A/N: First of all, I feel the need to discuss something brought up by Kagome'sJewel. She pointed out in a review, that my a/ns had been getting longer than my chapter (I don't know how long my a/n will be here, but the chapter itself is 6 pages in word! Woohoo!) and that this might discourage reviewers because you guys might think that I'm shortening my chapters to put in the longer responses. To address this point, I should say that this is absolutely positively NOT true. I actually write out the chapter first, then respond to the reviews, write my a/n and put it all together in a nice, neat, hopefully coherent package and post it. So this should not discourage any reviewers because I would never shorten the length of a chapter if I think it needs to be a certain length. When I have posted a short chapter, it's usually because plot wise or organization wise I've wanted to keep several instances together in a chapter. Now, that said, if you guys are getting annoyed with the amount of space I devote to my a/ns and reviews, then let me know and I'll see what I do about it.
Second of all (and sorry, but this is going to be another long a/n…) I owe inuphoria a great big whopping apology! Sorry, sweetie, your heart being saddened is the last thing I want! This is the story, folks, it seems I didn't give her props for putting me up on her favorite author's list when I made the announcement last chapter. I'm sorry! Thing is, your name's not showing up on my list! I didn't mean to keep you out! I know you've been such a wonderful reviewers and been so great in reviewing, I even think you were one of my first reviewers, so I really,really,really hope your not sad! I really do appreciate you!
breathes sigh of relief Okay, now that that's off my chest, in other news…
I'm not at all happy with this chapter. It started out well, but…well, I don't know, it doesn't feel all that right. So, I hope you guys will read it with an eye out to helping me make it better or telling me how you like it, yes? shrugs, throwing her hands in the air… This is the best I can do without some feedback, so I hope it's not too bad!
Disclaimer / Rating: In the interest of saving space and scrimping on un-necessary posting area, I will say that I don't own them and there's gore in this one, people, so it's definitely not for the kiddies.
Thanks: Okay, so the reviews are NOT longer than the chapter this time! The chapter itself is actually longer by about like 3 pages (in word, anyway!) In any case, I just can't see myself not responding to your reviews, but like I said above, if they annoy you guys that I do this, then pleasepleaseplease let me know so I can think of what else to do about it. I don't want to make the experience annoying for you! ^___^
Kagome'sJewel: Hello! I want to thank you for your suggestion about the review responses and a/ns. I just can't make myself not write a response to people, and plus, like I said above, the way I do things is that I write the chapter first, make sure I've edited it and made all the additions and such and when I'm happy with the chapter, which I would post, then I write the a/n and review responses. So, the length of those don't affect the length of my chapter…but thanks for pointing out that people might see it that way. Thank you for saying that the chapter was well written! That means a lot, especially after reading your story, which I did and reviewed for each chapter! It was good, and like I said in the review, with just a few grammatical fixer uppers which I can't help but see (considering I'm an English Major!) the plot and story of it is wonderful! (See why I avoid doing critical reviews of stories? I'm always afraid that I'm too critical, sorry if I was!)
Pruningshears: hey! That's so great to hear. This chapter that I'm posting now, mostly gave me trouble cause of what you said to your review of chapter 24…about Kikyo. I realized that I hadn't been really considering that aspect of the storyline and it bothered me to no end, until I could figure out why she did what she did. ~_~. Trust you me, it was NOT easy! whew! Plus, I don't think Puck likes Kikyo much cause he was conspicuously absent from it. He helped me out well enough with most of the chapter, but when I went back, deciding I had to re-think Kikyo's role in the storyline, he bolted. Puck pops back in, next to her…sticking his tongue out in disgust. "She's a horrible character!" Emania glares at him. She's not my favorite, but now I feel a little sorry for her…anyway, you coulda helped! Puck set his jaw stubbornly. "It was fine before you messed with it, now your not sure anymore, are you?" Emania faltered. Well…I may not be too happy with the chapter, but I am happy with having added her in there! Puck pshaws, Emania ignores him. Anyway, thanks for sticking with me, and I'm so glad you liked what I did with Kikyo…I especially can't wait to read what you think about this chapter…maybe you can help me if you think it isn't too clear or whatever?
LilyFlower: blushes Awww…thanks! Really. I love being someone's favorite! ^___^ Thanks for reviewing!
