A/N: I feel exceptionally productive. When I should be napping, I was actually outlining the rest of the chapters to this story. Granted, they might change, but unless they do, it looks like they'll be another 5 or 6 chapters…some longer than others. At least, that's the way it's working out subject wise, you know, like each chapter for something else major that's going to happen. Now mind you, I've just outlined them, which means that the ideas are there in general terms like (…insert dialogue about…) type of outlining.
Oh, yeah…I guess I should thank my muse…he hasn't been bugging me with ideas about the other stories. He's excited, I think, cause I've finally caught up writing wise with him inspiration wise. So, um…thank you, Puck! ^___^
Disclaimer: sigh, glares at persistent lawyer types You, again? Well, you know, what I did was find this rip in the time-space continuum (wordage courtesy of my brother, the Trekkie) which allowed me to go back in time to three seconds before Inuyasha's creator filed the copyright papers on the idea and filed them first, claiming I had invented it. So, technically, I own Inuyasha now. ::shakes head, then realizes she can't move her arms because of the restraining ties on the pretty white coat with all the chains and such. She looks up at the pretty white padded walls:: Um…eheh…I was kidding? Heeelloooo?!
Thanks: Wow. I got such a huge response to my last chapter and I was sooo happy that you all liked it. I was veryveryvery nervouse about it. Almost as nervous as I am about this one, but not quite…this one really beat it. So please keep it up…please review again and let me know!
RinoaOHeartilly: blushes profusely Thank you so much for the hearty review! I was slightly worried about the extent of time I put inside Kag's head and the comparison/revelations she comes to as well, so it's nice to hear it was well received. I was also particularly worried about the vision. Well, congratulations on starting the eighth grade…all I can say it, enjoy it while you can! You sound really very mature for your age, though, I wouldn't have guessed you were an eighth grader! You know, you could always tape it. That's what I did when I was working over the summer and I had to get up at an ungodly hour and couldn't make myself stay up so late. Just set your VCR to record at the time, leave the tape in, and voila! Tape it while you sleep, watch it when you get home. It's also got the double benefit of letting you fast forward through commercials and re-watch particularly cute parts! ^_^
AgentScully: It actually seems very fair. I consider I get a good part of the deal, too, so don't worry! whew I was actually worried about going into Kag's mind, so I'm very glad that it went over well. The paragraph you pointed out happened to be one of my favorites, and as always happens when I have a favorite of my own writing, I always worry that I'm being blinded by my own affection for the writing and might not see the flaws. But, if you pointed it out, then I'm glad I left it in! This next chapter is way longer, so I hope it satisfies. Oh, yeah, and Kag/Inu angst is very fun to write. (As far as I'm concerned, when Mulder left the X-Files, it was done. I can feel your pain. I watched season 7 only for glimpses of him. And the end…well, I'm not too sure what I thought about that. It wasn't bad, but…I don't know, after writing fanfiction, I kinda wished for more, you know?)
Eartha: Yeah, I am a Shakespeare fan. Very much so, but mostly his comedies. His tragedies are beautiful, and his histories…well, they're okay. Midsummer is my third favorite of his plays, Much Ado About Nothing being my number one favorite (No better couple than Beatrice and Benedick, hmmm….possibility for an Inu AU fic? ::beats Puck back away from where he was buzzing excitedly at her ear:: Stay back! I'm going to finish this one before I start another and that's FINAL! ::Puck mopes and walks to play pranks on the neighbors.:: I think Kag and Kik sorta shared their soul at some point, but Kag is the updated version of it, for lack of a better term. His name isn't actually Death, it just seemed like the best thing to call him. ::Puck looks up from where he was hiding a neighbors left sock in the tree:: She was being lazy. ::Emania glares at him:: I hadn't really realized that I needed to give him a name. Finally, I researched it and found a name for him, thanks to your review for pointing it out!
eX Driver Liz: Thanks for clearing that up and thanks for reviewing and thanks for sticking it out with me and…well…just a well rounded thanks! I hope this chapter appeals!
