Disclaimer on Chapter 1 – Don't own them, just enjoy playing with them!
Time Does Not Heal All WoundsWendyNat
Chapter 11
~~~~~~~
Hermione floated in her dream, relaxed. She had just left a memory, a sweet memory, and her body and mind now drifted… slightly curious, she opened her eyes.
It was dark. No, she corrected herself, not really dark. More like… fuzzy. As if she was lying on a cloud. Sitting up, her eyes searched the area lazily. Waiting.
She did not wait long. The cloud took on a greenish hue, a deep emerald green, and she smiled. He was coming. Suddenly, she was on her feet with no knowledge of how she had arrived there… as is the manner of dreams.
A silver door appeared to her right, and –again, in the manner of dreams –she found herself sitting in a comfortable chair in a room with a glowing fireplace. Beautiful dark wood bookshelves lined the other walls, and a thick patterned rug was soft under her bare feet. The silver door remained.
She stood from the chair as the door opened and he stepped through. He glided to her smoothly, and without preamble caught her in his arms. She melted against him immediately, breathing in his scent. He pulled away from her and looked at her, his eyes dark and glinting in the firelight.
"What will you decide, I wonder?" he murmured in a voice so low she could barely make out the words. His hands caressed her hair, her face.
"I don't know," she whispered, leaning into his touch. "I have to think, to decide."
"Maybe I can help," he said, his lips brushing hers. She pressed against him, and felt silk instead of the robes she had been wearing moments before. Under her hands, bare skin was evident, warm and smooth. She pulled back a little, and viewed stone walls draped with tapestries. It appeared to be a bedchamber, with a large intricately carved four-poster bed in the center of the room. Her surroundings were forgotten as he continued to kiss her lips, her face, her neck. Her breathing quickened, and she wound her fingers in his hair, urging him onward.
A whisper against her cheek – "Do his kisses make you respond like mine do?"
"No," she whispered, caressing the back of his neck. His hands smoothed their way down her sides, the silk whispering with the movement. She could feel her body reacting to his touch, trembling in response.
Another whisper against her lips – "Can he make you tremble the way I can?"
"N-No…" she whispered against his lips before forcefully pressing them to her own. He pulled back after a moment, dark eyes watching her wordlessly as he caressed her body. She twisted a little, trying to guide his hands where she desperately wanted them, and he chuckled, low and throaty.
His intense eyes caught her urgent ones. "Does he make you want him like you want me?"
"Noooo," she breathed, laying her head back as he lowered his mouth to her neck. Her eyelids fluttered shut, her hands running over the smooth hardness of his back. She felt herself being lifted, and then lowered onto a soft comforter. He stretched out beside her, his hands once again exploring unhurriedly as he lifted the silk from her body and slid it over her head, discarding it on the floor beside them. Her breath came in short gasps, and she frantically clutched him to her, twining her leg over his hip - skin on skin. She wondered for a brief moment when he had discarded the black trousers he had been wearing, but this was a dream after all. And then she could think no more. His hands, his mouth, his body were working their magic over her, and her own body screamed silently in response. She was panting for breath when he leaned over her, his hair brushing her cheek.
"Do you need him the way you need me?"
"Never!" she gasped, gripping his shoulders. "Please…"
"As you wish," he murmured, and covered her body with his own.
Afterwards, as they lay in each other's arms, she heard another whispered question against her hair – "Do you love him the way you love me?"
In a low, steady voice she replied, "No."
"Then I think your decision is made."
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hermione woke with a start, breathing heavily, the whispered words still echoing in her mind – "Then I think your decision is made."
Was it? Was the Dream Severus right? Knowing that she would be unable to sleep until she thought this through, she climbed out of the bed, vaguely taking note that she had only been asleep for a couple of hours.
"Lumos," she muttered, blinking in the sudden light. Wrapping her dressing gown around her, she padded out to the couch and conjured up some hot chocolate. Tea was wonderful on most occasions, but when a woman needed to think things through in the middle of the night - only hot chocolate would do.
Sipping the warm beverage with a sigh, her mind began to work. Had she made her decision already? Was her subconscious correct? She mulled over the dream, and her Dream Severus' final words, until the mug of hot chocolate was empty. Shaking her head, she went back to bed. She had agreed to meet Severus early the next morning for breakfast before he left for Hogwarts, and she needed sleep.
