Ehem.I was out of town the past days so it took me long to update. Anyway,
here goes the fifth chapter. It's a long one but yet it's interesting. (
Once again I'd like to thank you all for your reviews: --blue_girl15,
Kashke, Lady1Venus, the Anonymous reviewer, of course Jeanine, and all of
you who read my fanfiction.
Chapter 5 Hope in the Ashes
The smell of ashes and smoke filled the air. Cold silence was all that could be heard. Right before their eyes a landscape of horror and the result of the actions of merciless men was displayed.
Mulan's first reaction was pursing her lips and shutting her eyes, she didn't want to see all the corpses stained with blood, and all the lifeless bodies hanging from the roofs of burned homes. She couldn't take it anymore it was so much for her to bear. Not because she found that disgusting it was that it made her mad to see the lives of innocent people destroyed in savage and cruel ways for nothing. They were just villagers living their lives in peace without harming others. Which had been their sin? Was it wrong to be born and live a normal life? Their only mistake had been to live in a peaceful village that would be destroyed someday.
As for Shang, he kept blaming himself for arriving late. This was what he wanted to prevent, but he couldn't go back in time. Shang felt responsible for all this, even thought it wasn't his fault at all. He clenched his fists in anger silently. It was so hard to have a rank; people expected him to be all mighty when he was just a man with a strong will. "Search for survivors," he commanded almost in a whisper. His conscience was killing him inside. Was he really guilty? Part of him wanted to believe the Huns were responsible for all this assassinations, but the other part kept telling him that he should've gotten there faster.
Shang turned back and noticed Mulan was standing still, unlike the rest of the soldiers that obeyed his order. She looked so afraid, as she looked at the ground. The young General felt pity for her; was if fair for an honorable young woman to see all this? Somehow, he knew she hadn't mobbed because she was probably as uneasy as he was with the picture in front of her eyes. Shang reached for her and asked, "Are you ok?"
Mulan felt a cold chill ran down her spine and shivered. "Yeah," she lied.
"It makes me sick to see all this," Shang confessed, "We should've come here sooner." He knew Mulan would understand him.
"Shang, this is not your fault," Mulan assured, "The Huns were the ones who killed all these people, stole their cattle and burned their homes." Mulan made a brief pause to glance at Shang, then, she continued, "You were busy at Wu Zhong doing your job as the General."
"But part of my job was to protect the people in my country," he interrupted placing his hand on her shoulder. It was a strange habit of his to do such thing, and Mulan liked it.
"That's true, and now your job is to help the survivors here," Mulan said softly, "That is if there is someone." She looked around the ruins hopelessly. She wondered how someone could be so cruel and merciless to kill babies and children who barely began to live their lives. It was totally barbaric, so unlike for a human to do. Mulan walked away from Shang, convinced that there had to be someone alive.wounded but alive.
Everything there was ashes and blood, some corpses still had their eyes wide open, showing fear they seemed to be begging for mercy.
Mulan knelt next to the dead body of a girl who had this huge cut on her side. She was probably as old as Loushen. Mulan closed her eyes and thought about her little sweet student back at her own village; she hoped she would be ok at home with her mother. Then, Mulan opened her eyes and carefully touched the little girl's eyes and closed them for her. "Rest in peace, child," she muttered softly as a tear rolled across her cheek. The girl didn't deserve to die like Mulan almost did once by Shan Yu's sword; she deserved to grow up and learn as much as possible.
Mulan got up again and continued searching for any sign of life among the ashes. But there was nothing except for dead. Still, Mulan walked further to find someone alive. One of the soldiers crashed with her because she was not looking up. "There's no one there, I've checked," he said to prevent her from walking for nothing. Anyway, she continued her way.
Shang mounted his horse hopelessly and announced the soldiers, "We must continue to keep the Huns from destroying another village."
Stubborn as always, Mulan kept looking.
"Baby, I think I heard Shang calling you to leave," said Mushu.