Moon Fairy: very big grin I'm glad you liked it. I had a good time writing it and I was very excited about it when it came out, so I'm happy it's been well received and that it seemed to flow with my story and such. blushes furiously I've always been very happy, and proud and honored that you've been so faithful to my fic, sticking it out with me and always reviewing, plus I've loved hearing from you and knowing what you think about any particular chapter, but now that I know it's the only one you've been "faithful" to, it makes the honor and happiness and pride quadrupled. scuffs shoe on…carpet? Shrugs Well, I just hope this chapter, which I'm especially nervous about…you'll see why…doesn't disappoint you. ::reads part about the disclaimer, smiles contently, smirks at the seething figures of the lawyers:: Yeah, I hope not, but I figured it couldn't hurt to really check into what they could and couldn't do. It's always good to know your rights, you know! ^_~.
Niku (Angel Moon): Thanks! I'm always amazed when people who have reviewed before keep reviewing! I love it, but I'm amazed. I'm also very glad that the scene with Kag's inner thoughts was good. I was a little nervous about it. Nobody else seemed to mention anything about the shopping scene, whether I needed it or not, so I'm taking it that I don't need it. Maybe it's just that they were so floored by the chapter itself, they didn't even miss it? ::she says hopefully:: I'm glad the reasoning behind Death coming after Kag makes more sense now. I was rather proud of myself for coming up with it ::Puck rears his head in surprise:: HEY! ::Emania smiles at him sweetly:: Right, let me rephrase that. I was really very grateful to Puck for helping me come up with that little twist. ::Puck raises an eyebrow, unappeased. Emania sighs:: Okay, so I'm grateful to Puck for finally letting me know the reason so that I could write the damn scene, okay? ::Puck smiles and goes back to teasing the neighbors dog. Emania sighs and shakes her head:: Anyway, I was happy when I found out how that was going to play out. I was getting rather anxious that I still didn't know, but once I found out, I was able to outline the rest of the story! Isn't that great! I've got most of the ideas down now! ::blushes, lowers head:: Right, about 'Death's name…well, thing is, I didn't want to get into naming him cause I can't just give a simple name, I always have to research name meanings and stuff, so I had been able to get away with it until now, and thanks to your review and those of a few others, I've realized it's time to give him a name, so I finally researched it and decided upon a name. Problem is, it's probably not going to come out in this chapter I'm posting now. Sorry! Lemme know if this is fluffy enough for ya! And if it's good. I'm not used to writing this fluff stuff, so I'm never sure if I'm overdoing it! ::blushes again:: I'm on your favorites list? Awww… ::blushes some more::
Yoshiko-Rae: Hey, there! Nice to hear from you. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review. I intend to finish the story, which should take another 5 or 6 chapters and I hope you stick with me for the remainder! Please review again and let me know what you think of the new chapter!
Evil Irish Eyes: Hey, Evil! Glad your back, I missed you! ^_^. But I understand you had to let the Adultswim people escape, and it was oh so thoughtful of you to let them escape so they could retain their dignity. I can just imagine what it was like watching them dig with the spoon (you did record it, didn't you? ::evil grin::) I'm glad you liked it when Kag told Inu essentially to shut up. I couldn't make myself take it out of the story but I wasn't 100% sure how I'd play with the readers, so I'm glad you liked it.
(20) I was particularly eager to read your review about this chapter. I was very proud and very happy when it came out ::Puck begins to glare at having not been given props again, but Emania raises a hand to stop him:: Thanks, of course, to my wonderful, brilliant, amazing muse, Puck. ::Puck grins from ear to ear:: I know you probably only said that to pacify me, but at least you said it! ::Emania rolls her eyes, but smiles when Puck raises an eyebrow.:: Anyway, your review totally turned my head. I'm very glad and very happy that it went over well and that it fit and flowed and didn't disappoint. Like I said before, I was very very very excited about it. ::Emania grins stupidly:: Thanks for the confidence in my abilities, Evil, it means so much to me. ::waves to Garlend:: You, too, Garlend. ::big grin::
Pruningshears: Have I told you how cute I think your name is? Well, I do, and it is. ^______^ You know, I've had to go back to my chapters and re-read exactly what I wrote in each one so that I could respond to your reviews! It's served me well, though, kinda a review to myself of what I've already done. ^_~ So, on to the responses:
(9) VERY big grin Thanks for putting in pieces that you liked. It's great for me as a writer to know what parts particularly appeal to you, and it just really tickles me to no end to read someone quote a particular line that I wrote.
(12) sigh yeah, fluff just sort of seemed to fit in this little bit. I tend to think I'm horrible at writing it, but…if you don't like fluff, you might not like this chapter. ::frowns:: It's a little too fluffy even for me, but, you know, it seemed to belong here so I couldn't make myself take it out.