~~~~~
It was an enjoyable breakfast. The weather was beautiful so they took the opportunity to sit at one of the outdoor tables. After a friendly debate concerning the merits of some of the new healing potions they had seen the day before, Severus sat back and took a good look at the woman across from him. She was still chuckling slightly at something he had said, and the morning sun shining through the latticework near their table created an interesting pattern of light and shadow on her face.
"Well, to get back to business," he said with a mock glare, "Albus requested that I invite you to the Great Hall Monday morning for breakfast – I believe Minerva and some of the other professors are quite excited to see you again. That would be as good a place as any for us to meet."
Hermione smiled. "That sounds good – I've missed Hogwarts' food. And the professors." Her grin grew, and she continued, "Some more than others, of course."
"I hope I'm one of the chosen few that you missed," Severus said with a bland expression. "Or were you thinking of dear Trelawney?"
She laughed at that. "Yes, and no – in that order. Please tell me Trelawney won't be there?"
"If I have to suffer through daily meals with that crazy fortuneteller, then you certainly can endure one breakfast," Severus commented.
"I rather thought I'd be allowed more than one meal while I'm at Hogwarts… or are you going to chain me to a lab table down in the dungeons until all the work is finished?" Hermione asked with a mischievous smile.
Severus appeared to consider the idea. "Hmmm. That does sound rather… appealing… now that you say it." He smiled wickedly when he saw her face turn red – she obviously hadn't realized the double meaning to her words. His mind began to imagine just what he'd like to do with a chained Hermione in his dungeons…
"Ummm. Yes, well, what time do you need to return?" she stammered, trying not to think of what she'd like him to do with a chained Hermione in the dungeons.
"Soon. I have a lunch meeting with Albus and the other Heads of House, and then I need to get the lab in order before you arrive and usurp it. I forgot to mention - Albus is having some guest rooms prepared, should you need to stay over at Hogwarts." She nodded. Since it wasn't possible to Apparate within Hogwarts grounds, a guest room with her name on it would be convenient. He looked at her. "What are your plans?"
Hermione glanced at her watch. "Well, I'd thought to tour Muggle Paris for a while, then I ought to pick up Crookshanks from Susan and head home I suppose."
"The infamous Susan Bones-Longbottom, I presume?" Hermione nodded, and he continued with a raised eyebrow, "I was rather surprised to hear Neville had found someone to put up with his infernal clumsiness."
"Well, if you can find someone to put up with your infernal snarkiness, I suppose anything is possible," Hermione answered, copying his expression.
"Have I found someone, then?" he asked with a carefully schooled expression.
Hermione paused for a moment, staring at the street. Finally, she said, "Perhaps."
~~~~~~
Later that morning, Hermione sat on a familiar bench in Muggle Paris. Had it really only been four days ago? It seemed as though her life had been completely turned upside down since that fateful night… that rainy night when she had learned the truth. Watching the cars speed by, she contemplated her situation.
Severus had walked her to her hotel room after breakfast, and she had invited him in for a few minutes. As soon as he entered the room and closed the door behind him, he glided to her and took her in his arms, a move strangely reminiscent of her dream the previous night. They only had the chance for a few engaging kisses before it was time for him to leave. She could still hear his parting words, Don't take too long deciding, Hermione. I want you, all of you, and I have never been good at sharing, love.
Abruptly, she realized that what he had said as he left mirrored some advice Remus had given her the night before.
~*~*
"Here," Remus said, holding out a handkerchief
when she had finally stopped crying.
"Thanks." Hermione accepted the handkerchief gratefully, looking at him through puffy eyes. "So – what do you think about all this? It's a mess, isn't it?"
"A bit of a mess. But I do have some advice for you, if you want it."
"Please," she said in a muffled voice, wiping her nose.
Remus took a breath. "Don't take too long before you make your decision. What's the term? Oh, yes, don't 'string them along.' The longer you take, the harder it will be – for all involved." She nodded. "Also – from a purely male, purely logical point of view…" he ignored her snort at that comment, "…don't make your decision based on the here and now." At her puzzled look, he elaborated, "Don't make a decision based on who will or won't be hurt right now. Think about five years from now. Look at both decisions, and envision what your life will be like five years from now, what their lives will be like. Analyze both scenarios." Taking her hand, he caught her gaze. "Don't make your decision based on who will be hurt. Because that won't help – no matter what you do, someone will be hurt. But I suppose you already know that, don't you?"