LilacRose: You know, I almost didn't update…I got caught up in your fic Through The Ancient Well. I still haven't finished it, but I'm on my way…still, I figured that since I was having so much trouble with this chapter, I should probably put it on pause till I updated…but…IT'S GREAT!!! I LOVE IT! WOW! I never would've thought of reading a fic with the type of plot this one has, but I love the way you write and it just drew me in! Okay, now that that's off my chest, yes, we finally have power in Inu's head! Wow. It sure took me long enough, huh? Thanks for reviewing! Oh, and Season 9 is in reference to X-Files. (It was my first experience with fanfiction) and it was AgentScully's threat to make me watch Season 9 (a bad, BAD season) that…um…convinced me to update sooner. Sorry for the confusion! ^_~.
Eartha: I hope to explain all your questions in a later chapter, Eartha, although they do help me focus a whole lot, so thanks for reviewing with them. If, however, in the next few chapters, you haven't gotten a satisfactory answer, please remind me, yes? Tell me what you think about this chapter, okay? I'm kinda worried about it… ~_~
Gloria Underhill: Hey! Great to hear from you again! Thanks for the patience, and thanks for reviewing! Glad you thought it was original…I wanted to try it from a different angel! ^_*.
Inuphoria: I'm so sorry! I wrote a little apology above in the a/ns, but just in case, I'll repeat myself here…I didn't know you had put me on your favorite author list…for some reason, it's not showing up on my list of people who have me on their favorite authors list. I didn't mean to intentionally keep you "prop"less! Really! I know and appreciate how wonderful you've been throughout this whole thing, so I'm really sorry! Don't be sad!
Kai-Aki-Ti: Hello, new reviewer! And thanks so much for reviewing as you read, it means a lot to me to know what you think of each chapter as you go along. I know by the time I post this, you haven't gotten to this chapter yet, (or so I'm guessing, by your reviews) but I hope when you do read this, you realize how thankful I am that you took the time to review! I'm glad you like the story so far and I hope I don't disappoint you by the time you get here! ^_^;
Niku: Hello! waves madly, grinning stupidly Thank you so much for your kind review! As you can probably imagine, I was so worried about writing the emotions to Inu for that chapter, I was practically shaking in my boots till you guys so kindly responded. I hope I don't disappoint you with this chapter…sadly, I'm not too sure of myself on it…frown But oh, well…I can trust you wonderful reviewers to either point out the faults I can't see or assuage my fears…Thanks again for revieweing! Oh, yeah, and when I wrote the part of Inu killing "Kikyo" I actually hesitated…unsure of if I should put it in or not, but when I went back and realized that it would fit into the story line and make it stronger, I was overjoyed! I got to kill Kikyo! Even if it wasn't the real one…still, I'm satisfied. Puck pops out, grinning evilly. "As am I!" Emania sighs. I think Puck's become a Kikyo-hater…
MoonFairy: Hey there! Awww…thank you so much for your wonderful compliments! Yeah, now Inu can confess his love to Kag and she can…Puck smacks her upside the head. "You know it's not going to be that easy, right?" Emania frowns, but sighs. Yeah, I guess. Puck smiles gleefully. "Good. Continue, then." Emania smiles at MoonFairy. I guess we can dream, can't we? But I promise, as the Goddess is my witness, I will get them to confess to each other, now how that will happen I can't guarantee…^_~.
Elventeen: Hiya! I love your name, btw…did I ever tell you that? I'm so happy you liked the chappie and about the evil cliffies…well, points to Puck. He did it. He's the one with the sick sense of humor. Puck's eyes widen, finding himself in the sudden limelight. "Hey!" Emania shuts him with a hand to his mouth. Don't deny it…you know it's true… Puck bites her hand. "I am not getting the death threats, Em! Not anymore!" Emania shrugs. You'll live…you're a fae, I'm just a witch…you can survive it better than I can. Puck glares at her and does a wonderful imitation of an InuGrowl. Emania smiles So, yeah, send all death threats, evil glares and general bad vibes to Puck, care of…well, wherever it is Puck lives…cause he's the source of the evil cliffies…^_^.
Mitchie: Here ya go…hope you like it! ^_^.
Sama: (for 13) Hopefully, you'll eventually see this…and in the hopes that you do…Thank you! I was rather proud of Mirouku's view of women…I like writing from Mirouku's pov…hmm…Notices Puck trying to buzz new ideas in her mind and she swats him away. Go away! I have enough with this story right now! Puck flies off, dejected.
