The Feeling - Chapter Nineteen: Remembering The Past With Red Roses
Tino looked up to the top of the hill and saw his destination and slowly he walked towards it. Behind him Tish and Carver followed along up the hill. Eventually, they reached the summit and Tino knelt down.
"I'm back again. It really feels like I was just doing this before, but a year has in fact passed. Though, I suppose for you now a year is like a second to us."
Tino paused for a moment. He stared intently at Lor's tombstone. Specifically, he stared at the year of death. It didn't feel like it, but she really did die ten years ago.
"Where has all that time gone? It seems like just yesterday you were here and we were all hanging out."
In those ten years a lot had changed, and yet things still seemed to stay the same. Carver had landed his dream job as a shoe designer after Dixon put in a good word for him at Tommy Hugo's. In addition to that, he had recently become engaged to none other than Dixon's daughter, Moira, after Dixon put in a good word for him again. While Carver had gotten a career and planned on settling down, Tish was still in school. Not just any schooling though, she was on her way to her doctorate. She had chosen to get a PhD in English Literature before plans for marriage and a definite career choice. She was still deciding on becoming a poet or an actress. Both Tish and Carver still deeply missed Lor, but neither of them ever missed her the way that Tino did. It took a long time before Tino ever really got past Lor's death. For months after she had died Tino was in a depressed state and absolutely nothing could bring him out of it. It wasn't until three months after Lor had died that he over came his grief and moved on. He had realized that he would see her again one day and that he had to ride on or else he would have nothing to say to her when he saw her once more. From then on he decided that he would always visit her grave on New Year's Eve.
"You know I still have that blue sweater you gave me. Actually, it still fits me, but it's kind of torn a bit from me wearing it all these years. I don't think I'll ever get rid of that sweater since it reminds me of you. Not that I need the sweater to remind me, I mean, I'll always remember you, regardless. Anyway, Carver and Tish are here and they want to say some stuff too," Tino said getting up from the site.
He took a few steps back as Tish and Carver took their places at the tombstone. Tino looked up at the sky, and imagined that he was looking up at Lor right that moment. He could still see her face from the last time he saw her. He had thought she looked so peaceful and serene lying in the casket. He felt that there was almost an angelic beauty about her. The funeral service had been almost too much for Tino to handle. Repeatedly during the ceremony he had broken down crying, wishing for Lor to return. At the service he was the last person to approach the casket. When he stood there next to her he had felt like he was going to collapse. However, he had managed to keep himself together, and he only cried. Before he walked away he bent down and kissed her for the last time. That memory still stuck in his mind, and as he looked at the sky it passed through his mind multiple times.
"Lor, did you feel that kiss I gave you? I hope you did. I wanted you to know that death wouldn't stop my love, and that even when I did move on I would still have love for you in my heart," Tino thought to himself.
"Hey, T, we're done here if you want to finish things up," Carver said breaking Tino's trance.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Thanks for lettin' me know," Tino replied.
"Make sure you give it to her straight, Tino. No holding back, right?" Tish commented nudging him.
Tino laughed slightly and said, "Yeah I know. There are no secrets between me and Lor, and I'm not gonna keep this one from her."
Tino knelt back down again at the grave, and this time he smiled at the stone.
"It's me again. Maybe you just heard me talking with Tish about it, but I have something to tell you. You see this past year I got married. Not only that but I'm a father now too. Amazing, huh? It's true though, her name is Mandy and she reminds me of you in a way. I know that the two of you would get along great, if you could meet. Anyway, she gave birth about two weeks ago to a healthy boy. We named him Tino Jr. He's a cute little kid. Yeah, I felt I had to tell you since I always keep you informed of what's goin' on here."
Tino stopped and looked at the sky again. He smiled and looked back at the tombstone.
"Hey, do me a favor, when things get hectic with the little guy, how about getting a little divine intervention from The Big Guy for me? Thanks. Well I guess that's it. We're off to the New Year's Eve party. Later days."
Before Tino stood he placed a few red roses on the grave and touched the stone. He looked at Tish and Carver who smiled at him.