"No, not yet," Mulan replied, "I know someone needs to be rescued."
Mushu nodded without complaining.
Minutes later, Shang reached for Mulan and said, "Mulan, let's go now. No one survived." "We haven't searched everywhere," Mulan went on, "There must be someone alive." She put a hand on her forehead.
"Mulan, if we stay here longer we'll give the Huns more advantage and they may burn other villages."
"No, no," Mulan said stubbornly, "Someone has to survive."
Shang noticed she started to get hysterical. He reached for her arm and immediately she pulled away from him loosening his tight grip.
"Mulan, maybe you need to rest," Shang suggested softly. Maybe she shouldn't have gone there, she was too vulnerable to see all those dead people, she was a woman after all and she had a heart and mind of her own. Mulan didn't answer. Something from a distance caught her eye and she silently walked towards it. Shang was puzzled; why would she find a cliff of dirt interesting. Mulan started to dig. Now what was she up to? She took a table out of the hole. Smiling triumphantly she turned to Shang and called, "You just have to see this."
Shang moved slowly towards Mulan. He bent down and couldn't believe his eyes. Once again, her obstinacy had lead to something good. "Mulan you're unique," Shang observed as he knelt next to her. Mulan grinned at him in response.
"You can come out boy," Mulan said reaching for his hand, "No one is going to harm you."
The boy handed his crying little sister to Mulan and said, "She's been crying all day.where's my mommy?"
Mulan bit her lips and faced Shang hoping he would know what to say, but instead he just shook his head. "We are going to look for her," she said trying to comfort him.
The boy nodded his head trusting Mulan's promise.
"But we have to leave this place for now," Shang dove in.
"Are you the Imperial soldiers?" The boy asked excited.
"Yes," Shang answered with a smirk.
"I'm starving."
Just then, Shang did something unbelievable for him to do; he opened his arms and carried the boy to the kart so he would get to eat. Mulan followed them with the baby in her arms.
The poor child had passed the entire day without eating a thing and so had his baby sister. He ate ravenously the rice Mulan prepared for him, even if it didn't taste quite good.
"Are you the woman warrior?" he asked with a mouthful of rice.
Mulan nodded hoping not to receive loathing from part of the sweet boy for being what she was. She was not really ashamed for being a heroin, but she felt rejection from part of everyone.
"My mommy says you are very brave," he added. The boy's last comment reassured her doubts, finally some woman (outside her family) who understood her position. Too bad she was already dead. Mulan smiled fondly at the boy; she had already fallen in love with both of them. Actually, Mulan had a natural way to get along with children easily; they always followed her and she inspired them trust right away.
"What's your name?" Mulan asked after the boy finished his meal.
"Tsien." "And your sister's?"
"Mei Hyung."
"Beautiful names for beautiful children."
"Thank you, woman warrior."
"You can call me Mulan."
"Ok, Mulan."
"You can sleep here if you wish to," Mulan suggested.
"But what about my mommy?" Tsien asked worried.
"We are going to look out for her."
"All right."
Mulan grinned at the boy once again, not knowing what to say.
It didn't took him long to come up with another question. "Who is the tall, strong man who brought me here?" He pointed out his little index finger towards Shang.
"Oh, he's General Li Shang," Mulan answered with a special fondness as she mentioned his name.
"General?"
Mulan nodded her head.
"Wow!"
Shang announced they had to leave a few minutes later. He also mentioned they were spending the night at a base nearby.
The boy sounded excited to be among the soldiers.
During the way to the base, the boy and his baby sister fell asleep inside the kart.
By sunset, the soldiers were already at the base. Mulan was allowed to have her own room at the base and she offered to share the room with both children but Shang said he would take care of Tsien while she took care of Mei Hyung. "It's enough for you to take care of a baby; you'll spend the whole night awake." Mulan recalled Shang's words.
Late at night, Mulan woke up when she heard the baby crying. "Don't you ever get tired of eating?" Mulan asked in a sleepy tune.