~*~*
Yes, Hermione knew that all too well. But Remus did have a point, she
acknowledged. As soon as she was sure, she needed to tell them. So, how long would it take to be sure that the
Severus of today was someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with,
everything and everyone else be damned?
Slumping back on the bench and staring blindly at the people walking by, she sighed. She had a sneaking suspicion that her heart was already sure. She just had to make sure her mind agreed.
~~~~~~
Susan answered the door quickly after hearing Hermione's knock. Smiling, she exclaimed, "Oh, is there someone here who will be glad to see you! Come on in – he's in the study, sulking."
"Thanks so much for watching him, Susan. I really app-" Hermione said, following Susan into the study, where she was interrupted by an orange blur leaping into her arms. Cuddling the cat to her, she could hear his loud purring.
"It was no trouble. Although he did almost get turned into Kneazle-skin gloves when he chewed on some of Neville's prized plants," Susan laughed. Cutting off Hermione's apology, she stated, "Nothing important, really. He should have known better than to leave them lying around like that, in easy reach."
"I'm still sorry, Susan."
"Don't be," a man's voice came from the other room. Neville appeared in the doorway. "He actually saved me a lot of work. The plants had been tampered with – I'm not sure how he knew, but he did. They wouldn't have worked in any potion."
"Tampered with?"
Neville waved his hand dismissively. "Magical properties damaged, or stripped. It happens, sometimes – usually teenage pranksters. As it turns out, the whole batch was damaged, not just the samples I brought home. We were able to return them to the supplier, and suggest they set up better wards around their greenhouses." Neville eyed the cat appreciatively. "In fact, I may ask to borrow him on occasion."
"You think he did it on purpose?" Susan asked incredulously. Neville nodded, and Hermione looked thoughtful.
Hermione said, "Well, he does seem to have a certain sense about things, even more than most cats. Remember the Scabbers incident in third year?" At this, Crookshanks meowed loudly. "See?" They all laughed.
"Well, I really ought to get home," Hermione began, stopping when Susan shushed her.
"Have some tea first, I insist. Neville – shoo! I want to talk to Hermione," she stated. Seeing him about to protest, she added, "Girl talk." That worked like a charm. Neville said his goodbyes to Hermione, extracted a promise from her that she would allow him to borrow Crookshanks on occasion, and practically ran from the room.
Susan sat down on the couch, eyeing Hermione and indicating the seat next to her. "So?"
Taking a seat, Hermione pretended innocence for a moment. "So what?"
Susan smacked her on the arm lightly. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! Spill. What do you think? How did the rest of the week go? How'd the big talk on Tuesday go?"
Hermione sat back and said, "Well…" and proceeded to tell Susan about the past few days. She didn't mention the dreams she had had.
"Wow." Susan sat, looking a little stunned. "So you were able to talk to him the way you did before? No awkward silences, no realization that he's changed and not your soul mate after all?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, not at all. Even when we talked Tuesday morning, it felt perfect. The connection is still there, Susan. To tell you the truth, I think it's even stronger than before… now that we're on a more equal footing, so to speak. And he's-"
"Yes?" Susan prompted.
Hermione flushed. "Even sexier than before, if that's possible."
"Wow." Susan shook her head. "That's not quite what I was expecting, I guess. I sort of thought…"
Now it was Hermione's turn to prompt Susan to finish. "Go on."
Giving her a sheepish look, Susan continued, "Well, I sort of thought it was a case where you were… I don't know… glorifying his memory? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. You were young, you know… people's wants change. And he's… well…difficult, isn't he?" Seeing Hermione's annoyed look, she hastened to add, "Brilliant, of course, and I have to admit there's a certain dark, sexy air about him… took me till seventh year to realize it… but he never really seemed too easygoing at Hogwarts."
Hermione let out an irritated breath. "We were students, Susan. He was a professor. He wasn't trying to be our friend. And he did have a lot on his mind, you know." Hermione smiled a little. "Not that he's easygoing, precisely, but I think he's great to be around. I can relax with him, debate with him, talk potions with him, and… other stuff."