AgentScully: Wow! That was a long 'un! ^_^. I hope you feel the same about me dealing with the Kikyo issue after you read this chapter. I hit a big snag while I was reviewing it, and thanks to pruningshears I realized that I needed to address it. I SOOO love it when reviewers quote back my own stuff to me…it means to me that you liked it enough to at least take the time to copy and paste it, or, better yet, remembered it! Woohoo! So, thanks for that. I'm so happy that you liked the chapter, especially with how worried I was about it! I wasn't sure about making Inu feel you know? None of the lines belong exclusively to Puck, but…flies off, doing an AnimeFall as Puck pulls her chair forcefully back. "What do you mean none of the lines belong exclusively to me? The whole thing with Inu looking broken was me, and you know it. You weren't even sure you wanted to put it in there, remember? And the thing with Inu killing Kikyo at the end was me, too." Emania mumbles from under the folds of her comforter which fell on her when she hit the bed. Puck shakes his head at her, and smiles at AgentScully, graciously taking the cookies. "Thank you so much…I really appreciate it! It's good to know that at least some people he glares significantly at the hunk of goosefeathers which is Em still struggling under her covers. appreciate the work I put into this thing…" (AH! That X-Files ep was one that I thankfully missed! I can't belive they went that low…they should have hired one of the fanfic writers to write it, I'm sure they could've done better! Sheesh!)
Del_kaidin: Sorry! I didn't mean to be unfair. But you know, an Official Non Existent Certificate of Ownership of one Inuyasha might not make me update faster (that's up to Puck. Puck sweatdrops as she glares at him.) but it would make me feel bad if I took too long! ^_^.
Aeyikie: Hiya! Wow, you sure were hyper when you wrote that review! I can relate seeing as how my dinner consisted of chocolate and coca-cola! I didn't feel like cooking and so I improvised! Heehee…anyway, Puck sends his thanks for being called cool and told me that he would love to meet your split personality…strangely, he's been conspicuously absent since I started writing your review, so I can't say that I'd introduce them now…He is a little crazy, but then again, he's a fae, so it's acceptable, I guess. ^___^. A flying waffle? Ooookaay! ^_*.
RinoaOHeartilly: I'm not too much of a Kikyo fan, too, but I actually was left on my own rethinking this chapter without Puck's aid since he got very upset with me cause he didn't think I needed to explain any more about Kikyo…seems he's not the biggest Kikyo fan either! I just didn't want to be unfair. I am majorly a Kag/Inu person, but I figure Kag and Inu can't just ignore Kikyo between them…I needed to deal with it, but I'm glad you liked the way that worked out in my last chapter! Yipee! People liked it! I'm glad you thought Inu's realization was fitting. I struggled with that, I wanted to make it not too OOC, but since he hasn't gotten that far in the series, I was unsure. You're very welcome about wishing your brother well…I hope he's better. I actually haven't had anyone be offended by the language, but I am kinda worried about the violence in this chapter that I'm posting now, so I hope you don't get offended here either! Thanks so much! ^_^
RavenShadow: Beautiful? Wow! Thanks! I'm blushing down to the roots of my hair! I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long! And I hope you like where I took this chapter, too! ^_~.
Jen: Aww…thanks! Sorry about the cliffy…I can't seem to get away from them! On the up side, we're almost done! Hope you like this chapter! ^_^
Katergator: Hello! Thank you so much for reviewing AND for the compliment…I'm still blushing! ^_^
Yoshiko-Rae: Hey, that's okay! I'm just glad you still like my story! Please don't go wacko on me…I don't want to think I'm the cause of you going wacko or anything…^_~. I hope your computer is alright now…Thanks for reviewing!
MoonBaby: Awww…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry! How's this for quick, huh? (actually, I was ready to post this morning before class but found a few glaring errors I couldn't post, so you got in just under the bar!) I hope you like this chapter, too! ^_^.
eX Driver Liz: I'm so glad! You can just imagine how worried I was about it, what with everything I had going on in it. I'm just as worried about this one, so please let me know what you think! ^_~. Thanks for reviewing!
