Chapter Two: Frustrations
"So, why are you on leave from Rogue Squadron?" Jag asked curiously as he and Jaina walked down the hallway where most of the Jedi spent their time.
Jaina frowned, "Politics. Well, actually it started when I was with them, fighting out on the Corellian Trade Spine, near Rodia. A ship blew up right in front of me, and I had to go EV. Next thing I know, I woke up in a bacta tank, blind, sore and barely able to see my hand in front of me. So they sent me to my Dad, who was working on this refugee thing at Duro."
She briefly recounted the events that had taken place at Duro, ending with the fight between Jacen and Tsavong Lah and his "peace" offer.
Jag whistled when she was done.
"You seem to get into a lot of trouble, don't you?" he asked, an amused, but concerned smile on his face.
Jaina laughed and shot him a grin.
"More than you can imagine," she assured him.
"Oh?" said Jag, but didn't rise to the bait. Instead, he replied, "So you can't go back to Rogue Squadron yet because you're a Jedi."
" 'Yet' being the keyword," Jaina said pointedly. She didn't intend to be out of Rogue Squadron any longer than she had to.
"Well," said Jag, after a small silence, "One more reason to hate the Vong, I suppose."
Jaina's face turned serious and she nodded. At that moment, they reached the room she decided would be his. It was across the hall from hers, recently vacated when Corran Horn had left.
"Well, here you are," she said, stopping and punching in the access code so that he could see what it was. He went in ahead of her and she followed to make sure that the room was in good shape. Done inspecting it, he turned around to face her.
"It's good to see you again Jaina," Jag said, gazing directly into her eyes so that she could see he was being sincere.
Against her will, Jaina found her heart was beating a bit faster. She swallowed and broke eye contact. She had always been a sucker for green eyes.
She smiled, "It's good to see you too Jag."
And with that she turned to walk across the hall to her room.
Jaina flopped onto her bed with a frustrated sigh and closed the door to her room with the Force. At the moment, she didn't think a little trivial usage was that bad. She was angry with herself. She was angry with herself because she had promised herself when she had met Jagged Fel at Ithor that she would not fall for someone who thought being grim was a normal thing, but a few minutes ago, her heart had been pounding under his gaze. Besides that, she found him frustrating at times and irresistable at others, and it infuriated her. He couldn't just walk into her life like that and invade her thoughts. She had enough to think about, forget adding romance.
Maybe romance would make life easier sometimes, a small voice at the back of her mind said.
No, she wouldn't do it. She liked Jag, yes, but anything beyond that was just fooling herself. And had he ever given her any indication that he might return those kind of feelings?
She paused at that thought. Jag was so unreadable, even with the Force. He kept his expressions, his elation, his worries, his fears, his secrets buried beneath the calm façade of a trained soldier. She couldn't tell what he was thinking or what his motives were when he mocked her, or when he skipped half of the diplomatic assembly on Ithor to introduce himself to her. Or what he had been getting at by talking to her privately while they had watched Elegos Ka's coffin being unloaded. He was kind of mysterious, not too mention absolutely gorgeous.
She sighed again, but not with frustration this time, when she remembered how his eyes looked. Deep, thoughtful, intelligent, serious and playful all at the same time, that's the way his eyes were. The more she thought about it, the more she realized her dislike of his flaws was just a shield to protect herself from beginning to genuinely like him. Just something about him made it seem like if she started to like him then she might be friends with him. And if she became friends she might start liking him as more than just a friend. Something she had said to him at Ithor came back to her, and she shuddered at the peculiarity of it all. She had said, "Sometimes a meeting isn't just a meeting, sometimes it's a prelude."
Well, hadn't that been a meeting? Was it a prelude? If she breathed deeply and allowed the Force to fill her, then she could see that there were different possibilities.
Finally, she decided that she couldn't win against herself, she would do what she thought was appropriate, and the first decision she came to in this matter was that she would stop purposely disliking Jagged Fel and get to know him better. Then she would understand him better and would know whether or not he would reciprocate any feeling she held for him.
Looking at her chrono, she remembered that she had told Anakin she'd meet him in the training room for lightsaber sparring. Rushing as she slipped on a sleeveless white shirt and loose black pants, she still was tying her long brown hair up in a ponytail when she knocked on Jag's door.
Wearing the same black Imperial style uniform, he looked intrigued to see her standing at his door.