Tino smiled back and said, "Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me that year after year you come out here with me. I know talking to a gravestone seems kind of bizarre, but in a strange way it makes me happy."
Carver put his hand on Tino's shoulder and replied, "Hey man, anytime. Tish and I both miss Lor a lot and we wish she was still her too, so it's no problem coming out here with you."
"Yeah, Tino, we want to visit here just like you. And if talking to Lor here makes you feel better that's fine since it's not like you are here everyday to do it. You have balance in life so it's not really all that strange. Hey, how can any of us not talk here? We all used to hang out so much that it's only natural that we feel the need to try and talk with Lor," Tish commented.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks again, guys. Let's get goin' the party is about to start," Tino said as he started to walk back down the hill.
About half way down the hill Tino asked, "Hey guys? Do you think when we die we'll see Lor again?"
"I think so, and I'm willing to bet that when that time comes she will embarrass us in pool and every other sport like she always did," Carver said laughing slightly.
Tino laughed too and said, "I guess I'll have to work on my pool skills."
The three laughed a little more as they walked the rest of the way. Once at the bottom they all piled into the car and drove off. As they left Tino looked back up the hill and smiled to himself.
"Yeah, I'll see you again one day, and when that day comes I'll play a good round of pool with you just like the old days. Till then, later days, Lor."
THE END
Well there you are ladies and gentlemen, the conclusion. Now I'm willing to bet that no one thought I was going to have Lor die. To be honest with you, it wasn't until I was far into this story that I decided to have it happen. In case you are curious here is how it came to be. When I started this story I knew what the first chapter was going to be and I knew what the last chapter was going to be, everything in between was up in the air. After several days of not knowing what I was going to do inspiration struck and I outlined the story. At the time I was only going to write 13 or 14 chapters, though I had only outlined the first eleven. In fact, the whole pregnancy scare and Mrs. Tonitini's wedding wasn't going to happen until I wrote Chapter Eleven and decided that I wanted to write more.
But getting back to my original topic, after writing Chapter Eleven, I outlined Chapters Twelve to Nineteen. Through all of my changes the ending still stayed the same. On day one I had decided on that ending, and I was going to be damned if I didn't do that, or so I thought. I forget exactly when it was that I changed the ending but I do remember why. It was around 3:45 in the morning and I was alone in my room, and all my lights were out (I'm too lazy to turn them on). So, I'm just sitting around listening to some tunes on my headphones, and I was listening to a batch of songs I had just downloaded and one of them was Pearl Jam's version of "Last Kiss" by Frank Wilson. Right after it was over I was left with the idea of having either Tino or Lor die in the end because that song reminded me of why I complain about so many movies and stories. There are too many happy endings. I believe in harsh reality and so I realized I had to consider this new idea despite the fact that being such a diehard fan made it difficult for me to come to terms with the idea of killing one of them.
Now I was unsure of what to do because I had my heart set on the original ending and I had even planned the entire story out so I had no idea how I was going to do it. So I wasn't sure about it, but then the next song that came on was "Scattered Rain" from Trigun and it's sad sounding intro pushed me in the direction of the death ending. Finally, the last push came when I was playing Final Fantasy VII (for like the 20th time) the next day and I reached a particular sad scene in the game. (If you have played it you know what I'm talking about.) Anyway, after that I looked over my outline and then I figured out how to fit the death ending in, and so in the end, I had Lor die.
However, in my heart of hearts I couldn't completely abandon my original ending. I had put so much thought into it and held onto it for so long that I wasn't just going to let it fade away. Therefore, if for nothing but my own satisfaction, I wrote both endings. What does this mean to you guys? That depends on whether or not you care about how the story was originally supposed to end. I'm thinking of posting the other ending later on so you can see how I had wanted things to go down originally. If anyone cares to see it just tell me and I'll put it up, and even if no one expresses an interest I might still put it up. But I will be more inclined to put it up if I get a positive response for it.
Now that I have gone on for too long with this commentary, it's time to wrap things up. If you have a problem with me or my story make sure to tell me. I encourage all forms of criticism whether it be positive, negative, or even a death threat. Alright, I'm sure you will hear from me soon so keep readin' and keep reviewin'. Oh one more thing, Happy Halloween or whatever you celebrate.