(13) hehe…to me, it seems like Mirouku would be the one to have this kind of insight into a woman's character. I'm telling you, I really like writing inside Mirouku's head…I think I'm slowly resigning myself to writing a Mirouku fic. Oh, yeah, I think Inu's line that you pointed out here is going to be my classic "Breaking the Habit" fanfic Inu line. Thanks!
(15) Oops…I didn't even think to research this point. I hope it didn't throw off the fictive dream for you! I just read about the remedy in a magazine and thought it would be cute to add it.
(16) Real fun! I got thrown into a cold pool…with all my clothes on…once but somehow I doubt it's even remotely similar. But just the thought of a cold spring in the mountains sounds divine!
(20) Oh, you're very welcome. I always try to respond to all my reviews personally cause it's so special to me when someone takes time to actually review, especially reviews as thoughtful as the ones you provide, that it seems only natural to me to respond to them. About Shippou…well, I couldn't seem to fit him in this story. He's another one that I think I owe some more time in a story. I've actually got one running around in my head that would involve him a great deal (even though he's not the main character). I love Shippou, I think he's sooo cute, but I couldn't seem to bring him in here. He's so young and babyish and really kinda represents to me a way in which Kag is tied down (You know, mother figure and all that) and since this fic has been primarily about Kag wanting to gain some independence…well, I feel horrible about it, but there it is. I guess what he's been up to is being with Kaede. I'll probably bring him into one of the last chapters, but I make no promises! About the Kik/Kag differences, I agree. Nature v. Nurture problem. I think their soul (Kag/Kik) was basically the same at its inception, good and pure, but situations around them, the fact that Kik would feel she's restricted by her tie to the Shikon, and the life in which she lives, might have made her bitter and easy to deceive and easy to give in to "the dark side" for lack of a better term. While in Kag, however, the soul has always known love and unity, she wasn't responsible for much until she met the gang, so, you know, it had a chance to develop into goodness rather than goodness with a smidgen of dark. Anyway, so that's my psych analysis… ^_^ About your analysis of the Death situation, you're right. That's exactly the way I see it, only there seems to be yet another tie…kagome seems to believe she can help him as did the old witch who predicted it in the first place…Thanks for thinking the twist was believable. It was in my mind, but I was hoping it would be to everyone else too!
Wow! whew! that was a long response!
Trinity Kirara: Hello! ::waves madly, then grins wickedly:: really? Scared? Wow. That's great! I will get some more of death in the fic, I promise, but not in this chapter. This chapter is…fluff! I don't know if to be scared or ecstatic. I haven't written much fluff in my time, so please let me know what you think! I think it's too much, but Puck keeps insisting it's not.
MommyRogers: ::blushes:: Thank you so much for reviewing and thank you so much for one of the best compliments I've received. ::grins sheepishly:: I know I beat up on Inu and I'm sorry, but it's what I thought it would take for him to come to his senses! I hope this chapter makes up for it! ^_^ Thanks again for reviewing and I hope to hear from you again!
+~+~+~
Chapter 20: What Do I Have To Do?
"I wish there was a way/ a way for you to see inside me / I've never felt this way / about anyone or anything / tell me / … / what do I have to do to make you understand? / What do I have to do to make you love me? / and if I can't make you love me / then tell me / what do I have to do? / to forget about you?"
-What Do I Have To Do? , Stabbing Westward
Inuyasha burst into the bathroom just as Kagome's head fell under the surface of the water. "Shit!" he cursed, lunging into the room and grabbing her in one swift motion. She was unconscious, but alive. 'What the hell did she think she was doing?' he wondered. 'Why the hell is she so fucking stubborn?' He scooped her into his arms and lifted her out of the water. He wrapped a towel around her dripping body, ignoring the water dripping down his own body and carried her out of the bathroom.
'Stupid girl,' he chastised fervently in his mind as he lays her down on her bed, gently. As soon as his arms move from under her, she started to shiver. Inuyasha fell at her side, trying to warm her by rubbing the towel on her humid skin.
"Damnit, Kagome, what did you think you were doing?" he asked quietly.
Kagome gradually stopped shivering, but Inuyasha didn't dare stop trying to dry her. Slowly her eyelids fluttered open. Her eyes found his and after a heartbeat, she smiled, almost sadly. "Inuyasha," she whispered.