"Other stuff?" Susan asked, grinning. All of a sudden her smile dropped. "Hermione – you didn't…"
"No, no - nothing that would betray any pertinent Commandments. But… we did do a bit of kissing," Hermione admitted.
"So are you sure? It sounds like you've already made up your mind," Susan commented, eyeing her friend critically. "A bit quicker than I meant when I said take some time."
Hermione shrugged, not meeting her gaze. "My heart is sure. But my mind isn't, if that makes any sense." Looking up, she said, "I thought I'd give it some more time. The conference was a little too removed from reality… like being on vacation. My brain seems to think I should observe him in his 'native habitat' before I make any decisions."
Susan giggled. "That's a funny way to put it." Continuing in a deep, monotone voice, she intoned, "And here we see the rare and elusive Severus Snapus in its native environment. Isn't it extraordinary?" Both women laughed. Hermione had introduced her friend to television a couple of years back, and she was addicted to nature documentaries. "Really, I'm glad your brain is in on this, too. Not just your heart… and other parts," she said, grinning. Hermione threw a couch pillow at her.
"Seriously, though – Hermione, you do realize that the initial excitement wears off of any relationship, right? In five years, you may feel the same about Severus as you do about Viktor now."
Hermione shook her head. "I already thought about that, Susan. With Viktor, the excitement was never there, even in the beginning. I thought it might get better after we were married…" Hermione saw Susan's flabbergasted stare, and added, "I know, I know. I was a stupid fool. I thought we'd already established that? What did I know about love and relationships? I'd only loved one person."
"And since you couldn't have him, you settled for second best?"
Hermione stared into the fire. "You're pretty perceptive, Susan."
"Hmm. Speaking of perceptive – do you think Viktor has noticed anything? You've been talking to him using those rings of yours, right?" Susan asked.
Hermione turned to face her friend again with a sigh. "I don't know. I thought he was okay with the situation when we had that big talk, but then when I told him about Fudge ordering me to Hogwarts to work with Severus he sounded kind of upset. He wants to talk about it tomorrow."
Susan shook her head. "Well, you have to go – Fudge's orders. It's not like you planned it this way."
"I know." Hermione sighed again. "Well, I really ought to get home. I want to get unpacked and relax before the big talk tomorrow," she said, rolling her eyes at Susan, who just laughed.
* * * * * *
"Listen, I won't be staying over at Hogwarts every night, just when we're in the middle of brewing, or if I'm too tired to leave the grounds to Apparate. I'm not interested in getting splinched because I'm trying to Apparate after working fifteen hours straight and hiking to the gates! I've done the same thing at the Ministry when I'm in the middle of something, why is it a big deal?"
"I don't like it."
Hermione sighed. It was Saturday morning, and Viktor had just come home from the first week of ISC meetings. He would be returning to Spain the following night. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough, she thought. With another sigh, she asked, "What, precisely, do you not like about it, Viktor?"
"Vell… I guess because you'll be vorking vith him."
"Again, I fail to see the problem. Fudge wants me there because of the equipment. Or so he says. I think part of the reason is that he doesn't want werewolves traipsing through the Ministry offices," she said with a small grin.
"Vy him?"
She rolled her eyes. "This is really getting annoying, Viktor. He's the one who discovered the cure, he's the one who understands the way it works, and he's the one who has to make sure that any additives we've used haven't denatured the potion. I've got to adjust the Manere accordingly. It will probably take, at the very least, two weeks... most likely longer."
Viktor scowled, staring down at the kitchen table. Finally he spoke. "You know, Hermione… you don't haff to vork at all. Ve haff plenty of money from my endorsements and my job-"
Hermione's eyes flashed. "Just wait right there, Viktor! You know I love my job! You know me – how the hell can you sit there and suggest that? You really think I'd be happy sitting around the house all day, hosting tea parties for simpering fools like Fudge's wife? My job isn't about the money – my work is important, Viktor! Why don't you see that?"
Viktor seemed to realize he had made a mistake in voicing that thought. "Calm down, Herm-own-ninny… I know you vouldn't vant that. I know your vork is important. But, if you didn't vork… it vouldn't haff to be like that, you vouldn't haff to sit around all day bored… ve – ve could start a family." He looked at her hopefully.
