Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

WendyNat

Chapter 7

~~~~~

Severus couldn't believe what was happening. The one person he had truly loved – body, mind, and spirit – was once again in his arms. Hermione. His Hermione.

Wait. She wasn't his Hermione any longer. Unbidden, Tom's voice echoed in his mind, Your lady is married. Mrs. Krum. Don't forget that, hear?

His mind finally catching up with the rest of his body, he realized what was happening. We can't do this. Not now, he thought regretfully, drawing back from her embrace. However, to his surprise, Hermione pulled him in tighter, her body pressing against his… and all his noble thoughts were brushed away like so many bothersome flies.

~~~

When she felt him pulling back, Hermione became unaccountably angry and pulled him back against her tightly, pressing into him until he relaxed once again and resumed his explorations. If she was going to betray her husband by kissing another man, then -damn it all- she was going to make sure it was worthwhile!

A few minutes later, she pulled away a little before things could get even more heated. Not opening her eyes, she whispered against his lips, "We can't do this."

"I know," he whispered back.

"This is wrong."

"I know," he said aloud, pulling away completely. Putting a hand to her sopping curls, he remarked, "It's raining."

With a small smile, she answered, "I know."

He chuckled a little and stood, offering her his hand. "Come along, Mrs. Krum. We should return. Or at least find a location where we can cast a rain repellant spell without being observed." She nodded, not missing the way he had addressed her, and followed him. She felt strangely disassociated from what had happened, but the knowledge hovered on the edge of her awareness that she would have a lot of thinking to do that night.  

They walked for a time in companionable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Severus looked straight ahead, his brow furrowed slightly. Hermione was dying to know what was on his mind, but didn't dare ask at that moment. She needed to get things straight in her own head, in her own heart, before she could discuss what had happened… and what will happen. She was startled when he seemed to echo her thoughts, saying, "I think we need to talk about this situation. But not right now. I'm simply too exhausted for that type of discussion."

She nodded mutely. The image of Viktor's face swam into her conscious mind for a moment, and she felt a wave of shame course through her. What have I done? More importantly, what am I going to do?

Severus did not speak again. Brushing the wet hair out of her eyes and looking up at him, she decided to break the silence. "We should talk, you're right. But I'm glad you're willing to wait on that conversation… I have a lot to think about." He looked down at her solemnly. Her breath caught as she watched the rain glistening in his hair, on his cheeks, reflecting in the lamplight. Viktor, remember Viktor, she berated herself. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Maybe tomorrow? I'd like to get copies of your notes, if possible." Suddenly she grinned, "I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm assuming you're not interested in attending the seminar on love potions." A rude noise answered her and she laughed despite herself. "Well, how about during the seminar, then?"

He nodded. "We could meet in my room…"

She paused for a moment, trying to carefully word what she was about to say. Finally, she decided to be blunt -"I'm not sure that would be the best idea."

Severus gave her a look she hadn't seen since Potions class. "I'm quite sure I can control myself for a couple of hours, Hermione." He smirked at her as she flushed in embarrassment.

"I didn't mean… I wasn't thinking…oh, never mind. Um… well, then… I'd like to run to my Ministry offices to pick up some extra paperwork early in the morning, so would ten o'clock be okay?"

He nodded. "That will be fine." He told her his hotel and room number, and she commented that, from the number, it appeared his room was directly below hers. She didn't want to try to decipher the strange gleam she saw in his eye at that statement, and they walked on in silence. 

Finally, the inn that served as the entrance into hidden Paris appeared before them. Are the entrances into magical "undergrounds" always inns? Hermione thought distractedly. She heard Severus chanting an incantation and then they were both dry and ducking through the doorway into the crowd inside.

The bar area was very crowded – not surprisingly, since the Potions convention was being held close by. As they passed through the throng, Hermione noticed a familiar couple in the corner, deep in conversation.

"It looks like Remus and Hestia are getting to know each other a little better," she commented in a low voice to Severus.

Following her gaze, he sneered slightly and shook his head. "It certainly took him long enough to notice her hints. She's been pursuing him for quite some time."

Hermione was a little surprised. "Really?" As Severus tapped his wand on the brick wall to open the entrance into La Ville Magique, her mind mulled over that information. Preceding him through the gateway, she commented, "Most likely he was avoiding potential relationships while he was a werewolf. Now that he's cured…" Hermione looked at Severus seriously. "He is very grateful to you, Severus. I spoke with him last night – I don't think he's ever been so happy. I'm glad. I'm grateful to you, too."

Severus smiled at her slightly. "I must admit your gratitude means more to me than Lupin's."

Sensing that the conversation was heading in an uncomfortable direction, she didn't respond. He walked her to her door and bid her good evening before turning back down the stairs. From the sound of his footsteps, his room was directly below hers, just as she had thought.