Mushu woke up also rubbing his eyes.
"I'll be back in a moment," Mulan said, "Keep an eye on her."
"Since I have no choice," Mushu replied, "No one can sleep with those screams."
"She's just a baby, Mushu."
Mushu covered his ears and moved towards the crying child. "Ok, now that we're left alone here.would you mind stop crying?" He asked softly.
By the way, the response was worse. Instead of shutting her mouth, the baby started crying louder.
"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby then?" Mushu inquired this time yelling at Mei Hyung.
Cri-kee glared at Mushu and chirped something.
"Of course I'm not scaring the baby," Mushu said offended, "My voice is celestial!"
Mushu cleared his throat and was about to demonstrate he could sing but Mulan interrupt him as she stormed into the room carrying a bowl with rice.
"What did you do to her?" Mulan teased. "I think you mean what did she do to me?" Mushu said pointing at the baby menacingly, "She caused permanent ear damage."
Mulan patted Mushu's head and said sarcastically, "Poor thing."
Cri-kee burst into wild laughter.
"I'm serious," Mushu said irritated, crossing his arms.
After feeding the girl, Mulan rocked the child in her arms trying to make her fall asleep. But it was so difficult since she started to cry again. Mulan supposed it was because she missed her mother.
Mulan took her outside the room to breathe in the fresh air. Shang was out there, restless like always.
"What happened?" he asked.
Mulan walked towards him and answered, "She needs her mother." "Poor children," Shang whispered, "Their mother is dead now."
Mulan pursed her lips and nodded.
"It's hard growing up without a mother," Shang spoke up.
Hesitating, Mulan asked, "You don't have a mother?" Shang had never mentioned his mother and she didn't dare to ask him about her fearing he would be offended by the question. He rarely spoke about his father with her; so she supposed she didn't want to bother him asking about his family.
"She died when I was born," Shang answered.
"I'm sorry," Mulan said right away.
There was a big moment of silence between them.
Mulan caressed the baby's head and she slowly closed her little eyes and visited the world of dreams finally. Shang looked down at the child in Mulan's arms; there was something about her that made the baby fall asleep so easily in her arms.
"You have a gift," Shang said. Mulan looked up at him confused and he continued, "I wouldn't have made her fall asleep in my arms."
Mulan smiled at him in response and Shang grinned back at her. Their eyes locked for a few seconds but they looked away when Shang asked out loud, "Where are we taking these children?"
Mulan sighed; she had already felt the responsibility of both children.
"We can't take them with us because of the battles."
"Is their father alive?"
"I don't know Mulan," Shang said, "Maybe he's at Wu Zhong with the other soldiers."
"Someone has to tell Tsien about his mother," Mulan said hopelessly, "We can't lie to him and he's not going to believe us for long."
"You're right," Shang replied looking at the peaceful child in her arms again. He thought about his own life growing without his mother...Mei Hyung was going to have to live through the same.
The next morning, Mulan and Shang agreed they had to tell the truth to Tsien.
Shang suggested Mulan should be the one to speak to Tsien, but she refused because she couldn't give the bad news to a five-year-old. "What if he hates me for it?" Mulan asked.
"Mulan you are the only one here who can deal with little kids," Shang went on, "It's a natural gift of yours."
Mulan smiled shyly at him. Did he really think she was special?
"Anyway, Shang, I don't want to be responsible for making him cry." She had her point, "I think we should go together."
Shang sighed, remembering when he asked his dad about his own mother. He recalled that the General rarely mentioned her and if he asked something about her, his father would simply change the subject. At least Tsien had memories from his mother, but not him nor Mei Hyung. Shang seemed to be lost in his own world and Mulan was quite aware of it. She dared to ask, "What are you thinking?"
He turned to the small lady and answered, "My mother."
Mulan just nodded; knowing she couldn't meddle into those affairs. It was a delicate subject. What if Shang was displeased with her intrusion?
