought we had proved ourselves with all our other problems. Why can't we catch a break? I just wanted us to be together and done with these tests."
Tino looked down at the ground feeling his throat burning. He reached out and took Lor's hand. As he grasped her hand he noticed that she was wearing the ring he had given her for Christmas. Tino gazed at her hand, and then began to cry.
"It's unfair! Things can't turn out this way! We have come so far from when we first met till today. How can everything go to hell like this?! I love you so much.................. What will happen if you are lost? What will I do? Just yesterday we were talking about the future, and now there is no future. It's all fading away. My God, I just want to talk with you again. I just...........I just............. want the past to return. You are here now, but at the same time you are beyond anywhere I can reach. Damn it all to Hell! What does it matter now? I wanted to make this our time, but I-I can't now."
As Tino continued to hold her hand he could feel her life slowly slipping away. He dropped his head and put her hand to it. His tears flowed in a gentle stream down her hand as he cried with no care about what others thought. Tino then leaned forward and kissed her cheek which was cold to the touch. He crouched back again and firmly grasped her hand hoping that somehow tightening his grip would keep her life from slipping away.
"My God..................My God...................It's not fair. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. This isn't your time. Please stay. Don't leave us just yet. There was so much I still wanted to do with you. These past eleven years with you have been more than I could ever ask for, and I want there to be more. I love you so much. I can't lose you. I just can't. Lor,.................... I will miss you more than you could possibly imagine."
Tino continued to cry, but he could no longer speak. It was too hard for him to say anything, to think anything. He continued to hold Lor's hand and let the tears run down it. For a long time Tino stayed there crouching at her side, holding her hand, wanting to be there till the end just as he had promised that he would be. Soon after, the last petal of life fell and even when he knew that there was no more life left within her, Tino continued to hold her hand and cry. He didn't want to believe that she was really gone. He wanted to hold her forever, and believe that this wasn't final. His mom placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him and make sure he was okay. Tino stood up, and shaking, he let go of Lor's hand. He turned around and tried to find solace in a motherly embrace. The night was silent to the people in that room. There were no parties, no celebrations. That night in a calm and serene state Lor passed away.
End of Chapter Eighteen
................Okay, I want to say that the next chapter's commentary explains why I chose the path I did. I will say, though, that it was hell writing this chapter because it got depressing. Just remember to read the next chapter's commentary. As always stay tuned and keep readin' and reviewin'.