Shutting and warding the door, she sank back against it with her hands over her face. What was she going to do?

~~~~~~

Hermione spent most of the evening debating with herself. She was rather surprised, and a bit alarmed, at just how little guilt she felt at kissing Severus. It had felt so right, even if her mind was screaming about how wrong it was. She had never felt like that when kissing Viktor, never.

Abruptly, she was engulfed by a vicious rage that had only one target: Harry Potter. Why didn't that stupid prat at least ask about what he'd seen? If he'd talked to Remus about it, even if he couldn't speak to Severus himself, then he would have found out the truth. How ironic that for once in his life the "Boy-Who-Blabbed" hadn't, and it had had such disastrous consequences.

A small part of her acknowledged that Harry had had her best interests at heart. He had been trying to protect her, had been trying to make her feel less guilty about her relationship with Viktor. The rest of her, however, burned with a fiery wrath that needed some release. Picking up a lamp from the side table, she hurled it against the wall with all of her strength, eagerly anticipating the crashing impact.

Surprisingly, the ceramic lamp merely bounced off the wall and floated back to its original location on the table. Damned wizarding hotels!! she thought. Suddenly, she began to laugh. Collapsing on the small couch, she laughed until she cried.

~~~~~

Eventually she must have fallen asleep. Groaning at the crick in her neck – she would have to have fallen asleep on that blasted couch – she stood and made her way to the tub. Relaxing in the jets, the knots in her muscles finally loosened.

Her mind worked feverishly, but - try as she might - she couldn't see how to get out of this situation without someone she cared about being hurt. Myself included, she admitted reluctantly. At the moment, she had no idea what she was going to do. She did know, however, that she had to talk to someone about it before she burst. There was only one person she could think of – Susan. Leaving the bath, she quickly dressed and checked the time. It was a little early, but that would give her a chance to get her paperwork before finding her friend. Grabbing her wand, she apparated to the Ministry Research Center.

Hermione was well liked and was generally stopped a number of times in the hallways for a quick chat with one colleague or another. However, it was still early so she was able to make it to her office without any delays. Despite the early hour, Susan was most likely already in her office or in the Charms Room developing new spells or making improvements to existing ones. Hermione hesitated outside of her office for a moment before deciding to gather her notes on the Manere potion prior to hunting down her friend.

Sitting down at her desk with a sigh, she glanced at the wedding photo resting next to her "in" basket. It was a Muggle photo that her parents had taken. Frozen in time, she thought, tracing their outlines with her finger. They both looked happy. She had been happy – she cared about Viktor a great deal. But the more she thought about it, the more she analyzed what her heart told her versus what her mind told her… she couldn't decide if she loved him as a very good friend, or something more. She was without a doubt when it came to his feelings for her – he loved her. The thought of hurting him made her wince. While she may not feel as guilty as she should for kissing Severus, her heart cowered away from the thought of telling Viktor that she wasn't sure if she loved him anymore. If she had ever loved him, in truth – as more than a close, dear friend.

One who was in the right place at the right time. Or the wrong place at the wrong time, depending on how you looked at it.

They had been in close contact ever since her fourth year, when he confessed his feelings for her. Understanding that she wasn't ready - and may never be ready - for a romantic relationship with him, he had settled for friendship with her rather than lose her altogether. She didn't think he had ever truly given up hope, however.

When she had fallen in love with Severus, he had been a true friend. He supported her, encouraged her, and lent a listening ear… or eye, rather… when she needed to pour her heart out to someone outside of the situation, outside of her normal circle of friends. Someone objective.

Or so she thought. Had he ever really been objective, or was he even then biding his time, looking for chinks in her armor? She knew he had dated other women, but nothing truly serious. He had certainly been quick to drop his then-current girlfriend when Hermione had owled him the tear-soaked parchment detailing her heartbreaking separation from Severus. He had apparated to her flat near LWU immediately upon receiving the owl, and she had fallen asleep in his arms after her tears were finally spent.

After a time, he became a regular fixture in her life. He spent more time at her flat than at his – although his travels with the Quidditch team during the season kept him away from both flats a majority of the time. Over the next year, he had become more persuasive in his attentions until she finally relented and they began a relationship.

She knew even at the time that the love she felt for Viktor was different than what she felt for Severus. But she was selfish enough to desire the comfort that a caring man's arms could bring, and generous enough to give it a try for Viktor's sake. It was only when she allowed herself to think of Severus, late at night, that she felt the hollowness in her chest. Being with Viktor was nice, and comfortable, but even then, in the early stages of their relationship, there had been no spark.