To her surprise, Shang continued, "My father.he acted as if she never existed. It was like he was ashamed of her or never loved her."
Mulan stayed thoughtful. How could the General possibly feel that towards his own wife? He seemed to be a quite loving father with Shang, why not with his wife? Then, she came up with something; there had to be an explanation for Shang's father's behavior. "Maybe your father missed her so much and it crushed him to speak of her." There was a pause and she continued, "Or maybe he didn't want to cry in front of you."
"My father never cried," Shang replied dryly, "He said that tears were for women and for coward men. He used to say they made you look weak."
Mulan wondered if Shang ever cried. She didn't see the smallest trace of a tear when his own father died even if it had hurt him so badly. She felt some pity for her commanding officer because he never knew his mother; at least from what his father should've told him, at least that she was happy when she carried him inside of her.at least. Part of her believed that that Shang's father was right that tears made you appear weak, but the other part was sure that when you lose a loved being your heart is hurt and it takes long to recover or if that person was everything to you, you never recover the loss.
Shang confessed, "Sometimes, I think my father married my mother because he was forced to do so." It was so sad. Mulan had always thought that Generals and military men could marry whoever they chose just because they had a rank and influence. Then again,he could've have married the woman because her parents were wealthy or because his parents chose her for him and all he wanted was to please them. She wondered if Shang would get married without really feeling love towards his bride. Mulan was confused. "Let's go see Tsien," Mulan suggested, "The more time we let go the more it will hurt him we kept this from him. He trusts us."
When they entered Shang's tent, Tsien was already having breakfast. He seemed to be alright, as if nothing happened the night the Huns attacked his village. Perhaps it was because he had no idea what he was going to find out.
Mulan sat right next to the boy, and she invited Shang to join them. This made Tsien smile; he was already growing fond of his rescuers.
"Tsien," Mulan began, "Do you have a father?"
The boy looked up at her in confusion and answered, "Yes, but he wasn't home when the barbarians attacked." He could sense something was wrong.
Both Mulan and Shang sighed with a little bit of relief. At least the children had someone to care for them.
"And.," Shang inquired, "Where was he?"
Tsien answered proudly, "He joined the Imperial Army for the first time."
"He must be with the new recruits," Shang observed. He looked at Mulan; with the look in his eyes he told her it was her turn to speak. Mulan pursed her lips and looked straight into Shang's dark eyes telling him she was not capable of delivering the terrible news to a child.
The boy fixed his eyes on his new friends puzzled. Why were they looking at each other like that? What were they hiding he couldn't listen or know? Innocent, as every child is, Tsien asked, "What's going on."
Swallowing hard, Mulan managed to say, "Tsien, we have to tell you something." She turned to Shang one more time, her eyes were pleading like that day in the mountains. Shang understood what she meant with that look, and there was no way he could say no to her with those beautiful eyes that bewitched him so many times. He had fallen into her spell once again.
"We are never going to find you mother," Shang said softly.
Tsien frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Mulan put her arms around the little boy and kissed his forehead. Tsien pulled away from her embrace and demanded, "Mulan, what happened to my mother?" She stroked the boy's hair and whispered, "She died saving you and your sister." It hurt her to say the truth, but a lie would hurt more with time.
Shang assured, "It's ok Tsien, we are taking care of you two until we find a safe place for you to stay while your father serves China." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
Tsien broke into tears then. Mulan tried to comfort him, but she felt useless for a mother was probably the most irreplaceable loss here on Earth. She opened her arms to the boy again where he could cry all he wanted. His heart was broken and she was not going to tell him to be strong, not right now, it would be so unfair to forbid the tears to come out of his eyes when they needed to get out. Shang silently watched Mulan and Tsien; he couldn't tell if he felt a little bit of envy for Tsien was in her arms and not him. If only Mulan could take him in her arms every time he felt down, but he was not a child anymore and it was impossible. He had been the one who almost killed her for the law even if it wasn't his intention to do so; Shang felt he didn't deserve her. She was like a goddess to him. Still he wished it was him and not Tsien the one in her arms.