Something eased inside of him and he found he could breathe again. "What happened?" he asked gruffly to make up for the emotion she must see in his eyes.
Kagome frowned as she thought. 'It wasn't a dream,' she realized. She had seen part of how Death had died. The nickname they had all given him didn't seem right anymore. Now that she had been inside his memories, she knew he was more than simply 'death' but she couldn't quite pinpoint his name. He had been a half-breed, half demon and half human and he had been killed. Killed for a crime he didn't commit…killed by…Kikyo. The realization was like a pain in her heart, and she winced, feeling it in the place where she knew should be the part of her soul that Kikyo had taken back. How could she tell Inuyasha that? She wouldn't.
She started to shake her head, but stopped as the pain reverberated along the base of her skull. She must've hit her head, or maybe it was the strength of the vision.
She started to lift her hand to feel her head, but Inuyasha stopped her hand by taking it into his own. He leaned forward to look at where it hurt. His hands were gentle, even if his frown wasn't. "You're not going to get away without telling me what happened."
She tried to look up at him, managing only a glimpse at the line of his jaw as he kept her head slightly forward to inspect her head. Maybe if she told him the truth, he'd…"I slipped," she lied.
The change from concern to anger was immediate. He sat back on the bed and glared at her. "Damnit, Kagome, don't lie to me!" She winced again at his tone and he lowered his voice. "You think I can't tell when you're in trouble?"
Kagome looked at him, really looked at him. She raised a hand to where he was holding hers and looked down to see the play of skin against skin, the contrast of their skin tones, the look of his fingers. It was as if he could always feel when she was in trouble, she thought amazedly. How did he do that? How could he know? She was shocked in realizing that he had even woken up to her calling for help the first time they met. Kikyo's spell hadn't entirely been broken for she hadn't removed the arrow and he still couldn't move, but he had been awake…she had awoken him. And she didn't deserve it. Being inside of…the name was like a dream half remembered…as he was hunted, as he was called a half-breed with such vehemence made her realize what Inuyasha must go through…and how horrible it had truly been for her to call him a half-breed. She looked up at Inuyasha's face and remembered how his face had changed in the pool room when the words had left her lips. The worst part was that she hadn't meant it. Not really. She had been angry and wanted to hurt him the way he hurt her, but she didn't mean it. Even after all she had said to him, after how cruel and spiteful she had been, he was still here…he was still here to save her…she looked down at the juncture of their hands. He was still holding her.
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said softly.
He looked more surprised at her words than if Mirouku had suddenly announced that he was gay. Just as quickly, his look turned to one of suspicion. "For what?"
Kagome didn't look up from their two hands. "I had no right to say the things I did to you…" she trailed off and met his eyes. "I've just been trying to work some stuff out but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
He felt like a shit because he'd been mean to her so many times. He thought about what he could say to her, but couldn't seem to make the words leave his lips.
"Kagome!" Sango exclaimed, coming to the door. "Are you alright?"
Inuyasha automatically placed the covers over her still naked form. At least she wasn't shivering anymore. "She's fine," Inuyasha called out brusquely.
"Lady Kagome?" Mirouku called, coming to the door.
"Monk," Inuyasha growled, starting to turn to face him. He stopped when Kagome wouldn't let go of his hand. He turned back to look at her.
"I'm fine, guys," she said calmly.
Sango took in the scene and wanted to ask what had happened…what was happening, but Kagome's look made her think better of it. It looked as if Kagome was finally getting some things off her chest. Maybe she'd explain to Inuyasha what she explained to her in the spa and then Inuyasha could convince her how crazy it was. "Can we get you some food?" she asked instead. "The way Mirouku's eating, it might not last until you're…done."
"No, thank you," Kagome replied, looking at Inuyasha.
Mirouku opened his mouth to make a comment, but swallowed it when his head connected with Sango's fist. The mischievous glint in his eye melted away to trepidation when he met Sango's glare. "We shall be feasting if you change your mind," he said instead.
Sango raised an eyebrow at his wise choice and walked away, dragging him with her to make certain he didn't say anything in her absence.
As the door closed softly behind her friends, Kagome smiled sadly. "And even now, they all rush to help the helpless." It was said, not with bitterness, but with a bit of self-loathing. "I've been trying so hard to be independent, but tonight…" she trailed off and sighed.