Tino looked up to the top of the hill and saw his destination and slowly he walked towards it. Behind him Tish and Carver followed along up the hill. Eventually, they reached the summit and Tino knelt down.
"I'm back again. It really feels like I was just doing this before, but a year has in fact passed. Though, I suppose for you now a year is like a second to us."
Tino paused for a moment. He stared intently at Lor's tombstone. Specifically, he stared at the year of death. It didn't feel like it, but she really did die ten years ago.
"Where has all that time gone? It seems like just yesterday you were here and we were all hanging out."
In those ten years a lot had changed, and yet things still seemed to stay the same. Carver had landed his dream job as a shoe designer after Dixon put in a good word for him at Tommy Hugo's. In addition to that, he had recently become engaged to none other than Dixon's daughter, Moira, after Dixon put in a good word for him again. While Carver had gotten a career and planned on settling down, Tish was still in school. Not just any schooling though, she was on her way to her doctorate. She had chosen to get a PhD in English Literature before plans for marriage and a definite career choice. She was still deciding on becoming a poet or an actress. Both Tish and Carver still deeply missed Lor, but neither of them ever missed her the way that Tino did. It took a long time before Tino ever really got past Lor's death. For months after she had died Tino was in a depressed state and absolutely nothing could bring him out of it. It wasn't until three months after Lor had died that he over came his grief and moved on. He had realized that he would see her again one day and that he had to ride on or else he would have nothing to say to her when he saw her once more. From then on he decided that he would always visit her grave on New Year's Eve.
"You know I still have that blue sweater you gave me. Actually, it still fits me, but it's kind of torn a bit from me wearing it all these years. I don't think I'll ever get rid of that sweater since it reminds me of you. Not that I need the sweater to remind me, I mean, I'll always remember you, regardless. Anyway, Carver and Tish are here and they want to say some stuff too," Tino said getting up from the site.
He took a few steps back as Tish and Carver took their places at the tombstone. Tino looked up at the sky, and imagined that he was looking up at Lor right that moment. He could still see her face from the last time he saw her. He had thought she looked so peaceful and serene lying in the casket. He felt that there was almost an angelic beauty about her. The funeral service had been almost too much for Tino to handle. Repeatedly during the ceremony he had broken down crying, wishing for Lor to return. At the service he was the last person to approach the casket. When he stood there next to her he had felt like he was going to collapse. However, he had managed to keep himself together, and he only cried. Before he walked away he bent down and kissed her for the last time. That memory still stuck in his mind, and as he looked at the sky it passed through his mind multiple times.
"Lor, did you feel that kiss I gave you? I hope you did. I wanted you to know that death wouldn't stop my love, and that even when I did move on I would still have love for you in my heart," Tino thought to himself.
"Hey, T, we're done here if you want to finish things up," Carver said breaking Tino's trance.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Thanks for lettin' me know," Tino replied.
"Make sure you give it to her straight, Tino. No holding back, right?" Tish commented nudging him.
Tino laughed slightly and said, "Yeah I know. There are no secrets between me and Lor, and I'm not gonna keep this one from her."
Tino knelt back down again at the grave, and this time he smiled at the stone.
"It's me again. Maybe you just heard me talking with Tish about it, but I have something to tell you. You see this past year I got married. Not only that but I'm a father now too. Amazing, huh? It's true though, her name is Mandy and she reminds me of you in a way. I know that the two of you would get along great, if you could meet. Anyway, she gave birth about two weeks ago to a healthy boy. We named him Tino Jr. He's a cute little kid. Yeah, I felt I had to tell you since I always keep you informed of what's goin' on here."
Tino stopped and looked at the sky again. He smiled and looked back at the tombstone.
"Hey, do me a favor, when things get hectic with the little guy, how about getting a little divine intervention from The Big Guy for me? Thanks. Well I guess that's it. We're off to the New Year's Eve party. Later days."
Before Tino stood he placed a few red roses on the grave and touched the stone. He looked at Tish and Carver who smiled at him.
Tino smiled back and said, "Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me that year after year you come out here with me. I know talking to a gravestone seems kind of bizarre, but in a strange way it makes me happy."