Chapter 5 Hope in the Ashes
The smell of ashes and smoke filled the air. Cold silence was all that could be heard. Right before their eyes a landscape of horror and the result of the actions of merciless men was displayed.
Mulan's first reaction was pursing her lips and shutting her eyes, she didn't want to see all the corpses stained with blood, and all the lifeless bodies hanging from the roofs of burned homes. She couldn't take it anymore it was so much for her to bear. Not because she found that disgusting it was that it made her mad to see the lives of innocent people destroyed in savage and cruel ways for nothing. They were just villagers living their lives in peace without harming others. Which had been their sin? Was it wrong to be born and live a normal life? Their only mistake had been to live in a peaceful village that would be destroyed someday.
As for Shang, he kept blaming himself for arriving late. This was what he wanted to prevent, but he couldn't go back in time. Shang felt responsible for all this, even thought it wasn't his fault at all. He clenched his fists in anger silently. It was so hard to have a rank; people expected him to be all mighty when he was just a man with a strong will. "Search for survivors," he commanded almost in a whisper. His conscience was killing him inside. Was he really guilty? Part of him wanted to believe the Huns were responsible for all this assassinations, but the other part kept telling him that he should've gotten there faster.
Shang turned back and noticed Mulan was standing still, unlike the rest of the soldiers that obeyed his order. She looked so afraid, as she looked at the ground. The young General felt pity for her; was if fair for an honorable young woman to see all this? Somehow, he knew she hadn't mobbed because she was probably as uneasy as he was with the picture in front of her eyes. Shang reached for her and asked, "Are you ok?"
Mulan felt a cold chill ran down her spine and shivered. "Yeah," she lied.
"It makes me sick to see all this," Shang confessed, "We should've come here sooner." He knew Mulan would understand him.
"Shang, this is not your fault," Mulan assured, "The Huns were the ones who killed all these people, stole their cattle and burned their homes." Mulan made a brief pause to glance at Shang, then, she continued, "You were busy at Wu Zhong doing your job as the General."
"But part of my job was to protect the people in my country," he interrupted placing his hand on her shoulder. It was a strange habit of his to do such thing, and Mulan liked it.
"That's true, and now your job is to help the survivors here," Mulan said softly, "That is if there is someone." She looked around the ruins hopelessly. She wondered how someone could be so cruel and merciless to kill babies and children who barely began to live their lives. It was totally barbaric, so unlike for a human to do. Mulan walked away from Shang, convinced that there had to be someone alive.wounded but alive.
Everything there was ashes and blood, some corpses still had their eyes wide open, showing fear they seemed to be begging for mercy.
Mulan knelt next to the dead body of a girl who had this huge cut on her side. She was probably as old as Loushen. Mulan closed her eyes and thought about her little sweet student back at her own village; she hoped she would be ok at home with her mother. Then, Mulan opened her eyes and carefully touched the little girl's eyes and closed them for her. "Rest in peace, child," she muttered softly as a tear rolled across her cheek. The girl didn't deserve to die like Mulan almost did once by Shan Yu's sword; she deserved to grow up and learn as much as possible.
Mulan got up again and continued searching for any sign of life among the ashes. But there was nothing except for dead. Still, Mulan walked further to find someone alive. One of the soldiers crashed with her because she was not looking up. "There's no one there, I've checked," he said to prevent her from walking for nothing. Anyway, she continued her way.
Shang mounted his horse hopelessly and announced the soldiers, "We must continue to keep the Huns from destroying another village."
Stubborn as always, Mulan kept looking.
"Baby, I think I heard Shang calling you to leave," said Mushu.
"No, not yet," Mulan replied, "I know someone needs to be rescued."
Mushu nodded without complaining.