Inuyasha crouched back down to kneel at her side. Again, he was at a loss for words. He wasn't as clueless as everybody seemed to think. He understood that Kagome wanted to feel independent, like she could do things on her own. He understood that this is what she wanted, but why she would want it was beyond him. More than that, the mere idea that she would want it was ridiculous, to his way of thinking. No one could do everything on their own. She had taught him that, for Kami's sake. When they began this journey, he would've sworn he could've found all the shards on his own, but now…now he knew he couldn't have done it alone no matter how much he tried, so what was wrong with him protecting Kagome? What was so wrong about Kagome needing to be protected? Everybody needed protecting sometimes. Why couldn't she realize that? How could he make her realize that? It was at times like these when he wished he had Mirouku's eloquence, or Kaede's innate knowledge, or even Kagome's heart…she always seemed to know what to say to make people feel better…
It's okay isn't it. Because now you're not alone.*
She hadn't answered his original question. "Don't change the subject, Kagome…what happened in there?"
He had called her by her name twice since she had come to. Twice in what couldn't be more than 10 minutes. That couldn't bode well. She figured that with odds like that, she couldn't really lie to him. But she couldn't make herself tell him the truth either. She looked into his eyes and brought her hand up to touch his cheek. His eyes softened, but he didn't budge. Was all that softness really just for the Kikyo inside her? Was all that emotion she saw buried in his eyes only for the memory of his long lost love that she resembled in physical appearance if nothing else? Her heart ached at what was probably the answer. But…what if she gave in? Just once? So what if he looked at her as if she were the afterimage of Kikyo's memory? So what if he would taste her lips and think they were hers? At least she'd have this moment…this one time…
+~+~
Inuyasha felt it as her hand moved from his cheek to the back of his neck, but it was too surprising an act for him to do more than stare. It was as if the world stopped around him as her hand gently pulled him toward her. He didn't think he so much as blinked, but suddenly he was a breath away from her. He didn't think he could move, but when he realized she had stopped pulling him toward her, he acted without thinking, twining his hand behind her head and lifting her slightly as he dipped his head to finish the contact.
Their lips met gently at first, testing, feeling, unsure, but when Kagome pulled him toward her so that their upper bodies were touching, he realized how completely starved he was for more of her…for all of her…
He gently coaxed her lips apart so that when they parted, she sighed. She felt the softness of the pillow and that mind soaring feeling as her senses were completely focused on the feel of Inuyasha's mouth pressed on hers, his warmth flooding through her starting at the juncture of their lips. She could feel the vibrations in his chest and knew without thinking that it was a growl. She wanted more. Here, in this moment, Inuyasha was hers. His lips were hers, his warmth was hers, and she didn't care if he thought she was someone else. He was here with her.
Inuyasha felt wanted as she gave in to him. He felt it in the way she pulled him toward her that she was marking him somehow. He didn't care if she didn't realize that this was what she was doing, she was doing it now and he wouldn't push her away…he couldn't…he swallowed the possessiveness into himself as if it were yet another part of her to taste.
And he wanted more. He pushed her gently into the mattress beneath them as he deepened the kiss. He was lost in a cloud of her scent. 'Sweet Gods,' he thought. 'Would it always be like this?'
Kagome felt his weight on top of her, she felt as if the bottom had been let out from under her and all that she had to hold her steady was Inuyasha's arms, his touch. She clutched at him, her nails digging into his back, wanting to get closer, hold on stronger, take more…
He couldn't seem to break the contact of their lips…he wanted it too much, but somewhere he knew it must stop. He felt a nagging fear that she would come to her senses and realize who she was kissing, who was kissing her, and push him away. He couldn't bear that and so, through sheer force of will he managed to pull his body up, away from her so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed in the hopes that it would break the contact like a chain reaction and he wouldn't have to consciously do it. But she reached her arms out to hold him to her and raised herself to keep the contact. He groaned into her mouth as his arms encircled her waist of their own accord.
Finally, after what seemed like forever and no time at all, their lips separated with the damnable need to take in air. Kagome took in a long breath, Inuyasha's intake was slower, shakier, his eyes closed against the instinct to continue right where they left off.
Kagome looked at Inuyasha and how firmly he had closed his eyes. He didn't want to see her, didn't want to realize he had been kissing her, Kagome, with such fervor instead of his long lost love and she sighed.