Hermione just stared at him, stunned. Start a family? Is he insane? Doesn't he remember what I told him when we married? She spoke carefully, keeping a tight reign on her temper. "Viktor. You know how I feel about that. There may be one day in the future when I'll want children, but not any time soon. I want to get my career established, enjoy life a bit… I've got plenty of time – it's not like with Muggles, who are under tight time constraints with their biological clocks, and even by Muggle standards I'm young… as wizards we have at least another forty years before it becomes now-or-never!" She shook her head, looking away. "I don't know that I'll ever want children. I told you that before we got married. And, even if… I just can't see myself as a stay-at-home-mom. I'll always want to work – it's part of who I am. I'm not the Molly Weasley type – there's nothing wrong with that type, it's just not me."
Viktor sat back in his seat, twirling a fork between his fingers. "Yah. I know. It's just… this thing vith Snape… I don't know. Something doesn't feel right."
"Look, Viktor. What's the big deal? Back when you still thought it was Harry, you had no problems with me hanging out with him. We even go out alone together, with your blessing, for Merlin's sake!"
"But I know Harry does not luff you. And I know you do not luff him. Not like that."
Her breath caught in her chest. Trying to sound casual, she asked, "What do you mean?"
Viktor looked at her solemnly, eyebrows drawing together thoughtfully. "I saw this Severus of yours, remember? Vy vould he haff run out like that ven he saw me, if he did not still haff feelings for you?"
"Oh. For a minute there, I thought you were saying I was in love with him."
He looked at her sharply. "Are you?"
Damn, damn, damn. Stupid, Hermione. So very stupid. And you were supposed to be the brightest in your class? She decided a diversion was in order. Standing, she angrily declared, "This is ridiculous! Look, I have been asked to work with a fellow Potions Master on a project by the Minister of Magic. I can promise you, Viktor, that the project schedule does not include a line that reads 'Tuesday: Commit Adultery,' okay?"
His brow smoothed a little. "Okay, I know. But I still don't like it."
"Well, I guess you need to get over it." She was still irritated, not meeting his gaze.
Viktor crossed over to her side of the table and draped his arms around her, pulling her close. Why don't I feel anything? Why is it so different? It's like Harry's hugging me... except I don't want to knock Viktor senseless. Not really. "I'm sorry, luff. I trust you."
Her breath stopped once again. Try as she might, she was unable to stem the tears that sprang into her eyes. He trusts me? Oh, Gods, if he only knew.
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Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! The dream sequence was the closest I've ever come to writing lemons – I hope it didn't come out silly. Read, review!
Alexial – Thanks! Oh, Hermione will definitely have some things to say to the Boy-Who-Lived in a future chapter!
Raclswt, Lizzie – Thanks!
Shemhamforsh – Didn't want you to go from blue to purple, so I figured I'd be nice and update quickly… and with a longer than normal chapter! Don't worry too much– I'm a rabid ss/hg'er… although as I wrote Viktor in the earlier chapters I started liking him more and more… hmmm… Maybe if Gollum stops eating my gold stars I'll be nice and take suggestions.
Maddy-Riddle – Thanks! I was very excited when I hit the 100 review mark! Here's the conversation with Viktor… the first of many to come ;)
Deb – It's tough on Hermione, that's for sure. I think she's moving closer to her decision, though. And the aftereffects. I won't just drop the story after her decision – I have a few plotbunnies for the aftermath ;)
LJ Yolo – Thanks! It's definitely a lose-lose situation… she's going to have to look at the lesser of two evils.
Electryone – I tried not to make it too sad… she needs to be sure in her mind, too, that she's doing the right thing. We'll see what happens. On the Hestia personality – I have to say I'm glad to hear that you dislike her… it sounds weird, but the fact that I was able to get enough of her personality across to have someone dislike her is good! She would probably not be someone I could get very close to in real life, either, but she'd be a fun casual acquaintance. And on the updating… tapping foot impatiently am awaiting Escape from the Darkness update. Ahem. :)
Piglet – I'm glad someone caught that little joke! I couldn't resist ;) Thanks!
Crudedly – That's something Hermione's going to have to consider before her decision, you're right… wink
Andrian – Good to see you! Thanks for the review, and the two knuts ;)