Minutes later, Shang reached for Mulan and said, "Mulan, let's go now. No one survived." "We haven't searched everywhere," Mulan went on, "There must be someone alive." She put a hand on her forehead.
"Mulan, if we stay here longer we'll give the Huns more advantage and they may burn other villages."
"No, no," Mulan said stubbornly, "Someone has to survive."
Shang noticed she started to get hysterical. He reached for her arm and immediately she pulled away from him loosening his tight grip.
"Mulan, maybe you need to rest," Shang suggested softly. Maybe she shouldn't have gone there, she was too vulnerable to see all those dead people, she was a woman after all and she had a heart and mind of her own. Mulan didn't answer. Something from a distance caught her eye and she silently walked towards it. Shang was puzzled; why would she find a cliff of dirt interesting. Mulan started to dig. Now what was she up to? She took a table out of the hole. Smiling triumphantly she turned to Shang and called, "You just have to see this."
Shang moved slowly towards Mulan. He bent down and couldn't believe his eyes. Once again, her obstinacy had lead to something good. "Mulan you're unique," Shang observed as he knelt next to her. Mulan grinned at him in response.
"You can come out boy," Mulan said reaching for his hand, "No one is going to harm you."
The boy handed his crying little sister to Mulan and said, "She's been crying all day.where's my mommy?"
Mulan bit her lips and faced Shang hoping he would know what to say, but instead he just shook his head. "We are going to look for her," she said trying to comfort him.
The boy nodded his head trusting Mulan's promise.
"But we have to leave this place for now," Shang dove in.
"Are you the Imperial soldiers?" The boy asked excited.
"Yes," Shang answered with a smirk.
"I'm starving."
Just then, Shang did something unbelievable for him to do; he opened his arms and carried the boy to the kart so he would get to eat. Mulan followed them with the baby in her arms.
The poor child had passed the entire day without eating a thing and so had his baby sister. He ate ravenously the rice Mulan prepared for him, even if it didn't taste quite good.
"Are you the woman warrior?" he asked with a mouthful of rice.
Mulan nodded hoping not to receive loathing from part of the sweet boy for being what she was. She was not really ashamed for being a heroin, but she felt rejection from part of everyone.
"My mommy says you are very brave," he added. The boy's last comment reassured her doubts, finally some woman (outside her family) who understood her position. Too bad she was already dead. Mulan smiled fondly at the boy; she had already fallen in love with both of them. Actually, Mulan had a natural way to get along with children easily; they always followed her and she inspired them trust right away.
"What's your name?" Mulan asked after the boy finished his meal.
"Tsien." "And your sister's?"
"Mei Hyung."
"Beautiful names for beautiful children."
"Thank you, woman warrior."
"You can call me Mulan."
"Ok, Mulan."
"You can sleep here if you wish to," Mulan suggested.
"But what about my mommy?" Tsien asked worried.
"We are going to look out for her."
"All right."
Mulan grinned at the boy once again, not knowing what to say.
It didn't took him long to come up with another question. "Who is the tall, strong man who brought me here?" He pointed out his little index finger towards Shang.
"Oh, he's General Li Shang," Mulan answered with a special fondness as she mentioned his name.
"General?"
Mulan nodded her head.
"Wow!"
Shang announced they had to leave a few minutes later. He also mentioned they were spending the night at a base nearby.
The boy sounded excited to be among the soldiers.
During the way to the base, the boy and his baby sister fell asleep inside the kart.
By sunset, the soldiers were already at the base. Mulan was allowed to have her own room at the base and she offered to share the room with both children but Shang said he would take care of Tsien while she took care of Mei Hyung. "It's enough for you to take care of a baby; you'll spend the whole night awake." Mulan recalled Shang's words.
Late at night, Mulan woke up when she heard the baby crying. "Don't you ever get tired of eating?" Mulan asked in a sleepy tune.
Mushu woke up also rubbing his eyes.
"I'll be back in a moment," Mulan said, "Keep an eye on her."