She had been weak to give in to her desire like that, but she wouldn't regret it. No matter what happened in the future, she would always remember the feel of him like that and she would never regret that her first kiss had been like this, with him. She could force herself to forget that he probably wasn't thinking about her while it happened. In the future, she might search endlessly for someone else to make her feel like that, or she might convince herself that it wasn't the way she remembered it, but right now…right this moment, she would simply enjoy it.
The thought calmed her racing heartbeat and when she was cold, she pressed herself against his warmth, tucking her arms between them and resting her cheek against the base of his neck so she could hear his heart beating. Inuyasha's arms cradled her as if she were a child and she was so tired-drained, really-and she felt so right, so cared for, so warm, that with that thought, she closed her eyes and drifted peacefully to sleep.
Inuyasha looked down at her and felt a strange feeling stir inside him. It was more than lust, more than attraction or caring, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. It suddenly dawned on him that he couldn't stay like that the whole night. Not that he would mind having Kagome in his arms the whole night, but the position he was in would not do. He didn't mind sleeping sitting up, but he had to have at least some backing. And, he realized, blushing, Kagome was still covered only by a haphazardly placed sheet. No, sleeping with her in his arms wouldn't do at all. He leaned down, gently placing her head on her pillow, slipping his arms from around her and covering her more fully with the sheets as he straightened. She shivered slightly and opened her eyes into slits, smiling sleepily at him as she searched for his hand. She found it next to her on the bed and she took it in hers, her eyes fluttering closed as her fingers entwined with his.
+~+
Inuyasha alternated between looking at her face and looking at their entwined hands. He hadn't had the strength to pull them apart. Who knows why she reacted the way she had? Maybe she was in shock? She had recognized him, there was no doubt about that, but why had she let him kiss her? Why had she started the kiss? It must've been the fear. But the smell of fear hadn't been with her when she kissed him. Who could tell? She was in an awfully strange mood tonight. He looked down at his hands still in hers and realized that he had been absently stroking his thumb over her hand. He stopped.
She hadn't answered his question.
'Well, I'll be damned…' he thought. Could she have kissed him to distract him from the question he had asked? Nothing else she had tried had worked. He could feel the heat in him as he remembered the feel of her pressed against him, the taste of her still lingering in his mouth. He licked his lips as if to take any remaining taste from them. 'That sure worked,' he thought wryly. He looked down at her face and realized she was almost smiling in her sleep. "You little minx," he whispered, half in awe. He should wake her and make her answer him. But she had been so tired.
Truthfully, he could think of something else he would rather do than have her sleep, especially after that kiss, but…he sighed. But whatever it was made her act the way she was acting would probably have worn off…he looked down at their hands, hers still lightly clasping his in sleep. Maybe Kagome was suffering something like when the new moon came for him? But she had never acted like this before.
No, the one thing different, that he knows must've started the whole thing was the old witch's prediction. But why was she so worried about that?
Her words of earlier that day came back to him. 'Kagome doesn't need me?' But that's ridiculous. Of course she needs him.
'Not if she stays here,' piped up the annoying voice in his head.
'That's ridiculous, too,' he told it. Why would Kagome want to stay here? He looked out at the city beyond the shrine. He could vaguely hear the throbbing mass of people, he could smell the scents. He remembered the club Kagome had taken them to the night before, the music, the crush. It was nothing like home with its wide open spaces and clean fresh air.
It was nothing like here—he found Kagome's face in the dark and sighed. He remembered her smiling face as she danced, her laughter while she was with her friends and another realization hit him almost as hard as the first.
'She's happy here.' Happy and carefree and seeing her here made him realize why he always fought her so hard when she wanted to come back here. It wasn't because of the time they lost jewel hunting and it wasn't even completely because she would be away from where he could keep an eye on her, even though it had taken him awhile to admit that to himself. No, not even that he missed her company, although only the Gods knew how much he did, but really, deep down, it was because he was afraid she'd never come back…afraid she'd decide she was crazy for going into a world infested by demons out for her blood to put her life in danger time and time again. Every time he watched her go a part of him thought, 'That's it, Inuyasha, this may be the last time…you may never see her again.' The voice was so soft, so low, he hadn't even really realized it was there until just this moment when he realized it was there every single time. Oh, sometimes, sometimes when she took longer than usual, he could almost hear the voice, he could recognize that now, the voice would whisper: 'You've done it now, you sick fuck, you've lost her.' But he never let it get to loud, and the times it got close to yelling he had gone to her…
'Fuck,' he thought vehemently. He looked up at her face and sighed.