"Hey," she said, her hopeful grin fading a bit, suddenly slightly embarrassed, maybe it had been a stupid idea after all… "Well, I was wondering, have you ever seen a lightsaber fight?"
Jag looked even more intrigued at this and replied mildly, "Never, not even in holovids, why?"
"Would you like to?" Jaina asked.
Jag's eyebrows rose.
"Sure," he answered, "Just let me get changed. Come on in."
Jaina stepped surely into the room.
Jag grabbed some clothes out of his bag and walked into his refresher, closing the door behind himself. Jaina tried not to feel self-conscious and turned her attention to the holos sitting on his bedstand. There was one of his mother, with an apron on and her hands on her hips, one of a younger version of his mother, probably his sister, with Jag standing beside the girl and arm draped over her shoulder and big grins all over their faces. The last picture was of a solemn teenage boy in a fighter pilot uniform, that resembled Jag very closely, but had to be his older brother. Jaina got an uneasy feeling about that, and she felt guilty when Jag cleared his throat behind her.
She whirled around, then relaxed at his smile. He had changed into a grey shirt with a black jacket with the military insignia on the arm. It might have been casual clothes, but it looked formal on him.
"Is this your brother?" Jaina asked unknowingly, pointing to the picture.
"Yes," Jag replied, and a bit of sadness crept into his voice, "He died about five years ago."
"Oh. I'm sorry," said Jaina, feeling awkward.
Jag looked at her strangely, "It's okay."
There was an uncomfortable silence in which they both just looked at their feet before Jag tried to start the conversation again, "So, who's this lightsaber battle between anyway?"
Jaina immediately snapped back to her confident self and as they walked out of the room she explained to him.
"It's between Anakin and I. Usually, Jacen and Anakin spare constantly, I think it helps them work out their frustrations with each other in a more… educational environment. Anyway, since Jacen's not here right now, Anakin thought that we needed to keep our practice up."
They paced down the hallway and Jaina hit the button when they reached the training room.
"About time you got here!" Anakin's voice came from inside. As Jaina and Jag walked in he turned around. "Ah, we have an audience, excellent!"
"Ready to be taught a few lessons little brother?" Jaina grinned.
"Not nearly as many as I'm going to teach you!" Anakin shot back with a smile.
They bowed and then went to separate corners of the room. Jag took a seat on a bench, and waited.
Both Anakin and Jaina turned around at the same time, sensing anticipation through the Force. They circled towards each other and Jaina twirled her lightsaber in a neat circle, a coy, "come and get it" smirk on her face. Anakin had a sly, concentrated visage as they advanced, they both seemed to focusing equally hard, feeling the Force running through them. Jaina attacked first with a high feint towards Anakin's face. He batted the end of the lightsaber to the right and tried to carry the motion through enough so that he could lock her hands in a downwards position with her lightsaber below his, but Jaina was much too quick for that. She pulled her lightsaber to the right in the middle of his motion and followed the inertia through, spinning away from him then launching another attack as soon as she completed the turn. Suddenly, Jaina pushed him faster, launching into a series of forceful upper slashes, but Anakin parried each of them and flipped backwards to give himself space. Then he came at her from the front, but just as he reached the closest point, he stepped to the left and tried to swing at her neck, yet Jaina managed to block it, then forward-flipped right over top of him to land in front.
The next twenty minutes were fought with a kind of determination and strength that Jaina put every bit of herself into. Anakin was skilled, strong, and a little taller, but Jaina had a lot of experience and Mara Jade had trained her. At the end of forty-five minutes Anakin was exhausted into surrender. They switched off their blades and bowed, each completely respectful and sincere, but a moment later, Anakin hugged her good-naturedly and said with some disappointment, "Next time I guess."
"Whenever you want," Jaina breathed, grabbing a water bottle and spraying it into her mouth. She grabbed a towel and patted the sweat off her face as she came over to Jag on the bench. His mouth didn't really give away anything, but his eyes were shining with admiration and excitement.
"So, did you like that?" Jaina asked tentatively.
"It has to have been one of the most incredible things I've ever seen," Jag admitted.
"Whoa, high praise indeed," commented Jaina, surprised, "If you're impressed by that, you should come in here when Mara and Corran are practicing. Then you're really in for a show."
She winked.
Jag smirked, "I'll bet."