Chapter 25: Hemorrhage
"Memories are just where you laid them / Dragging the waters till the depths give up their dead / What did you expect to find? / Was it something you left behind? / Don't you remember anything I said…"
-Hemorrhage, Fuel
Kagome was afraid. So afraid, that the shivering seemed to come from some place deep within her body and she couldn't seem to stop herself. A part of her mind screamed at her to open her eyes, but she still had the sensation of weightlessness, of falling through water, and she couldn't seem to make herself look. She curled her legs tightly against her breast, something about the fetal position giving her the impression of safety. Almost gently, she felt herself touch a mossy embankment and the disorienting feeling of falling was gone. Her eyes remained closed, however, for if she was afraid of the not knowing, she was all that much more afraid of what she would see when she opened her eyes.
Open your eyes, miko…
The soft command left her no choice but to obey and her eyelids fluttered open before she could rebel against the idea. At first, her mind could not, or would not make sense of what was presented to it. A jumble of color and shapeless objects littered the floor at her feet and further out around her. Part of her mind realized that couldn't be good. Why wouldn't her mind look at what was really there? It was as if her very eyes refused to focus…as if her eyes didn't want to let her mind really see… She thought about that article she had read somewhere that it was a kind of self defense mechanism the mind had to avoid being scarred with the imprint of a really horrible scene…like shock…The shapeless colors were rather pretty, almost pleasant to look at, really.
She should leave it be…she should close her eyes again…she should run and hide, she didn't have to face this…why was she facing this?
But she didn't close her eyes, didn't try to look away. Instead, she told her eyes to focus, told her mind to really look at what was around her and once she did, she knew that anything would have been better than this…
All around her was death.
Death in all its varying forms and once she realized that, the scent of death: the acrid smell of smoke, the bitter smell of blood, assailed her senses as well. At first, that was all she knew…
Fire, blood, bodies, strewn about like dolls…
Her mind still hadn't let her focus on particulars, until the light of the fire shone off a piece of steel and she saw, really saw the severed hand still clutching it. As if it were the catalyst her mind had been waiting for, the entire scene became startlingly clear to her as if she had simply adjusted the focus nob on her camera.
There, slumped almost directly in front of her, the village elder, in a pool of his own blood. And partly shielded underneath him, Hana, his daughter, who had only two weeks ago taught Kagome how to sew.
And there…Keiko, the daughter of Orino, the metalworker. Hadn't it been only last week she had turned fourteen? Yes. Mirouku had given her a fortune and told her she would bear many children…her new kimono was stained everywhere with blood.
And Hoshiko, the son of the village weaver, who she had taught along with Shippou to play hopscotch but a few days ago.
And Shippou…
Kagome could barely see through her tears…
His little body lay broken against the wood of a nearby house, his neck jutting at a strange angle.
Kaede's body was almost undecipherable under all the blood…
Sango and Mirouku were there, lying almost side to side, as if they had died protecting each other…the blood of each mingling with the other's…so much blood…she closed her eyes, falling back and red chased away the darkness behind her lids.
She couldn't look anymore. How had this happened? Why hadn't she been here?
'Inuyasha!' The name rang clearly through her jumbled thoughts…maybe he had survived this…maybe…
She caught a glimpse of red fabric and she stumbled to her feet, half crawling, half staggering to him. 'nonononononononono'
"Inuyasha!" she exclaimed, pushing aside the rubble, half blocking his arm. The Tetsaiga lay broken at his side, his eyes closed and ribbons of blood trailed the length of his body, slowly seeping his life-force away.
She should have been there to help! Whatever happened, she should have been there…why wasn't she there?
He's breathing!
His eyes flittered open. "Ka…" he stopped, coughing blood. "Ka…go…me."
Kagome reached out to take hold of his hand. "I'm here, Inuyasha," she whispered, the tears falling freely.
There was so much pain in his eyes, as if he were struggling very hard. "You failed us," he whispered. "You could have stopped this." The words come as if he were out of breath. Kagome stared at him mutely. "They came for you…if not for you, these people would have lived." He pulled his hand out of her suddenly numb one. "You should have never come."
His eyes closed, the breath stopping in his throat and Kagome knew he was dead. Her body seemed to give up, even the strength it took to keep her sitting up straight left her and she crumbled on top of him, the scrambled away from him, he was so cold…
'It was all my fault…they all died because of me…I couldn't save them…' Her breath stuck in her throat. 'No…they died only because I was here…'
The pain washed through her, chased by fear and regret. She should have never come. She should have stayed in her time. If she never would have come, the jewel would have remained out of harm's way. If she wouldn't have come, the jewel would've have broken into a thousand pieces, creating all sorts of horrible demons. If she would have stayed away from Kaede's village…If she would have been strong enough to do this on her own, Kaede's village wouldn't have been put in as much danger as it was…
A sob escaped her throat…
Kaede…Inuyasha…Sango…Shippou…Mirouku…they were all dead…
Dead because of her.