'I love her.'
Now that he admitted it, it was just as Sango said. He recognized it had been there all along since the first time he watched her sleep and couldn't make himself stop…couldn't make himself steal the jewel…but how? Was it because of Kikyo?
No. He never needed her like this, he never looked at her the way he did Kagome.
'Shit.' There was no denying it, he needed her.
But, how could he tell her? Did she love him back? Could he make her love him? What would he do? His feelings for Kikyo had almost destroyed him, and Kikyo had never felt like this…
What did he have to do to forget about her? He looked down at Kagome sleeping peacefully. "What do I have to do to make you want me?" he whispered softly, knowing she couldn't hear him. She, of course, didn't answer. 'And if I can't make you want me…' he let his thoughts scatter as she shifted slightly, sighing in her sleep. When she didn't wake, he shook his head. 'What do I have to do, Kagome?' He sighed. 'What do I have to do…to forget about you?'
His ears pricked up at the tread of feet outside the door that signaled Sango's arrival. He heard her hesitate, unsure of what she might find inside or if she wanted to interrupt. He almost smiled. He would've loved to have seen her face if she walked in on them a few moments earlier. The smile dropped. 'Actually,' he amended. He wouldn't like to see it at all. Whatever he was going through with Kagome was something between them. Not that a part of him didn't wish he had someone to talk to about it, but…maybe Mirouku…an image of his leering face dissolved that idea quicker than a drop in the sun. He looked down at their intermingled hands as he heard Sango approaching the door. Carefully so as not to wake her, he released his hand from Kagome's and immediately missed its warmth. He watched her face scrunch up in sleep as her hand moved about sleepily. He was afraid she'd awaken, but her exhaustion must have won out because she quieted and turned over, her breath once again rhythmic. 'What was that about?' he wondered. It was almost as if she had been searching for his hand. He looked at her face again and found that a frown had replaced the smile. 'Maybe she…?'
By the time he opened the door, Sango had gathered her courage to knock. She jumped slightly at the sudden appearance of the youkai and her relative proximity to knocking on his chest. She looked uncomfortable again in the sleeping attire that Kagome had provided for her, but she too looked tired.
Inuyasha brought a finger up to his lips. "Shh," he whispered. "She's sleeping."
Sango looked around his shoulder at Kagome sleeping peacefully on the bed and back to Inuyasha. "What happened to her?" she whispered back.
Inuyasha shrugged. "I don't know, she won't tell me."
Sango frowned. "Didn't you try to get her to tell you?"
Inuyasha frowned. "Yeah, but I got…sidetracked."
Sango lifted an eyebrow. "How?" she asked suspiciously.
Inuyasha fought back the blush that crawled up his cheeks. Luckily, in the darkened hallway, Sango probably couldn't tell. "She fell asleep." Well, it was only half a lie.
Sango narrowed her eyes at him, but she really couldn't tell much from his face in the darkened hallway. "Well, Mrs. Higurashi prepared the spare room by Souta for you and Mirouku," she said. "I think Mirouku saved you some food if you're hungry."
Inuyasha plastered on his disgusted face. "Feh," he said aloud. "Greedy monk," he stepped by Sango on the way to the stairs. "Probably ate it all by now."
Sango looked into the room at her friend gently tucked into her covers, sleeping peacefully and smiled. Inuyasha could try to hide it and he usually did a pretty good job of it, she stepped into the room and closed the door, but he hadn't hidden it in time when he opened the door…she saw the tenderness in him. He probably cared for Kagome much more then even he realized.
+~+~+~
A/N: A-HA!! So, how's THAT for fluffiness? Reading over it, I think it might be too OOC, it's so fluffy, but…well, you know…what's the good of fluffy if you don't have a few hairballs to show for it?
I'm sorry if the chapter had any mistakes or inconsistencies in it. I was really planning on going over it, but seeing as how I'm a little buzzed right now, and very tired, I think I'll skip that part tonight.
* I think this quote is from the episode about Jinenji when Kag and Inu are walking away at the end. I searched everywhere for it, and finally found it on a website but it doesn't say what episode it is, it just sounds like it's what I was looking for from that episode. If anyone out there knows that this isn't the real quote that I'm looking for and knows what it is, please let me know?