She loved Severus. She cared about Viktor. I have lived with him for five years as my husband, and Merlin help me but I just don't know what to do. Blinking back sudden tears, she went in search of Susan.

~~~~~

"Damn it, why couldn't he cheat on me, or hit me, or be a general prat? Why does he have to be such a great guy?" Hermione sniffled, clutching the tissue Susan handed her. The two women sat in Susan's office with the door shut and warded against eavesdropping.

Susan shook her head, bemused. "You know you wouldn't want that, Hermione. Maybe for no other reason than this - if Severus found out he would end up in Azkaban for casting an Unforgivable. Or two."

Hermione laughed, the sound still a bit unsteady from her tears. "More likely three. With some well-placed hexes in addition." She wiped her nose one last time, and took a calming breath. "It would make this whole situation easier, though. What am I going to do, Susan?"

"I have no idea, Hermione. This is way beyond me. How did you get yourself into this mess?" Susan asked.

"It's all your fault! You're the one that pressured me to talk to him! You and Remus!" Hermione said accusingly, pointing a finger at her friend.

Susan snorted, exclaiming, "I told you to talk to him, not snog him!" She looked at Hermione wonderingly. "Gods, woman, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. That's the problem, obviously," Hermione said wryly. Haltingly, she continued, " I just… after hearing the explanation, and it made so much sense, Susan… I can't believe I didn't think of something like that – I felt so guilty – I still do… I ruined our chances together because I listened to Harry, the Boy-Who-Blabbed-Before-Finding-Out-the-Whole-Story. I looked at him, there in front of me, in the rain… and I couldn't think how to make it up to him, what to say -"

"So you went with the tried-and-true nonverbal communication technique? Used for centuries, by women of all cultures," Susan quipped. Seeing Hermione's expression crumble, she said softly, "I'm sorry, Hermione, I don't mean to tease. This is all so difficult for me to digest… I have to make jokes to keep my head level. You have to admit that it's such a tragic, improbable story… if I bought a book like this I'd toss it into the fireplace because it was so unbelievable!"

Hermione began to chuckle. "You're right. If it wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it in a million years!"

Susan eyes her speculatively. "Sooo… speaking of years… how was it?"

Hermione looked at her questioningly.

"It's been years since you've talked, I'm assuming the same amount of years since you've snogged… so how was it?"

Hermione felt her face flush. Smiling, she admitted, "Amazing. Better than I'd remembered. There's just such a… spark… between us, I don't know how to describe it. I'm so drawn to him."

"Have you ever felt like that with Viktor, Hermione?"

"No."

"You are really in a mess. I only have one piece of advice," Susan told her.

Hermione sighed, raising her hand to silence her friend. "I know, I know – I need to talk to Viktor about all this. I'm planning on it… I just don't know what to say. Or how to say it. Or when, or… oh, Merlin, you get the picture!"

Susan shook her head slowly. "No, Hermione, you shouldn't tell him." Hermione thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. Before she could ask the question, Susan continued, "I know, it's different from my usual advice… but hear me out."

Susan looked her in the eye. "Viktor loves you. Regardless of how you feel, or don't feel, about him, he loves you with all his heart." Hermione looked at her hands sadly. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, Hermione."

Standing, Susan continued, "You haven't seen Severus in seven years. You spent a total of what – three hours? – with him last night. You've been married to Viktor for five years. Before you break that man's heart, your husband's heart, you need to be sure of what you want. It's just not worth it, otherwise." Susan gently touched Hermione's chin and caught the other woman's gaze. "Thanks to Fudge you have the next few weeks, at least, to spend every day with Severus and decide what you want. Ask yourself questions while you spend time with him – can I do this every day forever? Do I truly love him? Is this infatuation, or physical desire? Are we comfortable together? Can we still talk about any and every subject? Can I relax around him? Can I live with him? Can I handle the judgment of my family and friends?" Suddenly Susan's eyes bore into Hermione's. "Ask yourself if this is worth hurting Viktor over. If this is worth shattering his dreams."

Hermione's shoulders began to shake with silent sobs, and Susan pulled her into a gentle embrace. "I'll be there for you, either way. I've told you that before. I just want you to be sure before you cause Viktor, and yourself, so much heartache." Hermione nodded through her tears, and Susan chuckled. Handing her another tissue, she commented, "Now, clean yourself up. You have to meet with your new research-partner-and-former-lover-in-one in less than a half hour. And I have work to do."

Hermione wiped her face and stood. She knew what she had to tell Severus, and she was ready.

A/N: Thanks to EVERYONE for the reviews! They really do make me post quicker… when I first started this fic I was going to post weekly. So far it's been every two days, I think :). Selected individual responses:

Kat – Thanks – yep, Viktor will have a difficult time… they all will. I have the insane desire to make it a super happy fluffy ending where everyone's happy, but that just wouldn't be realistic… I never expected to feel so bad for these poor li'l fanfic characters!

DragonRose, Pearle, Electryone – You all had the same idea! To tell you the truth, I didn't think about that… hmm… plot bunnies are multiplying…. I'll give you all credit if any of them come to fruition!

PinkChubbyMonkey- LOL! It is fluffy… but not for long :). Unfortunately, Andrian was clever when she wrote the challenge, I can't take the easy way out and make Viktor a jerk or cheat on her. Grrr! It would've made things a lot easier, but much less interesting. And I agree – Tonks is totally not Snape's type!

Andrian – Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it – it's really a great challenge idea, especially the caveat you put in that the husband couldn't be cruel, cheating, etc… like I said earlier, it makes things more difficult but much more interesting!

Franflutewitch – I can't say I wasn't tempted, but I won't kill off Viktor :). That would be the coward's way out… Hermione is just going to have to deal with all of this head-on.