It felt as if her heart had simply ceased to beat, and the pain came instantly, sharply. She couldn't take this…why hadn't she died with them?
"Open you eyes, miko," came Benten's voice from above her. "Look at what you have done."
Kagome opened her eyes to find Benten staring at her from amongst the death and destruction of Kaede's village. She stood up before him, her face hardening, the lines etching into her ashen skin, a portrait of her anger. "Did you do this?" she demanded.
"Nay," he shook his head. "You did."
"I did not slay them!" she exclaimed. "I may have been the cause," she added softly, her hand fisting. "But I did not slay them with my own hands!"
"Does it matter who did?" Benten asked quietly. "Would it truly ease your pain to make those who did pay when all they did was what was in their nature to do?" He paused. "When they would not have even been here were it not for you?"
Kagome blinked, shaking her head. She couldn't think about this now. All her friends were dead. Would it make her feel better to kill whoever did this? When she hadn't been there to prevent it in the first place?
"No," she finally answered.
Benten neared her. "This is your greatest fear?" he asked her, motioning around her. "This? Being the cause of all this death and pain and not being able to stop it."
Kagome wouldn't raise her head. She heard his words as if through a great distance, and yet, she could make out each word clearly. "Yes," she whispered.
"Your soul has indeed changed, Kikyo," he spoke, as if deep in thought. He could feel the lingering fear that would never go away, he could feel the pain deep inside her.
"I have not changed all that much," Kagome answered, her words sounding hollow to her own ears, sounding so much like the emotionless voice of the resurrected Kikyo. Would she become like Kikyo now? Would she feel nothing? She could already feel herself numbing…numbing to the pain, to the realizations flooding her consciousness…
"You are in so much pain, Priestess," he said. "You are so wracked with fears and uncertainties." He neared her, but she did not move. "Your heart is full of doubts about your own character, your own worthiness…" She didn't look up to meet his eyes. He waited, seemingly expecting her to say something, but she had nothing to say. He turned her where she stood so she was looking at the body of Inuyasha, bloodied, dead on the ground before her. "You fear for this one," he told her. Kagome turned her head away, refusing to look at Inuyasha. "And yet he hates you, for stealing the soul of the one he loves…for taking away his chances of getting what he wishes for…for binding him as you have…"
'No!' Kagome's heart cried. That couldn't be true, could it? He couldn't really hate her? She had always feared he did, but…
"And that one," Benten continued, they were suddenly before Sango's body. "You fear that you would let her down, and she hates you for shattering the jewel that was used to control her brother."
"Why are you doing this?" Kagome whispered, closing her eyes tight against the sight assailing her, and yet not being able to clear the imprint it had already made on her mind's eye. "
"I want to give you freedom from this…" he turned to face Inuyasha. "I will give you oblivion, I will free you from the pain…" He met her eyes again. "Surrender to me and I will free you from your fear." He reached out a hand to her. "Give in to me and I will take you away from their hate…"
She felt the tears well up in her eyes as she looked around her at the dead bodies of her friends. Could Sango really have died hating her?
I rather have you alive and unsure of yourself than dead or hurt and certain. *
No…Kagome had felt the truth to Sango's words that day in the spa. She couldn't hate her. They had been through too much, shared too much…Sango was her sister!
And Inuyasha…
She fought back the tears as she looked upon his mangled body. She had always feared that Inuyasha hated her for taking Kikyo's soul, but…but did he? Really?
He couldn't hate her…he might not love her the way she wished he would, but he couldn't hate her! After all the times he had saved her, after all the times he kept coming back…after the promise to protect her…
Kagome shivered. That look in his eyes wouldn't leave her. He did hate her. He had to. Could she blame him? She had brought him nothing but trouble. She was a constant reminder of the love he couldn't have. It was a miracle he didn't let some demon kill her and not even have to dirty his own hands with her blood.