Carver put his hand on Tino's shoulder and replied, "Hey man, anytime. Tish and I both miss Lor a lot and we wish she was still her too, so it's no problem coming out here with you."
"Yeah, Tino, we want to visit here just like you. And if talking to Lor here makes you feel better that's fine since it's not like you are here everyday to do it. You have balance in life so it's not really all that strange. Hey, how can any of us not talk here? We all used to hang out so much that it's only natural that we feel the need to try and talk with Lor," Tish commented.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks again, guys. Let's get goin' the party is about to start," Tino said as he started to walk back down the hill.
About half way down the hill Tino asked, "Hey guys? Do you think when we die we'll see Lor again?"
"I think so, and I'm willing to bet that when that time comes she will embarrass us in pool and every other sport like she always did," Carver said laughing slightly.
Tino laughed too and said, "I guess I'll have to work on my pool skills."
The three laughed a little more as they walked the rest of the way. Once at the bottom they all piled into the car and drove off. As they left Tino looked back up the hill and smiled to himself.
"Yeah, I'll see you again one day, and when that day comes I'll play a good round of pool with you just like the old days. Till then, later days, Lor."
THE END
Well there you are ladies and gentlemen, the conclusion. Now I'm willing to bet that no one thought I was going to have Lor die. To be honest with you, it wasn't until I was far into this story that I decided to have it happen. In case you are curious here is how it came to be. When I started this story I knew what the first chapter was going to be and I knew what the last chapter was going to be, everything in between was up in the air. After several days of not knowing what I was going to do inspiration struck and I outlined the story. At the time I was only going to write 13 or 14 chapters, though I had only outlined the first eleven. In fact, the whole pregnancy scare and Mrs. Tonitini's wedding wasn't going to happen until I wrote Chapter Eleven and decided that I wanted to write more.
But getting back to my original topic, after writing Chapter Eleven, I outlined Chapters Twelve to Nineteen. Through all of my changes the ending still stayed the same. On day one I had decided on that ending, and I was going to be damned if I didn't do that, or so I thought. I forget exactly when it was that I changed the ending but I do remember why. It was around 3:45 in the morning and I was alone in my room, and all my lights were out (I'm too lazy to turn them on). So, I'm just sitting around listening to some tunes on my headphones, and I was listening to a batch of songs I had just downloaded and one of them was Pearl Jam's version of "Last Kiss" by Frank Wilson. Right after it was over I was left with the idea of having either Tino or Lor die in the end because that song reminded me of why I complain about so many movies and stories. There are too many happy endings. I believe in harsh reality and so I realized I had to consider this new idea despite the fact that being such a diehard fan made it difficult for me to come to terms with the idea of killing one of them.
Now I was unsure of what to do because I had my heart set on the original ending and I had even planned the entire story out so I had no idea how I was going to do it. So I wasn't sure about it, but then the next song that came on was "Scattered Rain" from Trigun and it's sad sounding intro pushed me in the direction of the death ending. Finally, the last push came when I was playing Final Fantasy VII (for like the 20th time) the next day and I reached a particular sad scene in the game. (If you have played it you know what I'm talking about.) Anyway, after that I looked over my outline and then I figured out how to fit the death ending in, and so in the end, I had Lor die.
However, in my heart of hearts I couldn't completely abandon my original ending. I had put so much thought into it and held onto it for so long that I wasn't just going to let it fade away. Therefore, if for nothing but my own satisfaction, I wrote both endings. What does this mean to you guys? That depends on whether or not you care about how the story was originally supposed to end. I'm thinking of posting the other ending later on so you can see how I had wanted things to go down originally. If anyone cares to see it just tell me and I'll put it up, and even if no one expresses an interest I might still put it up. But I will be more inclined to put it up if I get a positive response for it.
Now that I have gone on for too long with this commentary, it's time to wrap things up. If you have a problem with me or my story make sure to tell me. I encourage all forms of criticism whether it be positive, negative, or even a death threat. Alright, I'm sure you will hear from me soon so keep readin' and keep reviewin'. Oh one more thing, Happy Halloween or whatever you celebrate.