"Since I have no choice," Mushu replied, "No one can sleep with those screams."
"She's just a baby, Mushu."
Mushu covered his ears and moved towards the crying child. "Ok, now that we're left alone here.would you mind stop crying?" He asked softly.
By the way, the response was worse. Instead of shutting her mouth, the baby started crying louder.
"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby then?" Mushu inquired this time yelling at Mei Hyung.
Cri-kee glared at Mushu and chirped something.
"Of course I'm not scaring the baby," Mushu said offended, "My voice is celestial!"
Mushu cleared his throat and was about to demonstrate he could sing but Mulan interrupt him as she stormed into the room carrying a bowl with rice.
"What did you do to her?" Mulan teased. "I think you mean what did she do to me?" Mushu said pointing at the baby menacingly, "She caused permanent ear damage."
Mulan patted Mushu's head and said sarcastically, "Poor thing."
Cri-kee burst into wild laughter.
"I'm serious," Mushu said irritated, crossing his arms.
After feeding the girl, Mulan rocked the child in her arms trying to make her fall asleep. But it was so difficult since she started to cry again. Mulan supposed it was because she missed her mother.
Mulan took her outside the room to breathe in the fresh air. Shang was out there, restless like always.
"What happened?" he asked.
Mulan walked towards him and answered, "She needs her mother." "Poor children," Shang whispered, "Their mother is dead now."
Mulan pursed her lips and nodded.
"It's hard growing up without a mother," Shang spoke up.
Hesitating, Mulan asked, "You don't have a mother?" Shang had never mentioned his mother and she didn't dare to ask him about her fearing he would be offended by the question. He rarely spoke about his father with her; so she supposed she didn't want to bother him asking about his family.
"She died when I was born," Shang answered.
"I'm sorry," Mulan said right away.
There was a big moment of silence between them.
Mulan caressed the baby's head and she slowly closed her little eyes and visited the world of dreams finally. Shang looked down at the child in Mulan's arms; there was something about her that made the baby fall asleep so easily in her arms.
"You have a gift," Shang said. Mulan looked up at him confused and he continued, "I wouldn't have made her fall asleep in my arms."
Mulan smiled at him in response and Shang grinned back at her. Their eyes locked for a few seconds but they looked away when Shang asked out loud, "Where are we taking these children?"
Mulan sighed; she had already felt the responsibility of both children.
"We can't take them with us because of the battles."
"Is their father alive?"
"I don't know Mulan," Shang said, "Maybe he's at Wu Zhong with the other soldiers."
"Someone has to tell Tsien about his mother," Mulan said hopelessly, "We can't lie to him and he's not going to believe us for long."
"You're right," Shang replied looking at the peaceful child in her arms again. He thought about his own life growing without his mother...Mei Hyung was going to have to live through the same.
The next morning, Mulan and Shang agreed they had to tell the truth to Tsien.
Shang suggested Mulan should be the one to speak to Tsien, but she refused because she couldn't give the bad news to a five-year-old. "What if he hates me for it?" Mulan asked.
"Mulan you are the only one here who can deal with little kids," Shang went on, "It's a natural gift of yours."
Mulan smiled shyly at him. Did he really think she was special?
"Anyway, Shang, I don't want to be responsible for making him cry." She had her point, "I think we should go together."
Shang sighed, remembering when he asked his dad about his own mother. He recalled that the General rarely mentioned her and if he asked something about her, his father would simply change the subject. At least Tsien had memories from his mother, but not him nor Mei Hyung. Shang seemed to be lost in his own world and Mulan was quite aware of it. She dared to ask, "What are you thinking?"
He turned to the small lady and answered, "My mother."
Mulan just nodded; knowing she couldn't meddle into those affairs. It was a delicate subject. What if Shang was displeased with her intrusion?
To her surprise, Shang continued, "My father.he acted as if she never existed. It was like he was ashamed of her or never loved her."
