Author's Note: Um. . .after rereading this, I realized there was a ton of spelling errors in this chapter, so this is a second version, nothing was changed, except for I ran it through spell check. . .

Author's Note: Ah, the wonders of my ever roaming imagination. I'm sure I thought up this particular story in either Pre-calc or American History. . .probably while I should've been paying attention *shrugs* but you shouldn't suppress creative urges, as I always say so here goes, review if you like it, or even if you don't, criticism, if it doesn't kill me, only make my writing stronger, right?

Warning: THIS IS YAOI. . .k, all I can say is ya don't like it, don't read.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and most likely never will, so please don't sue me.



~Kurama's POV~

How many years has it been since I met him, the one who plagues my dreams, sleeping and awake? How many years has it been, since I first allowed myself to fall in love with him? How many years has it been since I agreed to never relent in my pursuit of him? How many times have I faded from telling him of this intent? How many times have I hinted, only to be denied feedback by his naivete or stubborn facade? How many times has he shown indifference to my emotions? How many times have I let him leave me, cold & alone? How many nights have I cried myself to sleep? How many more have I laid alone on my sheets my right hand playing his role? How many times have I woken up ashamed of my lonely fantasizing?

Hiei.

How long have I wasted on him? Pining over the one who would never admit to wanting love, all the while turning away those who asked freely of it. How many years have I saved myself for him, stayed a virgin for him, was determined for him?

Too many.

I've been hurting myself with this obsession too long. . .bearing it, accepting it, and like some demented masochist, learning to like it.

No anymore. No more waiting, no more torment. No more loneliness, not for Youko Kurama.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When I woke up this morning I felt different, I felt good. I hadn't woken up weary from nightmares of his cold rejections. The mental strain of the millions of unanswered questions was relieved, replaced with the contentment associated with finding the answers. I had awoken with a smile, for today I had answers, and a plan to set in motion.

I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. A red head stared back at me. The same red head that had mocked me from within its refractive haven for 18 long years. He's shorter, thinner, more fragile then youko had ever been. The long red mane, so different to the silver, matched his big green eyes. His eyes, verdant and caring, a complete contrast to the cold calculating yellow. creating the illusion of vulnerability. He lacked every aspect of Youko's sensuality. . .and yet he is beautiful. Suuichi is beautiful. I am beautiful.

I allow my view to descend from my face, to trace the delicate contours of my breasts, abdomen, hips, and lower. . .everything perfect, porcelain, uninterrupted by blemish or scar. . .untouched, innocent. Yes, innocence, that was the element in which this form's sexiness lied, and with it I could have anyone. Female or male, anyone. . .except him.

I feel the familiar sting as tears collect behind my eyes. No. No, I locked my jaw against the sudden wave of emotion. I would not shed another tear for that stubborn fire demon. I would not let another hot saline drop trail down my cheek for his sake. Not a single one.

Hiei's right. . . I've become too soft, living in this nigen world. It would be hard but I needed to be indifferent, to pretend to be unaffected, to feign disregard for the countless rejections given by his haughty stoic pride. I needed to. If I didn't my plan would fail. I needed to succeed. I want Hiei, I need him, and when I'm through, he will be mine. . .

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Author's Note: Well, did ya like it? !!!!!!REVIEW!!!!!!!! *smiles sweetly* please? oh and if ya do try to guess what Kurama's plan is, I think I gave hints, maybe, I dunno, but I'd like to have some opinions as to where people expect it to go, I mean I don't want to be predictable.

Reviews inspire me, so please review.