Why don't you just let me protect you?…
I need to and if it's meant to be that I die…
I won't allow it. **
She remembered the sudden pleasure of his hand tightening in hers. She remembered the press of his arms around her, the feel of his heart beating, the look in his eyes…She remembered it all. A thousand little moments, a hundred eloquent looks, a handful of shared embraces. He might not love her the way she sought to be loved, but he couldn't hate her.
He…trusted her with the jewel, he trusted her to be there for him…he…trusted her…and she trusted him.
She trusted that he would be there, that he wouldn't let her fall if he could catch her, that Mirouku would purposefully take in the poisonous insects so that Inuyasha could get to her, that Sango would trust her with her life when they were in battle…
She trusted them.
Kagome blinked. 'This isn't real,' she thought in surprise. 'This hasn't happened.' This death and carnage…it was clear now…Benten had said as much…
This is your greatest fear…
Yes, it was her greatest fear. But it wasn't real. It was another one of Benten's visions. She knew her friends couldn't hate her, wouldn't blame her…she knew she wouldn't let them die without being there right by their side, just as they…
'Just as they wouldn't let me face death without them by my side...'
Finally, Kagome met Benten's eyes, no longer fearing being lost to the swirling mist of gray and blue of his eyes. Around her, the vision dissipated, but she didn't notice it, she only had eyes for Benten…because now…now she remembered…
"Why me?" she asked quietly. She could see the aura of darkness around him now, the same sort of aura she saw around an unpurified jewel shard even though she knew he did not have a shard. It was as if he himself were tainted, as if his soul were poisoned. Why hadn't she seen it before?
"I need your essence, Priestess," Benten answered honestly. "If I have your essence, I can continue to live like this, take back my life which you took from me." He met her eyes steadily as she looked at him. "It would only be fair that it be your essence that gives me the opportunity." He motioned around him. He reached out for her once again. "In return, I will take away your fear and your pain and your uncertainty."
The memory broke through her consciousness like water from a bowl and she welcomed it.
The girl was pushed forward into her temple as if she were no more than an animal. Kagome looked at the woman-child through Kikyo's eyes.
"Tell her, Liana," the man above her roared, pointing to Kikyo. "Tell the Priestess."
Kikyo was uncertain, unsure of whether or not she should interfere, but the poor girl was obviously frightened beyond belief.
"Father," the girl started pleadingly.
"Tell her, whore," her father demanded darkly. "Or so help me the whole town will know how you have given yourself to a half-breed and I will leave you at the mercy of whosoever would take you!"
The girl couldn't meet Kikyo's eyes. "Benten, the half breed is a water demon," she whispered softly.
Kikyo-Kagome looked up to meet the man's eyes.
"We kill the demon," the man spoke harshly.
"Why?" Kikyo asked, trying to keep her voice calm. "For falling in love with your daughter?"
The man's eyes nearly bulged. "He is a water demon! He must have killed the children!"
Kikyo-Kagome looked at Liana, weeping. "Do you believe he did this, Liana?" she asked.
Liana glanced up at her, but quickly shifted to her father.
"Of course she does!" her father roared. "And she will tell the whole village of it right now," he forcefully lifted Liana from her crouching position on the floor and to her feet. "And then we will kill the demon, with or without your help, miko."
"And no one will suspect your daughter of falling in love with a half breed, is that it?" Kikyo asked.
The man ignored her and walked out into the village. Kikyo sighed and stood, taking her bow and arrows. What choice did she have?
As the memory left her, the truth of it remained. She knew what to do now. It was so clear, she wondered at not having known it from the beginning.
The old woman's voice came back to her, as if she were hearing them again in her ear…
You must put his soul to rest…
I don't know how to do that…
You will.
Kagome looked at his outstretched hand. Slowly, as if she were still unsure, she reached out and touched her hand to his. They were surrounded by a bright light engulfing them as suddenly, as brightly, as completely as a brush fire. Kagome could feel Benten's surprise and his attempt to pull away from her, but she grabbed hold of his hand, feeling her magic pulse through into him. "Only I can do for myself what it is you offer, Benten," she spoke clearly. "I finally understand that now."
Benten's head fell back in obvious pain and his mouth opened on a wordless scream. Kagome felt it as the poison in him fought her off, but she pressed harder. "Just as I understand that Kikyo didn't try to kill you, Benten, or you would not be here now," she told him softly. "She tried to give you another life…but to take it, you must let go," she coaxed him, whether in his mind or aloud, she could no longer tell. "Let go of the pain…" She felt the tears come to her eyes as they came to his. "It is the only way in which you can move on to the life that Kikyo really tried to give you, Benten…let go of the pain, you will see the truth…you will have another chance…but you must let go…" she whispered.