Mulan stayed thoughtful. How could the General possibly feel that towards his own wife? He seemed to be a quite loving father with Shang, why not with his wife? Then, she came up with something; there had to be an explanation for Shang's father's behavior. "Maybe your father missed her so much and it crushed him to speak of her." There was a pause and she continued, "Or maybe he didn't want to cry in front of you."
"My father never cried," Shang replied dryly, "He said that tears were for women and for coward men. He used to say they made you look weak."
Mulan wondered if Shang ever cried. She didn't see the smallest trace of a tear when his own father died even if it had hurt him so badly. She felt some pity for her commanding officer because he never knew his mother; at least from what his father should've told him, at least that she was happy when she carried him inside of her.at least. Part of her believed that that Shang's father was right that tears made you appear weak, but the other part was sure that when you lose a loved being your heart is hurt and it takes long to recover or if that person was everything to you, you never recover the loss.
Shang confessed, "Sometimes, I think my father married my mother because he was forced to do so." It was so sad. Mulan had always thought that Generals and military men could marry whoever they chose just because they had a rank and influence. Then again,he could've have married the woman because her parents were wealthy or because his parents chose her for him and all he wanted was to please them. She wondered if Shang would get married without really feeling love towards his bride. Mulan was confused. "Let's go see Tsien," Mulan suggested, "The more time we let go the more it will hurt him we kept this from him. He trusts us."
When they entered Shang's tent, Tsien was already having breakfast. He seemed to be alright, as if nothing happened the night the Huns attacked his village. Perhaps it was because he had no idea what he was going to find out.
Mulan sat right next to the boy, and she invited Shang to join them. This made Tsien smile; he was already growing fond of his rescuers.
"Tsien," Mulan began, "Do you have a father?"
The boy looked up at her in confusion and answered, "Yes, but he wasn't home when the barbarians attacked." He could sense something was wrong.
Both Mulan and Shang sighed with a little bit of relief. At least the children had someone to care for them.
"And.," Shang inquired, "Where was he?"
Tsien answered proudly, "He joined the Imperial Army for the first time."
"He must be with the new recruits," Shang observed. He looked at Mulan; with the look in his eyes he told her it was her turn to speak. Mulan pursed her lips and looked straight into Shang's dark eyes telling him she was not capable of delivering the terrible news to a child.
The boy fixed his eyes on his new friends puzzled. Why were they looking at each other like that? What were they hiding he couldn't listen or know? Innocent, as every child is, Tsien asked, "What's going on."
Swallowing hard, Mulan managed to say, "Tsien, we have to tell you something." She turned to Shang one more time, her eyes were pleading like that day in the mountains. Shang understood what she meant with that look, and there was no way he could say no to her with those beautiful eyes that bewitched him so many times. He had fallen into her spell once again.
"We are never going to find you mother," Shang said softly.
Tsien frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Mulan put her arms around the little boy and kissed his forehead. Tsien pulled away from her embrace and demanded, "Mulan, what happened to my mother?" She stroked the boy's hair and whispered, "She died saving you and your sister." It hurt her to say the truth, but a lie would hurt more with time.
Shang assured, "It's ok Tsien, we are taking care of you two until we find a safe place for you to stay while your father serves China." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
Tsien broke into tears then. Mulan tried to comfort him, but she felt useless for a mother was probably the most irreplaceable loss here on Earth. She opened her arms to the boy again where he could cry all he wanted. His heart was broken and she was not going to tell him to be strong, not right now, it would be so unfair to forbid the tears to come out of his eyes when they needed to get out. Shang silently watched Mulan and Tsien; he couldn't tell if he felt a little bit of envy for Tsien was in her arms and not him. If only Mulan could take him in her arms every time he felt down, but he was not a child anymore and it was impossible. He had been the one who almost killed her for the law even if it wasn't his intention to do so; Shang felt he didn't deserve her. She was like a goddess to him. Still he wished it was him and not Tsien the one in her arms.