I'm scared, it hurts.
Kagome felt his emotions as if they were her own.
You must see the truth… she told him with her soul, knowing that he heard her.
Her heart ached as he looked into his memories and saw his love, Liana, betray him to the village.
She knew not how to surpass their fear…she gave in to their hate…she was young and had no one to understand…
Benten's soul was so tired, Kagome could feel it.
I thought her love was pure…why does it hurt so much?
Kagome felt the tears prickling her eyes but she held back.
Let go, Benten…you can find love again…you can be loved…truly loved…
She felt the poison in him start to slip away and it left him weak and afraid. The cloak of his hate was slipping and part of him fought to cling it to him, but his heart was tired and was tempted by her words.
There will be peace, Benten…and another chance…
Why did you kill me?
Kagome faltered only momentarily. She wished she could look at him, and suddenly, as if she were opening her eyes, he appeared before her. The darkness around them lightened. He hadn't seen her…he wasn't trying.
She did not understand…Kagome explained. She did the best she could…you would forever be hunted…she tried to free you, to give you another life, only she was not powerful enough yet…her own heart was…Kagome paused as she came to a realization. Kikyo's heart…
Kagome felt like sobbing as the whole of Kikyo's emotions ran rampart through her. So much had always been expected of her that she never had a chance to be a girl, to be loved or understand love. She could not understand Benten's pain, but she tried to give him another chance…she could not understand the consequences of her actions, she only tried to free him from pain. 'Oh, Kikyo…' Kagome thought. Her power pulsed through them both, raising them in the air.
She felt the release on her heart when the poison was finally gone from Benten and she knew she had succeeded, just as she did whenever she purified a jewel, only then it was so quick she hardly noticed. Benten met her eyes and his were peaceful, almost human again. She saw him as he had been.
Kagome's eyes closed as she was wracked with another vision…
"What can we do, Father, if they hate us?" a younger version of Benten asked an older version.
"Love them," his father replied. "It is all we can do…you must never hate them or the hate will take over and you will become exactly what it is they fear you to be."
Kagome felt it when his connection to the children he had been feeding from broke and the children awoke from their dreamless slumber, gasping for breath and startling their ever vigilant family members. She looked at Benten and he looked at her.
You are like Kikyo, but different, Benten's voice came in her mind. Who are you?
Kagome smiled sadly. I was once the Priestess Kikyo, now I am merely Kagome.
And yet you stood here in her place when I was prepared to kill you? he asked, amazed.
Kagome was very tired, weary really. She felt the connection to him begin to fade. You were in pain, she answered. I had to help you if I could.
Thank you, he spoke as the connection between them weakened. I can hear the water calling me home now… his voice was weak and far away. Thank you…
The light dissipated as the feel of Benten did and when the light was gone, Kagome was alone.
Slowly, as if floating through water, Kagome drifted back onto the ground. Her final thought before darkness overtook her was that she had to get to Inuyasha.
+~+~+~
A/N:
I didn't think it would take me so long to post this one up, guys, really, but I am so unhappy with this chapter, not in the overall aspect of it, I guess, but I worked with it so much that I'm finally just tired of it. I feel as if it's confusing and unclear…maybe like I wanted to put too much into it and maybe like I overused the whole vision thing…but maybe it's just cause I worked so much with it, that I can't see it for what it really is, so…deep sigh Help? If there's anyone out there who reads this and thinks they can help me make it better, send me an email with your suggestions to make it tighter, crisper, cleaner, easier to understand…I'll try to make the changes and re-post. Until then…this is the best I can do!
Also, this whole thing with Kikyo here is because I figured that Kagome also needed to come to some peace with the part of her that's Kikyo still inside her. Also, thanks to pruningshears' review of my chapter 23, I realized I had forgotten that Kikyo before the resurrection had tried to be good. I hope this satisfies both Kikyo fans and Kagome fans. I tried to make them come to some sort of peace. What do you guys think?
* is from my chapter 16 (ff.net's chapter 17) entitled "Alone"
** is from my chapter 8 (ff.net's chapter 9) entitled "Control"